everything always changes. i whisper that to myself often in the midst of angst. and i am also acutely aware of it the seemingly sparse moments that i feel like something is wonderful. everything changes. things that i dislike will change. things that i like....change. change is the one thing i can count on. change is the one thing i fear. change just IS.
sometimes i do not believe it. sometimes i think i will always struggle. but if you took all of the minutes in each day and siphoned them through a filter which discriminated moments of joy, acceptance....laughter, like etc. vs moments of said struggle, fear, exhaustion and uncertainty... there would in fact be, almost always... a few grains heaped up in the more desirable category.
i seem to be tired of my blog. tired of posting the new items which i also post on my facebook fan page and pinterest and a new site i just found out about called 'keep'. (I have colorized those hyperlinked sites but for some reason they arent showing up as a different color) guess i'm thinking i will give the blog a new flavor by writing. who knows. i personally think blogs are dying. even google reader is ending soon (which was where i received all of my blog feeds and have recently learned that google reader is going to say bye bye so i went ahead and deleted everything and just lost touch)
so why bother. i dunno. i know nothing. it is the one thing i know. oh. and that everything changes.
my life is small. my days are almost always spent alone. making art. marketing it online. looking for objects to make it with. i rarely see people or talk to anyone unless i force myself to go out there and plop into their lives. often when i do take the time to visit with people i find i have little to say. art is my joy. it is my life. how little anything else means. except connecting. hugging. laughing. i am perhaps more comfortable with who i am but often feel rubbed the wrong way when i feel like life is about making the next buck. surviving. i detest it. i am often frustrated beyond belief. life isnt about money. but when you dont have it. it is. i want to bypass that. i want to live. i dont even know what that really means. life isnt what 99% of all that shit out there is. my life is about creating. and yet, i have not been able to create a life that is sustainable. peaceful. spacious.
i am hoping that too will change.