self taught artist

i do not feel efficient.  i feel completely scattered.
over a month ago etsy made what was kinda a big change to things and i have been trying to recover from it view wise. sales wise.  its a slow time of year anyhow but to have suddenly get a huge loss in views because of their change has been completely overwhelming.  were it not for a few repeat customers i would be fucked.  JUST when i was getting lots of views, consistent sales from 'new people'....the rug got pulled out from under me and i feel like i'm starting from scratch again.  i spend HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS screwing with keywords, marketing, trying to get seen online again.

to top it off, many of you know i have help with $$ and that got cut a little and probably will more this year. i try to live in the moment so i dont wake up sweating with panic and fear.  everything is falling apart...you name it. from clothing/shoes/car/computer stuff, camera, tools....ME.  i'm not 20 anymore.  menopause picked the …

everything always changes. i whisper that to myself often in the midst of angst. and i am also acutely aware of it the seemingly sparse moments that i feel like something is wonderful.  everything changes. things that i dislike will change.  things that i like....change.  change is the one thing i can count on.   change is the one thing i fear.  change just IS.

sometimes i do not believe it.  sometimes i think i will always struggle.  but if you took all of the minutes in each day and siphoned them through a filter which discriminated moments of joy, acceptance....laughter, like etc. vs moments of said struggle, fear, exhaustion and uncertainty...  there would in fact be, almost always... a few grains heaped up in the more desirable category.

i seem to be tired of my blog.  tired of posting the new items which i also post on myfacebook fan page and pinterest and a new site i just found out about called 'keep'.  (I have colorized those hyperlinked sites but for some reason they…