i was brought up a catholic. quite frankly religion and public schooling are two of the most ridiculous institutions that has ever been foisted upon me. its childish and perhaps unhealthy for a 50 year old woman to blame her past for anything, but i will say those are two things that often times feel like two tiny yet vicious animals with locked jaws around my ankles. i can't shake them off. the guilt that religion has singed into my soul and the 'not being smart enough' as well as all of the constraints and hardships that sitting in a class room (and a church pew for that matter) for years on end and hating nearly 99% of it, well, lets just say i wouldnt miss it if i had a complete memory loss of all of it.
anyhow. whats that haffta to do with this? this cross? probably not much. other than i have a general annoyance when i see crosses. that they are usually made all pretty and decorative. supposedly jesus died for our sins on that thing. even before him, people were put thru torturous hell, left hanging for god knows how long. its unimaginable. and yet, we make our little crosses so pretty and nice for our homes. to revere? to what? hold onto something? hope for something?
and then...i'm in texas. where i've never seen so many outlandish displays of crosses. glittery whored up tshirts, purses...all types of clothing and bags with the damn cross on it. it totally fucks with my head when i see a woman with big tits and a tight tshirt bearing a big ole slutty looking cross on it. i dont even begin to understand it. there. i said it. it sounds foul and harsh and perhaps i'm offending you but sometimes i get so angry about feeling these things and not saying them that i have a tourettic outburst of anger that if left fumigating internally, i feel like my insides will blow up.
i've never made much art that was fueled by a sense of anger. i've done some drawings once when i was in a dead sullen cloud that kinda scared me. it was repetitious and painful to do. the cross feels simple. bearing an irony that i'm surprised i even stumbled upon. i dont typically make 'message art'. the found 'houston texas universal wellhead services' money clip attached on top of a small chunky slate colored cross. the guy at the scrap yard had saved it and a few other pendant-like pieces (one of which i had made and sold already as a necklace). it works. i call it 'greed is my god'. it says more than i even know what to say. i raise my hand and will be the first to say i dont understand much about life. religion. the way of the world. greed. power. money. i dont understand people following anything out of fear. i dont understand people not waking up and empowering their spirit without slipping into cult like organizations. i dont understand the herd mentality. i dont understand crosses. i dont understand religion. i dont understand art.