1/5/12

derail

holidays.  rain.  cold.  stopped making art when i couldnt get outside to work on anything.  stopped selling art (always happens during the holidays for some reason), stopped knowing what i'm doing.  mojo gone.  i've derailed.

it happens.  it never feels good and it always feels terminal.  always makes me shut down and question everything.

i continue to question what i'm doing.  i'm attempting to make some jewelry, its been slow going as i still need to find appropriate materials and still need to be somewhere i can work (cut metal) during inclimate weather.

sometimes the poverty thing gets to feeling like its just too hard to bear.  going a few weeks without selling anything usually sets off the alarms.  i've gone months without cleaning jobs so the pressure is on to get something going. 

in my dream world i get to keep making flowers ad nauseum and they fly out the door.  i've had to stop making them for now as they arent selling in winter so there is another box car hitting the one in front of it.   utensil and candle holders.  same thing.  my world has stopped.  if thats possible.  no emails. no contact.  i have nothing to say and apparently nothing to do except deal with the anger and frustration i feel about my life. 

i'm going to attempt to post the few pieces i made weeks ago on etsy, i've been so 'off' i havent even been able to take decent pictures.  sometimes you just know you need to not DO and wait it out.  i hope a can crawl out of the hole soon.  the sun has been out more, i have a few hours of warmth on my little loft porch but that doesnt mean i have my mojo back.  i'm kinda obsessed about how much longer i can keep living/working like this and WHERE am i supposed to go next?  and how and when and and and

9 comments:

Lisa D. said...

Sorry Lady, I'm sure all these things are making you a bit crazy. I'll be thinking of you and hopping for some sales to come your way.

Big hug for you

Lisa D.

Who you callin' housewife? said...

If I could do a sales hoodoo for you I would.

Anytime I put some words out lately, I'm faking it. I keep telling myself to plug along. Then I give myself the finger.

I do think that this time of year has something to do with slow sales. Hell, I've been blaming my sales on all sorts of things -- I'm still blaming the recession of 2008.

I threw myself into Etsy, then I withdrew. I really want to go to bed during the day, but that's never a good idea. Hell, I'm still wearing my stretchy pants today. If I don't change out of my lounge clothes then somethings not right.

I hear that exercise helps. Perhaps we should try that.

I'm thinking about you, Paula.

Kisha Patterson-Tanski said...

Buck up, you at least know your not alone. As I was reading your post I felt like you had just written the post that I am about to write. Winter does a contracting effect on our minds and bodies. Excersise, light, a rock-solid to-do list/ planner and a bit of acceptance seem to help me.

I can't paint outside right now and haven't gotten my indoor studio set up yet. I feel such a loss, it's difficult to get up the energy to clean out a spot to keep working over the winter, oreven complete a sketch. But I'm determined!

I'm new to Etsy http://www.etsy.com/shop/KLyPT and really haven sold much anything, so your ahead of me there. Things will pick up. Good luck!

AnitaNH said...

Paula, I so know how you are feeling right now... that feeling of being stuck on the edge of a black abyss. Winter is tough, the economy is in a tail-spin and life is uncertain. Hang in there. You have been a role model for me since you first got me blogging. I hope the angel of creativity lands on your shoulder and helps you see around the next turn in your path.

andrea said...

That was like reading a typical post from ... an artist! Even when it's easy it's not easy. When it's hard, then, it's, well ... like you described here. One day at a time is all you need to do.

paula said...

this is why i love you guys. and kim i do exercise :) anita....maybe i should just sit and stare and your new wonderful squares.

sarala said...

Days like these I try to remind myself that part of it is just it's winter and winter will pass. Heck, the days are already getting warmer. It sucks though.

paula said...

well woman, having no money in winter isnt any worse than having no money in summer :(

Susan said...

Hmmmm.....I totally understand. I totally understand....