holidays. rain. cold. stopped making art when i couldnt get outside to work on anything. stopped selling art (always happens during the holidays for some reason), stopped knowing what i'm doing. mojo gone. i've derailed.
it happens. it never feels good and it always feels terminal. always makes me shut down and question everything.
i continue to question what i'm doing. i'm attempting to make some jewelry, its been slow going as i still need to find appropriate materials and still need to be somewhere i can work (cut metal) during inclimate weather.
sometimes the poverty thing gets to feeling like its just too hard to bear. going a few weeks without selling anything usually sets off the alarms. i've gone months without cleaning jobs so the pressure is on to get something going.
in my dream world i get to keep making flowers ad nauseum and they fly out the door. i've had to stop making them for now as they arent selling in winter so there is another box car hitting the one in front of it. utensil and candle holders. same thing. my world has stopped. if thats possible. no emails. no contact. i have nothing to say and apparently nothing to do except deal with the anger and frustration i feel about my life.
i'm going to attempt to post the few pieces i made weeks ago on etsy, i've been so 'off' i havent even been able to take decent pictures. sometimes you just know you need to not DO and wait it out. i hope a can crawl out of the hole soon. the sun has been out more, i have a few hours of warmth on my little loft porch but that doesnt mean i have my mojo back. i'm kinda obsessed about how much longer i can keep living/working like this and WHERE am i supposed to go next? and how and when and and and