8/2/11

i feel like i dont share much here anymore other than new art.  guess i'm trying to stay focused and more positive because we all know i can get dark and mucky.  since its gonna be 106 degrees + humidity today i thought i would lock myself up in the loft and see what i can come up with for my life.  i keep thinking surely i will find something/some one, some art community that embraces me and i them.  just finding a place that appeals to me is a challenge.  i remember when tod and i were wanting to leave vermont and we had no idea where to go.  there were possibilities but we were waiting for that YES.  that strong pull.  i know you dont always need that, and sometimes staying put or leaping into the unknown are best.  when you are in alignment and in tune you get to have a direction or at least a niblets leading the way.

i keep thinking about northern california.  which is odd because i dont know anyone there.  sometimes i wonder about ohio and brooklyn only because of the online artists or etsy people i meet from those places that seem open and alive.  me?  i want warmth and sunshine and mountains to hike and mountains of scrap.  i like the mentality of the west coast over the east.  i like the space and the sky and the sunsets. 

in a perfect world, where i dont think about the vapidness of art, i fantasize that someone out there says come here!  we need you to help us design things. (the judge in me still thinks that art is self indulgent and there is nothing useful about it even though the artist me feels it is the only way to exist, express and connect with people and i can't imagine not being able to make my art)  it isnt out of the realm of possibility.  twice in the last 4 years i have had people ask me to come live on their land and be a part of their art compound sort of life.  they weren't quite a good fit for me, and then as you know tod and i came here to huntsville to be a part of the phoenix commotion and that turned out to not be what i was looking for either. 

i feel like i have made a lot of wonderful changes as an artist and human here.  but i am still feeling malnourished on some level.  i know no one can fill a void and we must make our own lives work....but it isnt satisfying to be here day in and day out alone and not work with or share my art with people.  i had art in the local art center and it just sat there for 4 or 5 months.  removing it and putting it online lent me sales immediately.  i need to find a community where i can sell and live and work and interact more fully in the art vein.  what i do love about this place is all the people i know on a casual basis.  i've never had that anywhere.  it keeps me going.  for sure every day i go out there i have run in's with people i know and i like that we can chat for a few minutes and exchange energy. 

i wonder how many of you feel you belong where you are. is it the type of artist that typically is content being alone? i think of painters as the ones who are happy to be in their room painting.  akin to a cat.  more aloof and alone.  then there are the metal artists...who seems to be alone to but they need/want/desire help by dint of the materials.  it behooves you to have equipment and friends and helpers.  okay i'm babbling.  i'm putting the smoke signal out there.....and looking for anothers'.  of course i could just stand outside and melt myself to a piece of metal and be done with it.

8 comments:

Kim Hambric said...

Well, Paula, now that you see that it is me commenting, you know I'm not going to be able to give you any good advice. I can commiserate, though.

The weather here is not too bad today. I'm looking out the window at a sunny day. I should get outside. But, then, there's nowhere to go. Nowhere to fill my soul.

I am alone most of the time, and that's ok. But when I do want to connect, I can find nobody (am I looking hard enough?). Folks here talk about their university jobs (of which I am not involved) or their children. There is so much superiority in the university community -- I do not fit in. I can talk about children for a while, but good god, not forever. And then, the folks want to know what church I go to.

Galleries? Nope
Cool coffee shops? Nope

And Jeez, this was supposed to be about you, not me.

Is there anywhere reasonable to live in No. Cal? I did LOVE Portland, OR. Although I think costs are high and the winters (and springs) are wet. Very cool and accepting people though. The area is gritty and at the same time, clean and fresh. Folks are big on nature there and it seems one can function using bikes and public transportation. I can most definitely see you there.

I like your use of the word "malnourished." It works for me.

I'm giving you one of those damn cyber hugs, Paula.

Karen Martin Sampson said...

I can only tell you of my own experience. I have lived on both sides of the continent and ended up back on the west coast (north Vancouver Island). LA was ok when I was in my 20's but not a good fit as I got older. Most communities have some sort of art group and like minded people. For the metal artist is may be harder, I don't know. You are a seeker and may have to keep doing that until something clicks, but, of course, you know that it will never be "perfect." We have to pick which disadvantages we are willing to live with in exchange for a greater, compelling advantage. Good luck - hope you find what you need!

paula said...

yeah kim i know you loved portland ..and i know its a great city but man i dont know about being in all that wet gray stuff for months on end with a horrible economy. i always check craigslist to look for shit jobs to help with income and i never see anything there :(
of course that is poverty mentality cuz if i were making it i wouldnt need that. i do want much of what that city has....if the right people were there and i found them...who knows.

yep karen...i also realize that the WANTS never stop. we always want this or that...and then we get it or we dont and then the next thing shows up. its life. some wants propel us to things/people/places while others paralize or depress us. tricky stuff.

dogtoysco said...

Hi Paula. First, a test. I seem to run into trouble when I comment on blogger blogs.

paula said...

well it worked :) right?

dogtoysco said...

Ok - looks like it's going to work. So, I'll restart. :)

Hi Paula, I have been following along with you more on FB than on your blog. But, now I am trying to carve out more time to follow some fellow artists blogs, too, and started at this post.

Maybe it's kizmit to start here, but I always like an opportunity to talk about how wonderful Colorado is. Truly. Sometimes I have to pinch myself how lucky I am to live in such a great part of the world.

I come from the midwest. And, while it is also beautiful, it is gray there a lot! And, I don't care about the cold and the snow and well, the humidity so much, the thing that wore on me was the gray.

I lucked out when someone "whisked" me away to Colorado 15 years ago and I stayed. Some opportunities have tried to lure me away, and I always meant to live in California. But, I'm glad I stayed, so glad. And, I'm glad I didn't wind up in such a busy, crazy, expensive place as CA.

On that note Colorado. It's sunny here more per year than in Florida. Sunny most of the time, was the most important to me. The winters are pretty mild. We have 4 full seasons. It can get pretty warm here in the summer. But, usually 50-60's at night. Plus, Hiking, Mountains just over there. Work. And, Artist. It's really lovely.

Maybe I won't rattle on too much more and if you want to chat about it let me know.

:) Jennifer

dogtoysco said...

PS - when I publish in Blogger, it give the weird dogtoys. I can be found at jennressmann.wordpress.com

come by and we can chat about Colorado and your fantastic art!

paula said...

yep i've been to colorado (once went to pre-rolfing school for 6 weeks in boulder). i didnt care for the altitude...and i wonder if it is too far removed (the state) from big art mecca cities? will email you :) thank you for your big long wonderful comment and yes, i went to your blog :) more soon, thanks jennifer!