i would love it if i got your true feelings about how you deal with making stuff and selling stuff. i ask because i realize one of my own biggest blocks as a human being, is feeling worthy. many of you already know i was a massage therapist for about 20 years and i 'thought' i was being useful. it wasn't until the last few years that i was in so much pain from giving others 'pleasure and healing' that i decided i had to quit. i also started feeling like it wasn't really doing much for people. every week i would see the same people and while they loved the massage and claimed it got them thru the next week or month or whatever, many of them still had pain and problems. stress. life....kept filling them up. so i started feeling my catholic guilt crap of i'm just taking their money. yea i'm fucked up that way and i'm not even a catholic anymore
so. then i find art. and you all know that i have my claim that art is keeping me sane. bottom line for whatever reason it is what i love doing. and when i am actually making art, or THINGS or whatever it is that i do....i am really hitting that sweet spot with being in the now and doing what i feel i'm supposed to be doing.
where i tend to get fucked is when i start thinking about the stuff i'm putting out into the world. yes its recycled for the most part, yes i'm taking 'trash' and making something....but i get stuck with this whole life guilt trip about needing to be 'useful' or 'doing' something for others. i dont want to volunteer...i dont want to save the planet, i want to make art but i keep getting in my own way by feeling guilty that i'm just making stuff that no one needs.
let me say: i am a minimalist. i used to have it all...when i made good money and i loved to shop and find unique things and fill my rented 3 bedroom home with just cool shit and i enjoyed it. and something happened to me one day and i realized i felt trapped by it all and that it was meaningless [to me]. so what i need to do, and i know no one else can come up with the solution but me, but i was hoping that by hearing your thoughts maybe it would sink in a bit more. .....what i need to do is realize somehow that just because i personally hate having stuff around...that others dont. how do i stop feeling like i'm doing something superfluous? that no one needs what i do. that i'm part of the problem...consumerism. STUFF. do you know what i mean? i realize art is IT for me. it really is...but until i can come to some peace about the fact i make things that i must sell in order to live, and that people will be spending money on things that i deem unnecessary and useless...by dint of ME not wanting stuff around blah blah blah. its a circle/cycle that just makes my head spin but it is really what is standing in my way i think of moving on. HELP!!!!!!