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two points

per the post below.
1) someone sent me this in a private email:

I googled "what is the point of art?" got many LONG and philosophical and
psychological writings, boring.


Paul Klee (artist) said: "I make art so I won't cry."

Enough for me. Enough said. Says it all. A valid endeavor, to not cry. The
world needs lots of people who aren't crying. We should all be not crying, by
whatever means it takes. Religion, art - any means. 

that was good.

2)  i notice that i get responses (privately and in post below and many other times) that assure me that i'm doing something valid and worthy because i am taking 'junk' and making something out of it.  i appreciate that.  but this morning it really hit me that we shouldn't HAVE to validate ourselves.  that is part of the problem with our society right now that makes (me/ us) sick i think.  that we feel so damn guilty for doing anything if we aren't saving the planet.  i've been brainwashed to a certain degree.  we all have haven't we?  i could go buy fresh canvas and gallons of paint as many artists do and i know you guys dont feel guilty about it.  or what about all the other forms of art that need 'new stuff' to then make whatever it is you wanna make?

i think i was born into a guilty world.  and some of us [me] for whatever reason are just more sensitive and have a harder time filtering out the gunk and knowing how to carry on.  

i find myself thinking of some of those third world countries where they sit by the roadside and sell their 'art' be it jewelry or whatever for tourists to buy.  they are almost lauded for it and yet i am under the impression in america that for me it is a hobby...something that shouldn't be a way i make a living.  that it shouldn't take precedent in my life because i'm not doing it for survival or have any other options.  well who says ????

forgive me, i am having a 'self talk' here for me.  i am trying to get it through my thick skull...whatever it is.  i lay in bed last night with my arms numb and in pain and my back hurting (all of which i am beginning to see is stress more than something wrong with my body)...dreading having to clean on friday and feeling like i have no choice.  the anger and the fear of THAT being my life just makes the pain all the more worse.  i need to find a way to make making art okay once and for all.  even in the 'slow selling time'.  even if no one ever bought anything again. something in me knows that until i can be 100% secure in my being an artist i will probably keep myself from really making it.

ps did ya notice, those who have read my blog for a few years....did you notice that i never have all this thinking crap go on when things are humming along?  i did.  i hate it when i get derailed.  mentally jump the track from humming to bumping.


Ellen said…
The irony is you feel guilty about consumerism when you consume so little and some wealthy people with monster air conditioned houses, who give brand new hummers as birthday presents to their kids could care less about the planet. I don't think guilt is our society's sickness, but it sure has done a number on you. And me too actually. I know I'd be farther along if I could have let go of pointless guilt sooner. And really not crying, keeping you sane, giving you peace while you're creating something IS enough.
Personally, artists who don't have this angst eat away at them from time to time (and that's probably most at some point)are people I don't want to know.
deb said…
I love that quote, I am going to make it my life mantra and try to stop worrying about it! Thanks for that Paula, and here's hoping that you are humming again really soon.
paula said…
right ellen, thats it, i barely consume but i make stuff that consumers consume. or i worry that someone is spending money they shouldn't....its all fuckedup when i stop and THINK.
i'm working hard over here ON ME.

yeah deb..its a good one. thanks for the humming thoughts. funny you should say that i always hum when i'm cringing over things i've done or said. its the only time i hum. hummmmmmdeedumbdumb

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