one never knows. i know i never know.
we never know who reads and what they get out of it. i write this stuff (post below) because i often times feel trapped in the corners of life. i don't mean to or want to complain and whine and bitch and moan for the sake of such. i hope those of you who know me know that i am always seeking and often frustrated but always trying even if am kicking and screaming while doing it. remember way back when when i could barely write 'etsy' let alone be on it? remember when i hated facebook? and now i'm on an etsy team for gods sake. and i have a facebook profile and facebook fan page. i eat half of the words i say. i should be obese with letters by now.
dont think i write stuff and then go on my merry way. i dont. i write stuff and i fret over it. i see myself. i read it more times than you would believe and try to see who i am and what i'm after. i try to see what i'm doing as if i'm not me but someone else. and i often see how horrible (i think) i look. how childish and stubborn but i also see i'm trying. i'm lost. i'm eager. i aint dead yet. i try to weigh what feels right for me with what others are doing and question what is healthiest, what makes the most sense. i will admit i am sometimes jealous of others. i dont always have the nicest thoughts or things to say about people and i want nothing more to be free from that defective trait. i find the poorer i become the harder it is for me to feel safe and peaceful. the harder it is to be kind to myself let alone others. i'm not proud of that, its something i'm fighting with more and more and i'm worn out. being poor makes me feel so trapped and so tired and so GUILTY. i could write a chapter about it but wont today.
so, back to my point: i was quite taken aback in a good way this morning when an etsy friend from the other side of the world, offered a suggestion to me. she said she read that post below and was struck by my saying 'if i do what you say will i somehow sell more art?'. she offered to pay for me to renew my etsy items 100 times, 3 items, every day as an experiment. this isn't the first time she has told me i should renew my items more often and i just never did. i wince every time i have to pay etsy my monthly bill of $3.80 or whatever it is, more if i actually sell something and owe them another 3%. and then i thought, okay i haven't actually ever tried renewing more often. i usually wait til the month is just about over and then renew a few things. so i'm thinking, okay, i will try this. and then i realized that i need to be paying for this myself. feels wrong to have someone else pay for this, and if i can't afford to do this then i may as well go drown in the oily gulf coast waters. seriously.
so i'm gonna give it a try. maybe i wont do it 100 times, but im going to do it every day for a week at least and see if that does anything. it just might be that etsy isn't a good venue for selling my kind of art. people may not get it about the 'limited edition clock collection'. they may not get any of it but i also may be the one not getting it and i'm about to find out. i know the more you renew you are seen on the lower section of the front page. i know that if you renew you keep the google bots fed. i know if you have lower priced items you might sell more and look to be more in demand. i know i haven't given it my all yet. so now is the time and then i can find out once and for all.
so thank you! you know who you are. i am again humbled. i am again thankful for people who judge me far less than i seem to judge myself, and who reach out and give me strength when i feel like an amoeba. and i'm thankful when you guys comment and question and suggest or disagree. because it always shows me and teaches me something and that is the point.