5/23/10

ugh

suddenly i think shut up paula.
just shut up.
louise worked her mad ass off.
am i?
she was in new york city.
she had cronies and i can barely connect with a magnet here. or maybe anywhere.
times were different then and i suppose i can't compare myself.  i do.
i feel diminuative. exceedingly.
who do i think i am thinking i would even warrant a notice right now.
you have to think you are doing something wonderful
and yet, you have to know you aren't
i'll go clean some apartments i guess.

11 comments:

collage whirl said...

Just keep going Paula. You have something unique to say, so soldier on!

Nellie's Needles said...

Keep talking ... spouting off ... ruminating ... whatever

There's a bunch of us out here listening. Just maybe someone who can do more than try to lift your spirits will hear you.

paula said...

its encouraging to get your encouragement...i hope i can muster up whatever miracle i need.

San said...

Keep mustering. There's an art in that too, staying with the art even when it's so frustrating.

paula said...

muster...muster

merci33 said...

Ghandi called it "rake and cover" and everyone had to take their turn...no matter who you imagined yourself to be, no matter what the specail gifts, talents or skills...everyone who worked with Ghandi had to do as he did and take their turn in raking and covering the latrines.

And Nevelson knew enough to piss in the ice bucket at the Metropolitan...or was it the MOMA?

paula said...

rake and cover. i'm going to store that one in my memory bank. and as far as louise pissing in the ice bucket, haven't gotten to that yet...wont have to try to remember that. gross!

Ellen said...

I have to admit I'm not all that into reading biographies, artists or otherwise. I believe that even if the facts are right, you can put a spin on every biography to skew it somehow. Everyone's life can be interesting if the storyteller knows what to highlight, what to omit. What's missing is the complete mundaneness that occupies the majority of every human's time spent on earth. The day to day stuff and neccessities, not the big events.
Don't compare, art should be about the art, not the ego. Every artist should work on getting better, working on their craft, being absorbed in what they want to say through their art and challenging themselves to find ways to say it that feels authentic and good. That's whats sustaining emotionally, not what people think of us or how important we are in comparison to others. Sorry if that sounded tremendously bitchy. Had a conversation with Andrea the other day about a well known artist who is a crazy egomaniac. The way the art world tries to create hype and celebrities from artists whose work is just average drives me crazy. Tis fresh in my mind, so I'm just spouting off :)

paula said...

i completely agree.
i think i'm coming from a place of being completely out of money, feeling like i need some sort of transformation with art/the relationship i have in the art community/world whatever and focusing more on the support she got when she too struggled and sold nothing. i had no idea the years that went by where she had many a solo show even and still sold nothing.

i'm fascinated with the perseverance and the fact SHE thought she had it going on and never gave up. no matter what.

i dont think she was a healthy human being and i do not idolize her. in fact i don't even care for her work for the most part. its the tenacity. the world she managed to create i'm eye-balling.

nor do i think i would want to be in those circles of hype. it isn't who i am. i'm just looking for how i can survive and still be an artist.

deb said...

Paula, YOU have it going on, you know this is true in the small part of yourself you don't listen too. WE all know it too.

paula said...

its hard to distinguish that voice amongst all the others yelling in my head.