god help me i can't stop getting STUFF even though i have no room as it is right now, who could pass up these 80 odd tiny hinges? not me! one day....one day the masterpieces will flow once again i hope!

lets face it, i'm just not going to make much art while i'm living the way i'm living. i'm coming to terms with it. i took a few photos of my studio space and posted them in my face book album and after seeing it i got it. got it loud and clear that the small wood things and a few things already in process prior to moving here are about all i can take on. seeing the reality of the boxes piled up made it painfully clear that things will have to change for me to get back to any semblance of creativity and productivity. small stuff is even a challenge but if it doesn't take up too much laying out i can deal. if i dont have to dig through boxes looking for baubles, i can deal. i dont have my 'flashes;' here. in vermont i would have flashes of what i'd want to do while laying in the bathtub. we aint got no tub here. my head and body is never relaxed here. we still have those damn bug things with some fresh bites just today, still avoiding setting feet on the floor when sitting on the couch our neighbor gave us. still sleeping on an air mattress that makes my neck, hips and back ache. it aint pretty. it aint cozy. but it is what we choose. the lease is up end of the month and we are allowed month to month until end of summer then we gotta decide on a year lease or go. i would hate to think i'm going to spend summer here not making much art. and i hate to think about moving all this shit again. everything is kind of overwhelming.

i'm more inclined to see if we can find a place in conroe because it isn't a college town. it's half way closer to houston. its it's own mecca that appears to be ripe for possibility. might suck to live there, i dunno, at least there are odd jobs to do in the nearby woodlands area and i could get out of this poverty rut. tod is on the fence still. if i could just find a way to sell some art, do something tolerable occasionally to bring some buckage in maybe it wouldn't feel so oppressive. it is pleasant here, its the only hilly area this side of texas, which i enjoy for exercise when walking and bike riding. but ultimately i need to be where there is more happening, more materials and interaction in the art world. need some adults around me, not 19 year old college kids who like to drink and yell late at night next to us. it was a landing spot, and i suppose if i didnt need to watch how much gasoline i used or worry about more car repairs i wouldn't mind driving down to houston more, it feels like an expenditure i'm not in a place to take on.

who knows. i'm bored by it all, barely have the energy to care either way. i almost feel like i could just stop making art and evaporate. but someone has to propel this life of mine along and better me than not me.

i did have a nice time getting my art back from the gallery in conroe today. had a nice chat with the frame lady who is using the back of the gallery to get her business started up. she is from chicago and had quite a gallery/frame business there but is now starting over as she moved here to be closer to her fiancee. i also met another woman who's husband had a piece in the gallery, she asked if i would be interested in teaching her girl scouts how to make something using puzzle pieces. i already lost the business card she gave me as i was distracted trying to remove my art and pack it up... hopefully she will call me and we can set that up. it could be a mess, as i've never done anything like this but how hard can it be to teach kids to play with glue and puzzle pieces? it actually sounds fun and i can make some cash, whoo hooo!

so. day by day. moment by moment. tod and i just try to be nice to each other as we are both going through massive changes and trying to make our lives work. i dont really have anyone here to hang with other than tod, another reason i would love to live near more people who aren't sucked into the university/church/prison or family. i'm sure my chances of finding some friends would double if the environment were different. but who knows. i sure dont. just gotta keep on keeping on.


andrea said...

I know I need a work-friendly environement to create in. Sharing my studio with my son's band is getting on my nerves I must admit, so I totally get your dilemma. And I love the hinges! I can see why you collect them and I'm not even the collector type. Finally, Conroe sounds like a good compromise. Have you researched places to live there?

andrea said...


paula said...

just a little online, tod isn't keen on it so i'm not going to invest lots of energy.
it must kill you to see your misspelled environment now that i know you are the spelling savant...i'm sure it was a typo.

Kim Hambric said...

Have you spent some time walking the streets of Conroe? Are there coffee shops, non-chain restaurants and boutiques? It seems that if you have those things in a town, then you have an art-buying public (and happier residents). Could it just be that the grass is greener there? Is it possible that you would have the same feelings about Huntsville if you moved to Conroe? Probably not, but it can't hurt to ask. Right?

I have many of the same feelings you do. I am so over the town I live in. When we moved here 13 years ago, I thought "How can it get better than a college town." I assumed it would be full of galleries and folks that loved off-the-wall artwork.

The couple of galleries that were here are now gone. All of the boutique stores that catered to my kind of people (non-student) have been replaced by t-shirt and Verizon stores. The only artists I have come across here paint the bleakest, dullest landscapes. I'm not sure if they paint them because they love doing it, or its because its the only type of artwork that sells in the backwoods part of Pennsylvania.

I get on GoogleMaps frequently and dream about Portland, Or. Full of coffee shops and galleries. I do believe I would be a happier person there and my artwork would get out in the world and sell. What am I supposed to do? Tell my husband to give up his great job with the university and move on out there?

I'm so lost and frustrated here. Yet the rest of the family are as happy as clams. Do I just suck it up so everyone else is happy?

Anyway, sorry to unload here on YOUR blog. Do some research. Play with those hinges. Try to find that woman's number and teach those kiddies. Sit around with a limited amount of your art supplies and move them around and around until something clicks. There's bound to be something incredible you can do with those hinges.

By the way, is that prison sending out some bad vibes that you are sensitive to?

paula said...

thanks for sharing kim, i had a clue but not to this extent how you felt. funny, when i read this i do question if a place truly makes one happy or not. if i am honest with myself i've never been happy for very long and i've lived in 5 different states now. unless i'm living in a war zone or otherwise dangerous crime infested ghetto i really have TRULY little to complain about i think. having said that, i think you and i both get it that we need more outlet for our artistic lives. then the question begs do we just keep working, find the wormhole for the art at least to leave the town/city/state? who knows.
conroe vs huntsville, who knows. in all honesty, not knowing what to do for decent income is my biggest ick. since apparantly art isnt gonna fill that bill...guess that is a job i am just not getting paid well for lately.
and work space, which i know you know about, does deter. but then i had a lot of workspace in vermont and it was always something else that got in my 'creative way'.
i can see you in oregon but i know the art market is saturated and you'd probably still need to get it OUT THERE beyond....maybe art just never does well close to home of the maker???
i hope we both find ways to enjoy our artistic lives.
and no...i only feel icky about the prison when i walk by the prison guards and look up at them or see the shackled prisoners going to municipal court. i rather like the stupid fog horn sound that blasts sporadically day in and day out. as i said before, it reminds me that i am 'free'.
i chuckle at the bleak paintings...i know of what you speak. vermont was famous for that.

andrea said...

Hehe. I can spell but my typing is shit.