when i think back to 2005, not that long ago so its easy to dig into my mental archive, i remember trying like the devil to drill through some rusty steel and not making a DENT. i figured it couldn't be done with a hand drill. tod and i knew nothing. NOTHING. we actually took the steel to a hardware store and had the guy drill through it to show us how to do it. what we realized was, the house drill that i was using sucked. i knew not one thing about power tools. drill bits. how to do much more than use a screwdriver, one could argue over even THAT.
i have had a steep learning curve but as my work becomes more functional the learning curve is more like a steep 45 degree angle being attempted at a high speed. you are bound to have accidents. things will die. pieces have to be put back together. as with the above piece. my puzzle table. i had the fancy idea about putting wheels on it, thinking if it rolled around there would be less picking up of it, less chance to ruin it. what i wasn't thinking about was physics. i was more obsessed with how it looked so i wanted those wheels to be tight inside. any idiot would probably know that isn't going to work but we all know my poor brain cells have long been destroyed and i dont have much to work with. after two attempts to get those wheels on (the first attempt failed so i had to unscrew the wood blocks which were heavily gooped/glued and double toe nailed screwed in before i even screwed all the wheels on) i finally got em on. i carefully turned this bitch over and had her on the ground to show tod. then i got rough with it to 'test' it. almost like i wanted to break it just to see if it would survive. it didn't. it toppled over after an attempt to make it wobble too much...just one too many heavy handed pushes and BAM! a blast to the concrete floor and the top broke clean off the base. just like that. destroyed.
what i love about fucking up my art is, i then have a chance to make it better and do it differently. yes. love. its sadistic. if it didn't pass the test it wasn't good enough. the tests aren't kind and oftentimes not consciously intentional. but when i look back at all the failures i see that if i stuck with whatever it was that was driving me crazy, i always came up with something better. the worst part about screwing up a puzzle piece is the agonizing amount of time that is completely lost. the gallons of glue can be replaced but the time is gone. it isn't usually a peaceful meditative time for me when i'm doing something so repetitive and boring in an unpleasant environment. tough tomatoes isn't it. thats the insane thing. no one has a gun to my head telling me to spend a month gluing puzzle pieces together so why am i doing it? thats an artist for you. i guess.