unless you are an artist, you have no idea how vulnerable you can feel making new art and showing it to anyone. sometimes there is eagerness, a childlike awe in what you just put together and you run to show someone. you dont care if they like it or get it. sometimes you do care. sometimes if they dont care it just spurs you on. other times it can paralyze you.
unless you are an artist, you have no idea how scary it can be to go further and further into your work. i'm still learning. each time i work with a new medium or make a new body of work i experience something different.
when i worked on my puzzle media, my rr plates, and even my mixed media photography, i was pretty much making it up as i went along as i wasn't looking too hard to see if this medium had been touched upon by others. now that i'm working with wood and making sculptures? assemblages?...whatever these are...i can't claim ignorance because it is dead obvious this medium has been done to death. and i'm feeling like i'm going back in time not forward. so while i am having the time of my life for the most part exploring this, i'm also painfully aware that it could be a waste of time and energy if ultimately no one is interested in showing or buying this. i know it isn't a complete waste of time...i know everything builds upon everything else. but when this is all i have to show for myself and want to keep an income flowing, its hard not to question and ruffle the flow.
in the last two weeks i have made nearly 30 of these little assemblages. they started off very simple and have slowly begun their ascent into more complex. i'm still delighted with the nuances of the wood and just as happy to have a 'simple' clump of three pieces as the piece above shows, as i am with a more complicated piece like the one in the post below. it is fascinating to work with a fairly limited source of materials. limited in how much i can get my hands on and limited in the actual 'being' of it. this is just redwood and glue. thats it. its up to me to see how far i can go with it. how far i can allow myself to play.
its like traveling on smooth ground, you pick up speed and then suddenly there is a sharp turn or crevice in the road that makes you swerve or put on the brakes suddenly. you loose your momentum and have to re orientate yourself. the flow gets choked. seemingly you have to start all over but you can't deny the miles behind you. you are not where you started. even if you feel like you are starting all over again.