out of my element

no surprise i'm just now catching up to myself and having a hard time. you dont just up and move to a completely different place and change every aspect of your life without going through withdrawals. i told myself i wouldn't complain because i voluntarily chose to do this.

having said that, this morning i'm feeling it. other than the day to day creature comforts (ie bed/sofa/tv & recognizable editables) the one thing i miss the most is time to myself and making art. (and quiet...as right now i type this and i can hear my neighbors morning piss flowing like Niagara) time to myself. i had the big basement to work in in vermont. tod had a job and was gone a good deal. now i have a super small space that still is in no condition to accommodate me let alone art making ~ i'm moving at a snails pace trying to decide how to set anything up. and the materials available so far are not at all what i'm used to or want to work with. suddenly i feel totally out of my element.

this 'stool' for lack of better words was something i TOILED over most of saturday afternoon. i wanted to make a tall table to sit next to the stove for more counter space and as my failure pile grew taller and taller my last attempt suddenly morphed into this hideous stool. which we need, we need a few more things to sit on but hopefully i find something that is soft and doesn't WOBBLE sooner than later or else i will probably make more of these.

and below, a little table next to the bathroom sink so we can put our rechargeable sonicare toothbrushes on it and my waterpik. i kind of like it. it was a joint effort that tod started (the base) but i finished (the top). i went into a mad frenzy and was cutting pieces and having tod nail gun them faster than lightening. its shoddy and haphazard and bound for a dumpster when we move but it works and it was free god dammit.

so i have to be gentle with myself (something i'm not too good at). i'm in a new place that i'm already familiar with. i've already walked most of where is walkable save for going to the state park or out of town. there is no where to escape and get away. there is nothing to do but focus on what is in front of me.

and what is that you ask? i still dont know exactly. i've been given the opportunity to make some 'bone furniture'. dan has made a few chairs and is working on a larger dining type table and is offering me and another artist (a wood worker) to make tables or chairs to also show/sell in two weeks. bones from cattle bone yards and wood. i dont know how i am going to surround myself with people all the time and 'work'. i can't make art on a floor with chop saws/hammers/people walking past me and all kinds of busy going on. can i? i hope to get some room in my loft and maybe put something together here, running back and forth for materials and tools if need be. i dont know how much volunteer work i'm also going to have to do....everything is still jumbled in the air falling very slowly above my head. nothing has landed, nothing makes sense. i keep trying to grasp a habit or routine from my old life and have yet to clutch anything. suddenly i am tired, very very tired. not easy to get up at 8am let alone 5 or 6am like i used to. thank god there is sunshine here thats all i can say.

it helps to write this out. it helps that you guys on facebook and here have cheered me on. i hear your words and know people are out there who care and believe in me. i feel i have little choice, i have to make something work or else climb the sam houston statue and jump. (in vermont it was always hike the mountain in winter and freeze to death) thats just silly though, better i figure out how to make a piece of bone furniture yes?


Chris said...

Bone furniture sounds cool. I think it's a creative opportunity.

Nellie's Needles said...

oooo...I like that funky, functional art stand in your bathroom. Paula, the transition period of getting settled in and on with your life is unsettling for most people ... including me. Here's hoping that what's viewed as obstacles now become opportunities for creating different routines as well as ways of creating and seeing where you fit into it all.

Angela Recada said...

I'm hoping you'll find a way to work within your new boundaries. I know it's hard. Personally, I haven't felt quite "right" about my surroundings and daily schedule for many, many years now. Anything can begin to feel familiar after while, if you go with the flow. At least you know it won't be like this for years, since you have an out after 6 months.

The projects you're working on sound interesting, and I like the spiral top on the little table you and Tod made. Form and function.

I really like what Nellie said about obstacles becoming opportunities.

Wishing you all the best, as always.

deb said...

hope you find a mental space to work in, looking forward to seeing what that mind of yours can dream up!

ArtPropelled said...

I'm so enjoying reading about your journey because I recognize in you so many parts of myself and I admire your guts to pack up and go wherever the whim takes you. Rest assured, you will settle and find your groove once you stop worrying about prooving yourself.

The pressure to produce something of significance is something I relate to well. It's one of the reasons why I'm not fond of commissions. I would rather create something that isn't curbed by the boundaries of a commission..... or the boundaries of what people are expecting from me. The most important part of creating art is to find that point of flow where you lose yourself in the act of creating .... a mind space where you experience the joy of the process. We often need to be reminded of that. When the pressure is off we produce the good stuff.

....and I was just going to pop in and say that I really love the table you've made here.

self taught artist said...

artpropelled...means much so much!