11/5/09

dem bones

the downside to having awareness about self is seeing how it is you are making it harder for yourself and still not willing to change. hoping for another 'out'. hoping something outside of you changes so you dont have to.

thats what i'm getting with this bone furniture thing. i have about a week and some days left to make at least one table to go on with some of the other bone furniture that dan and another wood artist are making to show/sell. if i can come up with something i too will be able to show/sell it.

this brings me back to how commissions were always more challenging than i liked. brings me back to how i like doing things my way and get completely a jaggle when i'm given rules or limitations. i mean it would be easy to just put a slab of board on some legs and with some bones here and there and call it a day...it would look like crap to me though and that isn't acceptable. for anyone who has seen some of my 'furniture' you know that for one i like to use found objects as the bulk of the actual piece. that and i don't really possess the skills or desires to make traditional looking furniture. so the perimeters are: bones/wood/glue/ and their screws. i asked if i could add paint and i can but i get the feeling it would be preferable were i to keep the same ascetic as what is being done.

after spending paralyzing time comparing myself to them, imagining what people must think that i need to be all sequestered here for a week just to make something (and yet i've not made anything) while they can churn out work there on the building site with so much chaos and so little space to boot, i question why i need it to be my way. i question a lot about my process but i shouldn't do that. none of this is all that important but i'm holding on as if to dear life that i make some amazing table that the world has never seen. and that my friend isn't going to happen. and i know it. and yet i can't stand the thought of making a table that you would look at and think, well shit i could do that.

as for how i know i'm not willing to change, at least it isn't coming naturally, is going there to the site and getting in there and stopping people and asking for help. i'm a little shut down right now. i feel thick headed, un-alive and very lethargic. i used to wake up and feel enervated and now i can't wait for night time so i can go back to bed. i dont like pulling my tools outside and working in our parking space in front of the world. i have been working on just observing all these 'dont likes' and letting them fly across my third eye like laundry on a clothesline flinging wildly in the wind. knowing that this is just the way it is right now and i can either be miserable or deal.

and the prison horn sounds off....it always stops me and reminds me that i am free and uncounted.

9 comments:

andrea said...

That photo looks like my kitchen floor most days.

I want to learn to make bone furniture, too -- so get on with posting more photos! :) Seriously, just take one day at a time...

deb said...

Make something else, not furniture to warm up, I think those bones are screaming to be worn, or in a book binding.... they sound like quite the unnatural bunch, working together without solitude to think in, or space of their own, I couldn't do it. gotta have my peace, my space...

self taught artist said...

i know deb i thought jewelry the minute i cut them and saw ...but that is not what they want and honestly its a little predictable, even for me. ya know?

Kim Hambric said...

Suppose those were your bones? Raw and naked? What would you want an artist to do with them?

Have you ever visited the art propelled blog? Have a look on my sidebar. She is an incredible artist & I can imagine her finding inspiration from those bones.

And yes, you are free and uncounted.

self taught artist said...

yes kim i love that site!
and i could do plenty with these bones, but again, i have to make a quick and easy table or chair or furniture and i'm NOT a furniture maker so a table is probably the way to go.

i wouldn't want someone to make a table out of my bones....but i have and these bones have no choice in the matter for this particular job :)

sarala said...

I know you feel trapped but what an awesome opportunity. I'd go with something with old wood like driftwood and bones. Maybe the marrow bones could slip over the legs of the chair/table, like claw feet on an older piece of furniture?
I thought the pieces you whipped up for your apartment were really cool.

self taught artist said...

i get the feeling what i make is going to be substandard to everyone's fantasies..you guys have great ideas but my choices of wood just aren't wonderful :(

jeanamarie said...

I'm so new at this, I don't want to give advice, but can you make yourself stop thinking about the final outcome and just start putting some bones together? make a little story and go on the journey with the bones?

self taught artist said...

jeanamarie that is exactly what i did today :) so you were in tune with it before me but i found my way!
i appreciate the thought. i dont make stories though...i'm pretty intuitive and try to keep my head out of it (believe it or not)