10/31/09

its a challenge



i have to say, today as most days, has been hard. good hard. hard hard. hate hard. i knew i would be out of my comfort zone. i didn't really know WHAT to expect, what i would be doing or how life would unfold so i am not really complaining. hard is okay, just uncomfortable. nothing i'm not used to.

the days zip by and i'm still completely baffled. i have no routine and nothing is where i'm used to it being (ie in boxes or scattered all about). tod and i are constantly walking around our loft over and over as if stricken with alzheimer's, looking for one thing finding another and forgetting what we originally needed. as a semi autistic obsessive type, not knowing where my things are splits my head down the center. as an artist i'm overwhelmed. i had imagined i would somehow be making 'my' art again and now i know that isn't going to be the case. there just isn't the room or time. and i'm okay with it most of the time....sometimes i get angry or feel lost and weary, the excitement part has dwindled a bit only because i'm so out of my comfort zone right now i feel like i'm becoming a human fractal.

okay what are these pictures of? well, the bone house artist studio. if you go to dan's phoenix commotion site (on sidebar which i've talked about many times) you will see a video about his various builds. the bone house burnt down last year and the crew is rebuilding it. there are two buildings on the site; one is a small house that will accommodate three people and behind it is an artist/dance studio. for now the one thing tod and i can do on our own is go cut glass and affix it to the wall. we have done part of this section (photos above) this last week. mostly it is all done. mostly everyone is tired of it so they are happy to have us doing it.

what else have we done? well tod has spent more time there than i have as my shit here is still number uno priority. i've gone in a bit, trying to gear up for monday when i really should be putting in 30 hours a week. dan asks that all volunteers put in at least that much a week for at least 2 months. preferably six months. thats what we are in for. so as you can imagine, my 'life' as i knew it has ended.

there are some cool projects that dan is throwing my way, a very generous throw should i be able to rise to the occasion. i will share more of that later. i need to chill out. the hard part today was just me trying to make things out of 'bad wood' that they dont really need. i'm used to scrap metal or large flat pieces of wood and instead i have thin slats to work with that are warpy or not right in some unknown (to me) way. so when i try to make something, HOURS later i still have nothing but a pile of useless wood. not feeling very savanty if you know what i mean. i'm so out of my element right now when it comes to being creative that i'm not even in my own orbit anymore. the glass project is good because it forces you to focus on cutting pieces and making them all somehow fit. i dont even mind standing on the ladder and fatiguing my arms, it feels like therapy. and at least something is getting accomplished. even though i know anyone could do this and i am feeling like a completely idiot, at least i can do this for now.

i leave you with a photo of a cool house i saw walking home from the bone house tonight....

9 comments:

Daphne Enns said...

I love the golden glass picture. Move the ladder and take some more photos!

Not just anyone could be doing what you're doing. You moved. You found the right place to live.You are volunteering in an incredibly valuable way. I am so impressed.

I can't stand on a ladder or cut glass! I might have to hire you myself.

Have a good work week Paula. It's happening for you don't worry. Just keep moving and you'll bump into all the things you need.

sarala said...

Wow, all that glass. Don't cut yourself.
Keep it up. Things will happen if you give them time. I think you will walk away with this project with a new dimension to your art. Just let things flow until it happens.

self taught artist said...

you both sound like tod. i on the other hand feel like i'm back to being useless and all thumbs. maybe i'm just not inspired by wood and that is all there is right now....

deb said...

hang in there Paula, the glass is beautiful, so are the locks... I have been thinking about you all week, snug in my suburban life, wondering what you are doing out there, making a difference, taking a chance... will be thinking of you again tomorrow sitting at my boring 9-5 desk, peace friend.

Ellen said...

that IS a beautiful glass wall. I like and agree with Sarala's comment - walking away with a new dimension to your art. I love wood. I'm not sure exactly what you're working on, and I know this probably is far removed from what you're doing, but check out these wood art furniture pieces, maybe it'll inspire you? trigger something?
http://weburbanist.com/2009/04/27/art-of-design-amazing-artistic-furniture-designs/

self taught artist said...

thanks deb, appreciate the thoughts!
ellen, thanks for that link, good stuff and gives me hope.

Debbie said...

Paula: Wow you are in a totally new element. You never cease to amaze me with your creativity and your adventure to go out of your realm and try new things. Good inspiration to me. Keep on arting. I looke forward to more of your work. Best to you in Texas. Debbie B.

self taught artist said...

deb how cool...my old neighbor from the winter i was in MN! thanks for stopping and commenting!!

ArtPropelled said...

The glass wall is amazing and exciting and I love the cool house. I think we all battle when we move out of our comfort zones but later we can look back and be pleased that we did.You really are an inspiration despite the fact that you feel like an idiot :-)