I keep thinking of the show on monday nights 'hoarders'. its an intervention of sorts of people who have serious (in my opinion its a mental illness) hoarding going on and are up for evictions etc. Watching the amount of stuff get thrown out that is now decrepit with cat or mouse droppings and moldy food, clothes, wood and whatever else spores thrive on, makes me a little angry. They have to destroy it all, nothing can be salvaged.
Tod and I have the least amount of personal possessions over anyone I know and yet my art stuff is another matter. I went from thinking I was pairing down BIG TIME and putting it all into a 26ft, then a 22ft, then a 17 ft. then a 16 ft truck and NOW it is going into a 7x8x10 storage closet. If I truly had enough belief in myself I would get rid of it all and just leave sans shit.
Most of us have too much stuff and we all know it I think. Few of us ever deal with it head on, we leave it to whoever is in our wills to deal with. Not nice if you ask me. I don't want to deal with another persons STUFF. For years I have thought to myself, when I die all I want is a chance to have gotten rid of it all and walk off into the desert or the mountains and be gone. I would love to leave with the clothes on my back when that time comes, and hobble off to die in nature.
So now that tod and I have decided to go get hands on experience out there and not drag everything with us right now, I'm going through the packed boxes for the third time and being ruthless. While I don't like the idea of getting rid of things I spent time and money on (yes not all of my scrap was free), I've learned my lesson I hope from when I left Arizona and stuffed a 5x10 storage unit with things 'just in case'. Just in case I didn't make it on the road long and needed to come back with my tail between my legs and get a studio apartment or something. Worst thing I EVER did. I'm still dealing with that crap....have had to have friends go through it all and things got tossed and lost and misplaced or abused (though I'm thankful I had someone to help me otherwise it would still be there rotting). What little I had sent to me (more money down the drain in retrospect) was stinky, wasn't 'me' or was outdated. We don't have that luxury here. We don't know anyone to help us or send stuff. We will have to come back for it so by god it better be worth it because vermont is in the corner of the frickin end of the earth.
I wonder, will my art supplies be like that too? Will those items I hold in high esteem to make more art with look less appealing? I'm sure I will have moved on and found new things to work with. I have no idea. What if in 6 months we want to settle somewhere and pick up where we left off? It's exhausting. I hate being wasteful but I hate holding on. THINGS. The little dinky things we have is why we haven't left yet. Tod and I both have little THINGS to pick up, clean, look at, decide what to do with. I broke my toe yesterday navigating and running to avoid hitting THINGS stacked up, and instead hit the door.
The art is the only thing I care about, the one thing I look at and think holy cow, this came from me and its beautiful. Maybe next time tod and I live somewhere we will have friends and a community and we can have a goodbye art auction when we move on. That ain't happening here....time to limp back into the basement.