who knows by paula

What doesn't look like too much progress is really 8 hours worth of sifting through piece after piece of stuff and taking it up and out into the garage. The double garage that has a golf cart and house car and tons of shit in it for the house maintenance, is now also completely full of more stuff for craigslist people and dumpage. I started getting rid of things a week ago tuesday, day after day filling my car up. None of it personal possessions...all of it 5 years worth of art/scrap accumulation.

One has to stop and think....especially THIS one, here I am, a total minimalist and yet I have a plethora of stuff for art. It goes against everything about me. I kind of resent it right now. I'm starting to wonder how else I can make art and not have to have so much stuff. I can't help but wonder and fantasize about how the next batch of art in the next place might turn out. Is this what happens when artists relocate? Do you start to reevaluate everything about the process and does it change?

Just tonight Tod and I caught the fantasy cloud of living on the road instead of moving into a city. I did it when I left arizona...maybe this time it would be even better having a buddy along who also doesn't seem to need or want all the trappings that most people have in life. When I think about living in a rental house somewhere vs living in my car, living in a tent...renting little motel rooms sometimes...working odd jobs and hiking...I get more excited. What are we doing? I have no idea. All I know is there is NO going back. We've given our notice, we can move when we want and we can do what we can we just need to know what we want. Money is probably less of a problem that I think it is. If you had six months to live what would you do? Stay in your home and breath in the same air or go out and be in the world? Life is so bizarre. We see and watch what others do and usually follow loosely or directly those lines. It is mind boggling when you decide to think outside of your own box and come up with a different plan. How can I make art out there? I'm used to so much stuff accompanying that process yet I'm starting to feel suffocated by it, maybe because I know for awhile yet I will still be if not always, peripatetic in my living situations and my body is telling me it isn't enjoying all this work. My back hurts like hell every day and my feet swell, legs get restless....I hate admitting I can't do what I used to do even 10 years ago.

Right now this is like jumping off of the cliff, aiming for the water that you can't see...trusting and hoping you land without hitting a hard surface that kills you. I felt like I was 'home' when I landed in Vermont in 2004. I camped here for about 3 weeks before getting a place to live. It was right. It was magical. Things happened and they happened FAST. I'm ready for that again. Ready to be out there and taking it day by day moment by moment and living without constraints. Tod is too. Portland? Still feels good....roaming instead? Feels a little better but who knows. Thats the beauty of it or the horror of it depending on the hormone or brain cell that assimilates the thought.


Dawn of LaTouchables said...

Paula, come what may, your friends, 'us', on the web will be waiting with baited breath for your updates on your ramblings and living situation thoughts, and thoughts on the world in general--we are curious and we LOVE you!

self taught artist said...

you are such a supportive cool human being dawn. send me all your bags i need to pack! ;)

AnitaNH said...

At a certain point in my life I was thinking about throwing in the towel and becoming a rootless roamer. I still have Woodall's Campground Directory (North America - 2007) taking up over 2 1/4 inches of space on my periodical shelves! But ultimately I was burdened by two cats and too many books to take the plunge. I admire your bravery, Paula, and look forward to following your journey vicariously wherever it takes you! You and Tod should write a book.

self taught artist said...

i hope you get to do it one day anita, i highly recommend it...its tough but its worth it. of course now that winter is coming we could only camp in florida (no way gross gross) or arizona...yuma or something....and that doesn't sound thrilling either too many snowbirds.
thanks for your words and yeah, maybe we will co author something if we actually have anything worth saying. sometimes i think my life is so boring i'd need a helluva lot more going on to make anyone care enough to read about it.