tod and I imagine finally having enough stimulation to keep us from drifting in ennui. And we wont be stuck on a mountain all alone. Sounds crazy that I'm finally tired of it here. When people come here they cannot believe how beautiful it is. Now I see only the ugly. I don't see a two million dollar home, I see a beast of burden. Always needing tending too. A poorly built monstrosity that needs a complete overhaul and even then its just not a good design. I hear echos of the noisy intrusive gardener. I see a driveway I never know if I will get up and out of in slushy icy snowy winter. Dangerous curvy roads that make doing anything not worth doing. I see isolation and hardship all around me. I see a little town that is full of 2nd home owners, old wealthy retirees, or soccer moms that have no clue about living within their means.
I will admit, this has been a wonderful place to live these last five years. I have rested. I have made art. I have learned much and stepped into artists shoes. I can't denounce it all. Many of you if you were to see where I am living would think I am bonkers to hate it. Tod hates it. We are dying here. I guess there is no such thing as perfection. Doneness. That is life. I grow a little weary thinking about constant change, but I forget that not ALL change means so much effort.
In a good way bad way we have forever changed. We wont just go back into society and be normal. I gag thinking about filling up my life with stuff. I hope to god I find like minded people who aren't pot smokers. Drinkers. Partiers. Materialistic zombies. Or cultish. Or total vegetarian liberal ralliers. I don't have a clue where I fit in. I care about things but not really. Does that make sense? I believe there is an order to life that is going to happen regardless of if you do this or that. I'm not into green EVERYTHING. Conserve but don't get your booty in a tight squeeze about it. I'm not into a cause. I have no beliefs. Who am I?
*just in case a new reader is reading this, keep in mind i only care take here. were i to have my own place in the boonies i think i would be happier. i can't live my life the way i want to here. while thankful for the opportunity to live rent free in exchange for upkeep i lose privacy and freedom here and have little opportunity to entertain and create a LIFE here. Hence the desire to move on. It doesn't help this truly is a tourist town and it has been impossible to get to know anyone.