8/29/09

getting vs ridding by paula

I'm at the home stretch of getting rid of what I deem burdensome materials that wont be going with us on our cross country move. I've done the get rid of what I own things on a massive scale a few times but that was all personal, home stuff. I've never had to get rid of art materials. What a mixed bag of emotions it is, much different than personal belongings. Heck maybe it isn't that different after all. There are the 'things' that hold memories. Unlike stuff people gift to you, photos, personal letters and just decorative stuff that is unique, expensive and seemingly valuable; found objects also hold value, memories and possibility for that one day you might need it.

While I've never considered myself a hoarder, I have gone through periods in life of having way too much stuff. In the late 80's early 90's when I was making, for me at least, good money, I went through that period of painting every room different, shopping until I dropped and constantly redoing, re-buying and re arranging things. Constantly? More like obsessively. I'm happy to say I'm done with that. Give me unlimited funds and a house and I know I would never be tempted ever again to fill it up with stuff. I would never need more than a few dishes, towels, pieces of furniture etc. It feels best when I'm not surrounded by too much stuff.

Art materials, that has been another matter. At nearly five years of art making, I have collected enough stuff and now, gotten rid of enough, to know I don't ever want to do this again. It is for one, just too damn hard to get rid of it all. I've spent two full weeks, 12 or more hour days ridding myself of stuff, needing help from Tod only a few times to help move or lift something. It is cathartic but after awhile, wasted time. The getting was fun. I have memories, clear memories of how and when I got this or that. Holding a rusty piece of useless nastiness can bring back nostalgia of when tod and I found it. And yes, were I to stay here I probably would have used it in time, but the time has come to decide what has the most possibility now and what might take another 5 years to use and if its worth it to keep.

I am slightly fearful that I wont ever make the same art again as I continue ridding myself of supplies. Unless I suddenly start selling oodles of clocks, I have at least 50 rr clocks to move and up until two days ago I still had a crate full of naked rr plates for future art pieces. I've thrown all but 6 bare ones out and have 14 welded ones left to finish off my series of 100 clocks. Mostly I'm keeping those six because they work best in weighing down wood that I glue to the backs of my wall art. What else would I use to weigh things down? Am I really bringing those just for THAT?

So. 50% of my stuff is gone. 50% of the work is done. 50% of me has no idea what I'm doing and what my future in the art world will be. 50% of me is fearful about that and 50% of me doesn't even care anymore what happens. I just want to move on and find more LIFE.

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