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Showing posts from August, 2009

unravelling

after talking to tod for what seemed like hours last night about how
how to move this stuff of mine
how to get a truck of stuff and my vehicle there
without 2 people driving 2 separate vehicles
and hence not being able to share the drive to let the other person rest
how to fit it all into a 16 ft truck
so we aren't driving what looks like a semi truck (22ft)

i got up in the wee morning
and tiptoed into the basement
and started opening all the taped up boxes
and making new trash piles

and part of me feels sick
and part of me thinks
there is always more

i remember a woman, i call her an aberration,
i met her camping in south dakota
in a closed for winter campsite.
i believe i have written about this before here? or is that
in my memoir i dont remember

this woman was dying
of cancer
and emptied her home and life and bought a little rv
and lived in campsites
she was going to travel until she died

we had a magical night
and her words after hearing my story were this:
trust in the universe
you will always be prov…

love/hate/letting go

the driveway in winter

Curious what life will be like in Oregon. A little concerned about winters there. It wont be that much wetter than here, but it will be in liquid form not snow. Here we probably have more sunny winter days that we have summer! There, not so me thinks. But there tod and I imagine finally having enough stimulation to keep us from drifting in ennui. And we wont be stuck on a mountain all alone. Sounds crazy that I'm finally tired of it here. When people come here they cannot believe how beautiful it is. Now I see only the ugly. I don't see a two million dollar home, I see a beast of burden. Always needing tending too. A poorly built monstrosity that needs a complete overhaul and even then its just not a good design. I hear echos of the noisy intrusive gardener. I see a driveway I never know if I will get up and out of in slushy icy snowy winter. Dangerous curvy roads that make doing anything not worth doing. I see isolation and hardship all around me. I see …

getting vs ridding by paula

I'm at the home stretch of getting rid of what I deem burdensome materials that wont be going with us on our cross country move. I've done the get rid of what I own things on a massive scale a few times but that was all personal, home stuff. I've never had to get rid of art materials. What a mixed bag of emotions it is, much different than personal belongings. Heck maybe it isn't that different after all. There are the 'things' that hold memories. Unlike stuff people gift to you, photos, personal letters and just decorative stuff that is unique, expensive and seemingly valuable; found objects also hold value, memories and possibility for that one day you might need it.

While I've never considered myself a hoarder, I have gone through periods in life of having way too much stuff. In the late 80's early 90's when I was making, for me at least, good money, I went through that period of painting every room different, shopping until I dropped and c…

progress report by paula

Moving isn't that interesting to talk about, rather the process of it. I will say, I am getting into being lighter. Things you are certain you must have suddenly become obsolete when you keep looking at the marked out space you want to permit yourself. We thought we'd rent a 25ft truck. Then we hoped I could get slimmed down enough for a 22 if they made that size. Now my goal is a 16ft truck, but now we are not sure which is more cost effective a diesel larger truck or gas smaller. I've never had 12 hour days go by so fast (okay when I had to clear out my 3 bdrm rental home in arizona and when I decided to hit the road and find myself I did this too but it's different this time cause its ALL art shit)

Why the rush when we are giving ourselves until mid oct to leave? Timing my friend. We lucked out and house people didn't come last week which means the gardener wasn't here which means I had FREEDOM and was/am able to make noise, run up and down our baseme…

who knows by paula

What doesn't look like too much progress is really 8 hours worth of sifting through piece after piece of stuff and taking it up and out into the garage. The double garage that has a golf cart and house car and tons of shit in it for the house maintenance, is now also completely full of more stuff for craigslist people and dumpage. I started getting rid of things a week ago tuesday, day after day filling my car up. None of it personal possessions...all of it 5 years worth of art/scrap accumulation.

One has to stop and think....especially THIS one, here I am, a total minimalist and yet I have a plethora of stuff for art. It goes against everything about me. I kind of resent it right now. I'm starting to wonder how else I can make art and not have to have so much stuff. I can't help but wonder and fantasize about how the next batch of art in the next place might turn out. Is this what happens when artists relocate? Do you start to reevaluate everything about the proce…

A Few Minutes of Sanity by Tod

People have been asking how we came to this decision. We have been looking at places to move to since last year. It wasn't as much of a snap decision as I made out to be in the previous blog post. We looked at ME,Boston area, Western MA, Upstate NY, NC, Alabama, KY, TX, Santa Fe, Taos area, Sedona, CA, Seattle, considered parts of Canada. Portland seems to have the best blend of climate, population density, artist community/market. NYC, Chicago, San Francisco and Santa Fe are the best art markets for selling, but we don't want to live in or near them.

There are other smaller places with possibly better communities, but they are further from a major gallery markets and somewhat isolated. Most of these communities have big compromises that people seem to overlook. Paducah KY, which is often mentioned, happens to be the home of the largest uranium enrichment plant in the world (I don't know the process, but it does sit on a river, so I assume water is used. It would als…

Six Minutes of Life Changing Insanity by Tod

Somehow some part of me managed to squeeze off the blood flow to the rational centers of my brain this morning just long enough to make a six-minute phone call. Maybe that’s the physiological mechanism of creativity (or insanity). A little valve upstream of a small capillary bed malfunctions and closes off the blood supply to the rational part of the brain. Anyhow, it happened just long enough this morning for me to quit my life. How do you give up living rent free in a rarely occupied 30 acre estate bordering 2,500 acres of pristine, trail laden Vermont forest in a town so beautiful that piles of billionaires and business titans find themselves permanently relocating their families here? Easily, just relieve yourself of the burden of rational thought for six minutes. Couples toil up the care taking food chain for decades to get a gig like this. No one leaves unless the house is sold or they are asked to. We bucked the trend. As with most of the interesting stuff that’s poked me in my…

the time has come by paula

To leave this quaint, tiny, safe, quiet, beautiful tourist town of Stowe, Vermont and move clear across the country to.....


Portland Oregon! Tod gave our official notice to the home owners we care take for. A sliver of us were almost hoping to be asked to stay, with pay through the winter(as it stands we do this in exchange for free rent and thats it)...probably a bigger sliver for Tod and just a microscopic sliver for me as I have already started the very tedious and challenging challenge of discarding and packing my art life up. It was a quick, easy conversation and when Tod got done talking to them he came downstairs and looked a little pale, a little strange...lighter and perhaps not in his body. I can see he is excited. In my mind we are already gone. We have left. I wont be pale and sickly looking until we GET there and I have to be trapped somewhere again. Movement seems to behoove me. Four walls do me in. Reality...jobs...housing...getting my art bearings and probably…

good stuff

Yesterday I sold a set of my RR Nut Candle Holders as well as one of my favorite clocks, 'Erosion'. That clock always reminds me of Arizona and Utah, it has that sandstone gritty been in the sun and weather feel, takes me back to living in the desert and makes me melancholy. Made my day!!!!

I seem to be taking a break from art making, planning my big THING that I can't talk about here just yet. I've mentioned it on facebook only because it's more private and until a few things have been taken care of (any hour now), I can start blabbing about it here.

I can feel discombobulation happening when I don't make art and always a little fear about distancing myself from that creative outlet. It's grounding to be working on something but not when everything else in life is chaotic. Breaks are always good though, for as scary as it continues to be to live an artists life it is a journey I've never thought I'd take, nor could I have imagined what a crash c…

whoo hoo

Yay, a clock sale!

ceramic and berries

Tod and I didn't think we would get many blackberries this year as we have had tons of rain. Just this week some of the plants have perked up and the sickly drowned looking nubs have turned into beautiful black bursts of interesting flavors ranging from granny smith apples to welches grape juice. The land near where we care take/live at is loaded with them, in the past we have gotten gallons and gallons of them for weeks on end. Happy to have the few that are showing, and even happier to have found another crop of sorts....ceramic conductors in the woods. We could go get buckets of those as well if we were willing to continue the hard work of digging through thorny brush and pulling up rotted wood from the ground, tugging on lines and lines of rusted barb wire. It took us a few hours to get this little bucket filled, I would guess there are about 50 of them in there. I think they are absolutely beautiful and feel good about saving them from obliteration. Things are getting t…

surrender

massive changes coming soon. gimmi another week and i will gladly share all. suffice to say i am now in surrender mode. i am willing to let go of a lot, willing to completely change my work, how i work what i work on. willing to reinvent myself as an artist and person. i'm so tired of fighting myself and being in a bad mood and being afraid that its time to jump in head first.

hey

i had my finger on the delete for twitter but realized its just me being ocd. purge. a material bulimic of sorts. really, there is nothing more satisfying than purging.

in my mind facebook is already gone. blog. everything. in my mind i imagine taking everything to the dump, trip after trip in my little car. being left with as little as possible. no more 400 pound tumor hanging from my body. thats what all this art stuff feels like when i feel stuck. a huge fat tumor that i have to lift up in order to walk around. i have no idea why everything feels like it has come to a complete stop. i've experienced this several times before. a purge helps. but this time the house is full of people and i can't be hauling shit out of here. i still feel bad physically too. that food poisoning thing really knocked me down hard, my little ph balance sticks are jumping up and down from acid to alkaline like a child on a pogo stick.

i keep talking about deleting this and that but i d…

i fled

Yesterday when I woke up I still felt like I could vomit as easily as that. Friday morning I had my last puke and just wanted to be done being sick. Didn't help my stupid period was 2 weeks late and my body was just not in strong mode, didn't help I wasn't home and could lay on my sofa and have tod administer soothing foot massages. (I will say tod's mom was an angel running to the store and getting me things, I would have laid to rot otherwise) With every ounce of oomph I had I cleaned up and packed up and two hours later hit the road for home. I didn't care anymore if I saw anything else. No more studio looks, no more thoughts about where to show art, no more walking in nature and enjoying neighborhoods, I wanted out and I wanted out NOW.

The last straw was the neighbor yelling at her dog all the time. There is nothing more annoying and pitiful than hearing someone who can't control their own animal, well yeah there is, being that person, but being in y…

miserable in MA

I don't think I've ever had food poisoning in my life until now. I was out looking at a studio on Tues. and was offered some juice....didn't taste right to me but I guzzled it. 15 hours later I was puking every two hours and wanting to die. It's now fri and I hope I had my last puke this morning. At least I finally feel like I can put something in my mouth and keep it in there. I still want to sleep and not move but I know if i do have a bug I need to get up and walk around, get things moving. It is finally beautiful out too, the hot humidity and rain that has been going on practically since I got here over a week ago are gone.

I did say in the previous post I'm done looking for studios but obviously I wasn't as i had one more to look at on Tues. I really liked the women, one was a carpenter and the other makes paper mache animals that vary from small to large, regal to bizarre. Good stuff and great people. They wanted me and I wanted them but Tod and I…

incognito

I'm really enjoying my time away from my life in Stowe. It is heaven to be in this house all alone and not have to talk or do or anything if I don't want to. Not that I had a structured life going on as it was, but there is always the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle when you are around others who know you.

I'd be lying if I said I was zooming around looking at art, meeting people, making contacts. I'd be lying if I thought I knew what I was wanting. I recently made a blip of a comment on my facebook page about how the romantic idea of renting an artist studio in an old mill building is starting to seem about as romantic as renting a studio apartment in an old Victorian home. I did that once...and it was one of the most hellish living experiences I've ever had living somewhere. So I'm shelving the whole art studio idea. At least in a big building with lots of other artists. From what I have gathered both in real life and online is, artist studios are usu…