do you think if an artist is a complete idiot in the business world, has no money and few friends or contacts they have a chance in hell? i've come to the hideous conclusion i'm probably up the creek.

in my day to day life it has been shown over and over i'm incompetent in most any dealings with others. in my own art making i often take days to do something someone who is logical and able minded would do in minutes.

is it common for artists to feel each and every day that they cannot take it another day? that almost everything about their life is unbearable? that they can't even imagine another option or way to live? this is why i prefer to stick my head in the sand and just make art and not think. but that has gotten me no where and i wont have that luxury much longer. i wouldn't be so pissed if art making wasn't so important to me. pissed at myself for being so damn stupid.


deb said...

everyday is a struggle for me too, misery loves sympathy so I hope knowing that helps? Of course when I am freaked out I just switch to suburban mum mode and hide behind all those neatly defined expectations....

LucyLuxx said...

I think that self-loathing is unprofitable and self-defeating. I may hurry to say that I have had those periods in my life where I have felt those negatives about myself but then I move on and try to treat myself as nicely and gently as I am to others.
We all make mistakes - we all screw-up - I got a long list. Top of it right now for me is that I graduated from art school 29 years ago and I've still never made a real go of the only thing I ever wanted to do with my life.
I was spending alot of time beating myself up over this then I figured that I needed to do something to change this before it was 30 years after I graduated. And believe me it's no big whoop going to art school - especially today with the internet you can learn everything you need to know on your own. It's just my personal thing that I never took off.
So...I started watching some really cool and flakey art vids on YouTube and it waked me up artistically. You are already there producing beautiful art. You have also made reference to starting a new life and leaving an old one behind - be gentle on yourself - you are living a whole new life.
It's hard being pushed out of your comfort zone - I know that well - I have been layed off a job that on one hand I loved and on the other hand was really not enabling me to use my talents and gifts - sounds much like your forced houseleaving. It's good yet it's bad. All change is. I too am angry for many things but it will pass. I also am semi-isolated but I have the whole internet at my fingertips and I am starting to make art - even a tiny bit - everyday. That is huge for me.
That is to say...you have alot of talent but you also have alot of challenges in your life at the moment. At least you have someone to tackle them with. That is one positive and you will find more.
I really get alot out of your blog...I should start mine over and do something with it too.
This is alot of rambling but hopefully you will get some sort of encouragement from it.

Renee said...

Well... I'm not one to be giving advice or anything considering that my own life is in shambles and I haven't created a piece of art in months... but I do have an opinion, so I'll share that...

I don't think you're up the creek.

Even if a person sucks at business dealings, is a total recluse, and is dirt poor, there's still a chance as long they have passion for what they do. I'm sure you're not at the extreme end of any of things, so you're already ahead of some people in that respect! Plus, there's the fact that you're actually creating art (no matter the pace at which you create it) - that puts you way ahead!

As for your pace, you can't compare yourself to others. Art isn't a race. You have to work in a way that works for you, not for someone else.

In addition, don't be mad at yourself for being stupid - I read your blog and if what's on your blog is any indication of who you really are, there's no way you're stupid.

Use the contacts you do have and the money you can dedicate to your art. And if you feel that you're an idiot in business, don't be afraid to ask those contacts for help, or to use the internet to find the answers you need!

Keep making your art and believe in it's power.


self taught artist said...

i would have screamed if someone told me not to feel the way i feel so i appreciate you guys not trying to make me feel other than how i feel. i'm not sure i can even appropriately respond to your comments, they are heartfelt and genuine and i value it. especially since i know you all have your own life ordeals. i try... and i know you guys do too, strange or screwed up as it is, my blog is my one way to connect...so thank you!

Angela Recada said...

Hey Paula ~

I'm still here, following you as you question and grow - just haven't known what to say that would help.

I, too, struggle emotionally every day with some of the same things you do. Like you told me a while back, "follow your heart." I know how it sucks to live somewhere you don't want to live, I've been doing it, too - for almost 20 years. Every day I have to make a conscious decision not to let it immobilize me, but I know it keeps me from being as productive as I could be.

I think it's so wise of Tod to be doing all this research into areas before you just decide to pick up and go. Lots of people don't do this and end up in really bad situations. Milwaukee is a lot like Detroit, and believe me, I don't even like to drive through there, much less live near there. The crime, teen pregnancy and drop-out rates are truly scary. Like you're finding out, areas like Paducah and Colorado and New Mexico and Seattle all have frightening (often neatly hidden and buried) pollution, or are ridiculously expensive, or just undesireable in some other way.

I think it's great that you're opening up to the idea of using Etsy. Whatever it takes to get as many people as possible to see your art, right? You've probably already done this, but have you contacted an outsider art dealer, like Beverly Kaye? I know, you probably did this a long time ago, already.

You might not be seeing it, but I see how you're growing as a person and an artist. All this questioning and turmoil is pushing you forward, whether you, yourself, see it now or not.

Follow your heart and don't compromise those things that are truly important to you. You know what really matters to you.

I'm thinking about you and wishing you all the best.

self taught artist said...

thanks angela. as long as people get i'm just trying to figure it out and need to vent, i feel its good to write it here. it means much that you get it. and yeah, i know its a journey and i have to find my way. maybe i'm just supposed to throw everything away, go live in a 3rd world country and then i'd shut up. it could always be worse and i'm trying hard to make my stupid life work a little bit better.

self taught artist said...

ps angela
yes at one point when beverely had left some comments here i believe i asked her about my clocks being there and her answer had to do with the economy. good thought though!!