....where to live that is. I have no reason to blog about this stuff other than bouncing it off of something other than the inside of my head (and tod's). who knows...maybe an idea will come to fruition from some happenstance comment.
we have outgrown this care taking situation. we could keep living here but the suffocation process has begun and the oxygen depletion is showing. we are stagnating. which brings me to the questions that plague me constantly.
first, where to live. there is the thought that one should live near a city that is an art mecca of sorts. in the city is fine too but then costs and space are an issue. were i a small scale worker it wouldn't be a problem. i need at least 1000 sq feet for my supplies/tools work space. even then, i need a separate area to cut metal and wood. renting a studio and a living space seem expensive and not fruitful to how i work as an artist.
if we move midwest, south or west would i be able to find the plethora of barn/farm free scrappy stuff that i use? i know the midwest has that but i hate living there, i grew up there and i'm over it. i need mountains in my life. i need people that are educated, not obsessed with religion, not obsessed with how beautiful their kids are and how expensive their this and that is. real people. people who accept each other and dont stare you down with looks of hate, anger or superiority. that doesn't exist here which is a huge plus, but it isn't enough. another plus is vermont has a population of about 600,000, its a small state both geographically and population wise. there is lots of land and tons of supplies, more than i could ever gather. but the snow thing and the job thing (for tod mostly) and the art thing aren't really ideal. i guess if i were wealthy and could have my own studio space and place to live and not care i wouldn't care, but that isn't the reality.
there could be a possible opportunity next year to live in seattle but the house situation isn't ideal. i would be stuck in another basement and honestly, i feel like i can't stand living underground anymore. and it wouldn't be my place, yet again i would have no freedom, even less than i have here actually. in a way [here] they dont care how we decorate our space but this possible place in seattle i wouldn't even be able to put a nail up to hang art where i want. i think as an artist, the more space i get to play with and use the better. i'm more interested in how i can make space artistically functional than just making a piece of art to go on a wall. sometimes beggars can't be choosers though and if nothing else comes to the forefront who knows. seattle is a great place...although again, a basement work life and months of dreary aren't really ideal for my mental health.
yeah we could probably find a foreclosed house in a bad neighborhood and spend all of our time fixing it up, but when you have no skills or money that might take up all your energy and art wouldn't be in the priority line.
is there a place an artist can go live for a year and make art? is there a place that is large and i can be left the hell alone and bring all my stuff? tod can go off and find whatever it is he is supposed to be doing and then we can come back together and get our lives going? i dont know. we are trying to think of every possible solution. i know in europe they have this thing where you find an older person who has no children and needs cared for and you sign papers and be their caretaker and when they die you get their house. could i do that here somehow? do i have the time and patience to ignore my life to do that? at what cost am i willing to sacrifice my art for my life. or sacrifice my life for my art. i'm still waiting for that YES! feeling, not the take whatever you feel you can get even if it isn't what you want feeling.
we all have to make sacrifices i know that. i'm just waiting for that yes i want to do this feeling...the feeling i had when i left arizona with nothing but a carload of maps and camping gear. that feeling of yes i will live in vermont now and make art. i was scared shitless but excited. i didn't mind all the perceived negatives as compared to the positives. so far the negatives outweigh the positives. its just time. not only for me but for tod. he is over breathing in radiator fluid and nasty fumes being trapped in a cab all day. he is over living away from people and not having access to things happening, to chances to network and get started on something. he needs to be plugged in. and we need to get our lives going. i've been all over the united states and i can't for the life of me imagine where i can fit in and make it. i'm at a complete loss. i guess until i know i dont know. hopefully an ideal or an inkling turns us on before we blow.