2/12/09

chain-chain-change

Change is inevitable. It is, other than your own demise, the one thing you can be certain of. Everything changes even if you were to lock yourself up in a room and never leave, things would still change. I guess your relationship with change changes depending on where you are at or how you are perceiving your reality. If you think you are in control then you think you are the one changing things and believe you have control. If you feel overwhelmed and out of control change can feel threatening. You don't have control, only choice. Being in control isn't real anymore than being out of control.

Thinking you want things to change is different than experiencing the reality of it. How often do I really welcome any change? Not very often. Sometimes being adaptable feels tiring when the truth is that what is tiring is fighting change. It is the holding on that is tiring. Letting go, freeing that tightly gripped fist and letting your hand open up to embrace the next thing ~ how can that be difficult? It is, when the brain doesn't let your hand freely or willingly open. It's going to happen, change, the question is, are you going to flow with it and let yourself feel it and experience it or cling to your fear and beliefs and rules and watch it fly over you and leave you frazzled and rigid.

I'm thinking about art and life. Noticing changes that aren't immediately obvious as to what is changing, only knowing it isn't the same as it was. When nothing much is going on that is when I feel like nothing will EVER change [ironically when a fury of activity is taking place I dread change, I want to hold on and never let go]. Obviously if nothing much is going on, then change is already on its way or else I would be doing what I normally did. It's tempting to voice what it means. Where it is heading. Truth be told I have no idea. It's hard and maybe not even worth writing or thinking about, because it is just speculation. Just my brain wanting to fill up unknown space.

Feels BIG but then again, feels so small and seed like. I could get dramatic and say it feels terrifying to think I'm letting go of something I thought I wanted. Feels overwhelming to think of how to go further down a path that has HUGE boulders to climb and I have no known equipment or stamina to do it alone. I hope I catch the wave though, swimming in a different sea for awhile feels like a good thing to do.

how's that for a cryptic little post

7 comments:

AnitaNH said...

Grabbed me right away with your second sentence: "Everything changes even if you were to lock yourself up in a room and never leave, things would still change."

Kim Hambric said...

If I had a dime for every time you wrote the word change, well, then, I'd have quite a lot of change.

I've been reading blogs far too long today. I need a change of scenery.

I sure wish the weather would change.

I wish I could make a change in my life. I'd better do it before somebody does it for me.

I'm tired of that bully kicking sand in my face. I need to do something about it. I need to change into a stronger person.

Sorry, I babbled.

Margaret Ryall said...

I've returned from the world of two year olds. It was fun but tiring. I read your post twice and thought this is way to profound for my current ability to process.It only took one day to revert to Sesame Street level!

Now that I'm at my own computer in a nice, quiet room, I've read your post a third time and want to thank you for taking the time to record your thoughts. Change is a constant for sure and I embrace it in many parts of my life. There are certain areas where I want to have that sense of control (I do know it is an illusion) but I still pursue it. "You don't have control, only choice". To me that is the essence of it all and what needs to be remembered. It is a great way to place one in the driver's seat without having to follow a predictable route. I have to say that in the past, huge life changing things have happened to me when I thought I was doing something else entirely. You may just turn around soon and say "Where did that come from?". I hope I haven't missed the point of this ...

deb said...

Strangely at work this week I designed these little motivational cards about change, they had a big wave on them, it read, if you don't ride the wave of change you're bound to go under it, or something like that... I don't have a copy of the file here or I'd post it for you.

self taught artist said...

margaret i like your comment better than my post, you haven't missed the point...only added to it!
wow deb, maybe its just in the air. thats a good saying and cool idea for work.

self taught artist said...

kim, i feel the same way obviously. hope you find some peace, you sound jumbly.

Beverly Kaye said...

Instead of fighting change, the same energy (and a deep breath) can be used to make change. You said this beautifully!
Great blog!