Yesterdays post was about putting blinders on. What made me write that, aside from political, economical and just life in general goings ons, what really got to me was a post a blogger friend wrote about twitter. I have a few blog friends/artist friends online who I know for a fact are savvy on line marketers and getting more so by the minute. I got triggered. I went to twitter again to see what I was missing.
I was suddenly taken back to grade school. First grade. Second grade...and on up. I'm sitting there in class and the teacher is talking (picture me hearing what charlie brown hears when adults talk, that 'wah wah wah wah' sound). Basically I don't get it. Wild eyed and pale, my heart pounding in my ears while searching the other students faces to see if they get it. Test time, my eyeballs learn to move left and right with slow slyness looking for answers.
Twitter. I go to the page and see a page of one line messages that if you went to the dictionary and looked up nonsequitur you would feel like this was just a page of definitions for that word. I want to get it. I don't. Then the panic sets in. I'm not going to make it because I am antisocial (and stupid). I don't want to have ton's of people I don't know leaving me little messages. I don't have the emotional energy let alone the physical energy to go to 100 + sites and leave little messages for them. I don't want that much contact.
Then there is the ebay, etsy, facebook, cafe press and whatever else you can think of. I've tried etsy. I didn't have the energy to 'heart' tons of shit that I personally don't think anyone needs in their lives. Why I am always just irritated and exhausted by that site and why I keep going back thinking something in me or it has changed is beyond me. I've tried to sell stuff on ebay and feel like I'm walking around the streets of a slightly overcrowded dangerous foreign city. So lets just put it out there, I am not a people person. Never was. I like one at a time. One on one. I have my blogger people and a few of you even like to write me emails and back at cha's. It is true I have made more of an effort to go to blogs and leave comments and that feels good to support others but after awhile if they never visit, never comment I start to lose steam. So I like mutuality and substance in limited quantities.
Does this mean I'm screwed? I'm never going to sell online? I told myself that it does in fact mean I'm screwed. Then Tod, the ever level headed intelligent being that keeps me gently tethered to earth says that I'm not screwed. There are other ways. It's okay that I'm not going that route. Keep making art dammit. Am I being an ostrich I worry? He doesn't think so. Bottom line is, if I am not attracted to a certain thing, in fact if it repels me, then going towards it isn't going to be fruitful. I have to keep doing whatever it is even if it feels like I'm doing nothing and keep my eyes open, my senses tuned for when something does pique my interest. I get that logically but I still feel like I'm being left behind because I am being stubborn or temperamental. I feel like those people who do that and then see me voice concerns or complaints must say in their heads well...you aren't doing anything so what do you expect? Judgment from peers even if its in my own head makes me squirm. Then I realize they don't care they are busy twittering or trying to make it themselves. Thats why I wrote the blinders post. It's just too much sometimes all this stuff out there, my head gets too filled up with images and thoughts and overwhelm. I want to know whats going on but I usually can't handle the knowledge of it.
I hope Tod finds time to write on his blog....I understand that when you work all the time you have no space or energy to be creative. He could talk about this stuff in such a way that you would learn something and feel like you just helped yourself evolve into a better artist. Lucky me I don't have to wait for the blog.