Well it was worth the effort to redo this piece, the guy bought it.
I'm having an interesting time when it comes to money. A brief recap would show that in my late teens I made, this was in the late 70's, easily 300+ a week. Back then McDonald's let you work overtime. I would do 80 hr weeks sometimes. Yep, I lived there. I got promoted often and by the time I was 19 yr old I had keys to the joint, closed the joint, took the daily payroll to the bank. My future was bright if I wanted to live in polyester forever.
Then the harder years...the going out on my own, leaving the Midwest and going full on west. I made less, drank more and never had a dime. I was stupid with money.
The massage therapist years were profitable but I also pissed that away until the very end when I got serious about saving money. It was just enough to, unbeknownst to me, allow me to one day quit and fling myself back out into the unknown.
I've somehow scraped by since becoming an artist and living in Vermont. Were I not care taking and having free board, I can't imagine I would have made all the art I've made to date, at least in such a short time. As most of you know last Jan. I started the taxi driving gig and that pretty much petered out in Spring, so the summer has been supplemented with pulling weeds and selling a little art.
I'm finding I am learning all over again about money. Am I happy when I sell art? You betcha. But in my awful honesty I also find I feel frustrated because it feels like a bottomless pit with owing money and feeling like I cannot wait to start saving again for ME. I really want to have that nest egg big and fat. I want to know I can go out and buy some land, get me an earthship to live in and build a studio. I also know that it is all in the doing and not the having. I also know I need to be grateful and happy regardless because zillions of dollars sitting in a bank isn't going to make me content or happy. I might feel a sense of security that I don't feel right now, but even that I know isn't real. I know money is an avenue but not the keeper of my experiences.
Earlier this year a gallery I was in sold two pieces, I'm still waiting to be completely paid for it. I still have a hard time letting that one go, she is in dire straights and I can't hold my breath. At this point it's just a few hundred $$ and while that doesn't seem like much, it is to me when I take into account she got her half and I'm still waiting for mine. It seems inexcusable to me to spend another person's $$. I've asked for as little as $20 a month, it would have been nearly paid off by now. I still wrestle with this and it feels like it has ruined my friendship as I feel resentment and frustration. Maybe I have just been too foolish in the past and the times I lent people money and never got paid back have ganged up behind my shoulder to make this seem much worse than it is. Maybe I am bugged because with this gallery owner I felt I had to ask so many times when I will get paid, it felt like pulling teeth each time. There are artists who get totally screwed. In the scheme of things it isn't that big of a deal. Maybe it would be different if I knew I had money coming in. It will be a month before I see money from the recent sale. It will be another two months before the piece at the other gallery comes to fruition as the person is making payments. So I obviously have money issues on my plate. Time to look at this relationship differently. Maybe it is time to find a way to not dread, not be afraid of, not resent, not fear MONEY. There is irony in the fact that I am healthier than I've ever been in my life. Irony in the fact that I'm FINALLY responsible with money and not a wasteful person with money. I've read the money books, I know how to be smart with money. Yet is is a process, and I guess this is my issue to resolve right now. To be obsessed with money and wanting it for it's own sake feels wrong. That isn't what I'm after. Balance is key I guess. I'm working on it.