I try not to spend too much time thinking about anything that happened more than 24 hrs. ago. Seems like any thought given to the past is usually wasted unless the past is a stepping stone for learning and you piece together the past and how it all finally culminated with the now.

Having said that, I do find myself looking back at those wonder horse pieces I finally made last week and finding I feel sad. I'm not one to want to hold on to my art, but sometimes it is a little unsettling to make something that so affected me only to rush it out the door the minute it is done all so I can hopefully sell it for some much needed cash.

Art. Making art never ceases to show me things about myself. I guess if I take the time to look at this and feel it I see that the joy came from many different places. Joy in finding the scrap and finding the horse and printing the picture....joy and a rush of excitement in the final moments of putting it together. Joy in hoisting it to the gallery and sharing it with others. It's a mixed bag this wanting to make art and set it free into the world; making art as a way of making a living also means letting it go and loosing a perceived connection to something that felt important. Why the sadness? I think I saw beauty in something that came from my own hands, and maybe I'm starting to really appreciate that gift, appreciate myself a little more. I'm not sure too much art out there in the world has really touched me to any significant extent, The Wonder Horse pieces have touched me in ways that I can't verbalize.

I also feel like I can take a break. Normally it is make art make art; I feel replete right now. Sure the clocks draw me in but the fervor to create has taken a vacation. I feel well rested, well worked not too itchy to do anything in particular. So pull weeds and drive taxi. Fiddle around with things, organize, clean, make way for the next wave when it hits. And cross my fingers and toes that something sells soon. It's been months since I've sold anything :(


San said...

Paula, you've expressed the ambivalence we have about letting go of art we feel good about accomplishing. I have the same difficulty. I try to tell myself, "Let it go. Something better will fill the space." But it IS hard.

Truth be told, though, something better does come along and I believe the letting go somehow generates some energy for that unknown something that is waiting to be birthed. Yes, like you, making art has taught me much about myself. Some of those lessons are difficult.

Great post!

self taught artist said...

thats the truth ~ something better does fill the space

Kim Hambric said...

I agree with San, something else better will fill that space. It just might not be the next thing (or the thing after that) that comes along. Pull some weeds and rest that creative brain.

gigi said...

I am a little late to the party here but I want to say that I love both the Wonderhorse pieces. They have such soul. I don't know why some pieces give more energy than other; I guess that's just the passion coming through. And it might not help, but I truly believe that whoever acquires these pieces and the others that have moved you in unusual ways will be with people who love them as much as you do.