more trash talk

I can't turn my brain off. I've been up all night thrashing around in bed with ideas pulling my head from side to side. I almost hate this. Having a million ideas might sound nice but when you realize you haven't the resources, the money, the space the knowledge to make it happen then what? I always have gotten stuck in life when it comes to going for it big time. Yeah I can look back and think I've done alot in the last few years, accomplished more than I could have imagined in art in such a short time. But what about the big stuff? What about really getting something going? It leaves me flat like I've been running hard and hit invisible glass and knock myself out. How do you get to that next level with something? Over and over this comes up for me and I suppress it, back down. Realize I haven't a fricking clue how to take the next step in whatever art endeavor I am seeking to move towards. I'm talking bigger works, bigger things. More knowledge, more experience than I can ever hope to gain. I guess that is why Michael Reynolds is truly a hero in my mind (posts below). Not only has he found a way to make his dreams happen, he has also made life better for others.

I struggle with thinking I'm too old already. My body can't handle standing for an hour without back pain, how am I going to build things and get shit done? How do these people do it? I'm not sure I can handle constantly getting energized and psyched about something and then fizzling out because I lack whatever it is that takes people to the next level. I don't have money. I don't have much. Don't you have to have leverage of some kind? How does a creative person find leverage without succumbing to a stifling system? Can't I just plug into something and dole out my ideas and let people who know what they are doing do it? Does that exist? That would be the job I would love. I guess Jeff Koons is an example, dream on Paula....

Anyhow, in keeping with my garbage warrior posts, again even though I don't have big environmental reasons for this like many people do, suffice to say I'm diggin this stuff for my own artistic reasons. I enjoy this blog and wanted to share this article I read last night at Everydaytrash. What I personally like about using found objects, again, is the uniqueness of them. But now I am starting to think more about actual trash and thinking of incorporating it as well. My reasons are more out of my own obsession about using things up and not wasting things because it is the wasting of things in our lives that leak energy out of us (among other things). I personally have been through the cycle of surrounding myself with a plethora of possessions. Of buying and buying and buying. Tossing and ridding all to add more. It's sick. Having nothing not by choice makes you feel destitute. Having little by choice is oddly empowering. Here in Vermont we don't have trash pick up. You haul all your nasty crap to the dump. You have to see it, touch it, put it in your car and dispose of it into the proper receptacle. You pay for it based on amount. I like being frugal. Even if I weren't broke I would be frugal. It kills me to pay even $7.50 every few months for trash disposal. I actually feel remorse now thinking of all the trash we have gotten rid of that I could have made something unique and wonderful out of. (ironically tod and I really don't make that much trash, and the bulk of it is glass)

And that is the next thing. I want to start making art that has more function. I've always complained that paintings are flat. Photographs in frames are flat. Boring. So my art is an expression of another possibility. Another dimension. Neither is good or bad, better or worse. Just my preference. Lately I have been feeling (this is just me here) that my art is useless. It's not flat but it still is just on the wall. It isn't very interactive(okay the clocks are to an extent). You look at it but have little to do with it. Little use other than ocular delight ....which I sometimes wonder how many people really appreciate the things they stick in their homes. Art that has more use (those earthships are art and extremely useful) feels like a wonderful endeavor for me right now. I need to feel there is a bigger purpose in my life than just decorating a wall. Maybe that will pass. Maybe the wind will go out of my sails soon and I will make myself content with wall art. Who knows. I love my clocks. I love my puzzle pieces and mixed media pieces. I'm sure I will continue working in those mediums, but there is so much more. So very much more.


BlueJude said...

Just caught up on some of your posts. Interesting stuff. Will have to check it out more. What can I say? I feel like my life has turned to garbage lately. Think I can be recylcled? Happy Sunday STA!

Clare said...

Hi Self Taught! I really like what you've written about garbage and things and how much people have and waste. I especially like what you said about how "it is the wasting of things in our lives that leak energy out of us...." This really made me stop and think and say 'wow!' You are so right on. Thank you!

gigi said...

i concur with claire. use it up, as much as you can, and stay complete.