I'd be a big fat liar if I said I didn't miss making art. I'd be a bigger liar if I said I wasn't benefiting in ways previously unknown and unimagined by taking on this taxi job. I try to tell every single passenger that I am an artist. I even hand some my card. It is important for me to keep that part of me as alive as I can even if there is no energy happening in that realm. In the meantime I am interacting with people, one on one...learning more about myself and others in ways I wouldn't otherwise. People are generally nice and capable of having a conversation with substance given the chance. Not everyone sitting in the cab wants to talk, let alone about art or life, but the ones who do make it worth my while. It is difficult to imagine this leading me to anything other than a slight financial gain, I'd much rather sell a piece of art than sit behind the wheel all day and make peanuts. At least I'm out there, freer than I would be locked up in an office all day. I get to come home inbetween fares. I still do stupid things, that to me is the worst part about any job, but maybe over time I will forgive myself more and cringe less. I'm a sensitive jumpy creature at times and being in a vehicle with some hard core bostonian or new yorker is bound to buff my outer shell. As tod says about this job ' it isn't about the money, it's therapy'. I couldn't agree more.
This is the first time since being in galleries that I do not have new work for them. There are two places I have art and both would take more if I had new work. But life goes on and all I can do is be with where I am at. I personally don't have much faith that it is possible for me to work 6 or 7 days a week all day and late into the night and also work on art. It still triggers me when people say that starving artists should buck up and take a 'day job'. Art IS a day job. It is a night job. It is a full time job. Never say never, there could be a time when I am able to integrate everything and do both, but I need down time from all the stimulation of driving 200+ miles on a full day of work. Driving to the Burlington Airport to pick up or drop off passengers is usually a 2+ hour gig. Do that more than once a day and time evaporates. Cleaning vehicles, getting gas, stopping for bathroom and food needs, slipping in a quick grocery stop, doing laundry and keeping my blog alive is about it folks.
It helps to stop resenting everything. I still almost feel like an imposter on my own blog though. Who will keep reading my art blog if I have no art to blog about? Hard to feel like an artist when its over 2 months since I've produced anything, the scarcity mentality is always butting it's way into my mind. Remind me of this when the tourist season halts and I'm back to Paula Art time and freaking out about not having a paycheck :)