I think I was too in awe of what I was seeing to even think. It was dark and very wet. Drops of water falling on my head. Floors completely mushy and already broken through. Sadly, everything in the building is basically food for fire. Mush. Mold. Unsalvagable. That someone had the fore site to keep it but not to dispense of it properly confuses me. Were I in the position to haul it off, put it somewhere and have it treated/cleaned I would have. Days like yesterday put me in a strange frame of mind. I want to be that artist that has a huge building storing my stuff. Little worker bees taking care of things. I want the know how and the time to make things that are bigger than I can imagine both in size and meaning.
Humbled is a word that also came to mind. And very appreciative. This person who let me go into that building, climbed on racks of soggy moldy wood and helped pick out things for me to take home. He let me once again rummage through his own workplace for more items to take. That a stranger would find this blog and get to know me enough to have me come look at materials for my possible takings isn't something I take lightly.
It was a big day in ways I don't even know. Half of what I took I think is more art for my own walls right now. The wood forms are so beautiful I would feel silly trying to add anything to them. Some will serve as canvases for my own work I am sure, still others are small enough to be baubles. I left complete corpses behind...larger than what would fit in even the largest van. My head swimming with ideas for furniture. My heart feeling full and knowing I have fodder for work that wont even get made for possibly years. I walked away feeling incompetent and hopeful all in the same bubble of emotion. I still can't drill a hole dead center into something; I press the button and saw away but don't get degrees and angle settings. I want to make furniture and lamps and art....and and and. I have to wonder where all of this desire comes from and why now. Why when I am without money and without youthful vigor. Why after killing off half of my brain cells with alcohol. It is hard sometimes not to get mad at myself....it is a complete waste of time.