I had one success with something today but I was only the designer...I took a found object and found washers to the welder to have him weld it for me so I can put a puzzle head in it. I'm not sure if I will use the current head I have or wait until another one comes out of me. For lack of having anything done and lack of having ANY photos lately...here ya go. Works in progress because I now need to decide what sort of tall base I am going to use to boost the whole thing up chest high. I have wood choices to decide on or go for having someone fabricate a metal structure. I typically don't like to show unfinished works (I don't think I ever have in fact)...but I think I need to be a little more playful right now and not take everything so seriously.

I am finding one challenge I have is giving myself the freedom to do whatever I want without worrying what everyone will think. Now that I have my little niche with the photos/mixed media I have a fear that everyone is expecting that kind of work and if I do something different there will be question marks bouncing off of people's eyes. I guess it's like the actor who always plays a villain...if he does it for too long few people can blot that out and accept that suddenly he is now a saint. I need to have the courage to make whatever I want without worrying too much, easy to say but hard to do when I have the mindset right now of everything needs to be sellable. Letting go of the constant money struggle gets in the way. Letting go of acceptance from others takes up the rest of the space. Many nuances, once again that I hadn't realized existed in the whole art life thing. I think back on my other work and realize there was a different energy with it, it was more of an exploration fueled by a blast of naivety and brute force. I feel like a tightrope walker who said "anyone can do that" and just jumped out there and did it. Now, suddenly, I'm looking down and realizing hey I could fall on my ass!

Some of you are new to the blog, here is a video I made earlier this year with the puzzle head and Tod. (it was the first video I ever put together from photographs so it's short and sweet)


gigi_leonard said...

hi paula,

i just want to tell you that i've been following your blog and feeling your frustration through it. the only thing i want to say is that's life -- there are dry spells and incredibly juicy periods that make you forget about those weeks and months when you think nothing is happening or growing (which usually isn't the case). don't beat yourself up about it -- you are not alone!

as for this latest puzzle head (and your other work) -- i love it all and know that i am not the only one out here who does. i hope that i don't offend you if i suggest that you make what you feel and don't worry about the commercial part right now. maybe the pleasure you get from the process and the outcome of art you are passionate about will fuel your creativity and provide some momentum to get you closer to where you want to be.

my two cents -- and that's what it's worth. :) and thank you for opening yourself up to the cyberworld with your honesty in your blog -- that takes guts and i admire you for it.

kate said...

That was a great video ... the puzzlehead looks wonderful beside Tod's head. I like way you did the title and end credits too.

It is fascinating to read how you've been able to analyse the differences in your energy from early on to now. It makes excellent sense. You are a brave woman and I admire your openness and thoughtfulness.

self taught artist said...

gigi, I dont take it personal and I'm glad to have another lurker leave a comment. I do believe you are correct in everything you said...thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts and to give me your feedback on my work. It always feels good to know someone appreciates all this blog writing!

Nellie's Needles said...

Think I like this juxtaposition of metal scrap sculpture and puzzle head ... it carries through your choice of media ... it's recognizable as YOURS.
Thinking of you,

Clare said...

Hi Self-Taught! Your video is so wonderfully whimsical and adorable!! I just watched it twice -- made me feel happy. And your puzzle head looks fantastic on the metal stand -- I like how the neck is narrower at the top and then gets wider below -- kind of reminds me of a turtleneck sweater. I love the contrasts in texture between the metal and the puzzle pieces -- and the color of the head is really beautiful. As far as worrying what others think, that can be a real crippler because everyone is going to have a different opinion and preference. The joy is in creating what you love and what you feel curious about doing. Blogging has been a help for me in not worrying about what others think as much -- putting something out for the world has a certain freedom in it, because we can't make everyone happy -- there are just way too many people out there. Once I really GOT that, it became easier and more fun. It just takes practice and giving yourself permission, over and over again. I adore all the different styles and mediums that you work in!