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Showing posts from September, 2007

back to life

A week ago Sunday I went over to my friend's for a visit and she told me about an old house down the way that was being gutted by the town for a make over. She said there was a big wood pile for burning I should check out. I was alone, Tod was the one under the weather last weekend, and I tried to get this in my car but it wouldn't quite fit since there was a long board screwed to one of the hinges. I didn't have any tools with me and to my chagrin I had to gingerly lift it out of the back of my hatchback and leave it.

Towards the end of the day Tod was feeling better and needed some air, I knew just where to take him. Screwdriver in hand, we went back. Two workers (so they say) were on the second floor, sitting near a glassless window. I asked if we could get some wood from the pile and they said sure. So here it is, a beautiful old door, not full length, probably more for a shed. I've never restored wood if that's even what you do. I would like to bring out the n…

a decision away

I've been furiously working on my second puzzle head, he was already starting to look exactly like this one, uncanny really that I could form the same exact head twice. I had to spend a lot of time looking at head profiles online in order to push this next head into a different direction. I'm not sure I will get it finished before the show, in the meantime I have also given the first head a Mohawk and the option of a different stand. I knew it needed something. My downfall as an artist seems to be my unwillingness to go wild with something and ruin it. I spent weeks and weeks, hours and hours gluing this (not to mention expensive archival glue by the bucket full) and I feel it would destroy me if I totally ruined it. The few times I allow myself to go nuts with something I always ruin it and feel angry at what seemed like impatience. I find that there is a delicate balance between listening to what the piece is asking you for and what your mind is thinking it needs. The mind u…

building self

This is the bottom part of that new piece I finished this weekend. I had posted this whole piece and wrote about it but then deleted it because I have not been coming from a place of strength lately. It is the first piece of art I've made this summer; now that people are gone and I can begin to crawl back into my creativity I feel like I am starting from scratch.

There is truly nothing worse than someone who doesn't believe in themselves. Nothing worse than someone not having the courage to BE. Yesterday's post about the wimp had me reliving my childhood and the memories of fear and anxiety flooded me. I never felt like I belonged anywhere and never felt like I could understand what was going on. I wasn't encouraged to be anything, rather a heart to heart with my dad after high school led to him suggesting I work at the KRAFT factory (my sister meanwhile was encouraged to attend the U of I). Who can blame him, I showed no aptitude for anything and had to do something i…

wimp

I am a wimp. I don't know when or how I became one. It might have started during conception. It might have started when my neighbors little nephew came over and punched me hard in the gut when I was three years old for no apparent reason (maybe my smiley innocent hello irritated him). It might have started when creepy mean boys started being creepy and mean to me in grade school. On and on....travelling through life as if it were some thick jungle filled with poisonous people. Thankfully the mean creepy people no longer loom. The jungle isn't as thick, although the poison has seeped into my own brain and I'm not always able to find the right serum.

Ever since I can remember, I have dreaded the day. I dreaded going to school everyday, sick to my stomach about the whole thing. I dreaded the day in high school....dreaded the day most of my life. I had a brief respite during my self employed massage years before the chronic pain hit and providing/taking care of myself felt lik…

why bother

For the few of you who have subscribed to my blog you got to see my post today with my finished piece, for those of you who didn't then you can go to my website and look under most recent works if you are interested. I deleted it as a blog post because it felt exposed to scrutiny and I'm not in the mood for it.

I'm having a bad day. The gallery was thick with grouch energy when I dropped the piece off...what is fun about anything of this? My work at the photo shop seems to be held hostage, he is grouchy and instead of the bantering and friendly hellos I was ignored; I've wanted my pen and ink drawing scanned and it's been two weeks now...normally work is finished in a day or so, I made the mistake of calling and apparently bugging him. I've waited a week since the call and it's still not done. I keep thinking: one piece at a time. Is this how I'm going to live?

I work my ass off ~ drive myself crazy and spend every damn dime I have to make art. Who care…

I see saws

So tonight I decided to turn the scroll saw on, the new piece I'm working on (pic two posts down) is getting there, of course I have suddenly decided that I must have a Chinese symbol cut out in wood for this piece. I turned the thing on and the speed was set to low and it sounded bad and vibrated in a big way. Not a good sign. The little speared rest piece that goes on the wood to hold it down appears bent. Not a good sign. The blower works but more like a lung that has smoked a pack a day. Not a good sign. Maybe you get what you pay for, maybe I just don't know what I am doing.

I did cut some wood but couldn't follow my design. I didn't think I would be a savant immediately. It reminds me of a sewing machine and I believe I broke the needles all the time, I never understood those things. So in a panic I called the guy who welds things for me to see if he would come over this weekend and show me how to use all this new equipment and to tell me if it is even any good. C…

Triplets with another on the way

Last night Tod was at work (driving the cab/van job) and called to say he was stopping by with a surprise; he told me to have the basement door open and help him bring it down. Out into the darkness I went, I couldn't see a thing, when I got to the taxi van and he opened the back I saw a monstrosity. He had a trip to Morrisville and saw a FREE sign and noticed this huge radial saw. I love that he stopped and he and some stranger were stuffing that thing into the back of the van. I didn't even know that type of saw existed. It's huge. It's heavy. Frankly it scares the bejesus out of me. I went online and looked it up and saw things like 'finger and arm amputations' can occur with improper use. The word projectile was used as well.

Tod looked at me and laughed, for the rest of the night I was smaller, waxy...slightly pale.

It sits in the garage. My wrists couldn't manage it down the staircase. It's like a doberman pincher butting against the fence...I love …

untitled unfinished

I've decided to post what I've been working on (below the photo has a horrid white balance ignore the pinkish white). I need to put a little more pressure on myself because I'm still not in that zone of gettin jiggy with it. It has taken me months to even know what to mount this photograph on and more time than you'd believe figuring out the general placement of things. The last challenge, the biggest one, is the bottom third screen. I have a general idea of what I am going to do down there but I keep coming up against tool issues and the general mechanics of the assemblages I aim to procure. Lots of dead ends. Dead brain. I thought if I posted this it would wake me up a bit.

This is another photograph taken last November in Upstate NY. The Jersey Barrier shoot. I totally see a hand, especially a large index finger (with fingernail showing) pointing that-a-way---->. This is obviously a very abstract picture, it has also been a brain twister figuring out how to blend…

another long one

They say not to write long blog posts, anyone who reads my blog on a regular basis knows I usually fail when it comes to abiding by that rule. I'm grateful for the handful of people who actually sit there and read what I say. I don't write just to take up space, so it's nice to know some people actually read this stuff.

having said that....here is what I did this weekend.

Saturday I met the welder, this time for non-art reasons. An exercise bike I obtained via freecycle had a busted bolt on the pedal and he actually fabricated a new one for me. Then I dropped some more clocks off at a shoppe/gallery in waitsfield. Then the odyssey. As you know I have been wanting more tools. It was suggested by a blog reader I try craigslist. I had asked for one on freecycle but no go (someone did offer me a jigsaw but I already had one) so I checked out craigslist. Saw an ad for a miter saw and a scroll saw, answered it and was told to come on by. When our emails turned into a phone call an…

Who the #$&% is Jackson Pollock

I sat rapt with disbelief at this strange wonderful movie. Who the #$&% is Jackson Pollock. I related more to that 73 yr old trucker woman than I did anyone in the art world. Loved the forensic dude ...I'm not gonna tell you anything else you gotta check it out for yourself!

work

Yesterday I took my puzzle sculpture to the gallery to find out what base might look best and to see if they even wanted him for the show. I'm keen on the metal one (far left) but not liking the color. Cor-Ten was suggested but that is out of my league right now. I am excited about the Oct. 6 opening, they are highlighting an artist that I adore the works of, John Matusz. He has over thirty years of sculpting under his belt and the few times I have visited him at his studio he has always been kind, enlightening and motivating. The gallery assistant has told me many times that she thinks there is an interesting connection between his work and mine and loves the idea of the puzzle head in the show. Still not quite sure if I want to put this piece out there yet, it was my first attempt at creating a free standing puzzle sculpture, I wonder could I do better, more etc. (of course I can always do better yes?) I've felt the sickening feeling before of having work exhibited when in …

doing for the day

Went for a walk this morning, I love that I can find scrap just sitting on the side of the same little road day in and day out. Walking up to Trapp Lodge and sure enough a find just waiting to be found. I consider this a great way to start the day.

Thanks Karen for your previous comment suggesting that the little nail looked like an upholstery nail! I googled it and sure enough, that is what I want. One down.

Today I get to go to the Coop Gallery and do my time. I'm splitting the day with another artist so it wont be such a long day. The gallery is only open until mid Oct. and so far I have had two sales from being there this summer. I went in last week and took down all the RR Plates and put up James Dean. He was at the other Gallery a long time last year, they wanted to make him a permanent fixture there....people loved it and one woman from Canada would come by on a regular basis and visit him. But, no sale no go. I don't think he will be seen much let alone sold at this lit…

where does the day go

Lately I seem to spend too much time chasing after ideas. Today was another day that disappeared and I have nothing to show for it but a back ache and a deeper divot in between my eyes. I have to say there are times when the challenge of investigating...experimenting and learning is quite thrilling and gratifying. Interestingly, there are times when I really feel that I cannot stand it.

There are some choices I need to make before I can start moving again with art. I'm needing some things sawed, cut, designed and so far I still get dizzy with the what and how of it all. I have an old skill saw. I have an old jigsaw. I need something more....there are band saws, scroll saws, table saws, miter saws, rotozips...dremels and god knows what else. I currently work out in the garage when I need to cut things. I found two very short 'horses' and I put a found crate lid on it. So for all my fine art ~ fine precision cutting, I am hunched over a poorly designed work space. Poor lighti…

Affected

This isn't a good photograph. It was near dark and I was spending more time diddling with my camera settings than I was anything else, but I like this...it isn't anything I would normally bother with. I only noticed this enough to give it camera time tonight because of another blogger. There are actually a few of you out there that have blogs that are mostly poetry and nature and I have to admit I am not a poetry or flower kind of person. I don't even like flowers cut and put into vases....honestly it does nothing for me whatsoever. But darned if you guys aren't growing on me in some strange way. It has to be because of who you are that I then look at what you value and reconsider my own reaction of distaste. I am getting mushy lately I swear. I'm really feeling grateful for this blog community because there are some genuinely good people out there and I am learning something from each and every one of you. (sorry bob johnson, I don't have a telescope to take …

Sculpture

I had one success with something today but I was only the designer...I took a found object and found washers to the welder to have him weld it for me so I can put a puzzle head in it. I'm not sure if I will use the current head I have or wait until another one comes out of me. For lack of having anything done and lack of having ANY photos lately...here ya go. Works in progress because I now need to decide what sort of tall base I am going to use to boost the whole thing up chest high. I have wood choices to decide on or go for having someone fabricate a metal structure. I typically don't like to show unfinished works (I don't think I ever have in fact)...but I think I need to be a little more playful right now and not take everything so seriously.

I am finding one challenge I have is giving myself the freedom to do whatever I want without worrying what everyone will think. Now that I have my little niche with the photos/mixed media I have a fear that everyone is expecting …

comments and recent comments

Strangeness....I'd noticed for a month now that blogger recent comments wasn't working so today I uploaded a recent comment thing from another site. You are supposed to make a copy of your blog template and then upload it to the site and they do whatever to it and then you save it and reload it. Seems when I did that I lost all the comments from the entire seven months I've had this blog. I felt sick!
I just now went into my templates and uploaded the original template and the comments are back...not sure if the recent comment box over on the sidebar is going to work now but kate...suffice to say your old comment has been resurrected!

what's your fantasy?

I wonder what you other artists and writers fantasize about. Is there some ideal in your head about what would make everything perfect?

Here is mine:

To be sequestered somewhere with no worries about wasting lumber, metal or money on tools and supplies. To have a mentor that helps me understand said tools....and finally, uninterrupted time to work, play, explore these resources without the reality of getting hopelessly in debt.

more words

It's sat. morning. Another fitful night of sleep...too much time staring at my eyelids picturing myself working at the Green Mountain Coffee factory in Waterbury or standing behind a sink in the back of a restaurant doing dishes. While I haven't worked in a factory, I have done dishes. It is back breaking work, and that was way back when I was just 22 yrs old!

There is this screwed up idea that maybe I need to go suffer a little bit. I'm not making art and right now all I do is freak myself out with how bad my ideas are. The difference this time as opposed to the other times seems to be about focus. I have none. I wonder how other artists deal with it. Up until this point almost everything I have made has been a delicious swim through self discovery. I'm not quite sure why it is I have come to this place of nothing.

I'm trying to listen, be still and just be with it. You can't make yourself want to do something.

I think I know what some of my road blocks are but y…

groove

I've kind of lost my groove. Getting the house back to normal is a big job and I am just anal retentive enough that until I get what I think is more than my share of the work done I cannot relax to you know what. And I am all to aware that I don't want to just jump back into the same groove I was in last Spring. I had an incident happen then that I don't care to go into, but suffice to say it jolted me enough that the bad taste is still in my mouth.

So rather than be all pouty, distressed or tormented I am trying a different tactic: that being a healthy query to self, to the universe of.... I wonder what is next. Feels almost like starting from scratch. What do I really want to work on and what might I want to be doing with the art once it is made? It has been a life saver having work in the gallery here in Stowe but ultimately I need something more going on and I still haven't found myself being attracted to pushing for out of state galleries or shows. If that is going…

la la la

I am pleased to say I had a great night/day away. Unexpected to be sure. I slept poorly and my lower back is still 'out' from sleeping on a foreign bed, but you know what? it was worth it. Tod went with and I forgot to bring paper to draw on and I didn't care. Where I house sat for the night was even more in the boonies than where I care take and they had the coolest dog ever. A sheep herder dog that took us on a hike. We just followed him and walked for over an hour on a totally secluded remote mountain. He led us as if on a mission. Just when I was sure we were lost we came right back to where we had started.

Once back to their farm house we got out a blanket and just laid there in a daze, the sun gluing us down, pressing our eyes shut and boiling all thoughts away. We brought goodies to sup on and went for an evening stroll with the amazing dog Woody and then read and went to bed. Yesterday we went back to the place I had seen the big round ring in front of a garage. The…