I haven't been writing much because I'm trying to save you all from being exposed to the vileness that seems to have grown like a tumor inside of me. But hey, its summer and most of you are on vacation. Vacation. A word that right now induces rage. I hate it when I get jealous of people. I am jealous of everyone that gets to go to their summer homes. Take road trips. Fly to europe. Take time off from their little lives.
I haven't felt like a very nice person lately. I have been fighting with that commissioned piece, wrestling with metal flashing, drilling holes into my own psyche. The intensity of my rage grows as each hour passes because in one more hour I am going to go to the cab place for my 'test drive'. I don't want to do this. But what else is there. I feel like I will drive into a wall. My brain is totally obsessed with that damn piece I am making and its all I can think about. It takes me forty times longer to do something than someone who knows what they are doing. It takes me all day to work on something and get little done in actuality. My brain isn't 'here'. Its digging deep for how to do something and how to put it together. The thought of worrying about picking VACATIONERS up and carting them around, with a smile on my face, doesn't bode well with me.
No one likes a whiner. No one likes a complainer. Imagine how much I loathe myself right now.
*an hour later. The person that was supposed to test ride with me wasn't there. Gleefully I returned home.