self taught artist

let the journey begin

2012-01-12T09:53:00.000-06:00

a few weeks ago ann came over. she is an older woman whom i believe i met over a year ago at an art show. i see her all over town, driving her red truck, her longish gray hair neatly pulled back...always looking refined and country at the same time. what little i know about her is that she lives on a farm out of town, was a school teacher....and she loves doing things. i know she is quite involved in things around town (politics? church?) anyhow, once or so a week her truck is parked across the street all day and i invariably run into her at the library, or while i'm out there on my bike and we sometimes have quick little chats about this and that. a few times she has stopped by or i catch her when she is cutting thru the parking lot. she has dabbled in jewelry making and even gave me a few 'unfinished samples' as well as found objects. we both have this penchant for finding crap on the street and trying to make something with it.

so, she came by last week telling me about a book she got at the library and i asked her to put it on hold for me when she returned it. Jewelry by Artists is the book. what a book! dense in a good way with inspiring photos of studio jewelry by artists such as Alexander Calder and Margaret De Patta. this book is giving me an introduction to 'art jewelry' that i can stomach as well as permission to go for it. i dont have to know what i'm doing, i mean i never knew what i was doing when i made my clocks or my wall art....never knew what i was doing when i made studio furniture. jewelry has felt more intimidating and i think it is because of the chain/link stuff. silly i know, but i just hate traditional ways of doing things and my goal with jewelry is to bypass as much of that as possible.

i've made and sold some jewelry already on etsy. i have a few more pieces i'm working on and am interested in getting a little torch so i can bend some metal and make it do what i want. at the moment i've decided to abandon the chain/necklace making part and focus on the pendant part. i have ideas for ridiculous ways to hang things but i'm still in conservative mode and need to get the hang of the actual assembling and just let things happen as they will. i have a feeling this could be my next main body of work. that and flowers. i also have table making yearnings again....i always want to keep doing a variety of things but i still feel i'm in a place of being conservative. when money is tight and space/materials can't get out of hand one tends to keep it simple. least i do. anyhow, i'm feeling excitement that the journey of discovery brings when a new body of work is discovered. slow going as usual but at least i'm going for it!

derail

2012-01-05T10:59:00.001-06:00

holidays. rain. cold. stopped making art when i couldnt get outside to work on anything. stopped selling art (always happens during the holidays for some reason), stopped knowing what i'm doing. mojo gone. i've derailed.

it happens. it never feels good and it always feels terminal. always makes me shut down and question everything.

i continue to question what i'm doing. i'm attempting to make some jewelry, its been slow going as i still need to find appropriate materials and still need to be somewhere i can work (cut metal) during inclimate weather.

sometimes the poverty thing gets to feeling like its just too hard to bear. going a few weeks without selling anything usually sets off the alarms. i've gone months without cleaning jobs so the pressure is on to get something going.

in my dream world i get to keep making flowers ad nauseum and they fly out the door. i've had to stop making them for now as they arent selling in winter so there is another box car hitting the one in front of it. utensil and candle holders. same thing. my world has stopped. if thats possible. no emails. no contact. i have nothing to say and apparently nothing to do except deal with the anger and frustration i feel about my life.

i'm going to attempt to post the few pieces i made weeks ago on etsy, i've been so 'off' i havent even been able to take decent pictures. sometimes you just know you need to not DO and wait it out. i hope a can crawl out of the hole soon. the sun has been out more, i have a few hours of warmth on my little loft porch but that doesnt mean i have my mojo back. i'm kinda obsessed about how much longer i can keep living/working like this and WHERE am i supposed to go next? and how and when and and and

an unexpected hit

2011-11-30T09:44:00.001-06:00

cut off lug nut head. gotta love that right?

the bevy

cut bolt and nut/washers

lug nut, bolt head and odd 'cap' thing

i have to thank my sister for this one....she has been 'bugging me' for a month or more to make little lids so she could then store things in there without everything getting all dusty. i balked. then i made these 'boxy candle holders' and she once again mewed for lids. i gave in. why not. my first attempt she didnt care for, she liked the handle idea but didnt like how i had the lid overlap over the sides. she wanted it flush with the top. so flush it was and i have to admit they are really cool! i put wood on the inside so the lid stays on, and am using found nuts/bolts/washers for the lids. i've gotten really good feedback on facebook about these, probably more so than i have anything in a long time!

i have long loved old hardware. in fact i can recall when i was a child my dad worked in the basement and had all these baby jars filled with nuts and bolts and i used to be mesmerized by them. to me they seemed valuable and jewel-like. and now, here i am finally storing my own cache of 'gems' and they are truly valuable now because i have a new use for them! i love cutting off the bolt heads and using them for things (jewelry hint hint if you didnt sign up and receive my last newsletter). so now i have another fun use for them. most nuts and bolts i find are deemed useless because they are broken or so old and rusty that no one can use them, so its invigorating to find a beautiful way to use them.

of the six i made above and the one 'adobe' vanity tray, i've got two left which i just listed on etsy this morning which you can see here: 1 and 2. of course i'm off to make more lids for more things, check in on my facebook fan page thats where i always stay up to date!

thankful

2011-11-24T11:12:00.000-06:00

i didnt even realize today was thanksgiving! gotta love that. glad i wont miss the dinner i've been invited to tonight. i really was going to work on art all day/exercise tonight and do my usual usual. i'm sure i would have figured it out eventually but thanks to the internet i know sooner than later that today is indeed thanksgiving.

so i'm thankful i have a place to go and eat some real thanksgiving food (you do know i dont have a clue how to make all that stuff right?) i am thankful that another artist whom i've never even met had also invited me to dine with her and her family in austin, that kind of blew me away. i am thankful for my sister and the generosity and support that she gives to me as an artist. i am thankful for tod continuing to be in my life and make me laugh (and his mom who sends me little treats and always has kind words to say). i am thankful for my new friend/neighbors cassy and justin. i am thankful that i've been allowed to keep living here and make art. i am thankful for the people who drop off junk on my doorstep and dumpster packing materials. i am thankful to all of you who keep in touch, cheer me on, buy art, share, bitch, laugh, moan and learn with me and allow ME to get to know you. i'm thankful for my online friends and i'm TOTALLY blown away by these people in particular due to a package i received yesterday:

nellie durand, kim hambric , karen christensen, cynthia wenslow, lisa call, lynn croswell, colleen kole, and gail baar

you see dear blog readers, the above artists/friends/acquaintances made a quilt for me which they had unbeknownst to me, worked on over the summer. this was instigated by nellie. what an incredible gift, you can probably imagine how surprising it was to receive a package in the mail, open it up and find this!

it is INCREDIBLE! it is alive and warm and my favorite of all a functional piece of art! i am a big fan of reversible, so i love that both sides are BEAUTIFUL.

i know most of these women fairly well thru a handful of years of online blogging/emails and selling art to them. i dont know if you can see it but are a few sections that even have my own art on it, photos from online that have been printed onto the fabric. nellie sent me the info last night explaining her process of getting this quilt into being. i have to admit i have a sort of revulsed feeling when it comes to my 'bedroom' and i feel embarrassed to show you photos of where i lay my head, but now at least i feel love and not revulsion.

most of you know but some may not know, that i left everything (my life) behind in 2004 to find myself and become an artist. that means i got rid of all my possessions and have indeed become an artist but i havent really accrued many personal belongings. up until this summer i didnt even have a real bed (air mattress), and incredibly someone got me a brand new twin mattress a few months ago which makes a HUGE difference in my ability to get a good nights sleep. alas, my loft bedroom is so ugly to me...it looks like the inside of mobile home from the 50's and i dont have the time/money desire to do much with it. the quilt, which i believe nellie really intended not so much as bed decor as much as wrap paula up and keep her feeling warm and loved, makes that ugly bedroom feel homey now. it is a reminder that i am not alone. it is a reminder of how AMAZING artists are. that they took time to do this from their busy lives means so much to me you can't know! this quilt is something i can keep studying and enjoying over and over again :)

having this 'art' from people who's work i have come to love and admire, means so much to me. i have to say it isnt often i am truly surprised but this is one of those times i just can't believe it! its a reminder that people connect quite well thank you very much even if they have never talked or met. i'm not so sure i would be where i'm at right now if it werent for my online connections. that a group of people who found each other one by one online can get together virtually and make something like this is powerful. i thank you from the bottom of my ever growing heart.....ya'll have a WONDERFUL day. ♥

Reclaimed Napkin Ring Holders

2011-10-23T09:40:00.002-05:00

I have been on a new object making spree, that being napkin ring holders. Yet another very cool use for discarded coil and pipe if I do say so myself. Below is an example of what is for sale on my website.

I have one more batch of some yellow hay tines to finish and then it's time to visit the scrap yard and see what they have to offer to make more. I made some napkin ring holders from my 'Aspen' pipe that a few of you have purchased, I'm happy to say those sold already.

The red napkin holders really intrigue me as I've always been attracted to 'springs' (coils, I usually call them) for a long time and have used them in some of my mixed media art in the past. I guess making something truly functional out of them gives me the most pleasure. They were kind of a bitch to cut up, believe me I went thru plenty of my dremel cut off wheels just to make them. I still can't believe how contented I am sitting there for hours doing the most mundane repetitious work all to make a simple functional object from a piece of junk.

Other news...none. Not really. Most of you know my studio space is very crammed with stuff and I tend to work on one thing at a time due to available table/work space. My jewelry keeps getting set aside but I am collecting more objects for pendants and feel confident the day will come for their debut. Flower sales petered out now that colder weather has hit most places, I'm still amazed most of my buyers use them for outdoor decor and not indoor vase decor. What do I know?????

woolly mammoths

2011-09-27T20:13:00.002-05:00

The Woolly Mammoth species was first recorded in (possibly 150,000 years old) deposits of the second last glaciation in Eurasia. What we have here is a fascinating example of how mutations can occur and sprout seemingly out of nowhere. DNA samples prove that this is indeed a successor of the behemoth creatures that once roamed the middle of the high Arctic. Now found in the Northern and Western hemisphere, this shaggy flower is still relatively rare and thus coveted amongst horticulturists.

i can't stop making flowers....so much for jewelry.

hot out of my little hands

2011-09-23T09:15:00.001-05:00

"Crushed" Industrial Metal Vase made from reclaimed tube.

This summer I had lots going on in regards to pipes. I went and paid a machine shop to cut up a few pipes that were too challenging for me (this after breaking my newish expensive carbide blade trying to cut this very pipe) due to shape and density of material. I was disheartened that they didnt have a large bandsaw to cut a 'flush' bottom so I ended up doing a ton of work grinding the bottoms of these babies so they don't become known as 'wobblers'. I am happy with the result...I mean where are you gonna find a vase like this out there in the world? Short of becoming a pottist...I couldnt make something like this if I tried right?

I also finished another Industrial Waste Basket. Loving these...it's not often I find such wide pipes let alone a way to cut them. Again...the machine shop did their thing and I practically burned up my grinder doing my thing to even it up. (ps I do have another one yet to be made that is actually a few more inches taller than this one and I also have one more super fucked up black reflector one like the one above in the wings too) Anyhow...here is my waste basket.

Fire and Safety Basket, 2011
Approx 11" tall
8.25" diameter

And for those of you who don't check in with what is new in my etsy shop or on facebook or wherever else I blanket the internet with new works.... I also finished some tea candle holders, two kitchen utensil holders (special in that I cut them specifically to hold kitchen stuff as well as coated the enamel paint with waterbased varnish to protect the paint from scratching) and a handful of 'vanity trays'. The vanity trays are fun...thanks to another customer who requested I make her a few I decided to make more. I love using them in my bathroom to hold my essential oil bottles that I always manage to knock over with my shower towel. I only had a small amount of that adobe square pipe so thats it on those. I have more blue 'rollers' to cut if and when I sell out of the blue vanity trays.

And next? Well believe it or not I finally made a pendant. It's super simple and I'm not quite finished varnishing it. I've decided to make a handful of these before posting them (perhaps I will debut them in my overdue newsletter). have a good weekend people.

techincal difficulties and dark matter

2011-09-09T11:27:00.002-05:00

interesting week. my netbook would no longer let me boot and that is the computer i use all the time except for editing photo, office type work and storing stuff. my big ole dell dimension is a 2001 ladies and gentlemen and other than a few fresh installs of the operating system and needing a cooling + heat sink fan this baby is still runnin. well, compared to computers nowadays it's ambling along but probably better than most 5 yr old computers. i like a desktop. it's nice to sit down at a table surface and type on a keyboard...have my nice dell speaker system going. i've got a APC brand UPS battery backup, i've got the printer and scanner. everything can be plugged in at once and is ready to go.

the netbook is for getting on and off line fast to check/market my etsy shops and stay in touch with people (i dont iphone or text or use my phone much). hence when that stopped working i was a little anxious. i dont wanna depend on the dell full time. so i emailed the computer tech guy that helped me out with a router problem last month asking how i can 1) fix the problem or 2) at least get my files from the 'dead' computer. i emailed again...nada. sometimes you just have to go in there and deal with it. i am happy to say that i was able to get my files last night thanks to learning how to make an img disc of ubuntu (linux) and get on the netbook via external cd.

a big boost of confidence is what i got too! i'm thinking i'm going to get a better hard drive and a new fan (if i can EVER get the dang keyboard off) and use that computer as my linux learning computer. and INCREDIBLY someone online offered me their asus netbook that they dont use!!!!! so next week i will have a working xp netbook again (hopefully i can connect to my router since the computer guy even had problem getting my computers to connect to a 'secure network' and ended up finding a way around all that which means you can't just turn on a wifi computer and expect it to connect)

needless to say i havent been online so much this week. and i've been tired...too much smoke in the air from texas fires? too much humidity? dare i say hormones? who knows. i'm tired and i am allowing myself to lumber along thru the days and just be with things. i spent all of labor day weekend sorting thru every object on my floor and 2 work tables in my studio and got everything all cleaned and organized. i decided now is the time to start on jewelry. every day i would go in there and sit down and think okay i am going to make a pendant. and i would pick something up from my pendant tray and look at it and think ' now this would make a great flower'. i would set it aside and pick up something else. a pang of remorse would hit as i realized this too would make a good flower. as would this and that and oh fuck it let me make a flower right now so i can get back to trying to make a pendant. eventually all the jewelry cord and accessories would get scrunched into a little pile and the rebar sticks would appear and the nuts and bolts and larger objects would fill every inch of work surface. before i know it i'm hauling my umbrella out and my electrical cord and am grinding away at metal on the porch.

this new flower i call dark matter. influenced by my recent conversations with tod about such matter. i love this flower. i know most people prefer bright happy fun flowers, and it may not be popular but i can't stop looking at this thing. for MONTHS i had this object on the porch. it was connected to a big square piece of flashing that was beautifully flecked with red/pink paint. i think i once saw this object on the back of a truck...could it be some light fixture? every time i look at it i see a steampunk space age microphone. i feel like this is the link that allows for connection thru time and space. this is a powerful flower on a nice big fat unapologetic piece of rebar :)

i made a new clock too and i feel i need to preface it by saying, this too is an object that i've had laying around for pert near a year, knowing full well i would make a clock with it but feeling like MORE had to be done to it in order for me to feel like a respectable artist. (excuse me while i club my ego to death okay???). i gave up, gave in and allowed it to be what it's supposed to be. natural save for the 2 washers i put in the round area for the clock to connect to. the colors, the markings...already there. the paranoid voice inside says anybody could do this. this is the type of grease-monkey art you would find in some dudes garage right? well..maybe not. they wouldnt take the time to match the orange and paint the hands. hahaha. i dunno if i'm liking the hands but i have it up in my kitchen and after living with it awhile i will know if i want to change it or sell it on etsy.

i like that it stands up on its own or you can hang it. its lightweight....it's obviously some sort of valve cover from a vehicle. took me weeks to get all the black grime and grease off of it since i dont use harsh chemicals.

huntsville

2011-08-31T09:58:00.001-05:00

when tod and i moved here we came fresh from a secluded life in vermont. i had lived there with him for 6 years. i'd never been anywhere such as the likes of vermont. we were in a cocoon there (except for the hired help at the house we caretook for...that never gave us any peace but thats another story) i think i made 2 friends all told and rarely heard or saw from them due to their schedules and mine but also i think due to how spread out and isolated everyone seemed to be.

i think when we came here to huntsville we both thought everything would change in a big way. true this was still a small city (i think the pop including prisoners and students is 70k but honestly it feels like a town of 20k) but we were in the middle of the deserted downtown and had instant contacts thanks to dan phillips of the phoenix commotion.

well....not a lot changed and that was our fault. we hunkered down in our loft and stayed glued together most of the time. we were in culture shock. big time. the language, the food, the way of life pretty much put us in a frozen coma. after realizing we both weren't into working for the phoenix commotion, after realizing i had pipe vases and flowers to make and a year later...after tod realized he didnt want to keep living here and was ready to find his own way in life I realized i better get to know people and stop being a damn hermit.

this year has been a year of shedding and growth on a very personal level. i can honestly say i've never had the sorts of relationships that i am having here. and i finally get it...and i finally like it. people here are busy just as they are everywhere else but people here somehow manage to make time for others. truthfully, i didnt think i would make it here. i didnt think anyone would accept me and obviously i wasnt doing a good job of accepting them. a miracle has happened in the last few months, i feel like i belong here. i can walk outside and go somewhere and people talk to me and recognize me and sometimes even pop by for a chat! it's okay that i dress like shit and have my head poking into dumpsters. it's okay that i am usually home all the time alone working on art 7 days a week, that i dont have money to go out for food or drinks. i'm invited more and more to things and that i dont go doesnt seem to bother them. i'm asked. thats the important thing. some invisible barrier feels like it's lifting, i dont feel so alone or angry.

i've gotten to know a young couple that live in the same building as i do. this last weekend me and amanda threw them a wedding reception as they got married via justice of the peace (if you knew me you'd know how out of character that is for me...see i'm changing!!!!) they are expecting a baby in a few weeks and it's probably the first time in my life i've been excited to see a new human that wants to be in this world. i like knowing they are there, i like knowing there is someone to loan the proverbial cup of sugar to :) i've gotten to know M and D a few blocks away who will, at the drop of a hat, if they are home, pick me up in their truck and help me grab some long pieces of rebar that they or i have spotted in some abandoned area. and thru them i've gotten to know others who keep their eyes peeled for boxes and other scraps. it IS a small town feel here. everyone seems to know everyone and word travels fast. good deeds are done and i find myself doing more good deeds as well as being the recipient of them.

case in point: i finally have a covering for my porch area! its so dang hot and sunny until about 2pm that i can never really work much unless i just want to grin and bear it. now i have this wonderful umbrella to cover me thanks to my neighbors.

and yesterday to my COMPLETE AMAZEMENT, i received a new twin mattress!!!!! i couldnt take my air mattress anymore, after 2 years of sleeping on it my body was in revolt. most of my nights i spent jumping from it to the couch (also given to us when someone was moving) and waking up feeling like a 90 year old. air mattresses are fine for a few nights but over time they are nasty and uncomfortable. so i decided to email the handful of contacts here in town and asked if anyone had a mattress they didnt need. i had a $100 budget for it and instead received from 'an anonymous person' a new one delivered to me a day later. no off-gassing. no nasty germs/mites or bedbugs. i dont think i have ever HAD a new mattress in my life!!!! so i am humbled. and i consider it my duty to keep doing and giving to others here because for now this IS my home and i'm beginning to love it. yes i want a trader joes or a few good organic grocery stores close by. yes i want mountains to climb without having to drive a day to get there... and it would be nice to live where it wasnt 105 degrees with 80% humidity...but ya know what? i've lived in illinois/arizona/on the road/minnesota/vermont and now here and i gotta say, this quirky little city has wedged one of its 5 star points into my heart.

i remember when i first moved here and i met cynthia. she was from upstate new york. i met her about a week after moving here and i couldnt believe she lived in texas. she doesnt live in town anymore but has a booth at the antique shop. anyhow, i asked her how could she stand it here and her answer was ' the people'. it was an answer i've heard many times when i've asked that question. and now, if you were to ask ME that...i would say the same thing.

its the day to day interactions. i can be outside working on something and now people walk by and smile, chat....ask what i'm working on. i no longer feel like the freak. hell even the college guys next door remember my name and ask me how i'm doing! compared to last year when the last batch of guys looked at me with annoyance, i'd say things are looking up.

i may not be able to sell art in this town (thank god for the internet!!!!) but i no longer feel completely alone and alienated. people have no idea how important the little things are....a smile, a little pat on the arm or a hug. being interested and asking/sharing. these things are the ingredients that make a healthy community. i think i'm finally learning how to be a human being :)

alaska and the sea

2011-08-20T14:03:00.000-05:00

this week has been much better than the last 2 months. while still not feeling tip top, i am at least vertical most of the day and not so drained. my own little stresses, the heat, the high humidity...the new hormonal changes i'm experiencing, all add up to one nuggety nugget of a human. but i gots new flowers made and that gives me a boost! remember the box of alaskan scrap i got in the mail? well these are the wheels. i still have more to make when i can cut/clean up the metal that is poking out of the remaining wheels. these wheels were all freed up already (thanks kim!) and ready to turn into poppies! i knew the minute i saw them on kims blog that i wanted to make little poppies and they look perfect. i added lug nuts as the base and metal eyelets to the centers. the rebar is extraordinary...someone had a stash of it, its much older than the normal rebar i get. there is more space between each 'horizontal line' on the rebar stem as well as a wonderful patina of blueish red/white.

also, if you missed my facebook posts this week, i also finished up some candle holders that i had cut before i got ill a few weeks ago. made some beautiful 'coral reef' votives and a two pencil holders out of that last run.

supposed to be 105 degrees today and humid...sigh

pipes, books and movies

2011-08-14T10:40:00.005-05:00

just added a few more vessel/vases to my etsy shop this morning. i always have a stock of things in the queue... its a matter of editing photos and getting them listed. this one in particular i find wonderful. i'm sure it wont appeal to the majority of people, its one of my rough around the edges vases. to the virgin vase buyer this might even look a little dangerous. this is the bottom of the pipe that i used for my last batch of 'winter squash' type votive and utensil holders. a year ago i would have probably tossed this part into my recycle box to resell to the guys at the scrap yard. now, i covet such an usual piece.

also. this behemoth. i kid you not, at just over 8" it weighs 5.3 pounds! use it to work out. use it to clobber an unsuspecting thief. hurl it at the wall when neighbors bug you and it might just missile itself thru the plaster, beware if you have concrete floors it will deafen you as it falls. there are awesome markings on it and two sets of the same number, one in yellow and one in white. again, not a vase for the delicate.

i have had a flurry of flower sales and my two pages of listings are down to a mere 13 flowers. i am chomping at the bit to make more, just trying to wait out this heat a little more. thankfully i dont have to spend as much time outside working on those as i do the pipe pieces. still slated to be 103 + high humidity the next 7 days with no end in site. at least i'm feeling like going into my studio space a little and tinkering. and thank god the library has some good books. need anything to read? here's what i've got going:

Meditation an in-depth guide by Ian Gawler and Paul Bedson
Shadows on the gulf by Rowan Jacobsen
The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb by Melanie Benjamin
Change your Life change your Thoughts by Wayne Dyer (thanks for the loan cynthia!)
Crazy, Notes on and off the Couch by Rob Dobrenski, Phd.

wanna watch instead?
well you can't go wrong with:

The Bic C with Laura Linney
The Loss of Nameless Things, documentary about Oakley Hall by Bill Rose
Pie in the Sky: The Brigid Berlin Story available on Hulu and Netflix
William S. Burroughs: A Man Within (first one about him i enjoyed because he isnt easy to absorb)
Dad's in Heaven with Nixon
60 Spins Around the Sun
Keep the River on your Right its a book too but i liked the movie much better

okay...that oughtta keep ya busy. have a good one.

scrappy alaska

2011-08-11T10:52:00.000-05:00

gee maybe i need to move to alaska....this is what a facebook friend sent me. THANK YOU!!!!! i'm always amazed at the people i meet online. i didn't know this woman a few months ago and she 'fanned' my fb page. she is an artist and appreciates the finer things in life (like art and scrap and nature). when i saw a picture she posted on her page about an old 'dumpy area' she had walked thru i spotted those wheels and did the 5 years old I WANT I WANT. i didn't think for a second that she would actually go back there and GET THEM. she spent a long time getting these things, i'm not sure i would have spent as long or used as much muscle. guess she and her son had a good time though and i think she earned some karma points too.

my box arrived today. a heavy, filled to the brim flat rate box and i in return am sending her a piece of art. i'm looking forward to making flowers from some of this and who knows what from the rest. i laughed when i saw the letter 'p' that is included.

might be a little bit before i go into full production. i foolishly worked myself up into a dehydration of sorts by being out in 105 degree weather the last few weeks and working too much. apparently i did not take proper care of myself. (i remember when tod used to come out and jigger an umbrella stand for me or remind me to drink water....now that he is comfortably settled in seattle the heat is my own responsibility huh) anyhow. i've had to take it easy and heal before i can even think of going back out there. this is ALL THE MORE REASON I NEED AN INDOOR WORKING STUDIO. did you hear that universe? sigh. and before i know it it will be wet and chilly. i'm trying my best to keep a good attitude at my' no end in site' annoying art studio (or lack thereof since its a parking lot). indoors in my loft i have a small room i store all my stuff and assemble things but no way am i using power tools in here. the noise would disturb someone i'm sure and the mess would be awful let alone a fire hazard.

so. thats all i got. reading books, watching some great netflix documentaries....trying to chill out and wait for cooler weather. hum de dum

2011-08-02T13:16:00.000-05:00

Tea-light Candle Holders, 2011

the last of this beautiful cherry red pipe, decided to cut it up and use for tea-light holders. i always have about 4 inches left so i will also have two little pencil holders to match (or you could stack all the tea lights in there).

yesterday i posted my new 'metal basket' and sold it, so if you missed that here it is:

Found Pipe, cleaned and finished for use as basket. (trash or baubles)

and the last of yellow, 'Beach Ball' votive holder

2011-08-02T11:26:00.000-05:00

i feel like i dont share much here anymore other than new art. guess i'm trying to stay focused and more positive because we all know i can get dark and mucky. since its gonna be 106 degrees + humidity today i thought i would lock myself up in the loft and see what i can come up with for my life. i keep thinking surely i will find something/some one, some art community that embraces me and i them. just finding a place that appeals to me is a challenge. i remember when tod and i were wanting to leave vermont and we had no idea where to go. there were possibilities but we were waiting for that YES. that strong pull. i know you dont always need that, and sometimes staying put or leaping into the unknown are best. when you are in alignment and in tune you get to have a direction or at least a niblets leading the way.

i keep thinking about northern california. which is odd because i dont know anyone there. sometimes i wonder about ohio and brooklyn only because of the online artists or etsy people i meet from those places that seem open and alive. me? i want warmth and sunshine and mountains to hike and mountains of scrap. i like the mentality of the west coast over the east. i like the space and the sky and the sunsets.

in a perfect world, where i dont think about the vapidness of art, i fantasize that someone out there says come here! we need you to help us design things. (the judge in me still thinks that art is self indulgent and there is nothing useful about it even though the artist me feels it is the only way to exist, express and connect with people and i can't imagine not being able to make my art) it isnt out of the realm of possibility. twice in the last 4 years i have had people ask me to come live on their land and be a part of their art compound sort of life. they weren't quite a good fit for me, and then as you know tod and i came here to huntsville to be a part of the phoenix commotion and that turned out to not be what i was looking for either.

i feel like i have made a lot of wonderful changes as an artist and human here. but i am still feeling malnourished on some level. i know no one can fill a void and we must make our own lives work....but it isnt satisfying to be here day in and day out alone and not work with or share my art with people. i had art in the local art center and it just sat there for 4 or 5 months. removing it and putting it online lent me sales immediately. i need to find a community where i can sell and live and work and interact more fully in the art vein. what i do love about this place is all the people i know on a casual basis. i've never had that anywhere. it keeps me going. for sure every day i go out there i have run in's with people i know and i like that we can chat for a few minutes and exchange energy.

i wonder how many of you feel you belong where you are. is it the type of artist that typically is content being alone? i think of painters as the ones who are happy to be in their room painting. akin to a cat. more aloof and alone. then there are the metal artists...who seems to be alone to but they need/want/desire help by dint of the materials. it behooves you to have equipment and friends and helpers. okay i'm babbling. i'm putting the smoke signal out there.....and looking for anothers'. of course i could just stand outside and melt myself to a piece of metal and be done with it.

fumble forward

2011-07-30T08:45:00.000-05:00

my last batch of some disappearing pipe colors. out of that beautiful yellow rusty squash color, and the yellow and green almost out of too. funny how precious these pipes are to me. i covet them under my little rickety porch. i have 19 utensil holders, here is the direct link to them. also have 9 votive holders, here is the link to those.

i have a few more odds and ends to finish and then i think i might try a few pendants. nothing special mind you...believe me i have looked at enough jewelry lately to know i will make much simpler pieces than most anything out there. a few months ago i went to a little art event and for lack of having any necklaces and getting tired of looking at the beautiful old angle grinder blade i found at the scrap yard, i wrapped an old yellow electrical wire around it and had an instant necklace. i felt like i was wearing a diamond. i know it looked rough and my neck got all scratchy because i only tied the wire in back....but i felt glamorous. who knows, i'm sure i have a zillion steps to learn and truth be told my brain shuts down after 5 min. of looking at online videos instructing me how to deal with jump rings and small but intimidating list of other paraphernalia one needs to make a 'proper hanging jewelry piece'.

chains are another thing that disturb me. i dont wanna use em. and nylon cord. the usual suspects. done to death. doesnt feel exciting to me. who knows. maybe i will succumb just to get it hanging. maybe i will just sell stand alone pendants. maybe i wont be able to do any of it. not sure i want to solder. not sure how to deal with rusty stuff because i dont want to lose the patina by painting over it with a rust converter. the list of what i know i dont like/want is way longer than what i do. i suppose its good to know what you dont want but at some point you have to just trudge thru mental muck and triumph. it is more intimidating to attempt something that everyone else seems to do and do quite well.

having said that i did cut some pipe for earrings....and it HAS been done before. and what i have seen is interesting. a few hurdles to jump on that...and i doubt i will add anything to them in the beginning. why i am so STOPPED by the tools and wire is beyond me. guess i learn by seeing first hand and so far online videos are too far removed for me. a few folks have offered to help me but so far that hasnt panned out either. fumble along i shall.

new here new now

2011-07-24T13:15:00.001-05:00

'faux modern' is what i call them...although i think living in huntsville is getting to me because i'm also thinking about the old prison uniforms, werent those all black and white striped? pretend i didnt say that. i dont want to ruin them. the white pipe is actually flecked with blue and gold...other subtle colors. the black pipe has a light yellow green stamping on it (letters) which i find fun. the 'totem pole' one is my tallest one yet. i have decided to maybe make at least one totem pole for each 'batch'. who knows. i have to just do what they pipes dictate and leave my brain out of it.

next batch: butternut squash. and bleached sun

i think to date some of my fav colors. i almost didnt pick this pipe at the scrap yard, it was so rusty looking i had no idea that after it was clean that beautiful yellow/oranges would pop out. and the white flecked pipe...has blue and gold...its delicious. back to work, i still have two more batches to finish coating and putting bottoms on.

these are all available in my etsy shop, you can click the left sidebar: votive holders and utensil holders to see all available. more coming in the next few days!

rebar madness at the scrap yard

2011-07-19T16:08:00.000-05:00

today i went to the recycle place to get more pipe and rebar. i'm running DANGEROUSLY low on rebar. they had none that i could see...came away with one pipe and a few tidbits.

i decided to go to the other scrap yard that is out along the highway. its bigger, not as big as the ones i've seen in vermont but big enough to kind of intimidate me. tod always went with me to the scrap yards and sometimes i get anxious and feel like i'm just in people's way. i pushed myself to go. all in the name of flowers.....

i have to say, after i recovered from being told unequivocally NO that i could not buy ONE piece of rebar, that i could go look for jack and find out if i could look around, i went looking for jack. why no rebar? seems they are doing a big construction project and feel they will need all the rebar they can get. wow...what am i gonna do without rebar? everything feels scarce lately...still can't find anymore aluminum for the bottoms of my vases/candle holders. i have some rolls of it but i will run out at the rate i'm going. anyhow. jack. skinny ponytailed jack with his bespeckled young son in the little weigh station hut. jack with the tattoos all over his long arms. jack with a little jump to his step. a little prickly in the beginning, but maybe thats just me. i asked could i drive my car down there to the heep so i didnt have to walk back with stuff and he said he wouldnt. tires are expensive. he isn't responsible for flat tires. pointed where to park and zipped away.

i found a black pipe. which is great cuz i'm out of them for my 'slice' containers. but no more...and there was lots more to look at but nothing much i could take. i ended up being a rooster and picking little pieces from the dirt. all on my way back to the weigh station hut i kept finding minutiae that was embedded in the dirt. best stuff is always half buried. anyhow. when jack saw what i got he seemed extremely happy. suddenly he just opened up and he said the best people are the artists. never heard that EVER from a scrap yard dude. normally i feel like we are like flies on their shit and they'd rather us just buzz off. jack was beside himself about little things. i showed him what i got in my bag and he zipped of, just up and ran away and came back with a bulbous thing he said i could have. my heart melted. then he went on and on about the best times to come here and made me feel mighty welcome to do just that. it made my day. i was really dreading going there, just feeling anxious and my normal panicky self and not sure i could deal with it all. i got a little rush from having that interaction and can't wait to go back.

i'm learning to find gratitude here. i am always feeling like there is just enough that is tolerable. i.e. i suddenly found out i have new upstairs/side neighbors and only because they were moving in at 11:30 PM last night. of course its four college boys. of course they drive big ass loud trucks. i suddenly felt like get me out of here. i can't take another year of noise and whoopin it up. i really can't. let alone the fact that now, FOUR vehicles will be here and they invariably park in one of my two reserved spots. i dont really use that second spot except for when i need to cut metal for art. so now its a fight for when can i find a parking spot to work in. i hate that. i realize i am insane...i mean its insane to work on hot concrete and lugging all my crap outside. i've almost destroyed my wood porch, i really think any day now it will collapse from all the up and down and working on it with tools. i need a studio space ...i want it i need it and i gots to have it. its humid and rainy and hot and this isn't working so well for me. sigh.

thank god for jack and his happy little self. i will hold on to that for today. and the fact i found black pipe. oh. new flower above, shown with last week's smaller new flower. i love these.....will get the big one up on etsy soon. get it while you can, never know how many more i can make. let the rebar gods shine upon me.

Style File Chapter 5 on The Altered Page

2011-07-17T22:20:00.000-05:00

I am happy to be here amongst other wonderful artists! thank you Seth for including me in this.

newbies

2011-07-14T13:52:00.002-05:00

finished up another batch of flowers recently and braved the heat/humidity to get some photos. i had a good run with sales and my shop was looking skimpy. i'm excited about a few things, one is...i finally found someone on etsy who has faucet heads that i like AND she knows what i like and is setting aside a little paula cluster. when i sent her a picture of things i use on the back side of the flowers and asked if she comes across this kind of stuff the answer was a resolute YES! its just been slim pickings for me lately at the scrap yard and she is giving me a deal i can't refuse... i love that i can get stuff from another esty person AND its all from her local scrap yard!

so...hopefully i wont run out of materials. its a silly fear of mine. especially since i know i will just have to re-invent the 'next thing' eventually. my other fear is that i will run out of my recycled aluminum that i use for the bottoms of vases/candleholders/pencil holders. i first found sheets of it at the scrap yard and remember driving everywhere asking places if they had this stuff, no one did. i had no clue what it was or where to get more until the scrap dude gave me the guy's number who brought it in. i went and bought a bunch of it last year and it occurred to me i should see if he is still in business and buy one more big batch should he ever go out of business or i leave huntsville. i called monday and havent heard back....makes me nervous but i can't think about that stuff.

nothing lasts forever. it's a good reminder. one day even the texas dualie will be a thing of the past. (yeah right).

totem pole

2011-07-07T21:34:00.000-05:00

eleven slices. Totem Pole. i am officially out of black pipe :( i have a little blue left...not sure i have that white anymore...BOOHOO. what am i gonna do if I can't find more colorful pipes that fit together? mmmmm

well this was good to make. go out with a bang. i loaded all my new works on etsy and all but this one have been reserved for purchase. i think its time to make a few more flowers before coming back to pipe vases. maybe by then the scrap yard will have some goodies for me. i do have about 10 more vases to photo/upload on etsy. some yellow, some lightweight fun red ones....a gorgeous big blue one that is as tall as my tibia. its the big blue 'roller' that i got a few weeks ago at the scrap yard. its actually lightweight for such a behemoth. i wanna keep it awhile, i have a few like that. my big ones i like having around the house, they make me feel incredibly wealthy. odd...pipes. containers. empty but to me, full of life.

here's a few of my new pieces what are already 'sold' so to speak. i had a blast making these, they are some of my favorites EVER!

more a comin

2011-07-05T17:52:00.000-05:00

last week on my fan page i posted some of my new work on etsy. didnt take long for these babies to fly off the shelf! both are rarities...rare in that i dont normally have the small red pipe that i used to make the tea light candle holders (let alone the patience) , rare that i dont intend to make too many multi sliced vessels like the one above as its hard to find variety of pipe with interesting color that also is the same size and will thus stack properly. it is exceedingly time consuming and somewhat challenging for me emotionally and physically. all i can say is had i not bought that dry cut saw earlier this year you wouldnt be seeing these. period. it cuts down on some of the cleaning grind/time, is faster and it cuts more evenly. that and my new (well at this point 6 month old) grinder, make a huge difference in me getting a better cut and edge.

i did just finish more candle and pencil holders, will be posting them soon on facebook/etsy. so if you are feeling an itch to nab be on the look out.

i think its almost newsletter time. so heads up on that one. my newsletter is only available to people who sign up, i dont post that info anywhere else. ya wanna know more you gotta sign up. see my sidebar here or fanpage or website. aloha

the body of christ

2011-06-30T08:53:00.003-05:00

the director of the wynne home here in town (a local art and visitor center) asked me if i wanted to work on her jesus sculpture. seems the poor chap lost his foot. she got him in mexico years ago and it appears his arm is gone too but the thing she wanted fixed was a foot replacement. she thought of me and i thought sure, i have scrappy wood, lets give it a go. in the first picture you can see the one foot is gone, there is a gaping hole there.

i used goldens hard molding paste to plug the hole and stuck 3 toothpick parts into the wood which then stuck into the drying paste. jesus was upside down for a day while it dried and alas, he has risen. he stands....i actually made something balance (easier than a table i tell ya that).

okay so the foot is more like a i dunno what....at least the wood matches in texture and color. part of the original foot is also missing so i have no idea what his feet actually were shaped like. had to give it a decent amount of ground coverage so he would stand. i'm pleased, i'm sure someone else would have tried to carve a real foot or something but you know me, i like to keep is simple.

in the silence

2011-06-21T10:49:00.000-05:00

in the silence
i hear my screams.
in the silence
i am looking for my dreams
in the silence
i dont care what anything means

okay theres a little impromptu poem. i know, stick with art. believe me, ya wouldn't want to know the poems i've written in my past life....

silence. being less noisy online. of course i have a fear that since i've stopped going to my facebook page i appear completely self absorbed. the only way i know what is going on with people is if i see their blog posts. i blast new works on my fan page and thats about all i wanna deal with on facebook right now. it's nice to chat there if someone has a comment, otherwise i still dont feel i have the capacity for the plethora of chit chat.

or we convo on etsy. etsy seems to overtake most things. i'm not ashamed to say it but obviously i still have this trickle of fear that 'real artists' would think less of me by dint of me being on etsy so much. but hey, been there done that with galleries and brick and mortar collectors. you know...i like etsy so much more. i still can't believe how i used to hate saying etsy. didnt get it. almost nixed my shop....and felt such a mixture of reproach for so much of what i saw on there.

etsy keeps changing in ways that blow my tiny mind. and i am always amazed at the people i meet on etsy. from all over the country, all over the world. i've made fast friends. would that i could visit them all. they are my support system in many ways. and i theirs (i hope!). people want to teach, help...motivate and mentor. having three shops now is a little scary. i guess if they were all selling constantly i would blow a brain gasket. i seem to get a few sales a week here and there and it GOOD. a bunch of flowers here...vases or candle holders there. how else does one sell such a mixed bag of goods without scattering everything in the physical world? (okay if you have your own gallery/shop you are a lucky dog).

not in the mood to talk about personal life right now. i am focusing on selling and creating. period. i gots new flowers....i gots wood assemblages posted...new stuff going up all the time. you can rss to each shop by going to the shops and scrolling down to the left sidebar, that way you get notified via your google reader. or stop by my fan page for glimpses of activity.

this is the coolest gas cover cap EVER. of course i saw a flower when i found it on the road. it behooves me to get out there, ride my bike...walk...even if i would rather just stay in. i never know what little gem is lying in wait.

life

2011-06-13T11:51:00.002-05:00

often i am aware that i am not like most people. we are and we arent. right? specifically...i never married. never had kids. dont have pets. haven't held a 'real job' for any length of time as i worked for myself basically since 1987 give or take sporadic shit jobs i've taken to make ends meet while being an artist these last 7 years.

i spend my days looking for scrap. riding my bike and stopping at the drop of a dime to get that little dirty crusty lug nut or washer in the crack of a parking lot driveway. digging thru dumpsters at night to pull out odd shaped boxes to ship my flowers or other odd art pieces. digging thru piles of heavy metal to find the perfect 'thing'. spending hours online promoting etsy shops (number three shop just got up this weekend and its my supply/industrial decor shop)

since tod left 2 months ago my life is even more cut off and strange. he and i talk on the phone...keeping in mind we aren't some troubled couple that had a tumultuous relationship, in fact our last 5 years together were spent as platonic friends, buddies...compadres. so his leaving had more to do with his needing to find HIS self and life and fulfill his needs, as friends we miss each other. we probably wouldn't bode well living together again unless we had our own 'floors' and separate spaces. but we do miss each other as friends/people/art cohorts. so i continue to be alone. it is rare i spend time with anyone. i dont get their lives and they dont get mine. we dont have time for each other me and these people i'm meeting. i dont really care about their kids/family life. i dont really care about much but art. movies. books. i dont eat out cuz i can buy what i want and make it last longer. even if i weren't poor, eating out just doesnt thrill me.

i'm more happy when i live a simple life. i'm not a self sustainable type. i dont like gardens and if i had my own plot of land i would rather find a way to grow meat products than green vegetable thingies. i get more excited by a month of living in utter hot sweaty conditions and saving $50 or more in my electric bill than if you just gave me the $50.

i've been more quiet lately. put myself on a facebook profile sabbatical as i found i couldn't even stand to read about everyone's 'doings' for the summer. i can't keep taking all of it in. all this stuff everyone does. i love my facebook friends. my online friends. but i'm in this dire straits of sorts financially and existentially and its just too much. my head explodes with rage or confusion reading things that make no sense. i make no sense i can't even stand to read my shit half the time. i need to focus. i'm scattered. something is happening. nothing is happening. i have a few weeks before its time to find out if i can stay at this place or not. if i can't...if i have to move it is unimaginable. all this STUFF. art...supplies...tools. all this lack of money and energy. the endless online searching for where would i go if i could afford it? where do i want? what do i want? my head feels like 400 people are playing pingpong inside and half the time i'm just in a daze.

i can barely make a flower. i can barely do anything. and yet i'm always doing something. i need to learn more. i need more. want more. or. i need to let it all just fall away. apart. who knows. one day at a time. sometimes one hour at a time. i envy people who get to take vacations and have space and time to breath. thats not healthy. i guess i envy their sense of safety. them having the one or two people they enjoy being with and the space and time to relax and not constantly be jumping from one hot spot to the next. that they can buy something if they want and dont have to worry if they will go further into debt. i used to have money. i used to be miserable. now i dont have money. my lifestyle has changed drastically and i'm glad i've found my artist self but this isn't sustainable. i dont know what i need. i dont want to weld but i need to have that available to me. i wish i could find someone who WASNT very creative and wanted to work for me. i wish i could find a community that i could flourish in. huntsville IS the city of death. things die here. where is the city of rebirth? how do i get there? or do i stay here and just keep waiting for the perfect storm.

i have a feeling i have misspellings in here and blogger isn't picking it up. forgive my stupidity

and ps. an hour later i realize this isnt about money as much as it is about life. purpose. direction. being in the flow. my flow stopped. everything got jostled...pieces are falling all around me and i have no clue what i'm doing.

i'm in love

2011-06-02T07:11:00.000-05:00

....with my new Reflectus Orbitus trio. LOVE LOVE LOVE

as some of you may remember last summer i found a ton of these along roadsides, tod and i collected about 3 big grocery bags of them. they were doing lots of highway construction, tearing the roads up etc and all the old reflectors were there just growing like weeds. they still have lots of tar and stuff on them, even after cleaning. only lots of heat or sandblasting would get that off. i used my dremel grinding wheel and got covered in hot burning tar (what a way to destroy that bit but it was worth it) i love these things. they feel lunar. they are surreal. they are simple. the underside has plastic lugnut covers and cork (fitted inside to give more bulk to the adhesive to cling to). i love both sides, they are like mushrooms in a way, all smooth looking on top and then earthy guttural on the underbelly. you can get one or two or three here.

customized

2011-05-29T10:24:00.000-05:00

I thought I would give people the option of having their flowers tall, med, or short. So as an experiment I have three unmade flower heads and three choices of stem.If you buy tall you get three stems that are 20, 23, and 25" tall. I have med and short available as well. I will have a few more unmade flower heads to list and then see what happens. It's hard to keep things all the same as found objects rarely come in 3's. My biggest challenge is affording faucet handles. I refuse to pay more than $2 for each one and they are almost always $4-9 each or more depending on the size + shipping. Rent comes first so I'm not splurging. I have lucked out 3 times on ebay and sniped me some. Finding yellow, green or orange ones is like a diamond in the rough. And then there is the attachment pieces...I like having little things to stick the rebar in so secure it to the faucet handle. Even that is getting harder to find! Endangered specie list perhaps my flowers.... but for now I have a handful available and I will keep searching or move on and make whatever else is next I'm finding in bulk :)

Stems and flowers available in my Industrial Bloom shop.

new!

2011-05-28T10:18:00.000-05:00

Art Recycled, Metal Flower made from rebar, vintage faucet handle and metal eyelet.

From IndustrialBloom

Art Recycled, Metal Flower made from rebar, vintage faucet handle and metal tac.

Art Recycled, Metal Flower made from rebar, vintage faucet handle and found plastic and

just another day

2011-05-27T08:55:00.001-05:00

last night i forced myself to go out and do a table show/sale thing that my friend amanda put together. it was just 2 blocks away, i didn't need my own table. no funds were asked and it was only for 2 hours (6pm-8). hadda do it. i spent the week making new flowers and grabbed a handful of vases and candle holders and did it and actually enjoyed myself. the more i try to integrate into this town the more i like it. people are good. people are nice. i may not be making any best friends but i am making friends and contacts. we are all trying to survive. we are all busy.

in a small town you usually see the same people over and over and that is a new and comfortable feeling for me. i think i already have more acquaintances here than what i ever had my 25+ years living in arizona. the only reason i ever had friends in arizona was because they were all my massage clients. i could never walk around my neighborhood and stop by and chat with people there. here i can. i like that. and last night i met some new people that i kind of knew by sight and felt just a little bit more connected. i sold a candle holder and amanda bought a vase. i love that people always ask how much are my post cards, does that mean i should start charging for them? nah...thats just not right in my book. take them and maybe some day they will visit my etsy shop! anyhow. people responded really well to my flowers. huntsville isn't doing so good economically and i didn't expect to really sell anything so the fact i did and i met people, that is all just one big plus in my book.

so now its time to finish more flowers that are also in the queue. wait for later in the day when it is primo picture taking time and get them up online. it should be a nice quiet weekend, the university is out. school is out. its a holiday. all of that equals a virtual ghost town here. i'll be out there in the parking lot making noise and pretending life is just peachy and push all my living situation thoughts under the rug.

have a good weekend, i know most of you will be making art cuz that is what artists do. they never stop. at least not if they can help it.

still life

2011-05-17T20:34:00.000-05:00

i am doing my best to just stay with it. whatever it is. i'm still tired from all the cleaning jobs i had last week. this week it appears i have nothing. well i had one but they still have fleas and i ran out of there like nobody's business.

i stopped over across the street at the main street program office today and met kim. the coordinator. i had bumped into our mayor last week (also who lives/works across the street) and asked if i could put a piece of art up to decorate his wall and maybe sell (giving him commission of course). no go. he already has too much of his own purchased art up. but he did tell me to stop by kims. so stop i did.

it was disheartening to hear that the 'main street program' has been trying to get together with the wynne home art and visitor center (where i have work in the gift shop) and have artists put work in local shops. she said only 2 other artists were up for it. considering there aren't even that many shops/places here i'm not feeling like this is gonna happen anytime soon or amount to much. BUT i will keep banging my head against the huntsville wall. there are a few lawyer offices here, there are a few places left to try.

art is a funny funny thing. i will laugh one day i'm sure. sometimes i miss the wonderful gallery i was in back in Vermont. they knew how to treat art. how to treat artists. they really did. i never felt like my art was going to be mishandled and it got respect. i still think doing it online is my best bet here, especially if i keep up with smaller items.

i still have no clue people. none. where/what/when. why. wtf. sometimes i think stop making more flowers or vases because its just too much stuff and making more art isn't how you sell art. i'm sniffing around. trying this and that. wondering who/how to market to more people. mostly i'm so tired its not easy to be online let alone keep working. feeling less stressed at the moment but i still need some huge shift, even if i could keep working this much and make enough to stay here physically i dont i have it in me to keep working two full time jobs. cleaning. art. its too much. how ya do it with kids/pets...homes to tend to. you got one up on me if you are one of those super human people that do it all. i'm holding on to my rebar flower with all my might, as if it is a magic wand to be waved.

speaking of which, two new flowers. one is up on etsy now the other i might have to get to tomorrow. sleep...sleep...sleep.

From IndustrialBloom

I'm particularly pleased with the stem thing in the back of the flower...such a cool find! the other flower is a triumph...i guess when i find what i deem 'ugly' things on the road and make them into flowers i feel i've just done a magic trick. i know most people like lots of color...but to me there is something more powerful about a rusty or degraded piece of rubber/plastic/metal that is truly trash becoming a piece of art regardless of it's color. color fades....the body, the substance...the 'thing' has the character. and this one just delights me because i wasn't sure i could really make it into a flower.

this is some dense rubbery stuff. i believe it fell off of a car or truck or something. its nasty, and i love it.

dry cut works for me!

2011-05-14T07:57:00.000-05:00

last weekend i got out my newish dry cut saw. i've only used it one or two times as a tester so using it for a few hours really let me get the hang of it; its such an improvement i cannot begin to tell you! it might not be apparent here but instead of a fine toxic sandy mist of hot metal from my chop saw, this cuts the metal at a slower rpm and uses a $120 steel blade as opposed to the $7 abrasive blades (which I'd go through each time I cut a handful of vases). my big fear was that i would immediately ruin the blade....thats what i get for reading too many metal forums. so far so good. this blade should last me months depending on how much i cut. you usually get these blades sharpened but this particular brand which believe it or not is on the cheap side...can't really be sharpened.

cutting is a breeze...and what you get is bigger clumps of metal that easily sweep up. i dont even have to wear my face mask because there is no more stink. still metal flying but not nearly as hot and i think my clothes will last longer now that i dont have hot embers flying at me. also makes for a really clean cut so i dont need to go thru grinder wheels as fast either. just a fine brushing with the grinder brush in most cases and its burr free.

so, i'm hoping to get the bottoms cut, ground and put on in the next few days and finish painting the insides of the vases. had more flower sales this week and my shop is almost empty! i have 4 new flowers to upload soon as i edit the photos i took last night. this weekend i hope is all about ME. i cleaned 8 days in a row, couldn't turn it down because if i didn't do it then someone else would have and i'd be out the buckage. i was going to clean today but i've decided to just have a me weekend.

hope you have a you weekend

cleaning blog

2011-05-12T08:05:00.000-05:00

perhaps i should change this to a cleaning blog.
thats all i've been doing. which is great to have the money...
but sure do wish the money was coming from art sales again.
oh well...life is just one big unknown from day to day.

then and now

2011-05-06T14:27:00.001-05:00

i was talking to tod the other day on the phone...got myself in a particularly bad place (mentally) this week i guess after the reality hit about how now i dont really even have much in the way of cleaning jobs to do right now sunk in and my brain wouldn't stop obsessing about wtf am i gonna do. i was counting on the end of the school year to bring in a lot of work like last year but it isn't happening...no move outs. there really aren't jobs here and i've got to get creative. NOW.

he reminded me that my life is working better than even a year ago. i was not clueless as to what he meant. he reminded me that this time last year i sold hardly anything online. and he is right. i just went and looked...there was a month or so i had no sales. and from jan-june i had what...SIX sales TOTAL? it wasn't until 'christmas in july' etsy's 2nd biggest month to sell, that i started getting lots of sales and it pretty much took off with the vases non-stop until christmas of this year.

were tod still here and i didn't have double bills to pay, i'd be okay. i'm challenged right now. and i guess i wouldn't be the first person on the planet to write myself a credit card check and live off of that for awhile if push comes to shove.

this new 'financial' burden or crisis if you will has more to do with not being able to sustain the new double burden of bills. if i could pay my $400 a month here i'd still be making it. i keep looking around...and there just isn't anything popping up that is affordable that gives me the space to make art, keep it, keep the materials on hand and have my shipping packing shit all over. there is no room for a roommate here, i've gone over all over this ad nausium.

it's never easy to know what its like to be in someone else's shoes. many people say do this and that. i have a pretty sweet set up if i really face the facts. its illegal to go thru dumpsters here and there are SCADS of police driving up and down all the streets and behind shops (where i'm at looking for found objects and boxes). i live in an industrial area that is safe, in the center of town...and i have my own industrial dumpster to pick all my packing materials from almost every day should i need to. i live within 2 blocks of the little scrap yard. while i dont have best friends here...i know about 20 people in a 2 mile radius and can walk around and stop by and chat. i feel like if i can stick it out there is a community here and if i can just make it work it could be a good thing for awhile longer. i expect change, i want change, and i dread change. i feel i have some things to do on my own yet....and in the future i do see myself working with another artist or two....it just doesn't feel right right now to pack and move and lose whatever momentum i have going with flowers and new ideas of other work. but i may not be the decider of this. the universe is gonna have to fill me in soon....i'm at a loss for how else to make money. few people actually have any idea how unusual this town is compared to most when it comes to available jobs and how to even find them. and i know me....i know what i can and can't do. i dont last long when i'm getting my mind and body energy sucked out of me being trapped somewhere. i've made it this long in life pretty much not working for anyone. i've left many a job because the mental pressure of mind numbing hell was too much for me. i know i'm not like most people. i just aint. i know i probably irritate or annoy or scare people...or people think i need to just get over it and suck it up and take the fucking stupid job, ANY job. well i can't. i just can't. and i'm not so sure that that would solve anything. working a 40 hr min. waged job so i can afford a small tiny apartment isn't living.

i dunno. half the time i feel i need to apologize or explain...and the truth is its my stupid life to live and i just have to keep following the bizarre path i have chosen to walk. and i shouldn't complain or cry about it but i'm human and i freak out. i freak out at 2am about if i can't pay for my phone anymore how will i get those few cleaning jobs....or will i then be totally cut off from the few people i trust with my emotions to talk to. i freak out about not having my space for my art and me. the freedom and peace to play and explore and just BE.

i freak out that all this stress is causing new unwanted physical problems. i freak out about a lot and then have some sales and think okay another day...i made it another day. its a hard way to live. i also hear what tod used to say all the time ' no one in their right mind would chose to live an artist's life'. (or something like that). and yet...i feel i have no other choice. just get through another day. its a motto but i'd like to not have to feel this way and be a little freer feeling. i'm working on it...

so. off i go to ship some vases that sold!!! and off i go to a little art opening tonight where one mixed media piece is that i think is hanging sideways to fit the wall space and i'm trying not to be upset about that. and off i go to work on more art and off i go to work on my new shop that i've yet to put ANYTHING in. and off i go to exercise. and off i go to get more things from another storage area to give away. and off i go to keep trying. it IS better than last year in many ways. i gotta keep remembering that.

attention

2011-05-03T08:21:00.001-05:00

i've never had much of an attention span. i can still see my parent's face's a few inches from mine (and keep in mind i'm almost 50 so it's etched in my brain forever i guess) slightly shaking their heads and saying 'you are not listening. you are not paying attention'. click. tune out. right. got you. now i WONT pay attention. what? did you say something? can i get back to my own world now please? who needs story problems anyhow....

guess concentration never came too easily for me. but i have to say, the last few days i've had the concentration of a brain surgeon. what am i concetrating so hard on? who knows. the moment. whatever is in my hand now. whatever i am doing now. i've never misplaced quite so much before but i believe it has to do with the total rearranging of my loft since tod's departure. a new me. a new space even if its the old space. sometimes i feel like a big ole turtle head that just wants to stay inside that tubey warm neck and not have my head exposed to all the shite going on out there. thats kind of where i'm at right now. i have officially given up looking for a place to live. if there is something out there HERE I AM. i get it that right now i also aint gonna find much in the way of work, i have plenty of work. MY work. i put in a 15 hour day yesterday and i paid myself with joy. i wonder if the people i owe money to would take some joy instead money.

well. i have sold a handful of flowers recently so i'm all happy about that. relieved AND happy. i've got new vases to take photos of. i made a new clock. i'm working on new flowers and letting my peripheral imagination work on what other new works to make while i pay attention to what is going on in the studio right now.

these all sold on saturday!!!

its a little freaky that my favorite photo taking places seem to be getting painted over or fixed up. i love walking out the door, arms full of art and going just a few blocks here or there and having great photo backdrops. made me think about detroit again and wishing i had the gumption to live in a place like that. but i'm here. and its sunny most days and warm, just how i like it. i know my life will keep changing and whatever i love and hate about my life will trade places with each other and i just have to keep working on me and art.

OH! and i put this out there on facebook, my paulaart etsy shop is up to 199 sales! number 200 gets free shipping. thats a deal on my bigger heavier pieces, but its a deal on my small heavy vases too. check out the new clock i made...

Dairy Farm Found Object, Cut Pipe and Found Washers

and a new vase that quite frankly kicks some serious vase booty

Reclaimed Metal Tube finding a 2nd life as a dry flower container.

From PaulaArt

so thats the news from huntsville, tx. pretty much allowing myself to be with my art and not get caught up in all the stuff going on out there in the world that i cannot change and doesn't make me feel good anyhow.

fresh out of good blogs

2011-04-27T22:17:00.000-05:00

i look at my sidebar and think wow its been awhile since i've added good reading blogs (keep in mind i like augusten burroughs type writing...
anyone have any new blogs they are in love with? art /reading...otherwise?

two points

2011-04-27T09:54:00.002-05:00

per the post below.
1) someone sent me this in a private email:

I googled "what is the point of art?" got many LONG and philosophical and
psychological writings, boring.

Until:

Paul Klee (artist) said: "I make art so I won't cry."

Enough for me. Enough said. Says it all. A valid endeavor, to not cry. The
world needs lots of people who aren't crying. We should all be not crying, by
whatever means it takes. Religion, art - any means.

that was good.

2) i notice that i get responses (privately and in post below and many other times) that assure me that i'm doing something valid and worthy because i am taking 'junk' and making something out of it. i appreciate that. but this morning it really hit me that we shouldn't HAVE to validate ourselves. that is part of the problem with our society right now that makes (me/ us) sick i think. that we feel so damn guilty for doing anything if we aren't saving the planet. i've been brainwashed to a certain degree. we all have haven't we? i could go buy fresh canvas and gallons of paint as many artists do and i know you guys dont feel guilty about it. or what about all the other forms of art that need 'new stuff' to then make whatever it is you wanna make?

i think i was born into a guilty world. and some of us [me] for whatever reason are just more sensitive and have a harder time filtering out the gunk and knowing how to carry on.

i find myself thinking of some of those third world countries where they sit by the roadside and sell their 'art' be it jewelry or whatever for tourists to buy. they are almost lauded for it and yet i am under the impression in america that for me it is a hobby...something that shouldn't be a way i make a living. that it shouldn't take precedent in my life because i'm not doing it for survival or have any other options. well who says ????

forgive me, i am having a 'self talk' here for me. i am trying to get it through my thick skull...whatever it is. i lay in bed last night with my arms numb and in pain and my back hurting (all of which i am beginning to see is stress more than something wrong with my body)...dreading having to clean on friday and feeling like i have no choice. the anger and the fear of THAT being my life just makes the pain all the more worse. i need to find a way to make making art okay once and for all. even in the 'slow selling time'. even if no one ever bought anything again. something in me knows that until i can be 100% secure in my being an artist i will probably keep myself from really making it.

ps did ya notice, those who have read my blog for a few years....did you notice that i never have all this thinking crap go on when things are humming along? i did. i hate it when i get derailed. mentally jump the track from humming to bumping.

your real expression

2011-04-26T14:00:00.000-05:00

i would love it if i got your true feelings about how you deal with making stuff and selling stuff. i ask because i realize one of my own biggest blocks as a human being, is feeling worthy. many of you already know i was a massage therapist for about 20 years and i 'thought' i was being useful. it wasn't until the last few years that i was in so much pain from giving others 'pleasure and healing' that i decided i had to quit. i also started feeling like it wasn't really doing much for people. every week i would see the same people and while they loved the massage and claimed it got them thru the next week or month or whatever, many of them still had pain and problems. stress. life....kept filling them up. so i started feeling my catholic guilt crap of i'm just taking their money. yea i'm fucked up that way and i'm not even a catholic anymore

so. then i find art. and you all know that i have my claim that art is keeping me sane. bottom line for whatever reason it is what i love doing. and when i am actually making art, or THINGS or whatever it is that i do....i am really hitting that sweet spot with being in the now and doing what i feel i'm supposed to be doing.
where i tend to get fucked is when i start thinking about the stuff i'm putting out into the world. yes its recycled for the most part, yes i'm taking 'trash' and making something....but i get stuck with this whole life guilt trip about needing to be 'useful' or 'doing' something for others. i dont want to volunteer...i dont want to save the planet, i want to make art but i keep getting in my own way by feeling guilty that i'm just making stuff that no one needs.

let me say: i am a minimalist. i used to have it all...when i made good money and i loved to shop and find unique things and fill my rented 3 bedroom home with just cool shit and i enjoyed it. and something happened to me one day and i realized i felt trapped by it all and that it was meaningless [to me]. so what i need to do, and i know no one else can come up with the solution but me, but i was hoping that by hearing your thoughts maybe it would sink in a bit more. .....what i need to do is realize somehow that just because i personally hate having stuff around...that others dont. how do i stop feeling like i'm doing something superfluous? that no one needs what i do. that i'm part of the problem...consumerism. STUFF. do you know what i mean? i realize art is IT for me. it really is...but until i can come to some peace about the fact i make things that i must sell in order to live, and that people will be spending money on things that i deem unnecessary and useless...by dint of ME not wanting stuff around blah blah blah. its a circle/cycle that just makes my head spin but it is really what is standing in my way i think of moving on. HELP!!!!!!

a write up i approve of

2011-04-25T20:09:00.000-05:00

this was cool, that interview i did last month came out in this little local zine (of which i couldnt find anywhere but someone told me they saw it and gave me their copy. i doubt many read it since i couldn't find the zine to save my life...but i LOVED the write up. good job matt. the dysmorphic in me had to cut out my ugly face.

staying and fleeing

2011-04-25T12:08:00.003-05:00

last week i had a cleaning job to do. i go in...take my wary look around and notice fog cans in the center of every spot of the floors. mmmm that doesnt look good. its a small apartment but feels crowded by all the fogger cans. i creep out, careful to mind i dont take anything alive with me on my body.

call the office. fleas. supposedly all dead from the 5 fog cans all set off 24 hours ago. i'm gonna play it safe and give this a few more days. in fact, i waited 3 days. in the meanwhile back to my life. finding some amounts of miffed humor that all my cleaning jobs have 'bombed' lately (meaning canceled or me not able to do due to no hot water or FLEAS). art sales arent what they were but my whole art mojo has been askew anyways. what have i been doing?

well...i completely reorganized and cleaned the loft. it's my own little space now that tod is gone and i was determined to make it somewhat livable and cozy if one can be cozy amidst hundreds of pounds of wood, metal and cardboard boxes. i've had computer problems all self inflicted from moving the thing from one end of the room to another. i've had my panic come to me in new and horrid ways. i've been reading my mind/body connection book and listening to my panic mp3 download. i'm dealing. i have a sense that it's paula time unlike any other time in my life.

it occurred to me how much i really want to make art. i've been so afraid and so negative...i still dont know what i am doing or how i will manage. i still want to just stay here if i can as i realize i could not possibly live/work in a smaller area without having to give up too much in the way of art/supplies/tools. my personal possessions are few and mostly meaningless things that are functional and replaceable. the art...the objects...very important. how important? that's what i realized...important enough for me to fight for IT if i can't fight for myself. i dont even know what that means, but i do know that when i work on art everything is okay. heart. heart. heart always tells me what i want and need. head always lies. maybe i am crazy...maybe i am in denial. today i just feel like i have to keep trying. keep working on art and taking what little odd cleaning jobs i can get.

i hauled out that new dry cut metal saw yesterday. the one i finally bought in January but never felt i could afford the $120 blade for it, so it sat, unused. i bought that blade in feburary or early march when i had some big sales. i've henceforth been too afraid to use it because i was convinced i would break the carbide teeth and hate myself for wasting so much money. yesterday i realized i needed to face my fears. no tod around anymore to help me or watch me to make sure i'm not destroying it or me. no one to help me figure out the best way to cut the pipes without breaking the blade. just do it. i did it. my god why did i wait so long? it was not so messy as the chop saw. it didn't have that toxic stink. no fine grit getting in my nostrils. only some flying metal which hurt when it stung my legs but overall it was 90% easier and cleaner.

i worked on flowers too. i'm still struggling believing i should be doing this when i should be(?) doing anything i can to find a cheaper smaller place and a job.l then my stranger danger positive voice said look, all you need to do is sell some wall art and you are set for another month. its a big world (to quote tod). BIG WORLD. one of these days someone will see my wall art that i need to get rid of and buy it. and i woke up to a sale of 3 flowers and a vase....and i feel like i will keep pushing and going. keep taking on that anxiety that is now seeping into my mind while i sleep and waking me up often and making my life miserable. i will keep facing it feeling it and dealing with it and stop letting it win.

i even happily drove off to go clean that apartment today.
but i was ever so cautious and first swept the floor to get the toxic whatever and dead whatever out of my way so i dont inhale corpses. imagine my horror when i looked down after i had done that and my legs were covered in black biting bodies.

i fled again. came home and almost stripped on the porch and left all my cleaning supplies and shoes etc out there, jumped into a hot shower...and ready to do my OWN work for the rest of the day. i've had enough of the working world for one day, time to do my own thing. there is a fine line between needing to do nothing and needing to push, slog...crawl...just do that ONE thing that is in front of you. i have been exhausted and i know its stress related/lack of good sleep. sometimes making that push can make all the difference in the world. i still feel like i'm being pushed extra hard by gravity mind you, but it made a huge difference to work on art, and of course it always helps to sell some too!

proof of how stupid it is here job wise

2011-04-24T10:44:00.000-05:00

not even 1 page of jobs. none of which i am qualified for or could physically or mentally do.

from whickee whickeeee pedia:

As of 2005 the largest employer in Huntsville is the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, with 6,744 employees. The second largest is Sam Houston State University, with 2,458 employees. The third largest employer is the Huntsville Independent School District, with 974 employees. The fourth largest employer, Huntsville Memorial Hospital, has 540 employees. 517 employees work for the fifth largest employer, Wal-Mart.^[9]
As of 2007 Huntsville's average income is lower than the State of Texas's average income.

i dont wanna be a prison guard. can't be a teacher at the university....
i'll keep looking. we all know that i panic in wal-marts so i aint working there.

free

2011-04-23T11:00:00.004-05:00

isn't so freeing when you labored and obviously still was attached to something....
i really messed myself up giving that piece away.
what a messed up day i had. one of the worst in a long long time.
back to how to sell/get rid of art in a hurry in order to survive, have space (and desire to then make more art of a different ilk ie my small/functional stuff that now sells) and be ready for the inevitable move to a small place.

the only good thing about giving that piece away was how much this woman loves it and would never buy something like that. she lives out of town, as far as i know doesnt have people over...and i doubt anyone will ever see it and think wow i want to buy something too!!!! this was truly a gift that has no ulterior motives or energy behind it. i think i have learned that its better to throw away the art that you love and no one buys than give it away and feel anger and pain and fuck with your head. pieces that you slave over and love. pieces that were your biggest triumph. better to silently suffocate them. i have done one big head trip on myself by giving more art away yesterday that you guys havent even seen the light of day of. it made me feel even more deathly. i know some of you give give give....and i myself have given quite freely this last 9 months...albeit $20 or $30 vases not $800 or in this case $2500 pieces of art. anyhow. i was making what i felt good money on etsy, having a good flow of energy and it just felt right sometimes. but i gave because i had way extra, my heart was big....and i wasnt in desperation mode. giving is really a weird thing. really weird.

i remember when i was a born again christian. i was in my 20's. i was broke and struggling but i was also drinking like there was no tomorrow. i got a dwi and had to go to classes. i had fines to pay. this was back in 1982 so nothing worse happened to me than that. thankfully i didnt hurt anyone either. i got a job once again (for like the 3rd time since i was 16) at mcdonalds and met a woman who was a christian. she was into health as well so i got under her wing. started going to church....next thing you know i'm speaking in tongues and giving the church every damn dime i have. giving them my 'rare coins' (obviously not that rare but you know what i mean...that stash of coins that could be worth something and was already worth something by dint of how much i had). anyhow...they were too happy to take my money. each week they took my money. what they gave me...well i got support from my friend and i got to disappear into a fearful congregation of people who seemingly had no mind of their own.

i never forgot that. that you CAN give give give and not properly look out for yourself and no one but YOU can monitor that. i mean the church didn't care. what was i doing giving all that money to them (not god but in my mind i was led to believe this was 'for god') when i could barely pay rent? borrowing money when i HAD MONEY that i was giving to the church. were this not almost 30 years ago i would be embarrassed to even tell you about that because i feel like a complete FOOL. my life didn't get better by the way. i gave it a year. i sat in my little apartment praying like a banshee. i spoke for hours in tongues. i did it all. i moved on.

another story, i digress. i guess i'm just not in a good place. my art is everywhere. lucky tod he got away from it. i'm here, stuck with it. loving it, needing to sell it and feeling like a child in school trying to get those damn story problems. i dont know what to do with it and i feel it should be obvious how to figure it out.

would ya tell me if i'm being blind? an idiot? no one can do my life but me. obviously nothing has felt right yet. having a few pieces for an even lower price on etsy feels better than starting at $99 on etsy. thankfully it is just wall art i want to get rid of the reasons i've already stated. it still messes with me that you...that i...that it...is devalued. and that people will expect deals forever. that people who have bought wall art from me will be mad at me. fine line between doing what you have to to survive.

i just want to make art again. get back to my flowers. and my head says what the fuck are you doing???? making more art? i sat down last night for an hour to work on 2 flowers that needed to be assembled and fine tuned so there was no 'real creative' energy needing to happen. i dont make good art when i'm angry or sad or tired so it felt right to work on something already done. that was the first time my head relaxed. that i felt peace. but the thoughts come back saying 'you shouldn't be doing this... you are avoiding. you must this and that. you must. how can making another $30 flower save you? how can that pay your rent? did i tell you that since tod told me he is leaving all my sales save for friends, have stopped? how ironic is that? now i'm not even making my original half of the rent each month.

am i destined to sit in a tiny room and doodle. drool. die.

my tiny little mind just has no clue. its a turning point in my life. and its the first time i've never really felt my usual old urge to scramble and make decisions that i have no idea what to make. maybe its just denial...it feels like i'm waiting but i should at least make a flower while i wait. or something new. it still feels very real to me that my fateful day will come when i dont have rent and haven't found a place to live and i just have to walk off with nothing. leave it all behind and disappear. thats where my sick mind goes. while i keep checking in and know that all i want is to make art. my fear is about having no space for my stuff and no space in my head and no space in my energy body to do that.

i'm struggling and only i can look for the answers. i dont even expect a single thought from a single person on this. in fact i know that all i can do is look, watch, listen...like an animal on the hunt, and JUMP when the prey walks by. right now its a famine. hear me roar silently in my mind. (or in my case...on my blog which is fortunate because no one has to read this if they dont wanna)

*five minute after thought
how can i be this old and so screwed up about giving and receiving?
i am very uncomfortable taking art for free. i dont receive well. i dont want someone handing me a check and saying there there paula....live life and enjoy! i wanna work for it. i dont want a grant i dont want to win the lottery ( i dont play so i cant win). i just want to do what i love and make it. its hard not to be an insolent child and brood. its hard to expand and trust.
giving.....art or anything has to come from the heart and i know there are times and places but not entire bodies of work and not all at once. i know i am impatient. i know it. i know i have some time and i could probably and will probably keep some pieces and try to sell them until the day i die. i need to stop thinking.

30 minutes later...
i'm trying to learn here..
maybe the point is, giving when you feel abundant and safe...when you are feeling healthy and replete is best. giving when you are fearful, anxious...uncertain and not stable isn't such a good idea. giving is a peaceful thing not a desperate thing. duh that sounds so obvious.

let it go

2011-04-22T11:58:00.000-05:00

one down one to go. i gave this, my biggest most expensive piece away today. i was happy to do so. i knew i could never sell it online let alone ship it. its huge. i have another one same size that is on the gift list next. i gave it to someone who has horses and works at the office (i deal with her regarding cleaning the apartments), she has been too good to me and put up with my finickiness when it comes to cleaning gross places. were it not for her i'm sure i wouldn't have that job. she loves it, really and truly so it is a burden relieved, she will love it and take care of it.

i just listed a few wall pieces on etsy for the lowball price, sale items are being listed here. i feel good about it all which is the most important thing. i feel lost right now, i've spent this whole week redoing my loft, now that tod is gone i felt it important to get it changed around and deep cleaned, even if i have to move in a month or two. moving and heaving my art materials around is a little anxiety producing as i know i really cannot live in a much smaller place without walking over boxes. i have no idea what to do. what to think. i'm pretty much exhausted from the stress of this year and its only april. so taking it day by day...

tell me now

2011-04-21T10:23:00.000-05:00

okay i had like 30 some comments on my facebook fan page in response to am i humiliating myself putting wall art pieces that sell in galleries for $500-2000 on ebay for $99. the answer is YES.
hahahahaha
AHAHAHAHAH
what a moron i am.
desperation.
makes one do crazy things.

so. the thoughts are do what you have to do.
i have to get rid of my wall art. you'd never know tod left, the loft is even fuller with all my storage stuff and art. regardless of if i get to keep living here for a few more months, regardless of if i win the lottery and stay forever, the art has to go. i still do not understand how people make shitloads of art and keep it. i'm thinking last june i had 25 sales on etsy. today i have 196 sales. can you imagine if i made all that and it never sold? can you imagine me running and screaming and hurling myself down a cliff?

i have truly been having an artistential crisis. i want to make more art...when i'm actually making art i'm fine. but when i'm not, when i'm contemplating it (or busy and can't do it such as now)...i start obsessing about how little room i have and where to put it all until it sells.

it has me feeling stymied. were it not for the fact i have a good track record for selling my art, i'd think maybe i suck and i should keep it as a hobby and give it all away as i make it. that isn't the case so far, thank god. but the question remains what/how...to do/deal with this wall art that i do not plan to make anymore.
gentle reminder:
1) galleries are not going to take on an artists work that they aren't making anymore if you are new to them and they have any sense.
2) yes i have tried small galleries within a 50 mi radius.
3) no i do not have the time/money (for gas) or desire quite frankly to drive to houston or austin or dallas and try to get this work (about 20 pieces) into galleries
4) i do not have a tent, money to buy one, tables...nor do i have a big car to carry all my heavy shit to put up in some local art market. the ones i have tried to do that already had tents...i had to keep it small and not bring my big heavy wall art. it isn't an option. i need to move this stuff YESTERDAY. the only reason i am not tossing it (well taking it to the scrap yard for top dollar) is because i know it is sellable. i know too that i spent a good amount of money on the prints being made/laminated and i would hate myself forever if i didn't try to at least recoup that.
5)that leaves me with online because locally, in huntsville, selling fine art is like ....like i dunno what. i dont know the people here if they do buy fine art. i've had a few sales from the local art center but they only take a few pieces and get picky when the same artists are in there all the time. suffice to say i'm lucky i have a few vases in there and a puzzle sculpture.

i guess i will load these back on etsy....and the debate is whether to mark them 'on sale'. as it is they are all half of what i would charge if you were to walk into a gallery since the gallery would take 50% i'm passing that savings on to the online world.

what do you think? do i list them lower?
do i keep on saying like a broken record here that i will take offers? i am very hesitant to keep saying i have wall art for sale here because i assume i have the same 10 readers and they are going to get tired of me if i dont have a new message.

fa la la la la
la
la
la
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the ebay debate

2011-04-19T14:50:00.000-05:00

so on facebook i wrote a blip asking if am i humiliating myself by having some wall art that i NEED TO GET RID OF NOW, on ebay...seems ya'll hate ebay. and many of you think i'm doing my art and art in general a disservice.

i have felt the same. i've felt annoyed at times when people on etsy/ebay sell good art for pennies as it makes it hard (who knows but thats what we all say) for 'real art' to sell at 'real prices'. given the choice between giving it away or throwing it away...i'd try to sell it for whatever i can. all i know is i'm doing the best i can to make money. i'm cleaning when opportunities arise and you all know how much i dislike being a house cleaner but i know it affords me time to work on art. the urgency to 'make it' is now, now that i am solo and have more financial crap to deal with.

a very gracious friend/art buyer made the point of saying they didn't want to buy my stuff on ebay. that they didn't want to pay that little for something. they ended up buying something on etsy which i really appreciate....and i would say that i do have 'buy it now' options in case there is any other rare bird out there that actually thinks that way!

i'm feeling frustrated that i'm being told to get my work in galleries and do this and that. i know its hard to pay attention to what we all are doing online...but i have to say i dont have desire/time to drive 80 miles to houston and try to get into galleries. i've had to take my stuff out of storage and its here and its now i need to get rid of it. if i move tomorrow it gets thrown out. if i stay here a bit longer i need more money. period. so the wall art is the one piece of collateral that i own that i want to 'cash in on'.

anyone have any other suggestions i'm open! i'm limited in time and energy and all i have is my online world. i have a few friends here in huntsville but they either have my art already or are about where i am at financially and buying art is the last thing they are gonna do. i suppose if/when i have to move that is when the final get rid of it happens. i'm the type that would rather do something now so i'm ready for whatever!

love your honesty and love you all speaking up. now...back to your regularly scheduled program....

Auction #4

2011-04-18T09:55:00.000-05:00

Now offering 'Back View Woman'. I painted this on canvas my winter spent in Minnesota. My first winter 'on the road' so to speak. I spent about 8 months there, that is where I began earnestly seeking my way with art making. I dabbled in drawing and painting, then moved on to painting on ceramics (most of which I had to throw out when I moved on as it wouldn't all fit in my already packed car). A few mugs and coasters are out there in the world...some of you even have one or two eh?

Anyhow. Since this was just on canvas i could roll it up and take with. It would be about 5 years later that I had it professionally scanned/printed as a giclee and then professionally laminated onto the 1/4 MDF board. tada. art.

what else.... oh i'm quite pleased that a puzzle piece sold (not on ebay but on etsy!) yesterday. thank you you you know who you are. also this weekend one of my ebay auctions ended with a bid, so that was nice too.

recap: tod finally made it out of here on friday. one helluva week. i am now busy with catching up on much needed sleep, as well as doing a big clean/rearrange/reorganize and refitting my brain into my skull. still nothing speaking to me or coming to me as far as living situations. i sometimes get the strangest feeling that maybe i'm not supposed to go anywhere right now. i mean if nothing is coming then there is nothing doing. i am most curious what the hell is going to happen. i've put my life on auto pilot...i just am tired of trying to control is cuz you can't really do that anyhow.

oddest time EVER. cleaning jobs have stopped for now. my art mojo is buried at present. my studio is a mess and everything is out of whack and out of order. when in doubt. do what is in front of you. hence massive organizing/going thru things and preparing the best i can for a move, even if i dont know if/when. i hope to make some art this week if i can ever find my studio space again.

Two Views, Auction #3

2011-04-16T07:37:00.000-05:00

Forgot to post this here, as I have listed another Mixed Media Wall Piece. Two Views. This has always been a favorite of mine...it is a rustic, simple piece that always makes me think of Vermont. The wood is salvaged from various barns that I visited during weekend hunts for found objects. You can't beat having a barn sale! The photo was from such a place, a barn sale with lots of equestrian paraphernalia. I love that the windows had this thick white plastic sheeting over them for insulation against the weather. It was a perfect photo in my mind. Anyhow....it's on ebay now.

Tod finally left. hahaha FINALLY. I say that because he was on standby and it only took 4 days to actually get the green light and even then it almost didn't happen because i just could not force myself to drive on that horrid freeway with no sleep and panic grabbing me. he made it. farewell....he is now a seattlite and i guess i am a texan although i've yet to feel like one. i know this isn't where i will stay long term....yet nowhere else feels right. staying put until i know.

i will list more things soon on ebay. and keep listing them over and over until they sell/until i move/until i lose my mind and throw everything out the window or something better occurs to me to do. have a good weekend!

The Sage/Auction #2

2011-04-13T08:06:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I listed 'The Sage' on ebay. This listing will end on April 19th. Still getting used to ebay and unsure of whats best, 5 day, 7 day...30 day? Any thoughts? I guess if I'm going to be here another month for sure it can't hurt to have a longer listing. Will have to keep plugging away and see.

I finally got all my art and art materials out of storage. You'd never know that tod will be gone tomorrow because of all MY boxes everywhere. Tod is only taking two bags with him and I will send him his boxes when he gets settled. Remember that one Peanuts character that has all the whirl of dusty dirt following him in a cloud? Thats what I feel like. If you were to see me you'd probably not see ME as much as this cloud of jumbled energy. What next? Maybe when Tod is gone I will focus a little more.

I'd like to make some flowers for that Orange Show outdoor sculpture Park in Houston. Haven't done a thing and they wanted most of it by the end of the month. Not likely I will get much done but maybe I can try. Maybe I will go on a pipe cutting jag and cut up all my pipes just to have them ready to work on should I move and not be able to cut metal wherever I end up living. Maybe I should sell all those pipes back to the scrap yard for $$? who knows. Maybe I will join the circus.

Ebay Auction #1

2011-04-11T21:44:00.000-05:00

Pipe in Repose is the first piece to be listed on the auction block. This piece weighs about 13lbs and is all about the industrial. The coils surrounding the laminated photograph were found at an old/still functioning dairy farm in Stowe, Vermont; the photo itself was taken next to the house that tod and i care took for in Vermont (a stones throw from the Von Trapp Lodge). It was an abandoned house on the property, in back of the house was this old beautiful pipe looking perfectly relaxed on a crisp fall day. Everything is securely mounted onto a found piece of steel. This is rustic and always gets attention when shown. Click here to go to the ebay listing which ends 5 days from today.

artists life

2011-04-10T10:10:00.000-05:00

i haven't been doing too much lately. well not art related. i have been blessed (she says with rancor) with lots of cleaning jobs the last few weeks and since i have allowed myself to fall into fear and poverty mode i've abandoned art to make some immediate cash.

this has been a rough time. and i feel it will probably get rougher. tod is gonna leave sometime this week (its a standby flight so it changes but it will be this week i'm sure) and then i really get to deal with my fear and panic and life all by myself once again.

right now i'm trying to deal with all my STUFF. i have to laugh i guess. little in the way of personal stuff to get rid of, just art supplies, tools and art. probably harder than unloading a living room sectional and bedroom set ya think? i'm trying to decide what to keep in some unknowable anticipation of where i'm moving and when. i did get a break on rent for summer but its will gonna be more than i've been making so i've decided to go for broke and try to sell all that i can in the next month or two.

i will open another etsy shop this week (its up but no banner or info): industrial habitat. this shop will contain industrial art supplies like pulleys and nuts/bolts other odd mixed media scraps, as well as industrial vintage items.

also, starting tonight i hope, i will begin uploading things on ebay. some personal home items i just dont need as well as all my puzzle and photography wall art. i will have to dismantle a few mixed media works that are just too big/heavy to ship and see if i can sell the photo's as stand alone works. soon as that is up i will shout it out here if anyone is in the market for auctioned art or knows of someone who might love finding a deal!

so far i've not had any 'luck' finding another place/place. at times i want to just get in my car and leave with nothing but my tent again but i wouldn't make it very far on so little cash. it's too exhausting to think about how hard i've worked to find all my materials, buy tools, make art and get my foot in the door. yet other times it feels too hard to keep juggling all of this and squeeze into a small living/work space that might or might not allow for using power tools. my head is exploding with questions and it's not a good time to make decisions, just trying to take it day by day and deal with what is in front of me. the cleaning jobs have distracted me and left me nearly dumb with fatigue.

thats life in my nutshell. i know some of you really have been wondering what i'm doing and what is happening. i appreciate your care and wanting to stay connected. thanks for being there!

and the winner is...

2011-04-01T17:15:00.002-05:00

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and the winner is....

hard to read that number but it is 2. and they have chosen wall dancers!
i'm in the process of uploading the 2nd drawing for the vase/or candle holder...stay tuned, i will add it here in about 10 minutes.

THANK YOU everyone for your participation and support.

congratulations lucky number #13! i will email you a photo and let you pick between a vase or candle holder. if you want to 'be known' please comment here :) congratulations!

to everyone else, I will be emailing you a link where you can download your preferred image to print out an 8x10 photo or use as a screen saver. check your inbox/spam folder if you haven't received it within 24 hours.

art giveaway ends today at 5pm central time

2011-04-01T09:58:00.000-05:00

today at 5 pm i will take all the numbers (substituted for your name) and swirl them around and while blindfolded, choose the winner of my art giveaway! i will announce the winner on my blog and facebook fan page. (if you want to have a chance at this you must have donated via paypal by 4:30 pm central time)

i will then choose from the remaining numbers another winner, they will be given the opportunity to choose from a vase or a candle holder (will be shown on the blog). everyone else will be emailed a link to large file images that they can download of the actual photo's of their choosing (the wonder horse or wall dancers).

thank you so much to those of you who have participated in this giveaway. i am really excited to see who wins, you have all been very generous and supportive. bless you all. paula

*the winning number will be announced here just after 5pm and i will of course email you all with instructions/link how to get your 8x10" digital image online.

connect

2011-03-24T08:02:00.000-05:00

i had some relief hit late yesterday. not what i was hoping for in the bigger picture but for now, i have a little breathing room. before i go into that, i tell ya one thing i'm going to miss about tod big time is the like-mindedness in regards to how we view how life can be. granted he see's things in the bigger picture and i do not (yet)....and we are very different as i am almost 100% kinesthetic and he 100% logical, somehow we meet up when it comes understanding/believing that there is a way to live the way you want and not succumb to the mainstream. is it harder? uh yeah...for now. but easier in other ways. like for me it would be way harder to have a 'real job', with my back/body/mind issues and the soul sucking existence (for me) that that would play out as, i wouldn't bother, i know it. i spent my teens and young adulthood doing that and now i know why i was crazy drunk. it was the only way i could stand my life.

i know to plenty of people i look too damn stoic. unrealistic. whatever. i know it scared the bejesus out of people that knew me in arizona when i quit massage and left arizona with basically nothing. some even got angry with me and tried to scare me with stories about how i would be perceived! can you believe that?????
anyhow. we do what we have to more often than not. i had to do that. had to leave had to journey and i was rewarded by finally finding my self. and i still am finding myself, thru art.

sometimes i think if it were not for the handful of people that get it, that get me, that i wouldn't have made it this far. tod got me from day one. he met me when i was still living in my tent, had just met a stranger who was going to let me stay with her until i found an apartment, and i was so anxious, panicky and scared out of my mind that all i could relay was i was going to be an artist. my eye's were twitching and i was wearing my pinhole glasses while we talked. most people would run. he didnt.

and since meeting him that late summer early fall of 2004 i have continued to meet people who hear me. who get me. even if they dont understand me they accept me. you can't ask for much more than that. you really can't. today i woke up and saw a blog post by my online etsy friend, bai. here is a woman whom i've never met. english isn't even her first language (she speaks three that i know of) and since meeting her on an etsy team, i have come to know a strong, tireless, loving, open and humorous woman that has inspired me time and time again. when i read her blog post about me i couldn't even believe what i was reading. she got me. she gets it. i thank you bai. just what you wrote is support above and beyond. it reinforces and inspires me.

another person who gets me is the office woman at the landlords. she is the woman i deal with when it comes to the sporadic cleaning jobs i do. i'm always apologizing because i feel like the WORST cleaning person EVER. sometimes the jobs are too much for me. for my back for my arms....for my NOSE. and sometimes i am too busy with art or shipping it or whatever. i have always been honest with her, risking looking like a self absorbed wimp. i feel i risk someone not wanting to call me for jobs because i feel unreliable because art takes first place always. ALWAYS. and she gets it. she hears me. she allows me to be me. she doesn't cringe at my verbal faus pax. doesn't say snide things. doesn't make me feel like i'm supposed to go live in some small shit hole and who cares if i can't make art anymore.

she called me yesterday and let me know i can stay here, in this loft for another few months. she and another person championed for me in ways i wont discuss here but suffice to say i have a little breathing room. my rent will be increased a bit but for short term it is cheaper than moving and paying first/last/security somewhere else and hiring people to move all this stuff. it is less chaotic and hard on my body as my back has been out again and the thought of packing/moving is just too much. for now i can take the time to make those flowers for the outdoor houston orange show. for now i can slow down and take a trip to austin after i find more people to connect with. austin isn't a place to go with no money or contacts.

and life. the way i want to keep living it. i can for now. and i have to keep telling myself i dont have to quit it all and find the job and let art suffer. i have worked my ass off to get this far. i was making a living selling art in vermont and lost all that momentum when i moved and the recession hit but i have miraculously made the majority of my living selling art the last 9 months, its paid my bills with some cleaning jobs sprinkled in. granted i never have a dime extra and i live about as simply as anyone i know. at least there is momentum that feels crucial not to let collect dust. it takes seemingly more courage than i know how to find at times, to keep living this way. during challenging times that is when myself as well as others can defeat me with ideas that i can't do it. that i need to take on more cleaning jobs or finding other employment etc etc. i am no longer a religious person and often times i feel the universe is just a void of deafness and nothingness. thru my own mental struggles i have lost my way when it comes to peace and universal harmony. the war within my own mind has been so loud i've gotten lost in there at times. i have been at battle with myself and life and i'm ready for a ceasefire. i also realize i am not alone. my journey has been so focused i've forgotten sometimes to look around, to look up at the sky for hope as i did in my youth and to feel connected to people and to life again. maybe now i'm being forced to connect outside of myself again but in a new way, art is the conduit. i have had a lot of support this last year from many people both on line and in the 'real' world. i mustn't take that for granted or ever forget it. i sure as hell hope i do that for some of you. i sure hope i can buck up once and for all and burst thru this next layer of membrane. for now, there is a reprieve of sorts with the living thing. nothing has felt right and staying here a little longer does feel right. i know it isnt permanent and it's still going to be a lot of work and challenge to get to that next place/space. one day at a time.

life update

2011-03-23T12:26:00.000-05:00

i dont have news to share in regards to where i'm going. i've been in overwhelm and busy cleaning some places for the landlord as well as trying to finish taking pictures and uploading art that has been in the wings. all of that that always swallows most of my time up. i do keep putting the word out about needing a place to live/work. i've got no real leads. feel no real pull. i do believe austin will be a place for me eventually, it doesn't quite feel right to go there right now with so little in the way of funds/support/jobs. i've met a couple people thru craigslist but no bites yet for real possibility. i've kind of reached this new plateau with the amount of worry/fear and stress that i can hold in my body and am now just doing my best to trust and allow and believe that somehow it will work out. it DOES feel better to believe it will be alright than to believe i'm fucked.

smallest of small chances i could stay here another month or so if need be. we did give our notice but if no one rents it out i might be able to hang on a little longer. someone gave me a lead for another cleaning gig for a family here in town. i'm not really keen on having to be somewhere every week at a certain time but for now, i know i have to focus on bringing buckage in. i'm seriously considering opening another etsy shop selling some vintage items as well as supplies. vintage is HUGE on etsy right now and i know a few people who do so well they barely have time for their art. i dont have access to much in the way of vintage but just like my flower shop, long as i can have a page up that works for me.

dont forget if you know anyone who wants a chance to win art to tell them about my fundraiser/giveaway. there is still time! the winner will be announced april 1 at 5pm. see my website for details.

art project possibility

2011-03-20T10:43:00.000-05:00

Orange Show/Smither Park Opening

Rendering by Pat Lopez

A rendering of Smither Park

Dan Phillips has invited me to make some flowers for the Smither Park in Houston, Texas. This new addition to the Orange Show Center for Visionary Art led by Stephanie Smither who 'is piloting the program as a tribute to her late husband, John H. Smither...". This is an exciting possibility for me and I am hoping that I have a chance to participate in this event.

Most of you already know my life is in a state of flux at the moment. If I can stay here in my loft a few months I will most certainly get to work on this, it will push me to create something slightly different than my relatively 'new' found object rebar flowers as I will need to make some flowers that fit under certain guidelines: i will not be paid for the work submitted. the flowers must avoid anything that will degrade in fifty years. that is, no plastic, paper, wood, or anything that might have a life-expectancy of less than fifty years. and each flower or set of flowers must be such that they can be embedded in thin-set mortar.

it would definitely be a great learning experience as well as an opportunity. other than buying more scrap to make the flowers/stems, my costs would be relatively low. i am already thinking i would need to make a base for groups of flowers so this can all be more easily installed/set into the mortar. end of april is the time they want the bulk of the work. it would be amazing if i could partake in this!

i have to say this last week has been an emotional roller coaster, the idea of tod leaving and me not knowing where to go has kept me from feeling like making any art. it's been overwhelming thinking about where/when/how to move let alone really finding a place that fits my artist studio needs. i feel i am going in 100 different directions at once and as many artists experience, when you aren't making art it can feel like you are unraveling and losing bits of yourself. i think today is the first day that i am feeling some hope and support. i'm not sure change will ever feel easy or good. i'm not sure i will ever have dignity...i don't handle upsets easily and it's easy to chastise myself for how i react and behave. if i can jump back on the art track maybe i can level myself out again. even if i dont have the time/opportunity to get involved with this, just being asked is very cool and i will have to trust more opportunities will present themselves.

It starts now!

2011-03-18T17:01:00.001-05:00

Per the post below, today is the kick off for your chance to win a piece of art. Since it is basically an even split of choice, nearly half voted for Wall Dancers and the other for The Wonder Horse, I have decided that whomever's name I pick can have whichever piece they wanted.

Just to be on the safe side since I'm not sure how blogger stands on such types of donation/giveaways, I am posting the rules on my website as well as the PayPal button. Once I have received your donation you will receive a number via email and 2 weeks from today when I pull the numbers from the hat your number will be revealed if you are the winner. (that way you have privacy and can exclaim to the world if you wish or remain anonymous).

Keep in mind there will be a 2nd hat pulling immediately after for another chance to pick from a vase/or candle holder of my choosing. Details, rules etc are all on my website. Thank you so much and please if you can, repost this or send the link of my website to friends/facebook/twitter etc. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't really need some help with this move, new life I am having to embrace. (see 2 posts down if you aren't privy).

Good luck and thank you so much! I will announce the winner Friday, April 1 at 5pm central standard time.

Which One?

2011-03-15T14:19:00.005-05:00

My newsletter is coming out today, normally I would send this exclusively via email to all those whom have signed up, this time however I am also posting it on my blog as it pertains to my blog:

Paula's Newsletter #2, March 2011

A time of new life...new growth. Changes. If you've seen my recent blog post you are familiar with the changes that are soon to happen in my world. Having lived with Tod for seven years, I will soon be living alone as he embarks on his own journey in life in the pacific northwest. I will stay here in Huntsville and begin to build a life of my own here as a solo artist.

My challenges at the moment are figuring out where to move or how to make it work so I can stay in this loft for a while longer which, the more I look around, is perhaps the most practical/workable spot for me since I will now have more room work and storage space in this apartment. I'm open to moving but that will take some getting ahead financially and right now my goal is to sell some art and see what happens.

Having said that, I've come up with an idea to offer art to people who might otherwise not be able to afford it, as well as to give me an opportunity to lighten my load and introduce more people to my work. That being, I am going to offer a piece of art on my blog to a random winner from the list of donors. Before I decide which piece to offer I wanted to poll my readers on which piece they would like to see me offer. The two choices are:

The Wonder Horse

The Wonder Horse II, 2008
Print: 12x17(in) #1/20
Total Size 22" diameter
Mixed Media Assemblage

Wholesale Value: $350 Retail Value: $700

The Wonder Horse is a C-Print that has been laminated onto a 1/4" black beveled MDF (medium density fiberboard). The lamination means you dont have to frame this in glass and can easily wipe it a soft cloth to clean dust. The Photograph is mounted to a cut up foundry pattern (100 + yrs old) from an old saw mill in VT. A barrel band serves and the 'frame' for this lightweight/sturdy piece.

The Wonder Horse is a child's carousel horse that I found in an old ravine on a dairy farm. I photographed him and later went back to rescue him!

My Mixed Media Photo Assemblages have exhibited in galleries since 2006. They have been bought by art collectors from all over the US. Prices have been reduced by at least half as I am no longer in galleries and there is no 50% commission to split.

OR:

'Wall Dancers"

Wall Dancers, 2006
21(w)x29(H)" Print #3/5
Mixed Media Assemblage

Wholesale Value: $275 Retail Value: $550

Wall Dancers is a 12x18(in)C-Print that has been laminated onto a 1/4" black beveled MDF (medium density fiberboard). The lamination means you dont have to frame this in glass and can easily wipe it a soft cloth to clean dust. The photograph is float mounted onto a painted grid and is very lightweight and durable.

The photo is a close up of peeling paint on an old barn door. I see crazy wall dancing type shadows and shapes in the dark images, hence the name. I took this picture just outside of Wolcott, VT.

A suggested donation of $15 or more via PayPal or personal check (contact me for that info) will enter you in the drawing. When the chosen date has arrived I will pick a name out of a hat and the winner will receive the artwork at no extra cost to them. I will handle shipping and insurance.

You will have another opportunity to receive some art via a 2nd, smaller 'give away'. I am also going to offer either a vase or a pipe candle holder to the 2nd person who's name I pluck from the hat. I will contact the winner and let them choose from a select few vases and candle holders; again, they will not incur any charges for shipping. Keep in mind if you are overseas I will not be responsible for any duty taxes you are likely to incur for anything valued over $200.

And everyone else? I would love to send you a high resolution image (suitable to print as an 8x10") file of the piece you preferred regardless of which gets chosen (just the photo not the mixed media piece). You would have my written permission to print that image for your personal use or just enjoy as a desktop or screen saver image. Include the name of the piece you liked best with your donation.

Please email me or post in my blog comment which piece you would like to see offered. You can vote until 5pm Friday March 18th which piece you would like to see in my give away. Once I have the results I will post the chosen piece on my blog. To give as many people as possible a chance to see this I will promote this on my blog for 2 weeks. The winner(s) will be selected and notified at that time. To protect their identities I will only list them by first initial as winning unless they give me permission to share their name or online identity.

It would be greatly appreciated if you could share the blog post in any way that feels easy/comfortable to you. I really appreciate you all for being supportive and interested both in my work and my life. Thank you so much and good luck! *ps if there is a tie i will choose the less expensive of the two pieces (wall dancers) so VOTE!!!!!

Which piece do you prefer?

1) The Wonder Horse

2) Wall Dancers

Best to you!

Paula

The Cats of Mirikitani

2011-03-14T08:42:00.002-05:00

Last night I watched a movie about Jimmy Mirikitani. Jimmy is a Japanese Artist who was found living on the streets of NYC in Jan. 2001 by filmmaker Linda Hattendorf. He wasn't an alcoholic, he wasn't a drug addict or mentally ill. No. He was an American Citizen, born in California 85 years ago who had the misfortune of being of Japanese dissent and placed in the California Japanese Internment Camps during WW2. His life would never be the same.

Rare is the film about an artist who doesn't appear to be suffering from mental illness or 'drama' that seems self indulgent. When the film first got started you see Jimmy on the streets and not looking so good. You don't know anything about him and it is easy to think he is crazy or an alcoholic. While not 'great', at first glance his art looked very simple and almost stunted in a childlike era both mechanically and subject wise. All of that vanishes as you get to know who the artist is, see his work and accomplishments throughout his life. His art takes on a new meaning and direction and will touch you deeply.

This documentary has so many messages about life, art and humanity. It was uplifting, touching and reminded me how art can heal. Art can touch. That people can make a difference one at a time. This movie won the tribecca film festival award for best documentary. You can read more about the filmakers and 'Jimmy' Mirikitani on their website: The Cats of Mirikitani. You can stream it on Netflix too.

a new chapter

2011-03-12T04:53:00.001-06:00

many of you know that tod went to washington for five weeks. he returned a week ago. fast forward to now and it appears that everything is no longer ever going to be the same. he has decided it is time for him to move on, leave huntsville and 'us' and continue on his own journey through life.

i can't say that i am shocked. i will try not to write too much about him here as it is his journey and story to tell online if he ever decides to do that. suffice to say we have been friends and partners if you will, for about seven years. i met tod when i was on the road, on MY journey towards becoming an artist. i had been gone from arizona for just over a year and after a summer of more driving/camping across the states and canada, i landed in vermont and eventually decided to spend a winter there. it was late summer/early fall and after deciding i was really going to get a little apartment in waterbury, vermont, i soon met tod who lived in stowe. we became fast friends and within a few months i moved in with him. my art world began too. i was finally in a place i could collect materials and still had some money left from my savings to take the time necessary to explore and learn. play. find my artist voice.

at the time, tod was care taking in a large home up near the von trapp lodge. it was a slice of paradise for the most part (nothing is ever perfect let us not forget but thats another story). his life had changed radically over the last few years and he is was in hibernation phase. my life had changed radically too as i ended my 20 year career as a masseuse and ventured out into the unknown with little more than clothes and necessities that fit into my car. it was a time of exploration for both of us. he had been dabbling with writing and art but the commitment or drive wasn't as strong, in a way we were a perfect fit as he loved being a part of my process and going out on 'finds' to see what juicy things could be had. he liked to go on long drives just so i could take pictures for my mixed media wall pieces. when i think about it it is pretty incredible that we got to live for free in a huge house in the middle of seemingly nowhere and mostly do as we pleased.

nothing lasts though. my money was running out. his money done ran out and then some. he got a job in stowe driving a taxi and my art got picked up by local galleries and i was making enough to live (since i didn't pay rent and all). i too drove the cab sometimes but i was determined to make it with art and was actually making it until the economy blew a fuse. fast forward five years and we move to huntsville texas thanks to nellie sending me an online article about dan phillips. it felt right. we knew the house we caretook for was going to be sold soon and vermont just wasn't feeling like a supportive environment anymore. we both were ready to be more 'in the world' and not stuck on a mountain. winters were getting long and hard and i just wanted to be in the sunshine again and not try to work outside in harsh conditions. we went for it and moved to huntsville, texas oct of 2009.

we both were intrigued by the idea of functional art and dan's houses are definitely functional art. it did turn out that we helped work on the bone house but i soon found myself unable to stay away from my own art and physically handle the work for the phoenix commotion (too many years as a masseuse kind of screwed up my body) i spent more and more time on my own art and eventually stopped working with the phoenix commotion altogether. tod lasted a bit longer than i did but he had physical limitations as well and was also feeling there was something else he needed to be doing. huntsville doesn't offer distractions. you either know what you want to do and do it or you go nuts. you dont get to escape here. (ironic isn't it that there are 23+ prison wards in huntsville) bad joke...

anyhow. i dove head first into my vase making and flower making and tod tried to dive there too. truth be told he made some really cool flowers that touch me so much i almost can't stand looking at them. he has a gift for art. for seeing. for finding things....but he doesn't enjoy it the same way. he isn't wanting to spend day after day hour after hour working on something. he has too much logic or something floating around in his brain. it isn't (to use his words) 'satisfying' the way it is for me. i can spend the whole day working on something and not want to stop but he gets angry and frustrated after an hour. not a good sign. what he does crave is intellectual stimulation. culture. literature. stimulation that quite frankly does not exist here the way it does in washington. i get it. it was good to hear he met some people in washington his last week there on Vashon Island. you know its a good sign when out of the blue you meet people and they invite you to come back and maybe rent a room or whatever ...you know its a good sign when you are looking and you find. when you are found. that is what happened to me in vermont and i have a feeling that is what is happening to tod right now. i think he has found some people that are on the path he is to travel on.

and me? well i'd be lying if i said i was groovy. this has been a hideous week for me. my panic roared it's ugly head. while i've been making my bills just fine i'm not quite prepared to pay more or move. and moving...when i think about all the heavy stuff i have and how i logistically deal with all of my stuff it feels totally overwhelming. my first thought of course is art. i have to be able to still make art. i have to be able to live somewhere that supports that. period.

so while i've been living pretty much day to day and somehow making it, i know that things are going to change and i need to adapt. once i calmed down a bit i realized i DO have support here. true i haven't been the most outgoing person, but i have made strides with getting to know people and there might be an opportunity for me to move into another place that would have an art studio. it will be more expensive but if it works out ( i will share more when i know), it could be a really good thing for me. if it doesn't work out, i'm not sure what the hell i'm going to do. not sure at all.

so. tod plans to leave by the end of the month. i will stay here until i know where else to go. i would have to have my rent adjusted to continue living in this $800 a month loft. i could pay my $400 but not tod's half. i figure i have six weeks or so to work like a maniac on art. it's the best thing for me. i've been working like mad on flowers this week and even some new vases. art has always been what heals me and makes me feel sane. when i make art i go towards a healthy place in my mind and body. it nourishes me. comforts me and keeps my brain empty. call me stubborn or crazy but i insist that i am able to make art. to live and work as an artist. i feel that life is way too short to spend it doing anything other than what feeds your soul. it still challenges me when i think about what it means. i felt i had more purpose when i was a massage therapist but i was also incredibly unhappy and unwell. i've yet to figure out an overall 'purpose' to what i'm doing right now other than saving my life and sanity. doing what feels best and right for my being. my self. whatever it is that makes me get up everyday and live.

art called out to me like the faintest of whispers that you think you hear in the wind. i followed that voice. it's been a seven year journey and i can't believe that it is all supposed to just end. so i will just have to suit up and solder on. i will miss my tod. i will miss having that person around day in and day out who oftentimes seemed happier than i was when i sold something. when i made something. when my work got shown in galleries. when he or i found something cool on the road. i will miss the one person i've ever been able to live with. to share poignant moments with. someone who believed in me as an artist before i even knew what there was to believe in. i've learned much about myself by traveling with tod to this point in our lives. i think we both have. we will remain good friends but i know the best thing for him is to go and focus on himself as i have focused on me. [art] it feels really sad and really lonely. i've already cried so much it's ridiculous. i'm sure when he leaves the floodgates will burst again but i know in my heart of hearts this is the best thing for both of us. he hasn't been happy these last six months. it has affected our lives and day to day. much as i would love for things to have never changed....we all know that life isn't like that and change IS good and all i can do is welcome the next chapter.

ugh. time to cry again.

my kind of blues

2011-03-08T07:43:00.000-06:00

yesterday tod and i went to the scrap yard and i spotted a beautiful knob. i wouldn't call this a faucet handle...its much larger and it was attached to an octopus of pipe paraphernalia. lucky for me it came free easily. there were a few other knobs attached to things but they were onerous and alas left behind. found some more small shits too for flower making. got a handful of rebar for more flower stems...now i need some weather cooperation and i can get to work. god help me i guess i can go clean an apartment and make some spare change instead.

i do have about seven flowers in the queue. mostly i'm waiting on a little sunshine and nice weather to take my outdoor photos before posting them online for sale. rain all week is predicted, so i will just have to occupy myself some other way. tod came back saturday from his five week stint housesitting in seattle. he couldn't find much in the way of scrap...its too clean there! he did bring back a BEAUTIFUL blue reflector. it puts my huntsville reflectors to shame. can't wait to make this into an exotic aquatic flower.

other than that...working at a snails pace with some pendant ideas. i'm clueless about affixing and bevels(?) and jump ring sizes and on and on. can't seem to get myself to drive the 50 miles to go to a box store to have a closer look at jewelry making supplies. i prefer online but haven't taken the time to search much. it's all good though, i've got plenty i can be doing. more flowers...taxes...and other art ideas. the days zip by and between the art and etsy (lately i prefer etsy to facebook, their new activity page and treasuries and just all around good exchanges with others has been very engrossing), i find i have little time for much else. hence the boring blog post :)

bromeliads & other

2011-02-25T10:47:00.000-06:00

a client shared a photo of her outdoor rock garden with her new flowers

new one, as of yet untitled. found this wooden dowel on the highway awhile back. the center has a faded pink plastic thing for the 'stigma'. its another subtle one...earthy i like to think.

White Khaki Bromeliad

some new flowers as of late. my bromeliads have sold save for the white khaki which is fairly new and has been recently added to my industrial bloom shop. i'm liking the faucet ones (bromeliads). i don't normally buy my materials but this week i broke down and did some ebay sniping and got a stock of faucet knobs. its shocking how expensive they can be... i was pleased to have gotten what i consider to be quite a good deal on 77 of them. i have work to do! hopefully my rebar stash will see me through a few batches of flowers. i hesitate to store much more of anything under our little rickety loft steps.

its been quite in my world. seasonal crap i'm sure and just a little worn down by my own thoughts. my tendency is to slide out of the present and worry about the future. or wonder. or knock repeatedly on a door that isn't seeming to open and rather than walk away and find another one i just stand there waiting. i am so grateful that i've been selling just enough flowers/vases/other art that somehow i make it each month. there is still the nagging thought of now what. what is next. what am i supposed to be doing. where am i headed. its a lot of mental nonsense probably. i know i'm very content when i sit down and just work on a flower. i sometimes have to push out thoughts that try to tell me i am not doing anything purposeful or productive. when i question what i am doing i always feel nuts. when i do what i want/do what i love to do (making a flower or whatever piece of art i'm working on at the moment) i am fine.

some of you may i have noticed i'm not on facebook much right now. the only thing i seem to keep up with is etsy. it's my livelihood. right now i am trying to keep my little head quiet. it helps to be online a little less, even if it worries me i might 'disappear' from the online world. it's only hard to follow my instinct when i think. thinking isn't a good thing. not for me.

the power of the flower

2011-02-15T10:11:00.000-06:00

Pistona Cylindubious, 2011
Approx. 27" tall
Flower: approx 4" wide

i finally have 3 or 4 of these piston cylinder thingies. this is the first flower i've made with one and i've noticed all of the pistons are different...what exactly they went to? lawnmowers...chainsaws. who knows. i love them and want more but i am thinking they will be hard to come by. the challenge remains to find objects that i can make a bouquet with of the same 'body'. the road reflectors to date are the only thing in abundance.

Smashed Bauxite Un-Ore-Dinary , 2011
Approx. 17" tall
Flower: approx 3" wide

quite fond of this one too. i find so many smashed cans and containers on the roadside, of course i had to make a flower from one. the backside is comprised of a found black 'cup' thing and a black rubber part that i pick up at the tire shops. to me it is pure magic how these parts somehow all fit together and make what is to me, a perfect flower.

Transitional Outage, 2011
Approx. 19 1/2" tall
Flower: approx 4.5" long
2" wide

the electrical boxes are fun challenges...they have several punch out holes which in this case were filled with found auto plastic/rubber. who knows what all is in the center of this flower, layers of objects that magically fit together. i like thinking these are powerful flowers. they carried things, held things. relayed and powered machines and fluids. they can rest now and take life easy.

more!

2011-02-11T11:03:00.000-06:00

i have some new flowers that i need to edit the photos and put up on my etsy flower shop, but for now, below are some individual photos of other new flowers that i sold this week in huntsville. (the silver 'box' one is the only one still available and will get that on etsy too) i have yet to name them...one of my favorites things is coming up with a name and description. i listed a flower yesterday in my shop, the Bulbous Electro-tus. it isn't new new, its just i hadn't wanted to list all my flowers at once, you gotta dole it out you see.

yellow sold

sold

i love how things just work out...that above 'blue wheel' i got awhile back at the scrap yard. just last week i was out walking and saw this teeny tiny 'ceramic like conductor' thing and thought nah...and then i thought oh just grab it and when i got home i realized it was a perfect fit for the center of the blue flower. it matches that white/rust perfectly! nellie had sent me a little box of scrap goodies and you can see above, the back of the blue wheel flower a weird 'cup' like thing that works perfectly to bulk up an otherwise 'flat' flower. thank you nellie!

the reflector flowers (i will post a new white/black one on etsy later today i hope) are really cool for exhibiting outside. if light catches them they do have a bit of a glow about them. i will admit they are fairly simple, for now i appreciate the wabi sabi of them and find the backsides just as brilliant as the front. there is still cement and rocks encrusted on some of them and i try to find nice nuts/bolts or whatever to attach to the rebar and flower. so far the fronts don't seem to need anything else as the reflectors have plenty of personality.

i've started painting the stems with the rust converter to help protect it against the elements. from what i hear you would probably want to reapply that every few years if you don't want rust to start coming back (and you live in a wet area). rebar is everywhere out there, look for it next time you are walking around any construction area or even in gutters along the road. rebar is thick and doesn't rust to dust...but it will rust again over time and whether you like that look is up to you. i've warmed up to the darker look of the rust converter...i still like how the unpainted rebar has this cool white, silver, brown look so i'm keeping that look for indoor flowers. the challenge for me is finding more colorful baubles and working when its cold and rainy outside. hope to have more flowers soon, god knows i have plenty of vases :)

first newsletter sent!

2011-02-09T11:32:00.000-06:00

I have sent my first newsletter, if you have signed up and not received it, please check your spam folder. I have sent it via blind carbon copy, your emails are safe and sound will never ever get used/abused. It's not too late to sign up and get your copy now. I am on the fence about posting the newsletter online, perhaps i will lag them a month. next month when i send one i might post the previous one on a static blog page but i'm not sure i wanna do that. the whole point in my sending out newsletters is to give you a more intimate look about what is going on and allowing you access to something all in one place rather than tracking me down online. time will tell.
thank you to my first 25 subscribers!

newsletter: take II

2011-02-05T14:29:00.000-06:00

did i make that newsletter sound fun!!!!????
no.
hours later i'm getting my trickle of subscribers and thinking it is SO typical of me to do something and as i fear it or am unsure of it, i dont give it the excitement and oomph it deserves.
so here, i'm giving myself another chance:

I am creating a newsletter! I have taken it for granted that people can find out what is going on with me on facebook. I have many artist friends on facebook as well as my fan page. I'm in touch with a lot of people on etsy as well and never gave much thought to sending a newsletter out so you can find out more about my world, my art without having to track me down online. It is obvious there are plenty of people who still haven't embraced facebook. Many don't use etsy convo's. The list goes on. Heck I can't even keep track of all these sites sometimes.

Having said that, I'm going to give a monthly newsletter a shot. I plan on sharing things there that aren't already here. You can get glimpses of my world, I will try to include photos of what I am working on, perhaps new work that you might not have seen with links as well. Hopefully it will be a more intimate and interesting take of what it is I do nearly day in and day out. I will try to write one every month. Sometimes I will also highlight other artists as well, I really believe in the power of artists sharing their love of what other artist's do. It is how we get inspired is it not?

So, I invite you to join my newsletter. You can sign up by entering your email address in the box just under my profile info on the sidebar. I look forward to writing my first one soon as I get at least 10 subscribers ...hahaha i have such low expectations dont i?

2011-02-05T10:22:00.000-06:00

If you look over there to the right, you will see that I have added a newsletter subscription widget. I have never had the courage to have a newsletter. I say courage because I find it challenging to think about sending out a newsletter. I personally do not care to receive them. Why? Well, I like to get my info about the people I like via facebook/blogs and friendly emails. I get enough emails as it is and newsletters never feel personal. I need personal. The one person who sends out a newsletter that I find entertaining is Kelly Moore, he is an outsider artist who keeps it interesting, you never know what you will see/read in his newsletters and even then I usually just click to his website and see whats going on rather than read the newsletter. I realize I am probably not the norm though.

I think a few years ago I tried to do the newsletter thing and just bailed. I never believed that anyone was interested in reading my blather. Truth be told I did blather. Now that I am making my living primarily online via etsy instead of galleries, I'd like to think I have more online friends and followers who just might be interested. I know I have slowed my blogging WAY down and while I use my facebook fan page alot, there isn't really much 'news' there. So I'm gonna give it another try. Most probably it will start off one way and morph into another way. My plan is to send out a newsletter once a month but with no set date. My goal at the moment is to include links/pictures of works I have available and any interesting news/tidbits about my art world happenings. I will try to keep it interesting and wont be offended if you unsubscribe. I am using a free sign up widget and should you desire to unsubscribe at any point I suggest replying to my newsletter with 'unsubscribe' in the subject. I would much rather you do that than keep subscribing if you feel you don't want updates anymore. believe me, i get it!

it got better

2011-01-24T13:45:00.000-06:00

it's been a lousy 4 weeks. stagnant...everything on hold...personal life stuff blah blah blah. finally things have shifted and i gotta say, it has been wonderful having my new flower shop to focus on (see post below). i've sold a handful of flowers already and i cannot tell you how good this feels as a launching pad for a barely filled etsy shop.

i've uploaded a few more. short of actually gathering the objects and making the flowers, naming them is one of my favorite things yet! i dont really know much about plants but that doesn't stop me from googling things and adding twists to names that resemble (to a point) my flowers. i invite you to peruse both sold and for sale descriptions if you are looking for mild entertainment. the other unexpected outcome to this flower thing is that i realized i can make sculpture like flowers for gardens and porches, they dont have to sit in a vase! it was when i needed to take pictures to upload them to etsy that i was inspired to shove them in the ground and realized DUH i could start making flowers specifically for outdoors. currently my flowers have NOT been treated with a rust converter and while some flowers could be placed outdoors, most shouldn't be exposed to the elements. that is gonna change with the newer ones. (not all but most). i use a cold weld for most of the main structural parts but the other adhesive i use isn't really meant for outdoors. i'm gonna start using a waterproof adhesive and paint some of the flowers in advance with rust converter. i dont like that it darkens the rebar but its what needs to be done unless you dont mind orange/rust. (i dont but you know me).

here are some new candle holders! (online holders available here.) they are not going on etsy, as i've placed these next door at the 'hair salon'. the girls who work the counter always fawn over my pipe stuff, so i can only hope someone buys one or two. next goal is to check out the local flower shop up near the university. i hear they do rentals for university affairs...if i can get enough flowers made/candle holders...vases...who knows maybe i can get some rental stuff going. nice to have a goal...right now its wet and cold and i'm not able to get out there and work on anything other than little bits of stuff already in progress indoors. got my new saw but haven't opened the box. got my new grinder but its not usable in rain. winter just kind of sucks when you have an 'outdoor' parking lot studio. i tell ya what, all of these restrictions just make me want to work even harder to one day have my own studio to work out of!

flower shop blooms!

2011-01-20T13:18:00.000-06:00

Industrial Bloom etsy shop

okay. i finally have my new etsy shop up! this time around i actually paid another artist to create the banner and avatar. i wanted something surreal...i wanted my flowers to be popping up like some salvador dali painting and tom aka promopocket (an artist who lives/works in lithuania) did just that. i didn't have many images for him to work with and amazingly he did just what i had in mind without me going nuts sending a billion different photos. thank you tom! great job especially since i only had a handful of flowers made/sent to you to work with!

so. the shop is up. i've spent the morning getting it up and loading just a handful of works. more in the coming days. takes a fair amount of time to figure out descriptions/shipping details. it feels good to have a separate shop up that will carry just one type of work. i look forward to watching it grow. (pun intended).

Red Gerber Yellow Bud, 2011

ps. i've got some new candle holders made too. you can see them here.

art & life like oil and water

2011-01-06T06:17:00.002-06:00

these three new pieces sold before i could get them onto etsy..thank you vase collecting woman! these are my slice containers. they are composed of two different pipes and give the vessel an even stronger ceramic feel. i want to be making many variations and see whats possible. it's hard to find pipe that fits as you'd be surprised how many different sizes there are. these are to be used as pencil holders or whatever else but are not my typical waterproof vase works. i'm veering away from my flower vases right now and letting my found object flowers catch up (etsy shop opening soon). but in the meantime i will keep experimenting with pipes and what is possible because i know there are endless possibilities and it lies within me to find them.

the piece above is unique and i wish i could take credit for the cool cut on the top rim but that is how i find em. for whatever reason the scrap yard cuts up pipe with a torch and it makes the most amazing effects. i remember last year when i got pipe from them i always considered that the bad part! believe it or not i would cut that part off and toss it! what an idiot huh? that is almost the BEST part of my vases and candle holders. all i have to do is clean that jagged stuff up so you dont cut yourself as they are pretty sharp and messy. i went looking for more pipe monday and there is nothin. i take that as a sign i'm just supposed to keep working on flowers.

which i keep promising to have a site up soon. life gets in the way. you know how it is. my flow is messed up due to some personal life goings on. and i still let that part time cleaning gig get to me and lose all momentum. i find when i worry about stuff everything just STOPS. for whatever reason tod and i are going through more life changes and both of us are wondering where we are going. does tod want to go somewhere else alone and find his thing? if he does what am i gonna do? do i stay here and try to make it on my own? i have no idea. needless to say this stuff is a huge elephant in the room and i can't just poke it with a stick and remove it. my art dont flow when my brain is consumed. but its life. i'm starting to get used to it.

posted jan 6, 2011

one down one to go

2011-01-03T12:56:00.001-06:00

okay one down one to go. just bought a wilton 6" bench grinder on ebay. whoo hooo. i've got some fresh pipe slices cut and waiting for the new grinder to arrive. next, the dry cut saw, which i am happy to say is going to cost less than i originally thought because i found one that is cheaper and will do more than i had expected (meaning i can cut plastic too). just needing to get more info on blade types and then i will order that bitch!

i've made/sold two of my new candle holder designs on etsy recently and will have three pencil holders available soon with the same concept in mind. i think once i get my new tools and learn how to use them i will be more productive and creative with new container/vase ideas. looking forward to going to the scrap yard and looking for new pipes as well as get my new etsy flower shop going. I went back to doing some apartment cleaning last week and all my momentum got dislocated. doing the best i can :)

one way or another

2010-12-26T16:26:00.002-06:00

growing pains. i seem to experience that often. usually during the middle of new work getting made cuz thats when i realize that i dont know things or have things that i need. if you want to keep raising your own bar, if you wanna lift that sucker high up over your head it takes some massive push.

dilemma: i know i need a better cutting tool that isn't going to melt the pipes when i cut them to reduce grinding/clean up time but more importantly, for a better, more 'true' cut. and for efficiency as well since not having to do so much grind/clean up means less time/waste AND things wont wobble.

i could get a 14" portable dry cut saw that starts at around $430. if i can find one without the carbide blade its 100 less but i need at least 2 blades and those, if i want a good one is easily $150 each. that isn't that daunting but what IS daunting is the more i read about these machines the more i'm seeing dudes in forums always talking about chipping blade teeth, having problems with that and ending up buying more blades or needing excessive blade sharpening done. i'm figuring if the dudes are screwing this up what kind of chance do i have? i'm a moron most times and am envisioning the massive blade breakage already.

also...the more forums i read about these machines the more i know, while they ARE better than the abrasive cheap ($200) chop saw that i have, they are still a joke in the fabrication world.

what i probably need is a horizontal band saw. they can be semi portable, although they will weigh about 130lbs and i probably wont be able to lug that outside, down the porch stairs and onto the parking lot unless i can also hire two gladiators. keep in mind even these are on the bottom of the totem pole but superior than the above tools. from what i'm seeing you could easily spend 3-5-10,000 bucks on a good cold cut saw. but realistically speaking i need $800 or so and a place to work in. thats it.

mmmmm
next on my mind: i need an art studio i can work in so i dont have to wait for nice weather, available parking space or lightweight tools to lug around. i have outgrown this little parking lot set up FOR SURE. what i NEED is more money to buy a good tool. what i NEED is perhaps some mentoring.

dream on grasshopper.

do i shop around for a studio? i am still just making my rent/bills/food and now that all sales on etsy have stopped i'm back to cleaning next week. it will take a massive leap to find a smaller apartment and then try to rent a studio that will allow me to make more noise than the average artist. i feel confined and stuck in a big big way. i also know i need more education about metal and tools. i might need to find someone locally that is willing to show me stuff...keep in mind this is texas and i talk like a yankee....it is going to take a miracle i think. i have found that fabricators, unless they are artisans...just dont get the artist mindset and its like talking two languages. i realize i no longer am in a place of wanting to be an apprentice because my work is too important to me to give up right now.

all i know is i feel ready for more change. i have a few prototypes of pipe/vase/container and flowers ideas with even more ideas in my head but for sure they exceed my capabilities. it's a frustrating spot to stand in. even if all i want is some tools right now it is maddening as we can't find any of these machines in stores around here. tod and i spent way too long at home depot, our puny little home depot that doesn't carry the tools i want. supplies yes, tools no. i can't find a variable speed grinder to save my life there... forget about the dry chop saws, the cold saws, the horizontal saws. how ya supposed to know what you are buying if you can't even see it? online feels like hit or miss when you aren't sure what you are getting.

mmmmm
maybe i am stuck in primitive a bit longer.
working on and trusting something will present itself as a solution before i wear myself out.
working on having a better attitude and being open for whatever.
i always feel like i am at the very beginning all the time. like i still know nothing. which i suppose is better than knowing it all and being bored.

this and that

2010-12-17T14:22:00.003-06:00

below i talked about the candle holders being limited edition and that i would be uploading more to etsy. bout a day later i realized i dont have the desire to put them on etsy right now. not in the mood to take pictures, it's cold and eye watering out there and i think i'm almost burnt out on photo taking/editing right now. my shop is full. juicy. ripe. got plenty up there. that and i would make more if i had that better machine. so i'm selling them privately and holding onto whatever is left and letting it percolate.

i finally hit some sort of wall. i wanna do this and that and need to do that and this and end up floating around like a lost soul.

i have my found object flowers laying around. i wanna start some pendants. i wanna make some more puzzle head sculptures. i wanna make more furniture. my studio is a disaster. i'm in limbo. so i flit around and take care of this and that. fix that organize this. i'll find my way. i continue to find homes for things that i no longer want the burden of selling. the more i do it the freer i feel. there is conflict sometimes about giving art away or having it reduced to seduce. i still worry it devalues things but my desire to move on supersedes the desire to hold out. hold on.

so. i look forward to whatever is next. i think i have pretty much burnt out on the vases. it feels complete. other than what is on etsy i have maybe 45 in stock. as they continue to sell i will upload the rest on etsy where i'm thinking they will bode well in spring and in the meantime give me time to work on the next pipe dream. still have a big stack of pipes and plenty of ideas about what to do with them.

so. if you are interested in some candle holders let me know. i have about 14 left. big ones are $15 and smaller ones are $12. i have six indian reds (above photos $15 ea). one of those six has a jagged top instead of smooth. Sold em all thank you!!

~~i have two black ones that are 'small' for $12~~ SOLD THANK YOU!

~~i have the three yellow/silver ones one of which has pink in it and a jagged top. those are $12~~

Sold em all thank you!!

~~i also have two white birch ones of which i dont have a photo but will gladly email you one if interested and one crackling red. whites are $12 and crackling $15.~~ most of you now how to reach me...message me on facebook, email or leave comment here. have a good weekend ya'll!
they are all gone!!

yeah kinda like that

2010-12-13T19:18:00.001-06:00

i keep going on and on about how crate and barrel has their limited edition 'peppermint bark'. way back when, when i was a massage therapist that is...i had a client who turned me on to that stuff. for christmas they had me over and we sat down to watch a video and they presented me with that peppermint bark stuff and i went nuts. i REALLY went nuts when i realized i could only get it during christmas. it was like...well like crack. and i had to wait til next hear to get it.

dare i compare my candle holders with that? well ...okay. i will.
i have sold a handful of them privately and the few i put on etsy are gone. i went on a little work rampage this weekend and am finishing up putting bottoms on them and need to sand/sign them and poof, a limited edition christmas candle holder collection will be here and hopefully gone til next year. i realized that making them all year long was counter productive as you cannot charge THAT much for a few inches of pipe. the work is almost all the same, i still have to cut, grind both ends, fashion bottoms and grind them and apply the cold weld to affix said bottoms. oh and paint the inside with rust convertor. so. this little collection is it...i might make some for christmas in july for etsy. heads up. they will up in a few days. i ordered some votive holders/candles that will fit these (another thing is candles come in a gazillion sizes and i don't want to suddenly be in a position to have to make a million different sizes and i would because i like to please people) for those of you who don't want to search for the perfect fit.

i will have a new color too...indian red. will post on facebook when they are up. aloha

friday new art finds: george e ohr

2010-12-09T19:37:00.001-06:00

this week's friday new art finds is crazy, eccentric, genius George E Ohr. (thanks to tod for turning me on to him). i had never heard of him or seen is work until tod brought home a big book from the university library. i was stunned when i looked through the book. his pottery is alive. it is sensual and imperfect and stunning. he did things that no one had ever done and as far i as know, never has to this day. you can read about 'the mad pottery' via this smithsonian magazine article.

i'm excited to hear about the frank gehry building that now houses his work at the Ohr, O'keefe Musuem of art in Biloxi, MS. you can read about that here.

you know me, i just wanna show you pictures and let you find your own thread to follow. enjoy! if you can find the book you will have a blast soaking up all that creativity.

glazed ceramic, 1857- 1918

at the MOMA

these pictures do not do justice to his work. the book is much more interesting and i was loving his unglazed pieces the most. the shapes, the sandstone deserty look to them blew my mind. anyone heard of him already? been to the museum?

done!

2010-12-04T19:22:00.001-06:00

hats off to people who do big shows all year long. really. it's just too much for me on so many levels (and this was just a table show for gods sake). i appreciate the opportunity to do it but now that i've got two under my belt in a few weeks i realize how stressful and long the days are when you are behind a table all day watching people walk by and look and comment (or not). forget about the lugging all the stuff to and fro your car twice in one day! galleries and online is much easier and less arduous. but i have to be thankful for those who showed up and bought my work. my new candle holders were a hit and i sold about half of them. sold some flowers, a handful of vases and one of my wood trays! got lots of good compliments and mostly tried to absorb all the smiles and look of 'delight' when people took a closer look at my stuff. made me happy. i am exhausted and have had a big headache all day. guess i'm just not a people person, it's a lot of stimulation and i felt trapped most of the day.
i had the wherewithall to take a few photos before the action started so you can see the pipe troupe. will upload my candle holders on etsy after i take some decent pictures of them..probably tomorrow or monday. over and out.ps a BIG THANK YOU to Cynthia...she put this whole thing together and did all of the marketing etc. You can see some of her watercolor paintings on the wall behind my vases. She was next to me...I'd post her photos but I sent them to her and I'm sure she will post them on her blog and talk about how horrible it was to be next to me all day because i was panicking at one point and felt like abandoning ship. there was a look of utter incomprehension on her face like 'how can you panic HERE?'. i love you cynthia ....

sneak peek

2010-12-01T14:13:00.001-06:00

so here is the obvious. pipe votive candle holders! i still need to test them out (burn candles in them). the red pipes were big enough i could buy a glass votive holder so those are good to go. the smaller/thinner ones are going to be just candles in there so i want to see how they fair. the all aluminum pipes, i'm thinking it will be a breeze to scrape out the wax, in the other pipes i have no idea. i suppose one could put aluminum foil under the candle....i have no clue yet. today i'm putting finishing touches on them (sanding the bottoms to smooth them and even any outer edges) and will test a few out tonight. i like the idea of this. i like it alot. what do you think?

old and new

2010-11-30T08:03:00.000-06:00

saturday is the angel show here in huntsville. this year it coincides with the huntsville christmas show on the square. they didn't do that last year..i fear we have competition! hopefully people will see the fliers and postcards about town and come visit because we will have lots of home made goodies as well as handmade works of art.

i have a secret new item coming up which i need to finish, test out and hope to unveil at market on saturday. it is an obvious choice that i doubt will surprise anyone when they see it. in fact, i am sure if you put any thought to it you would be able to guess what it is. any guesses?

having an online store and being the one in charge of when you need to change product is a little different than having art in a gallery. in a gallery they let you know time is up and what else do you have. they tell you no more of that and when do you have new? they decide what they want. not you. i started my etsy store because the galleries liked/sold my mixed media work but the clocks weren't really 'gallery' materials so i sold the clocks in retail shops. once i moved to texas that all stopped. i sell my clocks on etsy (a resurgence of them in the last month or two, go check out my new photos of them) and as you know...a butt load of vases. in july i had only 26 sales in my etsy shop. now i have 131! i have even sold more vases than that because some orders were for more than one vase and some vases sold privately. seems like a lot but it still is $20 here $30 there. i still need to keep pushing myself to come up with new product to keep things fresh and interesting. i suspect the vases will do well another month or two and perhaps again in the spring. it's time to look ahead and figure out what else i can work on en masse. i still want to do flowers but that is a one at a time thing and very time consuming. i know i will attempt pendants too as jewelry is very popular even if i am intimidated because it is something already done to death and i know i can't reinvent the wheel. it's a challenge and i will accept it. an etsy friend sent me some waxed cord samples so i can play around with knots and ways to hang pendants, soon as i finish this first test batch of pipe things and clear my work area up i will see what i can come up with.

i'm not done with pipes. not by a long shot. i have new 'container' ideas that will indeed require that non abrasive saw. making thin slices of pipes and stacking them, i'm working on the prototype but i know i can't do it with the tool i have since it burns off most of the paint and melts the pipe so much it is impossible to really clean it up. the thin strips of pipe have so much melted debris on both ends it isn't possible to grind it properly. that could be my kickstarter project. of course i would still love to just sell a few mixed media pieces and have the cash NOW. i've yet to sell such a piece online. i have reduced my prices now that my works aren't in galleries. you are basically paying half of what you would were they in galleries. perhaps that isn't enticing enough, i can only hope. at any rate...i am busy and content.

more vases comin at cha

2010-11-21T11:28:00.000-06:00

Found Object Vase, 2010

Found Object Candle Holder, 2010

gotta say, been having a good time taking pictures of my remaining vases of the year. i plan on making just a handful more (some are christmasy in character and keep selling out so i will replenish that stock as well as some special order vases)

snuck in a new candle holder see photo above. i am in love with that piece. i love that i have no clue or desire really to know what it once was. all i know is it is now a candle holder, bone like in shape, feel....something i would love on my table if i had a table. but you know me, i like making things but dont really want much right now.

will keep loading new vases on etsy as i still have 80 or so ready to go. for anyone interested, i do have more white birches , more blue vases, more texas praries, more blue speckled sparrow eggs, more big reds, and on and on. its all about the vases obviously. least for right now :)

Friday New Art Finds: dolinje

2010-11-19T10:20:00.000-06:00

Grebe - JUNK FLEET - Wall Sculpture Signed Original by dolinje

Swordfisher - JUNK FLEET - Wall Sculpture Signed Original

Tiny - JUNK FLEET - Wall Sculpture Signed Original

The First One - JUNK FLEET - Wall Sculpture Signed Original

A few months ago I found an artist online from Croatia. He makes 'junk fleet ships' which I personally find irresistible. It's a case of, if i had the money if I had the home to decorate, his ships would be on my walls. They are brilliant, complicated, simple and exude a playfulness that keeps them from dipping into pretension.

I decided to post his work on my Friday New Art Finds as a way to jump start myself back into sharing artists I love each Friday. Please visit his shop and check out his work, it is not often I see an artist on Etsy who is 'pure'. Below I have copied one of his item descriptions which gives you an idea about his work:

I created these ships using pieces spitted from the sea which I collected on the island Iž in North Dalmatia. In that way I react ecologically: cleaning the beach and the sea where my kids swim and produce something at least interesting.

Picking up those pieces I just can imagine who throw it away and also in which situations.Playing with and observing that things between my fingers I have realized that it is a clean garbage. It was hardly washed in a sea tumbled numerous times. On the land it has been burned under the sun for days, months or years. Those processes change their origin shapes and colors. Disassembled and ruined now they got a new look. Mounted in forms of ships with a new purpose they begin to live a new life.But it is still about garbage, waste and pollution.

Why ships? It is man's first connection with the sea. Only by a boat or a ship the man is able to explore, to feel and know the sea. Pieces were not particularly designed or treated in any way. I was using used materials like nails, wire, strings and cords for assembling. The ships are named in old fashioned way which is very common in Dalmatia - there are descriptive adjectives for special shape, color, manner, etc. A hook and an old part of a wood are examples of exposing.

You can also find some inexpensive 'functional' art on his site, brilliant as well...key chains made from ski's and snowboards. Each one is unique, one of a kind. I always respect an artist who can create a wonderful, functional design, these key chains do just that.

Snow-lover original keychain TE

rebar flowers

2010-11-17T08:58:00.000-06:00

so last weekend i finished making a batch of rebar flowers for the flower show. i didn't get a chance to take 'good' photos...but here is what i did manage before whisking them off. i had so much fun making these, i can't even tell you! of course i feel like i need more 'fun' baubles...more color, more cool shapes. not sure where i will find such things but now when i go to the scrap yard i pretty much ignore the 20 ft high stack of pipes and gaze at the minutiae, the crumbs if you will, that are left at the other blob of trash that is what i call the home and garden section. ie: broken toys, broken yard machinery and household crap. not much to pick from but i'm there stooping, digging through more nastiness just to find a little round wheel....something tiny and unusual.

i sure do get excited when i find auto stuff on the roadside. i really like gas caps. and i like the round black rubber auto parts that inexplicably just fall off of vehicles and find themselves 2 feet off the side of the highway. i like electrical parts too. they make great 'flower bulbs'. it is kind of endless. i feel like i can't get enough rebar either. its a perfect marriage of metal rubble.

i might not be opposed to doing some garage sale time if it means i get to find little things for spare change. i know i spent some money on these bobbin things at an antique store. (well actually she traded me vases for them as they were $4.95 a piece and they aren't called bobbins but thats what i call them cuz i can't remember what they are called). so if its cool enough it's probably worth springing some silver over.

i have this blue vase up on etsy....flowers not included. now that i know the kickstarter thing needs to be a 'new' project i am ready to sell these. i've already sold seven to one of my vase collectors so there are 16 of these left plus two other darker shiny blue vases. my plan is to start loading all i can on etsy since it is that time of year. here is the link to the vase section. go check it out if you haven't seen my newest, more getting added today too :)

recap

2010-11-16T09:12:00.001-06:00

So Saturday was the Falling Flowers event at the Wynne Home Arts Center here in Huntsville. I had my vases there with flowers that both myself and Tod have made. There was a great crowd and I didn't recognize anyone! My vases were on the dining tables and honestly, I didn't even notice them so I dont know if anyone else did. I'm cool with that. I wasn't the highlight of the evening, it was Lorrie, the volunteer at Wynne home who had her now deceased friends poems translated and published as well as Kristie's Chinese Dinner that took center stage. And musicians and poetry reading. I snuck in the next day and removed half of the vases to then gallop off yesterday to a master gardener event in Conroe. (post below).

That too was not really 'my thing'. I wasn't a master gardener and I know by now that my 'art' is not really something that is going to fit into most homes and thus far, in texas, that number is minimized even more. I get it and I'm happy to be invited to show my vases regardless of if they sell like hotcakes. What DID sell like hotcakes were these odd 'totems' made from glass. She goes to garage sales or wherever and buys old vases and plates and bowls and then glues/stacks them. Some are functional (cupcake holders?), some were lanterns and some were totems, which to me just looked like glass stacked upsidedown on top of each other with no use whatsoever. ugh. I'm sorry but I didn't get it. (bet she thought THE SAME THING about me ha ha ha) I will be nice and not say too much about it other than it was ironic that she was next to my table and I got to sit there and watch people buy buy buy something that was incomprehensible to me. I sold a few vases and people did seem to like my work, but lets face it, it was an older crowd of people who probably live with a decor that 'see through glass' looks better in than scary old pipes.

Tod and I went walking for a few hours during the master gardener meeting and flower arranging instruction by a guest speaker. (again...you had to be there to believe it). We walked on the nearby highways and got two big bags of scrap. Long day but hey, its nice to be out of the loft and take a break sometimes.

I have just a few weeks left before I do the last of this year's 'show's. Again, happy to be there but not having high expectations. All I can say is thank god my stuff sells online to people all over the country. If I had to depend on the local market to keep me afloat I would surely sink.

After debating whether to show some pictures from yesterday I realize they are hideous photos. As usual I brought my shit camera and it took....well, shit pictures. Suffice to say, Tod and I felt like it was thus far the best table presentation of my meager table showing history. I have to say, I prefer online first and galleries second. It is a lot of work lugging crate after crate of heavy pipe vases and worrying about my found object flowers getting crushed. It's hard to sit behind a table and have people walk by and make pithy little remarks (like I do when I walk by THEIR tables). It's just all a bit awkward and not my preferred way to sell art. I get it, some art sells better than others on a table. Having said that, I'm glad I was asked to be there, glad I did it and happy to be home to ready myself for the next thing.

falling flowers, master gardener and angel show

2010-11-10T11:01:00.004-06:00

Well I think I am almost done making vases for the year. I have about 28 vases on my etsy shelf. I keep them separate so I dont confuse myself.. To the left is my shelf of yet to be listed/photographed vases, as well as the bunches in the other photos below (and some others i just didn't bother snapping a picture of today)

I've started making more rebar flowers, but that is slow going as it is obviously a more creative endeavor than cutting pipes and readying them as vases. This weekend is a 'falling flowers' event at the local art center. I deposited 12 vases with my puzzle flowers/buds and some of tod's bottle cap flowers. Then on Sunday I will remove some of them and lug about 30 vases to a master gardener gathering in Conroe, Texas that my friend Cynthia has invited me to. I gather they have talks for the Master Gardeners and this year they decided to set up some tables and offer handmade items for sale. It's a few hours to show and sell some vases and is inexpensive to partake in. After that I will start listing these on etsy. My only other 'event' is the Huntsville "Angel Show' which I participated in last year. (thanks to cynthia once again!) This year she got some nice postcards made up and we are hoping for an even better turn out than last year!

So, I'm sure the next 7 weeks will fly by. I'm already planning to make new works for 2011. I think the vases will take a small rest. I'd like to do more with pipes and that hinges upon that cold cut tool. I'm sure Santa wont be able to stuff that into my stocking but we will see.....

focus

2010-11-08T05:40:00.000-06:00

still kicking around the kickstarter. now that i gave myself permission to not do it i can sit back and think about it. the timing was just awful. should have done it in september or october at the latest. november and december are months to sell what you have made, not divert funds to something you haven't made. and in hindsight i'm glad i didn't because i get that i need a project that is 'new'. to want that cold cut tool to keep making vases is good but it isn't exciting or as interesting as a 'new thing'. to most people the pipe vases are going to look and act NO differently. i will be the only one to notice that i didn't work hours more cleaning up the melted ends of the pipe.

so. i have a little experiment going which i'm going to keep mums about. i tried it this weekend and suffice to say i like it and i do in fact need that tool to pull it off. with the abrasive saw it just melts the metal too much to successfully create my new idea. this is good. i can take my time and work on this and meanwhile sell vases and other artwork over the holidays and maybe buy my own grinder and not need quite as much for the kickstarter project. hell if i sell enough i wont need kickstarter.

it feels good to be itching to start new things. i keep saying i'm done with the vases and going to make flowers but so far that has not happened. i keep finding 'ready mades' and just a few more christmas colored pipes that will be perfect for vases. i keep thinking i gotta do all i can now while its still semi warm and sunny out. now that its dark at a ridiculous time (thank you daylight screwup time) i have less outdoor work time as i like it when all the work people leave at 5 and i can use the extra parking space for my table/tool set up.

i am way behind on taking pictures of new vases. way behind on everything. even though we dont get lots of snow here in texas like we did in vermont, it is still winter. its still gloomy feeling and hard to get the arse out of first gear. last week kind of threw me off too. time to jump back on track and stop wasting time.

ps. i know my blog is still challenging to look at. i keep messing with little things like link color etc. and have to admit right now the blurry rainy background feels better than just a boring white background. hopefully you aren't grossly distracted.

point of no return

2010-11-06T15:56:00.000-05:00

i finally hit the 'new template' design thing.
no going back now.
i hate this look but i am dizzy already after an hour of messing with color/background etc.
better i mess with the blog than something important....

now what. how about nothing!

2010-11-04T14:12:00.000-05:00

have you felt like i'm ignoring my blog? well i have. aside from the usual suspects of other online social outlets, i was spending most of my online time working with and for the etsy team i had joined last spring. sometimes i think something just must be in the air because this week has been the week i quit. i quit my cleaning job. i quit the team. i think i quit something else but i dont remember. (oh, yeah i quit my kickstarter thing.) it has taken me DAYS to go through my computer and get rid of everything that i was subscribing to and working on for the etsy team .

i think i miss having all that stuff that i did for the team (voluntarily with great joy most times) but i can see how i was giving a lot of time away that perhaps will now be used for whatever it is that is next. as with all things, rarely is it just one thing that makes you quit, rather a culmination of things form and then one day you realize it is just one too many and you are done. several of us felt that way and now we are free.

i suppose i could be seen as a quitter. or an opportunist. i dont see that as negative. you go where you are led to. you do what you are interested in and when things aren't working anymore you see if you or it can adapt or adjust and if not you move on. oddly enough, most times i move on. i've stopped trying to hold on to things. to people. to art. it's all like an exotic butterfly, this stuff, these experiences. let things flutter into your circle and enjoy it. but let things move on too. let yourself move on. thats how i see it. sometimes you can revisit things and sometimes you cannot. i keep searching and i keep finding. i 'm a little worn out right now to tell the truth. i feel like i've just jumped off of some crazy carnival ride and i just want to stop moving. stop doing. get my balance and move on.

thats life here in my little world

get it

2010-10-30T07:43:00.000-05:00

i get it now. i get the project thing and i get what i need to do. i need to NOT do this particular kickstarter project because it really isn't a 'project'. and i needed to feel excited and ready to do this thing and i didn't. the more i read the letter a kickstarter staffperson sent me when i brought up my dilemma the more i see i will need to do something else.

and i now have given myself permission to let go of this and look forward to something else that IS kickstarter worthy. and that wont be until after the holidays so i have time to work on this 'new thing' and take the proper time that i need to do it right.

so. its all about the vases and flowers this month and december i hope to start some prototypes of my new idea, present them to you guys and see if they are a hit. if so, i'm all over kickstarter after the new year! i'm glad i allowed myself to not do something that i was feeling trepidation about. it was uncomfortable and as always you really do wonder if you are being a puss. i think based on how i feel right now, i was being true to myself. thats a good thing.

kick me

2010-10-28T15:06:00.001-05:00

i will admit it. the pipe vase thing has totally taken over my existence. i get angry if something comes up and i can't work on them. i get annoyed if at 5 pm and the lighting is good outside and i can't get to my camera to go take pictures. our loft is full of vases. i trip over them. they are lined up on every surface, on the floor, in boxes, in crates. i've been toiling over the kickstarter project for two days almost non-stop and giving it every ounce of brain power i've got. haven't even done the photo/video/whatever visuals that it needs. my huge challenge is always to just make sense and not babble. tod just now read over it and approves. that says something. i also just now heard back from the kickstarter people in regards to a question i had about my project and i think i can make it work.

you see, you have to have a real project. it can't be just i need better tools... there kind of has to be some REASON, a 'project' that you want to launch in order to be accepted onto kickstarter. its a stretch for me. while tod and i have talked about renting my vases out (and if i EVER get enough flowers made those too) it isn't something that is going to happen any time soon. the holidays are coming up and i'm going to have to focus on etsy and personal sales in the real world. i'm still in that 'i need money to live mode' so i have to sell what i have NOW to buy food for tomorrow. so. i was feeling like it might be dishonest posting my project as needing better tools to start a rental business. its true i need those tools for that to happen but regardless of if i do the rental thing, i want better tools to make a better vase. period. so. the suggestion from them i will take into consideration and see if i can make this work. i gotta get on it because it will need to be up for at least 21 days and any longer and no one will care because they are going to be doing turkey day and buying christmas presents and who cares if paula gets a better tool? least, that is my thinking.

the other thing that im still grappling with is just the donation/offer thing. i could sell my blue limited edition kickstarter vases for x amount on my own and while i wouldn't make the $$ i need for an $800 cold cut saw and the $150 carbide blade or the $100 grinding tool and the $200 or $200 in supplies...i would have money i could save for it. if i do kickstarter i wont be selling the vases for what they are worth. you see, if you haven't visited the site you 'get something' for your donation but it is not usually what the item is worth (its less). while i know i have avid fans...i dont think i have ENOUGH of you to reach the $$ goal. hopefully i would get strangers on kickstarter which is the only reason to do it in the first place. if i don't reach my goal, i dont get the money, period. they take about 5% and amazon takes about 5% and then i have to ship the vases out of pocket. so if i ask for a donation of $55 and send you a vase that you could buy from me on etsy for $35 will you get that the kickstarter thing is all about 'donating' and helping someone and you getting something in return but not an equally valued thing? then lets not talk about all of the mad shipping i'm going to have to do when the project is over and i have 50 vases to ship (i've got 25 aluminum vases for donations too). my whole goal is to make life a little bit easier....this feels like a lot of work and i'm still questioning the best way to achieve my goal. back in the day, $1,400 was something i could make in a week if had to. now it takes me two or three months and thats all going to rent. it feels incredibly annoying how hard each dollar seems to come to me, but thats where i'm at and at least i AM mostly doing what want to do. (which is probably why money is such an issue)

it kind of boggles my mind. i know i'm not doing anything nearly as useful/fun or exciting as what i think others on kickstarter do. tod kind of disagrees. but he is biased i think.....
anyhow. i'm almost there i think. almost done with all the wording of the 'donations' and now will have to reword my project and then figure out some little entertaining visual blip while i try to sound alive and fun and babble on about what i'm doing. I LOVE MY VASES. i love my flowers...I DIG WHAT I'M DOING yet i can't believe strangers are going to care. it is a lot of work this kickstarter thing. it is very tempting to just sell my vases on my own. ugh.

push push push push push
i feel like i'm insane doing all of this sometimes.

'Aspens' detail shots

2010-10-26T10:47:00.004-05:00

Per the post below, I'm selling these vases from the blog as I do not have the time to take 'proper' etsy listing photos, edit and upload them. The Thundercloud Blue vases are selling, I will know later in the day how many I have left and take pictures. As too have the Adobe sold. Pictures coming of them as well. Many of you have purchased vases from me on Etsy. You can rest assured I will take the same care and speed when it comes to shipping your purchase. You can 'convo' me via my etsy shop, leave a comment here, leave one on facebook fan page (this blog post gets automatically posted there), or email me if interested. I can give you sizes and prices. Thanks for being open to me selling this way this time...it isn't how I prefer to do business but for right now it's a temporary solution until I know which vases I am going to use for real life markets/shops vs online etsy shop.

* note that vase #1 has a jagged top as opposed to a smooth rim. and #6 has a cut off where another pipe jutted out. all of these are waterproof and ready to go! All of the vases are CLEAN and I have ground down rough spots.

Vase size starting from left to right:
#4 is 8.5"
#5 is 7.5 SOLD
#3 is 8 SOLD
#1 is 7.5
#2 is 7
#6 is 8
all are approx 1 3/8" diameter

three new batches

2010-10-24T17:45:00.004-05:00

I'm finishing up three batches of vases with four more crates of pipes to finish. I dont plan on uploading any to etsy at the moment as I'm going to try my luck in the real world at a few gift shops. The three vases that I put into the hair salon (see post below) have been well accepted and I sold one on friday!
Makes me think I will put more out there if people are interested as well as a few local market/show type opportunities coming up in November.

Have no fear, I am still going to attempt the kickstarter thing SOON SOON SOON and I will post more on etsy closer to the holidays. In the meantime, if you are interested in any of these you may purchase them directly from me via PayPal or check. I don't have the time right now to take photos/edit/upload new listings to etsy so I'm going to post them here right quick. Leave a message, email me...facebook fan page me...if you want them I'm here with boxes and tape in hand.

Here is what I have:

Thundercloud Blue. ~~Six~~ ...SOLD OUT!

I have scrubbed the heck out of them inside and out, my usual inside rust protection/2coats of enamel over that and an aluminum bottom. The outside is 'raw'. I suppose if you want perfect you wont want these cuz they are crusty little dudes and full of character. I can email you individual photos if interested

Aspens: I have six of these as well ranging in size from 7.5 - 8.5 inches and 1 1/3 diam.

Adobe Pink Square Tube Vases: I have ~~nine~~ eight of these the smallest being 7 inches tall and a few that are 18" tall. The others are 9", 12" and 15" or thereabouts. They are 3" in diameter and some are that cool rough jaggedy top as opposed to perfect smooth rims.

Prices are typically $20 for 7inches and a few dollars more for + inches. The adobe ones, since they are larger in diameter start at 23. Flat rate boxes unless just order one slim vase I'll bet i can get that to you for under $6.

I will post more in the coming days and don't worry about me having enough left to take places. I'm not getting that aggressive with them out there yet and still prefer online selling. back to work...

its true

2010-10-19T15:14:00.001-05:00

once you get a bunch of art buddies on facebook and fun fans to banter with, blogs die a bit. and now that i've gotten a tumblr site i find i have more fun just sharing things that i see and being satisfied with that. i forget i have a blog sometimes. maybe i also think people might be tired of hearing about vases. the vases. the vases. boss the vases!

if you can excuse the hideous lighting/color, here is a photo of my vases in public. today i marched over a few buildings to the one nice place in huntsville. facemakers. it is a salon. hair, facials, massage etc. its classy inside. so nice in fact that i bought some fall themed, artificial flowers so the vases dont look too scary and promptly got to place them near the front door on the nice display case.

it was nice to hear the exclamations from the workers there...they always walk by and see me out in the parking lot cutting stuff and looking like a dirty mongrel; i think they were pleasantly surprised to see me show up looking relatively normal and getting a clue what it is i've been doing. (who knows what they thought i like to think they thought that)

so. next i might try a little flower shop the scrap dude told me about. just sprinkle a few about town and keep pushing on. the next batch of vases probably wont see etsy for awhile. dont want to clog it up too much but if anyone is dying to know what i have and wants info let me know. you know how to reach me right? a zillion ways.

thanks for tuning in if i still have any blog readers left!