per the last blog post about the gallery stuff. i guess i just have to assume/trust i'll get my work back eventually. since it is coming back very prematurely it would have been nice to get it back when she said she was sending it (nearly 2 weeks ago) as i do have a friend in austin who would happily show my flowers and boxes in the austin west end studio tour that she is partaking in. that is just a few weeks away. yeah i have other stuff i can get to her but the flowers were my tallest/best put together and most income making of them all. breath. open my mind and remember i cannot control anything and everything just IS. (i feel i should reiterate that i bent over backwards to get art to this gallery and then they didnt even open up the boxes for 3 weeks. now they are ignoring me when i ask to please send me delivery confirmation info so i have a clue when its coming. i sent the check to have my boxes shipped back and there really isnt any excuse for this sort of behavior. but then, i'm just a peon who isnt making 10k pieces)
the new mexico (taos) gallery. while they loved my flowers. loved my clocks. now i'm hearing they are such a small gallery that they dont really have enough wall space for a 'collection' of my clocks and since my clocks are inexpensive it isnt worth their time or my dime to ship them. the flowers dont take up wall space but they thought they were too expensive.( i gave them a high end quote since i was talking about making taller ones). again, not really worth it for them OR me. i liked that place, they wished me well and were really honest sounding when i called to follow up on their rejection email. i said i just want to know if i'm doing anything 'wrong' or my prices are totally off the map etc. basically it boiled down to them being very small and my work not being quite right for that space.
so that leaves austin possibilities thanks to my friend down there. she is willing to do anything as far as me shipping stuff there for retail. (my god the woman has even offered to drive here and pick up a bunch of stuff. WHO DOES THAT) she has found a gallery that might want some stuff but at this point we BOTH are thinking galleries suck. then i stop and think am i going to do this again? and am i going to ship pencil holders for a retail shop that out of context just might not make any sense to a consumer (and only get 50% for it minus costs to get it there?) people on etsy 'get it'. and they see my whole shop and know the variations and theme of my work. out of context who will know that that is a pipe from the scrap yard that i salvaged? that i toiled over to make into a reusable container? sometimes...honestly...i think what i'm making is just the shitz beyond belief. and then sometimes i get that creeping paranoia that this is all just a joke. it boils down to doing what still brings me joy. at this point the mindless vases and pencil holders are more an 'easy buck' and they arent as interesting to me unless its a very cool patina or shape. (although it is time consuming and expensive to do the vases since they needs coats of rust converter and latex paint) but i'd still rather pump some out to make a buck than do something other than my own thing. i'm mostly interested in making more flowers and keepsake boxes. those are very rewarding. oh and clocks. and furniture. and and and
sometimes, honestly i am so tired i think i can't go on. my challenge is to NOT look even a day ahead because when i do i can get a crushing sense of a life that is constricted beyond what i think i can bear. and then i think well even if there were a job i could do what use would it be if i spent my time loathing every minute or panicking the whole time. i did ask the apartment peeps if there were any units to clean (you know i'm feeling desperate when i do that cuz frankly its just the foulest fucking thing i've ever done...i still can't believe the gross conditions people live in) alas, there are none. i was relieved. (and again, i should reiterate lest anyone think i'm just a spoilt artist... i was starting to make good income on etsy but they changed stuff recently and myself and others are scrambling to try to get seen/sell again. i've had other artists/sellers on etsy tell me what was once a part time job (etsy sales) is now not bringing in anything for them....its not good right now)
i did just sell $20 worth of brass empty bullet casings. take out what it cost to buy them and % etsy and paypal takes...still its about 2 hours of min. wage that i didnt have to do something soul crushing.
i feel like i'm in my own way and i dont know how to get out of my own way. i'm pretty sure that selling art online is the way to go. i'm pretty sure i have to find other ways to do that aside from etsy. i did just join a site called 'custom made'. i havent uploaded 3 projects yet and they keep sending me emails reminding me to do that and i find myself getting irritated cuz i want to THINK about this and not just put anything up there. and then i think wow i just dont work well with others do i....i can't stand being told what to do or being bugged, my god when did i become such a difficult person?...perhaps i always was, which is why i am an artist. who knows.
i can't imagine that this interests anyone but there you go. my little world.