huntsville

when tod and i moved here we came fresh from a secluded life in vermont.  i had lived there with him for 6 years.  i'd never been anywhere such as the likes of vermont.  we were in a cocoon there (except for the hired help at the house we caretook for...that never gave us any peace but thats another story)  i think i made 2 friends all told and rarely heard or saw from them due to their schedules and mine but also i think due to how spread out and isolated everyone seemed to be.

i think when we came here to huntsville we both thought everything would change in a big way.  true this was still a small city (i think the pop including prisoners and students is 70k but honestly it feels like a town of 20k) but we were in the middle of the deserted downtown and had instant contacts thanks to dan phillips of the phoenix commotion.

well....not a lot changed and that was our fault.  we hunkered down in our loft and stayed glued together most of the time.  we were in culture shock.  big time.  the language, the food, the way of life pretty much put us in a frozen coma.  after realizing we both weren't into working for the phoenix commotion, after realizing i had pipe vases and flowers to make and a year later...after tod realized he didnt want to keep living here and was ready to find his own way in life I  realized i better get to know people and stop being a damn hermit.

this year has been a year of shedding and growth on a very personal level.  i can honestly say i've never had the sorts of relationships that i am having here.  and i finally get it...and i finally like it.  people here are busy just as they are everywhere else but people here somehow manage to make time for others. truthfully, i didnt think i would make it here.  i didnt think anyone would accept me and obviously i wasnt doing a good job of accepting them.  a miracle has happened in the last few months, i feel like i belong here.  i can walk outside and go somewhere and people talk to me and recognize me and sometimes even pop by for a chat!  it's okay that i dress like shit and have my head poking into dumpsters.  it's okay that i am usually home all the time alone working on art 7 days a week, that i dont have money to go out for food or drinks.  i'm invited more and more to things and that i dont go doesnt seem to bother them. i'm asked. thats the important thing.  some invisible barrier feels like it's lifting, i dont feel so alone or angry.

i've gotten to know a young couple that live in the same building as i do. this last weekend me and amanda threw them a wedding reception as they got married via justice of the peace (if you knew me you'd know how out of character that is for me...see i'm changing!!!!)  they are expecting a baby in a few weeks and it's probably the first time in my life i've been excited to see a new human that wants to be in this world. i like knowing they are there, i like knowing there is someone to loan the proverbial cup of sugar to :)  i've gotten to know M and D a few blocks away who will, at the drop of a hat, if they are home, pick me up in their truck and help me grab some long pieces of rebar that they or i have spotted in some abandoned area.  and thru them i've gotten to know others who keep their eyes peeled for boxes and other scraps.  it IS a small town feel here. everyone seems to know everyone and word travels fast.  good deeds are done and i find myself doing more good deeds as well as being the recipient of them.

case in point:  i finally have a covering for my porch area!  its so dang hot and sunny until about 2pm that i can never really work much unless i just want to grin and bear it.  now i have this wonderful umbrella to cover me thanks to my neighbors.

and yesterday to my COMPLETE AMAZEMENT, i received a new twin mattress!!!!!  i couldnt take my air mattress anymore, after 2 years of sleeping on it my body was in revolt.  most of my nights i spent jumping from it to the couch (also given to us when someone was moving) and waking up feeling like a 90 year old.  air mattresses are fine for a few nights but over time they are nasty and uncomfortable.  so i decided to email the handful of contacts here in town and asked if anyone had a mattress they didnt need.  i had a $100 budget for it and instead received from 'an anonymous person' a new one delivered to me a day later.  no off-gassing.  no nasty germs/mites or bedbugs.  i dont think i have ever HAD a new mattress in my life!!!!  so i am humbled.  and i consider it my duty to keep doing and giving to others here because for now this IS my home and i'm beginning to love it.  yes i want a trader joes or a few good organic grocery stores close by.  yes i want mountains to climb without having to drive a day to get there... and it would be nice to live where it wasnt 105 degrees with 80% humidity...but ya know what?  i've lived in illinois/arizona/on the road/minnesota/vermont and now here and i gotta say, this quirky little city has wedged one of its 5 star points into my heart.

i remember when i first moved here and i met cynthia.  she was from upstate new york.  i met her about a week after moving here and i couldnt believe she lived in texas.  she doesnt live in town anymore but has a booth at the antique shop.  anyhow, i asked her how could she stand it here and her answer was ' the people'.  it was an answer i've heard many times when i've asked that question.  and now, if you were to ask ME that...i would say the same thing. 

its the day to day interactions.  i can be outside working on something and now people walk by and smile, chat....ask what i'm working on.  i no longer feel like the freak.  hell even the college guys next door remember my name and ask me how i'm doing!  compared to last year when the last batch of guys looked at me with annoyance, i'd say things are looking up.

i may not be able to sell art in this town (thank god for the internet!!!!) but i no longer feel completely alone and alienated.  people have no idea how important the little things are....a smile, a little pat on the arm or a hug.  being interested and asking/sharing.  these things are the ingredients that make a healthy community.  i think i'm finally learning how to be a human being :)

alaska and the sea

this week has been much better than the last 2 months.  while still not feeling tip top, i am at least vertical most of the day and not so drained.  my own little stresses, the heat, the high humidity...the new hormonal changes i'm experiencing, all add up to one nuggety nugget of a human.  but i gots new flowers made and that gives me a boost!  remember the box of alaskan scrap i got in the mail?  well these are the wheels.  i still have more to make when i can cut/clean up the metal that is poking out of the remaining wheels.  these wheels were all freed up already (thanks kim!) and ready to turn into poppies!  i knew the minute i saw them on kims blog that i wanted to make little poppies and they look perfect.  i added lug nuts as the base and metal eyelets to the centers.  the rebar is extraordinary...someone had a stash of it, its much older than the normal rebar i get.  there is more space between each 'horizontal line' on the rebar stem as well as a wonderful patina of blueish red/white. 

also, if you missed my facebook posts this week, i also finished up some candle holders that i had cut before i got ill a few weeks ago.  made some beautiful 'coral reef' votives and a two pencil holders out of that last run. 

supposed to be 105 degrees today and humid...sigh

pipes, books and movies

just added a few more vessel/vases to my etsy shop this morning.  i always have a stock of things in the queue... its a matter of editing photos and getting them listed.  this one in particular i find wonderful.  i'm sure it wont appeal to the majority of people, its one of my rough around the edges vases.  to the virgin vase buyer this might even look a little dangerous. this is the bottom of the pipe that i used for my last batch of 'winter squash' type votive and utensil holders. a year ago i would have probably tossed this part into my recycle box to resell to the guys at the scrap yard.  now, i covet such an usual piece.

 
also. this behemoth.  i kid you not, at just over 8" it weighs 5.3 pounds!  use it to work out.  use it to clobber an unsuspecting thief.  hurl it at the wall when neighbors bug you and it might just missile itself thru the plaster, beware if you have concrete floors it will deafen you as it falls.  there are awesome markings on it and two sets of the same number, one in yellow and one in white.  again, not a vase for the delicate.

i have had a flurry of flower sales and my two pages of listings are down to a mere 13 flowers. i am chomping at the bit to make more, just trying to wait out this heat a little more.  thankfully i dont have to spend as much time outside working on those as i do the pipe pieces.  still slated to be 103 + high humidity the next 7 days with no end in site. at least i'm feeling like going into my studio space a little and tinkering.  and thank god the library has some good books.  need anything to read? here's what i've got going:

Meditation an in-depth guide by Ian Gawler and Paul Bedson
Shadows on the gulf by Rowan Jacobsen
The Autobiography of Mrs. Tom Thumb by Melanie Benjamin
Change your Life change your Thoughts by Wayne Dyer  (thanks for the loan cynthia!)
Crazy, Notes on and off the Couch by Rob Dobrenski, Phd.

wanna watch instead? 
well you can't go wrong with:

The Bic C with Laura Linney
The Loss of Nameless Things, documentary about Oakley Hall by Bill Rose 
Pie in the Sky: The Brigid Berlin Story available on Hulu and Netflix
William S. Burroughs: A Man Within (first one about him i enjoyed because he isnt easy to absorb)
Dad's in Heaven with Nixon
60 Spins Around the Sun 
Keep the River on your Right its a book too but i liked the movie much better

okay...that oughtta keep ya busy. have a good one.
 

scrappy alaska

 gee maybe i need to move to alaska....this is what a facebook friend sent me. THANK YOU!!!!!  i'm always amazed at the people i meet online.  i didn't know this woman a few months ago and she 'fanned' my fb page.  she is an artist and appreciates the finer things in life (like art and scrap and nature).  when i saw a picture she posted on her page about an old 'dumpy area' she had walked thru i spotted those wheels and did the 5 years old I WANT I WANT.  i didn't think for a second that she would actually go back there and GET THEM.  she spent a long time getting these things, i'm not sure i would have spent as long or used as much muscle.  guess she and her son had a good time though and i think she earned some karma points too.

my box arrived today.  a heavy, filled to the brim flat rate box and i in return am sending her a piece of art.  i'm looking forward to making flowers from some of this and who knows what from the rest.  i laughed when i saw the letter 'p' that is included.

might be a little bit before i go into full production.  i foolishly worked myself up into a dehydration of sorts by being out in 105 degree weather the last few weeks and working too much. apparently i did not take proper care of myself.  (i remember when tod used to come out and jigger an umbrella stand for me or remind me to drink water....now that he is comfortably settled in seattle the heat is my own responsibility huh)  anyhow. i've had to take it easy and heal before i can even think of going back out there.  this is ALL THE MORE REASON I NEED AN INDOOR WORKING STUDIO.  did you hear that universe?  sigh.  and before i know it it will be wet and chilly.  i'm trying my best to keep a good attitude at my' no end in site' annoying art studio (or lack thereof since its a parking lot).  indoors in my loft i have a small room i store all my stuff and assemble things but no way am i using power tools in here.  the noise would disturb someone i'm sure and the mess would be awful let alone a fire hazard. 

so.  thats all i got.  reading books, watching some great netflix documentaries....trying to chill out and wait for cooler weather. hum de dum

Tea-light Candle Holders, 2011

the last of this beautiful cherry red pipe, decided to cut it up and use for tea-light holders.  i always have about 4 inches left so i will also have two little pencil holders to match (or you could stack all the tea lights in there).  

yesterday i posted my new 'metal basket' and sold it, so if you missed that here it is:

Found Pipe, cleaned and finished for use as basket.  (trash or baubles)

and the last of yellow, 'Beach Ball' votive holder

i feel like i dont share much here anymore other than new art.  guess i'm trying to stay focused and more positive because we all know i can get dark and mucky.  since its gonna be 106 degrees + humidity today i thought i would lock myself up in the loft and see what i can come up with for my life.  i keep thinking surely i will find something/some one, some art community that embraces me and i them.  just finding a place that appeals to me is a challenge.  i remember when tod and i were wanting to leave vermont and we had no idea where to go.  there were possibilities but we were waiting for that YES.  that strong pull.  i know you dont always need that, and sometimes staying put or leaping into the unknown are best.  when you are in alignment and in tune you get to have a direction or at least a niblets leading the way.

i keep thinking about northern california.  which is odd because i dont know anyone there.  sometimes i wonder about ohio and brooklyn only because of the online artists or etsy people i meet from those places that seem open and alive.  me?  i want warmth and sunshine and mountains to hike and mountains of scrap.  i like the mentality of the west coast over the east.  i like the space and the sky and the sunsets. 

in a perfect world, where i dont think about the vapidness of art, i fantasize that someone out there says come here!  we need you to help us design things. (the judge in me still thinks that art is self indulgent and there is nothing useful about it even though the artist me feels it is the only way to exist, express and connect with people and i can't imagine not being able to make my art)  it isnt out of the realm of possibility.  twice in the last 4 years i have had people ask me to come live on their land and be a part of their art compound sort of life.  they weren't quite a good fit for me, and then as you know tod and i came here to huntsville to be a part of the phoenix commotion and that turned out to not be what i was looking for either. 

i feel like i have made a lot of wonderful changes as an artist and human here.  but i am still feeling malnourished on some level.  i know no one can fill a void and we must make our own lives work....but it isnt satisfying to be here day in and day out alone and not work with or share my art with people.  i had art in the local art center and it just sat there for 4 or 5 months.  removing it and putting it online lent me sales immediately.  i need to find a community where i can sell and live and work and interact more fully in the art vein.  what i do love about this place is all the people i know on a casual basis.  i've never had that anywhere.  it keeps me going.  for sure every day i go out there i have run in's with people i know and i like that we can chat for a few minutes and exchange energy. 

i wonder how many of you feel you belong where you are. is it the type of artist that typically is content being alone? i think of painters as the ones who are happy to be in their room painting.  akin to a cat.  more aloof and alone.  then there are the metal artists...who seems to be alone to but they need/want/desire help by dint of the materials.  it behooves you to have equipment and friends and helpers.  okay i'm babbling.  i'm putting the smoke signal out there.....and looking for anothers'.  of course i could just stand outside and melt myself to a piece of metal and be done with it.