the body of christ

the director of the wynne home here in town (a local art and visitor center) asked me if i wanted to work on her jesus sculpture.  seems the poor chap lost his foot.  she got him in mexico years ago and it appears his arm is gone too but the thing she wanted fixed was a foot replacement.  she thought of me and i thought sure, i have scrappy wood, lets give it a go.  in the first picture you can see the one foot is gone, there is a gaping hole there.

i used goldens hard molding paste to plug the hole and stuck 3 toothpick parts into the wood which then stuck into the drying paste.  jesus was upside down for a day while it dried and alas, he has risen.  he stands....i actually made something balance (easier than a table i tell ya that).

okay so the foot is more like a i dunno what....at least the wood matches in texture and color.  part of the original foot is also missing so i have no idea what his feet actually were shaped like.  had to give it a decent amount of ground coverage so he would stand.  i'm pleased, i'm sure someone else would have tried to carve a real foot or something but you know me, i like to keep is simple.

in the silence

in the silence
i hear my screams.
in the silence
i am looking for my dreams
in the silence
i dont care what anything means

okay theres a little impromptu poem. i  know, stick with art. believe me, ya wouldn't want to know the poems i've written in my past life....

silence.  being less noisy online.  of course i have a fear that since i've stopped going to my facebook page i appear completely self absorbed.  the only way i know what is going on with people is if i see their blog posts. i blast new works on my fan page and thats about all i wanna deal with on facebook right now.  it's nice to chat there if someone has a comment, otherwise i still dont feel i have the capacity for the plethora of chit chat.

or we convo on etsy.  etsy seems to overtake most things.  i'm not ashamed to say it but obviously i still have this trickle of fear that 'real artists' would think less of me by dint of me being on etsy so much.  but hey, been there done that with galleries and brick and mortar collectors.  you know...i like etsy so much more.  i still can't believe how i used to hate saying etsy.  didnt get it.  almost nixed my shop....and felt such a mixture of reproach for so much of what i saw on there.

etsy keeps changing in ways that blow my tiny mind.  and i am always amazed at the people i meet on etsy.  from all over the country, all over the world.  i've made fast friends.  would that i could visit them all.  they are my support system in many ways.  and i theirs (i hope!).  people want to teach, help...motivate and mentor. having three shops now is a little scary.  i guess if they were all selling constantly i would blow a brain gasket.  i seem to get a few sales a week here and there and it GOOD.  a bunch of flowers here...vases or candle holders there.  how else does one sell such a mixed bag of goods without scattering everything in the physical world?  (okay if you have your own gallery/shop you are a lucky dog).

not in the mood to talk about personal life right now.  i am focusing on selling and creating.  period.  i gots new flowers....i gots wood assemblages posted...new stuff going up all the time.  you can rss to each shop by going to the shops and scrolling down to the left sidebar, that way you get notified via your google reader.  or stop by my fan page for glimpses of activity.

this is the coolest gas cover cap EVER.  of course i saw a flower when i found it on the road.  it behooves me to get out there, ride my bike...walk...even if i would rather just stay in. i  never know what little gem is lying in wait. 

life

often i am aware that i am not like most people.  we are and we arent.  right?  specifically...i never married.  never had kids.  dont have pets.  haven't held a 'real job' for any length of time as i worked for myself basically since 1987 give or take sporadic shit jobs i've taken to make ends meet while being an artist these last 7 years.

i spend my days looking for scrap.  riding my bike and stopping at the drop of a dime to get that little dirty crusty lug nut or washer in the crack of a parking lot driveway.  digging thru dumpsters at night to pull out odd shaped boxes to ship my flowers or other odd art pieces.  digging thru piles of heavy metal to find the perfect 'thing'.  spending hours online promoting etsy shops (number three shop just got up this weekend and its my supply/industrial decor shop)

since tod left 2 months ago my life is even more cut off and strange.  he and i talk on the phone...keeping in mind we aren't some troubled couple that had a tumultuous relationship, in fact our last 5 years together were spent as platonic friends, buddies...compadres.  so his leaving had more to do with his needing to find HIS self and life and fulfill his needs, as friends we miss each other.  we probably wouldn't bode well living together again unless we had our own 'floors' and separate spaces.  but we do miss each other as friends/people/art cohorts.  so i continue to be alone.  it is rare i spend time with anyone.  i dont get their lives and they dont get mine.  we dont have time for each other me and these people i'm meeting.  i dont really care about their kids/family life.  i dont really care about much but art.  movies.  books.  i dont eat out cuz i can buy what i want and make it last longer.  even if i weren't poor, eating out just doesnt thrill me.

i'm more happy when i live a simple life.  i'm not a self sustainable type.  i dont like gardens and if i had my own plot of land i would rather find a way to grow meat products than green vegetable thingies.  i get more excited by a month of living in utter hot sweaty conditions and saving $50 or more in my electric bill than if you just gave me the $50.

i've been more quiet lately.  put myself on a facebook profile sabbatical as i found i couldn't even stand to read about everyone's 'doings' for the summer.  i can't keep taking all of it in.  all this stuff everyone does.  i love my facebook friends.  my online friends.  but i'm in this dire straits of sorts financially and existentially and its just too much.  my head explodes with rage or confusion reading things that make no sense.  i make no sense i can't even stand to read my shit half the time.  i need to focus.  i'm scattered.  something is happening.  nothing is happening.  i have a few weeks before its time to find out if i can stay at this place or not.  if i can't...if i have to move it is unimaginable.  all this STUFF.  art...supplies...tools.  all this lack of money and energy.  the endless online searching for where would i go if i could afford it?  where do i want? what do i want?  my head feels like 400 people are playing pingpong inside and half the time i'm just in a daze.

i can barely make a flower.  i can barely do anything.  and yet i'm always doing something.  i need to learn more.  i need more.  want more.  or. i need to let it all just fall away. apart.  who knows.  one day at a time. sometimes one hour at a time.  i envy people who get to take vacations and have space and time to breath.  thats not healthy.  i guess i envy their sense of safety.  them having the one or two people they enjoy being with and the space and time to relax and not constantly be  jumping from one hot spot to the next.  that they can buy something if they want and dont have to worry if they will go further into debt.  i used to have money.  i used to be miserable.  now i dont have money.  my lifestyle has changed drastically and i'm glad i've found my artist self but this isn't sustainable.  i dont know what i need.  i dont want to weld but i need to have that available to me.  i wish i could find someone who WASNT very creative and wanted to work for me.  i wish i could find a community that i could flourish in.  huntsville IS the city of death.  things die here.  where is the city of rebirth?  how do i get there?  or do i stay here and just keep waiting for the perfect storm. 

i have a feeling i have misspellings in here and blogger isn't picking it up.  forgive my stupidity

and ps.  an hour later i realize this isnt about money as much as it is about life. purpose. direction. being in the flow.  my flow stopped.  everything got jostled...pieces are falling all around me and i have no clue what i'm doing.

i'm in love

....with my new Reflectus Orbitus trio.  LOVE LOVE LOVE

as some of you may remember last summer i found a ton of these along roadsides, tod and i collected about 3 big grocery bags of them. they were doing lots of highway construction, tearing the roads up etc and all the old reflectors were there just growing like weeds.  they still have lots of tar and stuff on them, even after cleaning.  only lots of heat or sandblasting would get that off. i used my dremel grinding wheel and got covered in hot burning tar (what a way to destroy that bit but it was worth it)  i love these things.  they feel lunar.  they are surreal.  they are simple.  the underside has plastic lugnut covers and cork (fitted inside to give more bulk to the adhesive to cling to).  i love both sides, they are like mushrooms in a way, all smooth looking on top and then earthy guttural on the underbelly.  you can get one or two or three here.