planting seeds for growth

 Plantable Tags from GreenPost

suffice to say moving to huntsville has been a positive thing even if it feels much harder than almost any other time in my life.  i almost wonder how i can say that as i've had a hard life.  this is hard in a 'going towards health' way.  does that make sense?  typically when you are healing you have crisis.  how one knows the difference between that is usually unexplainable, you just know.  you just have to trust.  i'd say this is probably a healing towards the better because i think i'm learning how to communicate better. i'm being forced to and while i dislike it i know ultimately it will serve me in the future.

forced to deal with an auto mechanic who charged me a good amount and didn't fix the problem.
forced to deal with my own flub of refunding the wrong person on paypal and having to ask for repayment even though they aren't seeing the refund.
forced by dint of selling on etsy to deal with customers having requests or wanting discounts that i just cannot abide by.
forced to push myself and keep moving/going/working even though i feel pretty overwhelmed by my living and financial circumstances.

not forced but pushing myself to have different 'business' interactions.  meaning working out swaps/trades for services with other etsy people...even that is a big deal for me as i get so confused about what is fair or feels right etc.  thankfully those two experiences have left positive imprints on me.  one of them was getting metal flowers from merritt for my metal vases.  its a big deal to spend money right now since i'm barely making it in life, but i felt this was a good business/marketing strategy for the vases so we worked a deal out and i'm thrilled.

the other business deal was with another etsy seller/friend kendra.  she makes plantable tags, cards and envelopes out of 100% recycled hand made paper.  i was getting grossed out by the store bought thank you cards, i mean i'm all about re-using and hand made stuff what am i doing buying generic CARDS?  i decided to find a more creative way to thank people and also send business to someone else that is 'real' as opposed to a machine plopping out ugly thank you cards.  kendras recycled cards come with seeds in them that you can plant! i was able to trade a vase for this transaction and i think we all come out ahead as my buyers will get a nice card (which i dont write on so they can send to someone else next time they gift or write someone) or free little plants, i get to feel better about sending art off and hopefully kendra gets a few more customer referrals!  all of this probably sounds super stupid simple but for me it was a big deal.

so i've been expanding and contracting.  much more involved with people and my surroundings.  making more decisions and probably reaching an emotional level of ...oh 18 yrs old now instead of 5.  only 30 more years to go and i will catch up with myself....

what i have been doing for 3 days straight

here it is...
we left out a handful of 'steps'.  like scrubbing the insides with a wire brush and washing them.  like painting the five different coats of whatever it is i use on the insides... like attaching the bottoms etc etc.  first video tod has ever made and we decided no music or narrative.  its kind of funny if you turn on the volume and just listen to the machine noises.  we still haven't figured out how to make the transition faster for the end where we show a bunch of previous works.  oh hell...just make it a big screen sit back and take a break, it isn't that long.

i'm off to upload my first four skinny reds and four black and blues on etsy.  i have more coming just need to take more pictures and edit them.  hope you enjoy this, tod did a GREAT job of keeping me out of it just as i ordered!

big yellow

this is the front/back view of the newest pipe vase i have been working on.  i listed this on etsy as one pipe that you could customize the length you wanted it cut and someone wanted a 9incher and another person is taking the rest as an 8 and 9 in vase. the 'lip' is about 1/2 inch thick making this the biggest heaviest vase yet!   it challenged my chop saw in a BIG WAY.  i can already tell that if i want to be working on larger pieces once again i will have to wait for more space and more tools.  i didn't realize when i got this pipe that it would put such a strain on the motor let alone eat up the blade.  these pipes are such a bizarre thing...they remind me of ceramics.  and yet...i love that i didn't have to 'make' them.  they already existed. 

tod has a little video camera and saturday he got clips of me cutting this pipe as well as all the other steps i go through to get the finished product.  once i saw what it is i do to make these i realized i have invented my own little process and thats pretty cool.  i worry of course that a 'real metal worker' will see that video clip once tod gets it uploaded and think good god why is she doing all THAT?!?!  i think these pipes are bringing out some deep yearning to do more with metal.  i have no idea how that is ever going to happen, seems pretty far off but ya never know.  i got quite a compliment from a metal worker woman i met from etsy, she said these vases were 'simple and brilliant' and she wished she would have thought of it.  that blew my mind considering i really admire her work and she obviously knows a helluva lot more than i do about metal.  she lives in louisiana and said if i ever come by she'd teach me some things.  i'm on the fence about learning cuz if i dont do it i forget it immediately.  as usual, i always want more than i have.  always want to have the skills that seem beyond my reach.  constantly pushing and butting up against the limit of what i can do.  its a good thing but it also makes me feel like a wild fenced in animal that is always pushing against the wire straining to get out.  all those big pieces of metal i see at the scrap yard...those pieces i can't haul off let alone store...I WANT THEM.  i want to do things to them even if i have no way of doing them or knowing how.  i guess it is the dangling carrot that keeps me trotting down a path.

234 pounds of FUN

thats what i purchased yesterday.  234 pounds of pipe from the scrap yard. tod and i walked the 3 blocks to our little huntsville goldmine.  i call it that now because even in vermont we have never seen so many pipes at one time, and so many that were colored!  usually scrap piles have big nasty heavyily rusted out pipes.  period.  or you get little ones but they are so gross inside it's not worth bothering with.

oh yes, it was indeed a 'sign' if ever there was one.  you paula, you will become the pipe vase maker of all times came a whisper from the heap of scrap which was piled 4 times taller than i.  you will make a plethora of exotic one of a kind vases for the masses dearest little artista.

i knew within a few minutes we needed the car so tod went back for it whilst i fondled and feasted on pipe after pipe.  pulling them and tugging them carefully from the reachable spots hoping that the ton of scrap atop it didn't tumbled down and flatten me.  it still amazes me you can go into scrap yards and just get whatever you want.  most of the ones in vermont we went to stopped allowing people in.  (i got busted with my camera at two places and i know they were probably worried about getting caught for some toxic doings, who knows) anyhow, this place is cool.  the guy appears amused every time tod and i show up in our sneakers and shorts.  me carrying a little old tote bag and gloves and us walking away with long pipes over our shoulders.

tod was gone longer than i imagined it would take, i was getting HOT.  it averages mid to high 90's and the humidity is right along with the temp.  i kinduh felt like i was gonna pass out or panic.  here i am standing around with my pile-o-pipes wondering where is the daddy dog? help me...i'm sweating so much my eyes are stinging and i aint gots no money!  ( i didnt bring more than $16 thinking i would only find a few things).  guess he was searching for some cash at home....he finally showed up and we hoisted the pipes to the weigh station and had the grand total of 284 lbs.  the scrap guy said 'boy i sure can't wait to see whatcha doin with all them pipes'.  when i told him i cut them up into pieces and made vases out of them his eyes almost popped out of his head.  i said people buy em online and he shook his head and said something about people will buy anything.  that made me smile.

so we packed up the car and shoved everything under our little front step stoop.  i of course worry people will come by and steal it all for resale back at the scrap yard but tod assures me no one is gonna do that. can't wait to show you some of the goodies i got.  a woman on etsy was interested in black ones with no bottoms for her kitchen utensils, i found some uber cool pipes that if she doesn't want, i KNOW someone will!

blue collar art

well my blog sure seems to be on the dull side.  pipes is all i got going on.  and thats a good thing for right now.  i seem to have a little schedule of sorts:  i get up and check online stuff.  have a sale to tend to on etsy.  pack up the vase and ride my bike to the post office and ship it.  i've not been to the bone house to do anymore mosaic work since there are cleaning jobs to do before students move in aug 1.  after that i'm sure i will have 1 or 2 cleaning gigs each month and thats IT.  which is fine, i will miss the work YES I SAID MISS IT...its crazy isn't it?  i've been enjoying getting up and working and sweating and making some money.  i think my increased sales on etsy have a lot to do with my mental state right now. when it's just cleaning apartments with no art energy moving life seems hopeless and really fucking hard.  while i know i can't keep making vases forever i am enjoying it while it lasts.  it isn't something i can sustain.  i need lots of good weather so i can drag everything outside and work.  i think our rainy season is coming and then i'm stuck inside and no cutting of metal is going to happen. 

by then i will be ready for something else.  by then the bone house will be done and dan will be working on other projects.  if i am inclined i can keep doing mosaic work for min. wage...his new project is a huge recycling warehouse in houston that wants him to do interior mosaic work on all the walls.  ugh.  its fantastic for HIM and the community will love it, just mosaic still makes me a little dizzy.  i like doing it here and there and will do what i can ~ but day in and day out full time nu-uh.  at least cleaning apartments i can move around and not be stuck sitting on my ass.  funny how we all have our likes and dislikes.  i'm sure there are plenty of people who LOVE doing mosaic work.  god bless em i aint one of them.

as for art of other kinds, i have no clue what is next.  i think about more trays. i think about using those reflectors i found if i can figure out how to get all that tar off of them.  i think about more functional objects to make.  small things.  i'm still working on pushing my larger pieces so i can have more space.  i'm living a fairly simple mindless life right now.  i have to say it is a relief.  i still can't believe i am so satisfied making these vases, there isn't much room for creativity and yet it is so satisfying.  they are just perfect vessels these pipes.  all i'm doing is making them useful again.  maybe there is a correlation between them and me.  i'm just trying to be useful again.  that was something i 'lost' when i stopped being a therapeutic massage therapist.  maybe that is why functional 'art' feels so good to me.  i like things having a purpose.  a use.  not just a visual pleasure as much as actual function.  one isn't better than the other necessarily, just my own preference right now.  maybe i am a blue collar artist.  literally.  i probably will never make elitist works.  it isn't my style.  not me.  i am still a nuts and bolts simple...down and dirty kind of artist.  not slick.  not manufactured.  not learned.  i'm flawed and perhaps i like my art that way as well. 

Merritt's flowers meet my vases

I am still on a vase roll.  I have no idea why I like doing this so much. I like the usefulness of them and I like that I have found a way to give life back to something that is otherwise just trash.  If you took a brand new pipe and did this is just wouldn't be the same....least not in my mind.  I love how the paint is faded, chipped and aged by years of usage.  Who knows what all these pipes did in their previous life?  And I'm happy to say I have found the perfect companion for my vases...

....that being barbwire metal flowers that a friend on etsy makes.  While most of my vases are waterproof, sometimes flowers aren't available from your garden and buying fresh flowers is a luxury that you may not be able to afford.  Next best answer is: permanent flowers.  Bright, fresh and totally unique.  I am happy to say that I will have a few of these in my possession for photo shoots but you can buy them from Merritt and probably get her to make them any length you need!  I'm having some made without the wood base so they will fit into the vase.  I can't wait to get them and see how they look in my new vases!

Mixed Media Works available

So it is Christmas In July on Etsy from July 15th through the 25th.  I hear it is the 2nd biggest time to sell (real christmas being the first) product on Etsy.  I'm going to use that platform to offer a 25% discount on select Mixed Media Works, as well as free shipping on said works as well as on my clocks.  I do not offer all of my clocks or all of my mixed media works on Etsy, so if you want to look at my work on my website I will extend that offer there as well on my mixed media, puzzle assemblages and clocks.  Candle holders, vases, furniture and wood assemblages are not included at this time as they are still 'new', lightweight, small and more than affordable at this time.

I still plan on reducing my inventory and I hope you know if you see something you must have I will not be offended if you want to privately make me an offer.  I'm not going to give anything away, but I am certainly interested in moving these mixed media pieces out of my life so I have space to regenerate.  I have a lot of catching up to do and am highly motivated to sell as much as possible. Thanks to all of you who have passed on the word or purchased work for yourself! 

selling art

Since July 8th, I have sold a handful of small works on etsy.  The majority are blog readers, (many of whom are friends now) some new ~ some old.  Some are 'collectors' of mine while others are newbies.  A few sales were to complete strangers, one was a purchase through an amazon wedding registry that was linked to my etsy shop and the other a man in Dallas of all places who went to etsy looking specifically for metal vases for his wife's birthday.  He found my work by using the keywords ' metal vases' on Etsy.  I have to say that thrills me. Etsy once again comes through in ways I hadn't expected.  He saw those yellow tube vases of mine and got the last set.  By the way etsy has a new feature whereby you can get a 'tag report' on your shops' items, I find it useful.

I've also sold a clock on my auction that was destined for dismantling with another auction going on in the post below; I plan on auctioning one more clock that I feel I need to find a home for and after that I might start doing an auction once a month on pieces I feel I've had long enough. In giving this a lot of thought I realize that for me, at this point in my life and art career it behooves me to do whatever it takes to sell art and move it.  I am not one of those artists who cannot let go of something, while my work means much to me, I have no desire to keep it.  I make it and want it to find a home. That doesn't mean I can afford to make art and just give it all away.  To me, that does not feel healthy.  Sometimes I have been known to give something to someone but for the most part, giving away art feels like working a 40 hour week for your boss and saying 'thats okay you don't have to pay me'.  Art is a job and we all know it. If you can't make it at some  point you have to give up and move on. [even if i didn't need the income i think i would feel this way, i just dont want i piling up!]  I was making it and I believe I can make it again.  This is how I want to make my living and it is also how I keep the creative juices flowing.  I get blocked up when everything starts to pile up on itself.  Now that my living and art situation has changed I no longer feel [at least right now] that I should be holding on to work for some 'future show' or gallery representation.  I think once the last two pieces in Vermont sell (god forbid they dont as I dont even have the extra to have it shipped back) it's safe to say I probably wont be exhibiting there again.  They loved my photo mixed media pieces but weren't so keen on puzzle works ~though they sold when they exhibited there, nor my furniture or smaller functional work. 

This week I also contacted a woman I barely know who bought art from me here in Huntsville and informed her of my inventory overload and let her know I have a piece that I believe she will like and I would love to bring it by for her to keep in her home should she want to live with it awhile and decide if she likes it.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little unsure and nervous about emailing her with this suggestion and I'd be lying if I didn't feel relief when she wrote back saying she was very pleased to hear from me and loved that I am an artist who wants to share my art with her.  She was intrigued by the attached photos I included in the email and she wants to see the piece in person.  This is good. I feel encouraged to keep making my work available and not be as stuck on price.  What is most important is surviving right now.  I don't see myself selling out and selling everything for peanuts.  I'm not sure what I will do with those larger works that really are, to me, worth the $1 - $2000 I'm asking.  Keeping in mind in the 'real art world' anything under 5K is still a joke.  All of this stuff fucks with my head and I have to keep adapting to new situations as they appear.

So.  I made enough money with these 'little things' to pay for rent. The little shits I used to call them.  I don't anymore.  Those little things have been my bread and butter and I feel that a $20 piece on Etsy is just as worthy as not.  Sell five of them and thats 1/4 of my rent.  I make money but more importantly I move product.  Art is like a product.  It is inventory.  It sits there and doesn't go anywhere unless you find a way to get it going.  I cannot tell you how much better I feel this week as compared to last week.  I was certain I was done with the whole art world.  Really, it's sometimes too much.  When day in and day out you live and breathe art and nothing is happening it is enough to create a thunderous desperation.  Having just 5+ years of selling and making art I know things come in cycles.  I know that.  But this has been the driest season yet in terms of selling art and since I am still determined to make it as an artist, THAT is not acceptable.  Supplementing my income with little shit jobs at min. wage give or take, is not something I want to do but I am.  And even then I'm not making it.  I throw myself into art whole heartedly and taking time to do things that drain me and piss me off dont bode well but I'm doing it because I feel I have to and have no other choices or options.  That in turn leads to hopelessness and lots of anger.  There is a lot to sort out about doing whatever it takes to take care of yourself vs losing your sanity and soul to work that leaves you so empty you cannot create even a pile of crap.

Hence the breakdown last week.  And the auction of that clock for .99.  It felt good to just decide to do something.  We cannot control anything.  Ever.  Sometimes you think you can, sometimes like a lab rat, you hit the bar and something you like happens so you hit it again and if it happens again you start to think THAT WORKS.  Well, it might not keep working then what are you going to do to feel good?  What if my next auction no one bids.  What if I stop selling the little things, will I blame myself for doing something wrong as if I can control anything?

Honestly the fear about making it has so many layers it's crazy.  There is actually a fear of  people thinking you are OKAY.  While I do not want to manipulate anyone or make anyone feel guilty or sad or sorry for me because I'm basically penniless right now, I can't help but worry sometimes that people are only buying to help out. What if I seem to be okay for the moment, what about next month?  And the month after that?  Are people really buying because they want it or feel bad? Then you can get all weird because who are you to decide what someone does with their money?  Who am I to decide who and why someone should buy my art.  Guess I have a lot of learning and growth to do about this.  I've had some big discussions on this topic with my mentor.  It's a tricky thing.  What if you are doing great?  Why does that scare me almost as much?  I wonder about truly successful artists...do they have more fear and anxiety about having to keep up with it all?  As it is I have shared with you all my concern about inundating the blog or facebook or twitter with little 'just posted on etsy' or just made this and buy this and look at that.  I dont want to foist myself onto anyone.  Yet I want to get it out there. It takes a certain amount of courage and fortitude just to do what little I do to 'get my work out there' right now.  I get it why many artists who can just hole up and never really push to sell their art.  It isn't always comfortable and it is usually very time consuming and not what many would choose to do if they had a choice. I have to admit that lately I have been enjoying meeting so many people, I have enjoyed this PUSH I'm making, granted it is online, but it has fed my soul as much as the selling.  At least I am getting out there and getting feedback.  People on etsy in other countries write to me and they assume I am doing very well here.  Thats good to hear.  That I can find an appreciative audience for my rusty crusty self taught work is priceless.  Unfortunately my work is expensive to ship across the ocean.  Even a 3 lb little pipe vase is too much for many.

So. Thats what is going on.  If you go to my facebook fan page you will see the latest photos of my studio space.  It is ridiculous.  I'm still clogged with too much stuff.  Nothing in that space is even ready to sell art.  It is supplies for MORE art that I've yet to make.  Which is why I imploded....running dry in the bank, having no space to think or work let alone a place to store new art drove me mad.

At least now, having sold 11 things in as many days, I feel like I can begin to work on more 'little things'.  To feel motivated and excited again to work is what keeps me alive and sane.  Now all I need to do is keep working on how I can have more constant flow instead of letting things get so desperate.  It feels like Christmas in July with all these sales.  It was last Christmas I sold so much online.  And just in time, Etsy is having a Christmas in July sale from July 15th through the 25th.  I will probably participate in some way, be it more discounts on mixed media pieces or free shipping on others.  Keep in mind I try to be as fair as I can when it comes to recognizing so and so just bought something at this price and I can't suddenly charge this much less.  I try hard to find items that are unique enough that no one is going to be looking at me with their mouth open saying WTF I just bought that for full price and full shipping.  Believe me, I don't want to screw anyone.  and if you are still reading this longest of long post....mention that and I will give you a discount just for wasting so much time. (just kidding)

So thank you.  For whatever reason you felt compelled to buy art in the last week, know that you have been a blessing to me and not just monetarily.  I really appreciate that you are there, that you dig what I do enough to buy it...that many of you stay in touch with me outside of this blog and are sources of inspiration and growth.  Starting a blog still has been the best decision I've made since becoming an artist.  It is how I am able to share who I am and meet others who have similar passions and experiences.  Those few of you who pop out of the woodwork after months or years of following my blog as well as my faithful followers are what keep me going. ♥

Clock Auction #2

Derailed, 2007

#33/100

6.5 x 10.25

Here is a trusty handy tool to get your your auction at the last sec. even when you aren't home!

As promised, the 2nd auction.  This clock, Derailed, is up for bid starting at .99¢.  In case you missed last week's auction, let me remind you that right now I'm needing to unload some product both for physical space, emotional space as well as generate some income.  There is nothing wrong with this clock other than the fact I need to move product. 

This clock is strong, masculine...very rustic and actually one of my heavier pieces.  You will want to have it on a mantel, find the wall stud or hang it on a wood wall.  If you have cheap plaster walls and dont find the stud it might bring the house down!

 I want you to know I have no expectations, bid if you like it but please don't worry that I'm expecting a certain price or that I will be hurt if it goes for little.  I need to unload some work now and I'd rather have it to go someone who perhaps wouldn't otherwise afford it at the regular price.  If you know anyone who might like it please consider linking to my blog post, tweet it...facebook it, any word out is appreciated.  Thank you and happy bidding!

marketing or whatever you want to call it

I have been taking individual pictures of my most recent collection of waterproof pipe vases.  I was being a cheapskate and uploaded them all on etsy as one listing since it costs a whopping .20 for each listing. Since you only get 5 photos per listing I realized it might behoove me to have individual photos of all 11 so you can actually see the front/backs of each one, as well as what they look like grouped together.  It is amazing how much time I spend on my photo shoots.  I'm on day three,  well over 100 shots and 15 hours in editing time and I'm only happy with a handful of shots.  Lighting is key as is the backdrop.  I need to make it work in a studio space that right now, I'm embarrassed to say is barely even WALKABLE, let alone any free counter space.  I still think it is amazing how any artists do what they do.  Making art is EASY in comparison to all the other crap you need to do.  I'm learning to like it more, taking it as a challenge.  At least it makes me feel like I'm giving it all I've got.  You can't ask for much more. 

Marketing will always feel uncomfortable but I can at least know I'm trying.  The ceaseless posting of links to new works or new uploads on etsy or wherever sometimes worries me.  Are people getting sick of paula splattering her things here and there?  I am challenged most times to do it but I know there is ripple effect.  I'm not trying to inundate YOU as much as I am getting the work out there on the web.  I've been on etsy front page a lot lately and while I've not had direct sales, the ripple effect has been nothing short of stunning.  I am getting more feedback from people as far away as Australia.  From all sides of the united states.  People are positive and like what I have to offer.  It's important especially when trying times can tend to make you feel invisible and DONE.  I know that things are happening even if I'm not seeing any direct results.  Gotta believe it and keep trusting because otherwise I really would just walk away. 

so enjoy these...please.  Just look and enjoy eh?

All of my vases are for sale here.

yes no maybe so

yesterday we decided nix the house for now.  on off. yes no. stop go.  god this is tiring.
we are ambivilent.  that best describes our state.  we have yet to feel that excitement we would hope to feel when it comes to building our own home.  thats a sign is it not? 

tod is still trying to find purpose. passion.  anything.  art has intrigued him and he has been making more art but still wants to find that thing.  he thought building a house might be that but the passion failed to take hold.  still could but it hasn't.  he has always had ideas.  right now he is delving into another one about art, found objects and a website. 

and i've not felt the passion either for this house.  technically it never felt like it would be mine.  i dont have a pot to piss in.  i want to either build a self sustainable home or buy one at some point...not something in between which if we built this house based on our money would be just that.  after re-evaluating our $$ it really doesn't seem the best fit.  it's all tod's money and after down payment for land, mentor fee and materials etc there isn't much left to keep paying rent and me borrowing for food etc if I dont have a good month on my own.  lets just say it will go fast after a few months of working on the house and still trying to bring in a buck here and there.  i dont want all the stress of we have to get this done and somehow find a way to have income at the same time.   i dont want to live in a match box, i dont want to live in a castle either but i want wiggle room.  and honestly, i dont really want to live in a neighborhood that is poor.  yeah i'm poor but i dread the crime.  living in a neighborhood where you dont want to walk around at night would suck.  i need to feel safe.  that neighborhood is on the fence...it bridges the good and the bad ones.  we are the white people that stick out there.  it isn't a neighborhood that feels like people would want to do 'tool shares' or get together and mingle.  we are the outcasts i feel it every time i go there. we are stared at.  i'm not comfortable there.  i'm already tired of the low rider cars driving by with their music blasting and bumping and thumping. this isn't about me being white and them being black.  i've had friends and boyfriends who were black.  this is just about culture and preference for lifestyle.  last night we went there and 2nd weekend in a row of 'block party' type feel.  lined up and down with ghetto cars and the street filled with people.  beer cans in hand...reeking of alcohol.  i dont see myself doing well there.

take whatever you can?  sometimes that isn't a good thing.  who knows. i'm sure if we 'went for it' it would work out.  just right now i dont have the zest it takes.  i need my art life functioning again.  i forgot when i'm not doing well in that area of my life i start to harden and die. 

thats the update for today.  i want to feel alive again.  maybe we need to get our art businesses going.  we need some real income, self sustainability so we can live anywhere and not be beholden to the job market given the area we live in. 

recap

today my 3 day ebay auction (post below) ends.  the bidding is surprisingly good considering i had prepared myself for a total loss.  i thank those of you who bid.  i can see i had blog readers/facebook friends bidding (i didn't expect total strangers to find that listing) and that makes me feel good and a little weird.  i say weird only because i know i have a ways to go when it comes to finesse.  i originally posted that post in such a way that honestly, you'd have to really want that clock based on how i worded everything.  i had HAD IT.  not with my clock as much as my life.  i can remember when i first made that clock ( it is #8 in this 100 piece collection of which i've made 85 or more to date) i thought it was the shits.  keep in mind i was very new at art...the clocks...the whole thing.  the market was good out there and i was selling clocks right and left and had interest in this very one.  many times someone would purchase a clock and this was on the choice list but they went with another instead.  i guess it was just over time, after getting more elaborate baubles together, making the clocks more complicated and mature that i had less oomph for my early pieces.  i'm sure it is an occupational hazard for most artists.  the first works are always so exciting and such a sweet journey until you go deeper and further and see what else is possible.  anyhow.  guess this week i'd reached my limit of lugging things/storing things and working on grunty projects for other people making min. wage and i needed to either move product or make room for more if indeed there would be more.

you see i'm really in a strange place and this recent burst of selling some vases and a clock this week online has fueled me.  i've been seriously wanting to just stop it all.  get rid of it all and forget i ever had a go in the art world.  perhaps to some i seem impatient or reckless.  i've said it before...sometimes i think it ruined me even though i loved it, but it ruined me to get into a gallery so soon and have such 'luck' in the beginning.  i'm thinking it is more rare than i know to have real art collectors buy a newbie's work.  i'm thinking i was lucking out making an almost livable income the first few years.  and then, again, you know...the market crap and me moving and losing momentum and blah blah blah.  i've had this wake up call now that i'm in the 'real world' (if you call huntsville texas the real world) and i'm not so sure what i want or how i want it.  or even IF i can get it. 

in case people wonder what i'm doing with selling my art on an auction starting at .99 cents when most of those clocks have sold and do sell for $150- $200, well, again.  i have 3 or 4 that i just don't believe will sell, or that i am not willing to keep holding onto.  i'm not going to do this with all of them, just this little handful.  most of my online clock buyers have all gotten a discount.  i know when my clocks are in a gallery i lose 40-50% right off the bat and truth be told i am just trying to survive.  literally.  i have to make some money because i'm not making it.  not having money for rent, food or even shoes SUCKS.  i can take a lot but i can't take this seemingly endless pit of poverty.  so if i have inventory and a way to sell something, right now i feel like i kind of have to try.  i can't sit on this stuff and hope that one day once again the market will be great...or that i will once again get into a great gallery that has art buyers who dig what i do.  thats like me being broke and refusing to get my money out of a 401K (which i dont have) or the stock market (which i dont have).  i have no reserves.  my art is it.  so if i look like an idiot so be it.  if i look desperate...well i AM. 

having said all that.  i will be auctioning the other few clocks off the same way in the coming days.  one after another.  i will probably be auctioning off a few larger pieces for what might seem drastically less than i should, but again, a gallery would get 50% and as much as i've always been against an artist dicking around with pricing, i feel right now i have no other choice but to offer my work online for less.  if i lived in a bigger area where more jobs were available, i'd hate it, but i would try to work more.  as it is i'm still not getting much work cleaning for the landlord.  blah blah blah.  not in the mood to play the violin.  just felt like some of you might wonder what i'm doing.  and who knows...it could be a mistake.  it could be a mistake that i've decided to list those wonderful wood assemblages on etsy instead of holding onto them for the next who knows how long in hopes of that 'art installation' that i doubt i'll ever do.  maybe no one will buy them on etsy.  maybe they wont get it.  maybe i'm screwing everything up.  maybe.  maybe if i can sell work and get out of this hole and have a little space and freedom again it wont matter.  i will always be able to make art out of whatever comes my way.  i'm learning that i need to keep trying and nothing is the end all be all.  it either works or it doesn't. 

i can't let my fear or pride or whatever stop me from trying new things.  if it means to save my sanity and credit line i do this, then so be it.  you got a better idea i'm listening.  i might be stubborn but i am open and i do listen.  i keep having people suggest i do jewelry and i always shoot it down.  well i'm not shooting it down right now.  my ego wants to say 'you've made these amazing wall pieces...what the fuck are you doing making vases and little shits? if you make jewelry you will be even further from the art market you seek out.'  well ya do what ya gotta do to survive right?  maybe i can make pendants or something out of scrap.  maybe i dont have to buy tons of chains and paraphernalia.  maybe i can just sell pendants.  $20 here $20 there....it beats looking at a dirty toilet and cleaning someone elses nastiness.  at least in MY book.  and who knows i might like it.  i love my little functional pieces..i love my vases and my trays.  i dont have to do it forever, do it until i'm done.  and move on. 

so...guess i'm saying thank you. i've had a lot of warmth and support this week;  you've made a difference and probably saved me from walking away from everything and giving up.  it's been really tough lately and i guess i just blew a fuse.  (oh no spell check isn't showing my usual 100 errors which means they are probably all here and i'm not privy.  excuse mispellings...)

weighted down

i have three clocks i've never cared for but was nonetheless inspired to make.  its an odd thing, making something but not always being thrilled by it.  many times what i am thrilled by others aren't and visa versa.

having said that, if anyone is interested in this clock it is available via ebay auction.  if not sold i will take it to the scrap yard for what its worth in scrap (minus the clock movement of course). it's time to sell some works or get rid of it as much as i hate doing this i dont know what else to do with it all!

i've come to a point where i cannot keep holding on to all this art as it is weighing me down psychologically and well as physically.  while i doubt i will even recoup the money spent in making these works ($30 alone for welding and clock parts) i would hate to think i'm going to destroy something that someone loves but never felt they could afford. here is your chance! thank you for looking.

 3 day auction ends Jul 10, 10:57:42

pipe and mirror

while i haven't been working on any new pieces, nor collecting much in the way of materials...i was happy to bogard some pipe the other day.  the city tore down 2 buildings, one of which was the old fire department.  i was lucky enough to find this pipe in the rubble.  it accidentally followed me home one night. 

and the mirror stuff for those of you not privy to my facebook fan page (or god forbid you just forget to go there)....this is what i've been doing at the bone house.  i see mosiac SHARDS everywhere now in my everyday life.  its unsettling and i can only hope it goes away once i'm done with this bathroom.  its really a bit much for me but i get it.  the overall WOW effect does work and it is impressive the amount of work put into each and every room.  i think people will be visiting the bone house for years to come and it's an honor actually to be able to partake in the making of this vision.  i'm finishing up the door, then the floor and then the shower.  thankfully this time around the shower will NOT be in mirror, just broken tile. 

interesting,  i have been feeling all scattered lately and looking at how i've been spending my time its no wonder!

getting specific

not much progress on our house stuff.  i've been working as much as i can stand physically and mentally at the bone house because it will be finished soon and then who knows when i will have a chance to make money.  (so far i've not had any cleaning jobs for a few weeks with none in sight)  tod is working on the basic site plan and i need to work on the floor plan so he can 'translate' it to graph paper and trot over to the bank to see what the max loan will be that he can get.  assuming he gets approved, we then make the nitty gritty plans (i think there are 4 or 5 different kinds of plans you have to submit, things like electric/plumbing, real specific stuff about where doors/windows are and how many feet are used up here and there.)

the yellow page is just some scribblings i made when talking to josh.  josh is a 22 year old guy who has been working under dan's wing for the last two years give or take.  few people have that much shit together at that age.  josh has just purchased his own lot and will be building his own house as well as his own business.  it's time for him to go do and be his own man in the world of home building.  he will be our building mentor if tod gets a loan.  included in the loan will be money to pay josh per square footage of our house.  anyhow...the bone house has a half second floor, meaning the roof is very much in your way in the upstairs bedroom.  i would have a never ending panic attack if i lived with such a slanted ceiling/room and was asking josh possibilities for roofs.  he started spewing all kinds of info and i was just writing as much as i could down to remember for later.  tod and i decided to go for the full 2nd floor.  i can't see wasting so much personal space and needing to be bent over most of the time when you want to access an entire wall area so hopefully we can have a 'normal' 2nd floor. josh said that building a full 2nd floor means we'd build with long reclaimed beams [which they have available], lay it all out on the ground first and then according to josh 'have the whole neighborhood' raise the beams.  i'm already wondering how you do that...didn't occur to me to ask what if there isn't enough room on the ground to lay it all out first.  the lot isn't that big and surely we'd not be able to lay it out on all four sides of the house.  i don't understand why you would'nt just build one story and then another.  i dont want to know right now.

so.  my goal is to finish up a rough draft of how we want the house.  we are dividing the lot up into two sections with the idea being in the future we can get another loan and build an art studio that would roughly take up the same footprint as the house.  that means for now our first floor will be a kitchen and what would have been the living room will instead be my studio.  after the real studio gets built we would remove most of the wall and have the downstairs as open as possible save for the staircase; since this is a small house the more open it is the better. until the living room becomes a reality we will use whatever space is on the kitchen side for hanging out.  as for the upstairs, we will divide it in half and each have our own bedrooms/office area. until you sit down and think about where you want everything to be you have no idea how challenging it is.  knowing how we live and our likes/dislikes means we know what we want but it is surprisingly difficult to put it on paper.  i think it's a good opportunity to learn something.  dan has always said building a house isn't hard, its the decisions that will get you.  i get it.