god help me i can't stop getting STUFF even though i have no room as it is right now, who could pass up these 80 odd tiny hinges? not me! one day....one day the masterpieces will flow once again i hope!

lets face it, i'm just not going to make much art while i'm living the way i'm living. i'm coming to terms with it. i took a few photos of my studio space and posted them in my face book album and after seeing it i got it. got it loud and clear that the small wood things and a few things already in process prior to moving here are about all i can take on. seeing the reality of the boxes piled up made it painfully clear that things will have to change for me to get back to any semblance of creativity and productivity. small stuff is even a challenge but if it doesn't take up too much laying out i can deal. if i dont have to dig through boxes looking for baubles, i can deal. i dont have my 'flashes;' here. in vermont i would have flashes of what i'd want to do while laying in the bathtub. we aint got no tub here. my head and body is never relaxed here. we still have those damn bug things with some fresh bites just today, still avoiding setting feet on the floor when sitting on the couch our neighbor gave us. still sleeping on an air mattress that makes my neck, hips and back ache. it aint pretty. it aint cozy. but it is what we choose. the lease is up end of the month and we are allowed month to month until end of summer then we gotta decide on a year lease or go. i would hate to think i'm going to spend summer here not making much art. and i hate to think about moving all this shit again. everything is kind of overwhelming.

i'm more inclined to see if we can find a place in conroe because it isn't a college town. it's half way closer to houston. its it's own mecca that appears to be ripe for possibility. might suck to live there, i dunno, at least there are odd jobs to do in the nearby woodlands area and i could get out of this poverty rut. tod is on the fence still. if i could just find a way to sell some art, do something tolerable occasionally to bring some buckage in maybe it wouldn't feel so oppressive. it is pleasant here, its the only hilly area this side of texas, which i enjoy for exercise when walking and bike riding. but ultimately i need to be where there is more happening, more materials and interaction in the art world. need some adults around me, not 19 year old college kids who like to drink and yell late at night next to us. it was a landing spot, and i suppose if i didnt need to watch how much gasoline i used or worry about more car repairs i wouldn't mind driving down to houston more, it feels like an expenditure i'm not in a place to take on.

who knows. i'm bored by it all, barely have the energy to care either way. i almost feel like i could just stop making art and evaporate. but someone has to propel this life of mine along and better me than not me.

i did have a nice time getting my art back from the gallery in conroe today. had a nice chat with the frame lady who is using the back of the gallery to get her business started up. she is from chicago and had quite a gallery/frame business there but is now starting over as she moved here to be closer to her fiancee. i also met another woman who's husband had a piece in the gallery, she asked if i would be interested in teaching her girl scouts how to make something using puzzle pieces. i already lost the business card she gave me as i was distracted trying to remove my art and pack it up... hopefully she will call me and we can set that up. it could be a mess, as i've never done anything like this but how hard can it be to teach kids to play with glue and puzzle pieces? it actually sounds fun and i can make some cash, whoo hooo!

so. day by day. moment by moment. tod and i just try to be nice to each other as we are both going through massive changes and trying to make our lives work. i dont really have anyone here to hang with other than tod, another reason i would love to live near more people who aren't sucked into the university/church/prison or family. i'm sure my chances of finding some friends would double if the environment were different. but who knows. i sure dont. just gotta keep on keeping on.

staying on track

new finds, unknown railroad thingies

nuts bolts washers drool dripping from my lips

considering a few posts ago i was about to have a brain aneurysm, i'd say i've recovered considerably in a relatively short time. i attribute it to a few things. one, i contacted the gallery in vt where i still have a few pieces and found out that one is wrapped and ready to go upon pick up/pay. it really does make a HUGE difference when art sells. it feeds a part of me almost as much as making it, money aside, it is just a terrific energetic release.

also it helped to finally find some railroad tracks and to go on meditative walks with tod looking for little pieces of scrap to nab . i can't think when i'm walking, just looking, seeing. feeling that joy and magic upon finding something i've never seen before. i am always amazed at the diversity of things found near or on the tracks. those little wire things in the small photo to the left are something tod and i never came across in vermont. love em! we have found them in white, yellow, blue, gray, and pink; metal and plastic. and, as you can see i found a bounty of nuts/bolts/washers. its the nuts i like the most and haven't seen many of here, so i will for sure be making a few more trips to get these. its unfortunate there aren't any tracks where i live, but 8 miles out of town we found the tracks and they go all the way to houston. today we concentrated on the tracks in conroe. conroe is 40 miles north of houston, it was an oil town believe it or not. i was just reading a book about the 'big four', the richest of the rich texas oil families in the early 1900's. according to wikipedia, 'During the 1930s, due to oil profits, the city boasted more millionaires per capita than any other US city, though only for a brief period of time.' the city isn't much larger population wise than huntsville but it feels MUCH bigger. the downtown has pleasant streets, sidewalks and new brick buildings ~ it just feels more alive (though it too appears to have withered and looks ready for some revitalization).

we stopped in at the gallery where i had my opening a few weeks ago. it sure feels nice to see an entire wall of my work up. of course i had my camera in my back pocket and didn't think to take pictures for you. we went to the woodlands which is where the Über rich seem to exist just 4 miles south of conroe. i wikipedia'd the area and in 2007 the medium income was estimated to be 94,626,K, 113k for a family. huntsville, where we live, i'm finding between 17k and 25k for 2008. in other words, i aint gonna make it HERE but i might make it THERE. there is beau coup amounts of cashola. at the woodlands you can drive for miles and miles and see humongoid homes, long sprawling communities and endless places to shop. people still have money they still love to shop til they drop. i'm thinking a few of them have got to like art. got me thinking, got me having hope. just have to keep on trying and no matter how hard it is here, no matter how i struggle with space and money, if i can just hang in there i might find an IN.

railroad switches

friday new art finds: Marjan Teeuwen

todays friday new art finds is very elusive. Marjan Teeuwen. i spotted her(?) work on Le territoire des sens and spent way more time than i should have searching for anything about this artist. i babelfished the web pages that i did find on Marjan and could only guess it was netherland or dutch or god knows what. i'm not good at languages, figuring out who is what. no clue who marjan teeuwen is. i've googled the name, googled images and have absolutely no clue what materials this artist is using or anything else for that matter. perfect for me isn't it? you know by now i'd rather blast us with some images and just be stunned. of course this is a bit obtuse even for me. maybe one of you will have better luck finding out something if so inclined and share it with us. i'm already late on posting this, friday is nearly half over!

why post someone i know nothing about, let alone what i'm actually looking at? well...that is what art does. good art. you want to know more about it. and who done did it. am i looking at an installation? photography? miniature or large scaled? i really want to investigate the world that this artist has created, i'm fascinated by the color and texture and Escher-like repetitiveness i see. it appears simple yet complex. i like the earthy, powdery feel going on here. immediately i feel transported to another place and time and like a lone survivor carefully walking amongst ruins. fun stuff. hope you enjoy!

* thank you angela for your research! go to comments to see the links she found.

facebook fan page is where its at

i think i'm slowly getting a handle on the best way to use the blog, the website, facebook fanpage, facebook normal page (i'm omitting the other twenty five millions site as i still dont use them much) just in the last few days i realized i can use my Fan Page as a way to share more personal blips, photos and links to other artists blogs/art etc. i like using my blog more as a way to show a finished piece of work, write a lengthy diatribe, and my new friday art finds stuff. as of now, the fan page is where you might see works in progress, where discussions might actually take place under the discussions tab or where a mini portfolio of works is stored. i keep my regular facebook page as my personal site where i interact with artist friends and get/give support in the art world. its where i can make comments, ask questions and be my usual difficult self without exposing myself unduly to the rest of the world. so. today tod and i went on some railroad trek to get objects and i've decided to post the photos there. i invite you to become a fan and drop in throughout the week, never know what you will find!

sub (ad)mit

tell me it isn't just me. i really want to hear what it is like for you guys when you decide to submit work somewhere. this happens to me every single time i attempt it....i spend days searching for a place that is a) actually accepting submissions b) is close enough i can afford to drop off work to and c) appears to at least have similar tastes in work so my art even has a chance once submitted. so when that criteria has been met, i go about finding which works to submit and going about making my word doc. (which always turns into a 3 hour ordeal for me) and making a cd of the images. i put it in the envelope and then something says WAIT. just wait a day.

and after a day, i go back to the site and check and realize that my work isn't appropriate. or i didn't select pieces that make sense. coulda woulda shoulda. it NEVER feels right. EVER. i dread doing it, am convinced that everything i have submitted is done horribly wrong and have yet to get any results this way. granted i haven't done it that many times. what has worked is when i know a place that is already aware of what i do and slightly interested. then i'm good to go. i can breeze in and be confident and always land some wall space. maybe no one enjoys submitting work. i dont think it has anything to do with 'attitude' or being 'positive' as much as we all have our own way of getting 'in'. some people are better at sounding academic and self important on paper than in real life. better? maybe just more comfortable and at ease with that mode of communique.

and how could i not see that i wasn't even applying to a GALLERY as much as a retail gift shop? am i really avoiding this that much that i'm not paying attention anymore? when you keep trying to walk a straight line and cannot ~ what do you? i think that if you try something and consistently hate it or screw it up then that probably isn't for you. to keep doing something that i think i should do probably isn't healthy. OR, is this what i'm not getting...you just do it and forget about it. dont give it so much thought. just fill those application forms out or send off your artist CV and wash your hands of it. is that the secret? blast the world with your work and hope one of the seeds flies into some ripe soil? honestly that never occurred to me. maybe there is hope.

i would love to hear your thoughts/feelings/experiences about this. what do you love, hate, fear about blind submissions. have you found a formula that works? things to absolutely avoid when submitting? have a good story/bad story? i want to know!

art

really the last thing i want is to just babble ad nauseam about all the stuff i just babbled about below. but after writing that post, spending the day doing whatever it is i do and going off to the university library to get away from here i came home to a comment from andrea and started to realize the more i tried to answer her comment question the more that i saw most of that stuff wasn't exactly what the problem is.

yes the money thing IS a problem. and living somewhere else, more beautiful or fun or distracting...sociable etc probably wouldn't solve much. i'm reminded by tod that i was just as struggly in vermont. and while it is already obvious this realization, it wasn't OBVIOUS until i had a 3 hour sit down talk with tod last night and i heard myself say two things that finally made me realize why i'm so fucking miserable. 1) i can't see 95% of my materials. everything is in boxes, on shelves, stacked high. i can't GET to my stuff and can't lay it out. i can barely work. i feel like i am making art with a blindfold on and my arms tied behind my back. its maddening to the point of implosion. no wonder i'm going nuts. it's like being a chef and all your food and spices are sealed up in boxes on shelves and every time you want to make something you don't even know what you can make because you dont know what you have and it's so much of a chore to find things you just keep making different kinds of omelette's because all you ever have in your fridge are eggs (in my case its the scrap wood i have growing like a fungus all around me).

the other realization i had ~ something that i guess never occurred to me, finally hit me over the head like a ton of bricks and i might not have concluded unless i started making those little wood assemblages is this: it scares the shit out of me to be an artist. to make something that has no 'real meaning'. to devote my time, my life towards creating something that barely makes any sense to ME let alone to anyone else feels insane.

when i was at the library with tod he grabbed a book by eve hesse and i by the great john chamberlain, i whipped through it, showing tod pieces that just spoke volumes to me, he showing me the work's by eva that especially spoke to him. John's work hits me in the gut and strikes me with a sense of power and beauty that exceeds any verbal description. eve's work had a this mysterious and powerful essence, even if i didn't care for it that much i could see something in it that helped to form my realization later that night about art and how scary it is. how scary it is. that doesn't even describe it. remember that houston post i wrote a few weeks ago, how i said on our drive home that tod all of a sudden looked out the car window and exclaimed '99% of what is out there we dont want'. well guess what, that 99% of the population probably doesn't want what i do. they dont get it. hell i dont even get it. i'm not sure i have the energy or words to relay my thoughts. not even sure it matters. but it feels like i owe it to myself and you to at least be truthful once i know what the truth is. and the truth of the matter is i'm learning what many of you already know about being an artist. i forget exactly how tod phrased it but he said i couldn't be in both worlds. i was talking about how i don't like the pomp and circumstance that surrounds art after the fact of its incarnation. the grandiosity of it even though i can sometimes feel it in others' works (ie john chamberlain), i struggle with how much 'importance' is placed on a body of work. a piece of something someone made that seemingly has no use or value. thats when he said i couldn't be in both worlds. i can't be objective. i have to focus on making the art and let that other stuff roll away from me.

long and short of it, tod told me that everything that happens after i make the art should be looked at as just a means to enable me to keep making art. if i feel uncomfortable about what it means or in my case DOESN'T mean (since nothing i make has any intellectual meaning to me), then so be it. i worry why would anyone want to help me and by that i mean the people who have given me access to materials/gallery space etc, i worry i owe them and cannot understand the why's or hows of people being interested and wanting to contribute to an artists life, the best thing for me to do is not think about it and just allow myself to accept when i receive and try to allow myself the space in my being to create and not THINK. i'm not relaying this very well, my mind feels like it short circuited last night from all the exploration and discovery i had in talking it out with tod. perhaps this can't really be explained, relaying it verbatum doesn't matter, i processed what i needed to process. i found an 'in' to my confusion and fear.

and here i am today. feeling intellectually better because I at least feel I have more awareness. and i will go back into my stuffed clogged up studio that frustrates the fuck out of me and beat my head against the wall as usual. and i will try to be gentle even though i really want to be mean and caustic. gentle with whatever it is in me that is trying to just BE and express. i keep beating that person up and ridiculing her. making her wrong or stupid for doing something the other me thinks makes no sense.

sorry for the long one

i dont know why i've been under some self imposed silence about my life on the blog lately. perhaps i want to spare us all the tedium and distress. blogs are interesting. when i first started this blog it was more a personal rant than anything. it lasted 2 months and i deleted it. i waited a few more months and started again. i decided to stick with the artists' journey. MY journey and my work. my experiences, struggles blah blah blah. it's easy to become what i deem a leper on a blog. it's surprisingly easy to say too much and scare people away. its easy to bore people. its too easy to just be one's self and forget you need to monitor and self correct lest you cause irreparable damage to it [the blog]. it takes a lot of hard work to make a blog successful. i wouldn't even say i've done that. i noticed awhile back i had over 100 subscribers to google reader, that felt like a milestone. i have plenty-o-followers but i'm thinking many of them are long gone and their little avatars are merely ghosts stuck in my follow box.

i have found that my blog has served me well and not quite how i had originally imagined it would. i'm not sure i even understood what a blog was when i started it. i thought it would open doors for me in the art world, i suppose it has in subtle ways but mostly it has been a stepping stone for building relationships with mostly other artists from all over the country, even the world. i value those relationships. it's been a struggle to find as much support and friendship in my 'real life' but i know that takes time and effort of a different sort.

so. i've lived here in huntsville texas for almost six months now. in that time if i am honest with myself i have made strides that perhaps i wouldn't had i stayed ensconced in vermont. i was sequestered and secluded up on that mountain in stowe. i hiked almost every day in beautiful forests. i was in a great gallery just down the road. i had access to wonderful food, felt relatively safe, lived for free by care taking in a beautiful home, had part time work whenever i wanted job driving the local taxi. i lived with a supportive friend and partner and yet by the time 5 years flew by it was time to leave. too easy. too safe. too isolated. there were of course other reasons, it wasn't all heavenly there obviously, but the crux of the matter was we, tod and i, needed to go get a life.

zoom into now. huntsville texas. i'm still in culture shock i guess. i've yet to find materials to work with other than wood scraps from the phoenix commotion job site. i walk or ride a bike nearly every day looking for stuff on the roadside. its a clean city (town really). i venture on the frontage roads and have been on what seems every road in the vicinity and there just isn't the stuff here like there was in vermont. so i've had to adjust. and as most of you know i don't live with the same space and options for working like i used to. i've not been as productive as i feel i should be. half the time i'm too afraid to make noise, make more of a mess in our living space than there already is, afraid to make MORE that will just pile up and cost me in the long run to store or move it. but being paralyzed hasn't done much for me either. so i spend my days trying to find little jobs on craigslist thinking if i can get some income i will relax a little and function better but alas huntsville is just not the sort of place people post gigs/jobs online. its prison or university faculty work and thats about it. the few other jobs i've checked into are just not something i feel i can do/not qualified to do etc. so art seems to be the dangling carrot i return to and chase time and time again.

i've started checking into galleries in houston again. emailing, querying... soon to send off the obligatory cd packets for the places that for whatever reason dont take online submissions. all my fears come up about not enough work even though i'm choking on the work i have here. and my interests are in my little wooden assemblages; almost impossible to imagine a gallery saying oh god paula we MUST HAVE THOSE! ...ya know?

this has been a tough time. i've wanted to move. tod was on the fence up until a week ago but has now decided that this is the place to stay for now. since i haven't any money left i'm pretty much stuck here unless i want to just become a vagabond. [yes i know i sound like a victim] truth be told i dont know where the hell i'd go even if i did have money. i wonder how i can feel just as lost as the day i quit massage in arizona and had no clue what i was going to do. it was almost easier in a way, because getting rid of most everything and just driving off into the sunset and camping was fast and easy. living on the road had its own challenges but less felt at stake. i am an 'artist now'. not so easy to just toss art, tools and supplies. and i dont want to stop being an artist, not sure i could. those things are the only investment i own. i've got five years + of nearly day in and day out art under my belt. i've been represented in the same gallery since jan 2006 as well as been in a handful of other galleries/shows. my work has been purchased by an impressive mix of art collectors but it isn't nearly enough. i've got to up the game somehow. honestly this feels like the biggest hardest hurdle i've come up against in quite awhile. no real clue what to do, as part of me feels even if i got into the best gallery in the world i'd still have problems, maybe MORE because then i would have to produce more and it's becoming a jungle in my little 8x13 studio.

i think the naivety is gone. i dont think i had any idea, how could i after all, what an artists life would be like. there is no road map, you just assume you make art, get in a gallery and sell it, right? there is much to learn, much to digest. figure out. lots of trusting and intuition and a blind belief in oneself that honestly i find exhausting. i love making art but still struggle with knowing where it belongs. how it fits into anything 'real' in the world. believing i have any worth or value. i struggle with the heart that wants and believes i can do this and the head that says you are a failure and a useless blob of flesh. i'm tired. i'm jaded. i am cynical. i am lost. i am angry and afraid. the joy is still there when i allow myself to get lost in my work. but the worry about money, the boredom, the utter boredom of living in this banal city casts howling screams inside my head. the challenge is to focus. to keep trying. keep searching. i'm in my own prison. i'm aware of the prison just a few blocks away, aware they live in cells. in hell. i'm in my own hell. my own cell. its my own existential struggle. i'm so tired of fighting and not sure i've got much more fight in me. reminds me of when i was a child how i could NEVER get a math story problem. i would labor over it until tears of frustration would shut me down. always needing my sister, my parents, a teacher or classmate to do it for me. show me. and i yet i never understood the basic formula, how to know how to figure it out. that is how my life feels right now. there is some formula i feel that exists to living this artists' life and i am NOT getting it. maybe you just make it up. who knows. no one can do it for me.

as with most problems, the more you obsess over it the more difficult it becomes. so you prance around it pretending it isn't there. thinking the answer will pop out at you if you ignore it. when that doesn't work you get mad again and stab at it with whatever mental tool you have. to no avail. then you stop trusting yourself and question everything. the 'what does it mean' shit comes up. does it mean i'm not supposed to be an artist? does it mean i'm not supposed to this or that? i'm my own cyclone. twirling around with all my thoughts and anger. hard to walk away from that mess and know what direction to go into. its dizzying. time zips by and nothing seems to have gotten accomplished. so thats where i'm at these days. starts and stops. determination mired by the defacto of no results. in a strange way i keep correcting myself and realizing there is no other. nothing else. just now. i have to widen and explore the now. over and over and over. prying it open like a clam and looking at now. now. now.

so NOW you know where i've been. what i've been. did you really read all of this?

Redwood & Copper

Redwood Assemblages #61,62

Beautiful patina and lettering on this copper pipe demanded to be framed by something. Redwood triangles were the obvious choice. My favorite thing about these assemblages are that the fronts and backs are completely different. I have chosen to show what I deem the front to be but you might like the backside even better.

Once again I feel a pause coming. The renewed interest in my puzzle work from last weekends art exhibition in Conroe, made want to dust off my stand alone puzzle heads and finish them once and for all. One of them is on my website, The Warrior (this piece has been under construction for the last year and its time to either finish it or ruin it). The other I've never shown and it's high time I get these completed. I can't stand unfinished bodies of work. Feels like a huge clump of dust sitting in the corner. I keep waiting for the inspiration to plow through with the puzzle heads but my fear of ruining them has kept that at bay. Time to face the fear.

#58

Redwood Assemblage #58

showing both sides so you can see the arched metal on both sides. liking the way one side is gray and the other a clay red. i have to admit it is a little scary to allow myself to use up my precious cool bits of found metal for something seemingly so 'useless'. its silly really how much i can covet this junk.

Redwood Assemblage #59 & 60

Redwood Assemblage #59

Redwood Assemblage #60

I still don't know what I'm doing with these little assemblages other than letting them keep on keeping on. They are still fun, still challenging and still consuming most of my time day in and day out. You have to understand the pieces of redwood I am getting are all on the small side. There are a handful of chunks anywhere from 4"x6" or a little larger, there are long thin slats that are maybe 1/8" thick, 2" wide and 25" long, a few 2x4 type planks and little odds and ends. That's it folks. I've learned better how to use my miter saw without slicing a finger off, it is always a little scary for me cutting small pieces of wood but less so the more I do it.

I've been incorporating more metal with the wood and if I can find my box of auto accident plastic and rubber from Vermont, I will experiment with those materials as well. Oddly I don't have as much metal to use as I thought I did, I'm suddenly remembering the car loads of metal I unloaded at the Vermont town dump before we moved last Fall. God knows Texas aint the place to find car accident parts. This place is clean as a toothpick in done baked goods. Every week all night we can hear the street sweeper going up and down every street. The more I venture out of town the more I realize the vast nothingness that exists. I've ridden my bike on miles of frontage road only to get half a backpack of debris. It's slim pickins here which brings me back to my love of these wood things. They are making a statement about minimalism. Showing me I CAN make art with little to nothing. Getting rid of all the superfluous, abandoning excess choice and being very present with what is here and now. They feel like they are messengers. You hold them, you see and feel what is contained in the center and magic happens. You don't really know what to do with it but are compelled to keep holding it, looking at it from every conceivable direction and angle. I'm not sure I've ever had so much fun with a piece of art before. Just when I think I can't possibly come up with another one, two or three more pop out of me. Hold on to your hats, I might get an edition of 100 done and beat my clocks out of the finish line!

friday new art finds : Isidro Blasco

Building 3, Isidro Blasco

Savannah 6, Isidro Blasco
more photos of this here.

Courtyard, Isidro Blasco

Courtyard Annex by Isidro Blasco 2009

Perhaps it is fitting that I could not find much written about Isidro Blasco. His website doesn't even have the usual look and feel of a typical artist's site. You know me, I prefer not to write too much about who, what, where and instead like to show some works that speak to me and let you enjoy what you will. I will say, Isidro certainly has an impressive exhibition list and its obvious if you look at the various bodies of work throughout his career that he has taken massive risks and delved into strange and remote places.

As described here: Isidro Blasco combines architecture, photography and installation to explore themes of vision and perception in relation to physical experience. His work often references the realm of private or domestic space. Blasco normally begins by selecting one angle in a room or outdoors and then constructs a new space from the perspective of that vantage point.

I like this work. I like that he has found a way to present photography in a dimensional way. There is an awkward and gangly feeling about these large scaled assemblages that pleases me. And I would imagine that it is impossible to walk by with barely a glance and waltz on. They demand. And that is a good thing. They deserve to demand as they remind me of some out of control pop-up picture book. Childlike, crazy, industrial and visually exciting. I hope you enjoy this weeks new art finds as much as I am!

more wood assemblages

#51

#52

#55 front and back

#53

houston

the most colorful thing we saw all day

yesterday tod and i thought we would go do something somewhere else. we have a short list of places nearby that we might consider moving to. houston being the closest, that is where we went.

according to online sources, discovery green in downtown is supposed to be a nice big area to bike/walk... it was actually a sparse offering in both humans and otherwise. its basically one big block with a 'lake' and not much else. the outdoor market consisted of about 6 tents with barely any offerings of anything. there was a little play area for kids. dogs. little dogs being walked by people. tod and i could not get over how quiet everything was. houston is clean. quiet. polite. and ultimately the most boring looking city we have ever seen. i drove around plenty too.

we drove to the Rothko Chapel where we sat a few minutes with the other dumbfounded people. we drove in and around Montrose, a neighborhood that is purported to be full of gays and artists and other people that i suppose stand out...nothing stood out to me though. we drove to the Rice University, adjacent to Hermann Park. the park is a big sculpture park but again, all we saw were big bronzes that appeared dated and un-challenging. we went to the rice gallery on campus which took us an hour to find because while it is called the rice gallery nowhere on the maps did it say rice gallery (and students we asked didn't seem to know where it was). instead we found out it is called sewell building. the gallery is used for large installation works. their featured artist is El Anatsui. we were also non-plussed. maybe after walking around a campus that was mind numbingly devoid of personality, and a city that was brown and beige we had nothing left. i suppose they just chose to exhibit works that weren't as interesting, large hanging pieces made from liquor bottle tops and metal foil collars from the bottle necks while astounding in scale, once i realize he had workers making these and its basically just piece after piece stitched together with copper and once i saw on the video that he had other works that were much more diverse and dimensional i felt jilted. maybe nothing could make me happy that day.

bench in downtown discovery park

the last stop on my list was the central market. when we finally found it, we were blasted with visuals and sounds. an outdoor band was playing a tom petty song at an alarming volume while on a nearby patio people in all forms of fancy attire dined. we were the sore thumbs sticking out amongst designer bags, shoes and velvet slacks. once inside it was mournfully packed with too many items for one human to absorb and as many people bumping into each other. all quiet. all polite. no music blasting. only a silent clashing of too many food samples crushing my olfactory receptors. my desire to find good food vanished. i just wanted out. i was suddenly repulsed by delectable cuisine. a few sausages, a bag of whole wheat pastry flour and one lemon bar for the road was all i could muster. tod bought a bit more and we shared an irish soda bread (which we sampled in the car and it was so damn good i wanted to buy more but couldn't fathom going back in there so we left)

on the drive home, as our peripherals drowned in beige blur, tod matter of factly said '99% of what is out there we dont want'. i almost stopped the car right then and there. he was right. sweet jesus he was right. everything suddenly made sense to me about my life. no wonder it feels so hard. i dont want all that that is out there. the billboards trying to entice us to buy a home or telling us we need healthcare or that we need to live in this community or drive this vehicle. we discussed the recent frontline show we watched as recommended on elle's site and realized that it wasn't as awful as we thought. not that we really thought it awful, it just woke us up for a moment about mindless surfing or checking of things online. what we realized on our drive home was that the virtual world is slowly becoming MORE INTERESTING than the real one. by that i mean, what we are interested in isn't out there as much as it is on here. your blog. your website. your video....some of that stuff i would take forever and a day over mile after mile of consumer wasteland. and while there is plenty of crap on line, i dont have to see it as i float around. and i can find handmade goodies and i can get what i want without being stuck in traffic. i can learn things online and meet people. i didn't meet anyone yesterday. we realize that society would probably collapse were it not for all those boxes out there, but come on. how can there be 40 miles of highway lined with redundancy? how many walmarts and walgreens and bad restaurants does one need?

tod and i realize we probably wont find that place. that place we are searching for. we probably wouldn't want to live near a hub of 'us'. we do need to live around people who buy art~ not poor minimalists such as ourselves. yet we'd like to live around a few people who are artistic so as to be stimulated and feel a sense of community. your guess is as good as mine. probably better because i'm too dazed to think.

Functional Puzzle Table

This piece, other than the steel barrel band, is 100% puzzle pieces. It is functional although you wouldn't want to put anything heavy on it. I used a ph balanced flexible glue. Rust converter was applied to the band for a nice dark finish. Table is approx 18" diameter and 21" tall.

friday new art finds: Donna Rosenthal

days of wine and roses, 2009

He Said ... She Said, 2006

i would make a horrible art critic by todays standards. honestly, when i look at art i dont even think to see what their degree was in, where they went to school or even how long they have been at it. i love the initial reaction and response of just seeing and feeling without knowing. i like being drawn in slowly over time. circling the piece/work and coming back to it... finding out about it bit by bit. and sometimes, as with these pieces, i instantly connect with them without even a further glance. period.

that said, i like these miniature paper clothes by Donna Rosenthal. i thought i owed it to you all to tell you something about them even though i kinda just want to post them and say look at this! but what is it and who made it? so i went to find what i could ~ you can read that for yourself on her artist statement , for now, i just want to look and enjoy. i can't explain why i'm attracted to these clothes....they are fun and frilly and tiny and perfect. they are hard and sturdy. eerie and ghostly. i think i am most attracted to the fluff and puff of the dresses. that is what draws me to them every time i look. the dimensionality is completely satisfying.

He Said... She Said, (Romance Comics) 2007

the materials Donna uses as stated on her website: vintage magazines, vintage comic books, vintage cook books, vintage romance novels, steel wire, hardware cloth, vintage textiles, buttons and costume jewelry. They are deconstructed and then transformed into something entirely different, using crocheting, knitting, sewing, gluing, embroidery, collage and embellishment. it is incomprehensible to me the patience it must take to make these pieces. impossible to ignore how intricate and flawless her work is. i have much admiration for what it must take to carry out this vision!

show and tell

 so yesterday jared and i painted the wall.  we got a nice blue/gray paint at wall mart for a ridiculous price (jared had the foresight to know we could buy paint that had been returned, who knew?)  for those of you with foggy memories, here is the before shots of the space we are going to use for our one night gallery show.  we came up with a name for the flyers: 12th street back door gallery.

its probably the first time i've really felt excited about doing this show to be honest.  i think i am so scattered and lost right now ....nothing makes sense or feels right in my world and focusing hasn't been a strong point.  it was good to claim the space with some paint and talk about other cosmetic changes we can make in the space.  for as little as freecycle.org gets used here in huntsville, i'm happy to say i've requested wood stain for the interior deck area (see before photos) and someone replied so we might be snazzing up that as well.

the lesson is doing.  and not being attached.  since this isn't our space, since my landlord is graciously letting us use his property temporarily, i haven't wanted to get too attached to 'it'.  i will admit spending time there yesterday got me realizing how i must find an art community.  MUST.  i get it i'm not going to be building houses, my draw to do that at least for now has subsided; instead, art calls to me and i am loving my wood assemblages ... more are in the queue as i speak.  i feel certain these are leading to an opening in my work and i have to continuously be gentle with myself and them lest i stop the flow by comparing and looking too far ahead.  i have to work with the space and materials that are available to me now and forget about what isn't.  i feel i am working at about 20% of my capacity right now space wise/support wise.  its a new low for me and i am constantly needing to halt my thoughts/fears.  i think i forget.  i forget that i never have and never will be like most people.  i'm not family orientated, not going for job security, retirement or other typical american dream dreams.  tod recently told me that 'art will save your life. you just have to keep making it'
out of context that probably sounds ridiculous to most people.  but he knows me.  it struck a chord immediately and reminded me of the day i left it all behind, hit the road and went in search of the artist within that could only be found out there. 

Wood Assemblages

Redwood Assemblage #44

when i dont judge these, even though they make no sense to me, i find them extremely pleasing. i think i prefer, as does tod, the more abstract over something that resembles a creature.  a handful of these do not have matching ends of triangle pieces, these give me a sense of movement, slightly vehicular and like a child's toy.

stress

life is feeling pretty stressful.  the only job i can so far find available is working for the prison system.  i dont qualify for much.  and i suppose i will never have the desperation to apply for a job watching hardened criminals.  i'm fairly certain i wouldn't pass that sort of interview as just entering the facility would probably instill a helpless bodily shaking.

i wonder if i'm supposed to move.  i wonder how much longer i can survive without making money.  i wonder what is going to happen to my art my tools my supplies.  what if i can't make art any more because i dont live anywhere even slightly conducive space wise?  its been hard enough here and its almost impossible to imagine finding a better place if we move as we will have less money to work with.  i wonder if i will loose it. my mind.  my will.

i'm not happy right now for sure.  i'm tired of the endless testosterone from all sides of our dwelling.  the grunty weight lifters below us that come at all hours of the day and night.  new neighbors above to the side of us now, 4 college kids who all live in a completely windowless apartment.  no windows.  none.  that can't be good.  banging and clanging up and down the metal stairs, their loud puppy voices waft directly into our loft as they clamor on their little balcony for the only drop of air and sunlight they can get.  the endless sound of next door neighbors peeing and flushing and the near insane constant showering and washing of clothes that drowns out our one escape: netflix.

i still dont think it was a mistake to leave vermont.  tod agrees.  sometimes i say lets go back see if we can get our old care taking job back and he reacts like a cat that has had water thrown on him.  he is done with that world.  that weather.  but we both know we still haven't found our thing. our place. our people. it's hard to believe we dont have a frickin clue.  not one clue.  we can see now i need to be closer to an art market.  but we both feel unsure about if galleries are the answer.  i dont know where i belong and its getting really tiring.  i keep thinking make all the art you can right now because this might be the last time/place/space.  then i think why bother i just have to stuff it/store it.  spending every single day trying to figure out what is next mostly just paralyzes me.  its as if we aren't seeing it.  we aren't looking outside of the box far enough.  the clock is ticking with a lease expiring and the more stressed i get the less likely i will conjure up creative possibilities.  i just dont believe that my life long conditioning of being a failure is really true.  does that make sense?  no one can save me but me.  i'm not sure how to do that anymore.  the rules have changed, my life is completely foreign to me.

Redwood Assemblage #43

#43