a sign

I don't mind telling you that I played that game called 'gimme a sign' last week and today I got my sign. For those of you unaware of being quasi superstitious, slightly prone to magical thinking, and constantly bordering on desperation, gimmi a sign is when you look up to the godless sky and say to what you think is perhaps your own perfect self floating peacefully up in the cosmos living life without all the mortal crap you the human self endures, you yell GIMMI A SIGN because you feel stuck and ready to throw in the towel.

Gimmi a sign is a last resort. It's childish and used only sparingly. I use it when completely at my wits end. Last week, that new piece (posted 2 posts below) I finished? I was rushing around taking photos of it and banged the shit out of it and broke off the cold weld. All my hard work down the drain. I was glad it happened in my hands and not a buyers, and chances are it would have never broken unless another moron was banging it against blunt objects, but it hit ME that I just have to learn how to heat weld and I have to expand if I want to keep growing as an artist. I can't expand if I'm not making money. Thankfully I was able to get someone to weld it for me at the last minute (I was in a rush hoping the gallery might take it for their summer show) and I didn't want to have to try and cold weld it again with longer drying epoxy, just too hard to hold and set four sides for 12 hours each.

However, the gallery doesn't want that piece for their big annual summer show because the photo is too similar to another piece they have. So they had the piece above (which I just learned sold and is now my sign answered) and one other. I have nothing else to give them so I will only have one piece in there. Happy to have it. Happy to have sold but wishing I had something new to give them. The high of finishing a piece and low of breaking it sent me into this frantic rage about feeling destitute and stuck financially and artistically.

What was I yelling I wanted a sign for? That if I didn't sell some art soon I was done. (I told you, I'm childish). I look at jobs every day and still don't feel I can handle standing or sitting all day somewhere physically or mentally. No one answers my replies to simple garden work and no one replies to my craigslist posts for weed pulling or garden work. No taxi driving. I wasn't lying when I said I haven't made a dime in months. I just needed to sell something and I did. It buys me another month of living. It keeps the energy moving.

I have often heard that it is useful in the long run for an artist to be 'limited' in their tools, materials etc. For as much as it feels like an impediment it can be what makes you stronger because you are forced to work harder, forced to learn ways around things and through things that you otherwise might not ever do. I think I've had plenty of that and I know it has been a good thing but man o man I feel like I've explored my primitive ways about as much as I can. I feel like a kid who cannot wait to grow up and drive or do this or that. Remember that feeling? When you couldn't stand being a kid and being left out of so many things you wanted to do? Thats how I feel right now. I want! I want! I want! I guess thats good, if I didn't want I would probably be a passionless artist. If I didn't want it would mean I had nothing new I wanted to do or experience.

So today I can feel thankful and glad for a gallery sale. Today I will try to shut my brain up about needing to make more, do more, learn more have more more more more. I'll continue staying away from my studio as I don't really feel like working on art. I do but I don't. I want to make what I want to make but my head tells me 'you know the gallery wont show this' and you wont make money on this so why bother. I'll let my bratty child have another day or week ruling me because I'm tired of hearing it whine. I'm going to visit tod's mom and boyfriend in MA with tod for a few days and get away from it all. Maybe I will find some inspiration in a different setting, walk in new places and feel eager to come back and work!

I sat in a $59,000 chair

Yesterday I had to go to the gallery and noticed that Johnny Swing's work was there. If you haven't seen his work go take a look. It's beautiful and nearly unbelievable that anyone could put together something so seamlessly, especially out of jars and coins. They had two of his jar chairs and the above coin chair. Google him under images and feast upon an astonishing array of functional art made from coins. Both chairs were comfortable, slick, cool and made me feel like a caveman in regards to my own work.

Of course I had to compare myself. I think about that woodstack table I finished last week, and how I emailed a photo of it to the gallery AS IF. It's hard not to beat myself up, I love my table I made but I know it will never show in that gallery. Guess I should be glad they even take my wall art pieces. I don't know where my furniture belongs. I kind of hate to think it would go into some crafty furniture shop. I feel compelled to keep making tables and given the kind of artist I am, given my tools and space and ability, I'm probably never going to be swinging in the same circle as johnny. His work is museum quality. He is a craftsman to the nth degree. I still struggle to cut a straight line, forget about welding hundreds of small things together to form a perfectly curved chair. To quote Samuel Johnson, Comparisons are odious. Enjoy what we have....who we are. What we do. Otherwise swim in the sea of misery.

In the Damascus Market, Mixed Media 2009

In the Damascus Market, 2009
Mixed Media Original
Print 12x16(in)
22(in) diameter

anticipation

Tod sent me the link for this art collector doc. and I cannot wait for the day I get to see this. I have seen tidbits of these two in a Richard Tuttle doc. They fascinated me. They were collecting Richard Tuttle's work before anyone in america had a clue. Just knowing people like this exist gives me hope for us artists. This is screening this weekend for the lucky few who live in big art cities!

Railroad Nut Candle Holders

I have finished this little series of nut holders. Click photos to go to my website with details and more photos. I might make one more set (of six) later; other than that I'm done, out of nuts and no desire for tedious repetitious work. Time to work on something else!

the steel grass and even more

I was remiss in linking to the entire installation from the post below. Go to this link and see some more amazing work from trash. Very inspiring!

"Withdrawn from Circulation" by Wendy Kawabata is comprised of books recovered from Honolulu Public Libraries. via Treehugger.

There is a 'tea quilt' by Ruth Tabancay that blows my mind. The slideshow is all wonderful but these stand out as my favorites.

steel grass

The first few minutes of this don't really interest me, honestly all I can think is if we all had metal instead of grass wouldn't that heat up the world ever more? What I love about this, is how she has this amazing stock pile of supplies and found a way to have others help her on her installation. I'm envious of course and full of admiration.

Harriete Estel Berman's website.

more table and explaining

As promised more photos. You can see this on my website and get even more/larger images there. I appreciate the comments on the earlier post. I think I failed to communicate correctly what it is that got to me about having made new art and then the 'letdown' I feel. It has more to do with not being able to feel like I can share it other than slapping a photo up here. I'm not looking for everyone to say good job little artist. I just want it OUT THERE. As far as me expecting too much too soon.....perhaps I haven't recovered from the economy. All I know is, I was just starting to come close to making enough to live on and then it all disappeared. I haven't made one dime 3 months. So far this year I have sold maybe 3 pieces of art. I can't expect anyone to feel sorry for me when it seems everyone is struggling, and I can't expect people to remember or know that this is my life right now and I'm too fucked up to work some other 'job' right now. So that has more to do with my frustration than anything else. This isn't a weekend thing for me, it is my life. I'm not angry at anyone but myself.

ps

thanks for your thoughts, comments on which way to do this and TO even do it.

woodstack

Woodstack, 2009
reclaimed wood, cut,
stacked & topped with a foundry form.

etsy conceptual style

I had to do it....

prototype

Here is a sneak preview of a prototype I just finished. Obviously it is a candle holder made from RR Nuts and a washer. I'm going to make all difference heights and some with or without the washers. It has only taken me 2 days to grind off the rust and prepare the surfaces so I can cold weld them together. I have a bucketful of these, I'll try not to think about all the ones I've given away as I thought I would never use them. I like that they are small and functional. Guess where I'm going to sell them?

what day is it?

In case anyone is wondering how paula's etsy/twitter ventures are going and what I'm learning or experiencing, here you go:

I will go into detail on my other blog later today about the etsy thing as I know that isn't all that appealing to non-etsy people. I will say that I had my first 'bite' yesterday. Meaning, someone did contact me about a clock but they wanted a discount and I haven't heard back from them after my offer. I don't mind giving a discount when I'm selling it directly and not having to fork over half to a gallery, but on a $225 clock that will cost me $20 to ship across the country as well as the welder and clock costs, I can't offer much. It was wonderful to hear though that they thought my clocks were worth much more than I was charging and they actually 'got it' about them.

I have also met a handful of etsy sellers and bloggers (seemingly everyday I meet someone and have some sort of meaningful conversation/connection) who also like my work. Whew! Hurdle #1 is over as I really didn't think my clocks would be accepted there.

Twitter has proven to be less annoying than on my first go around. In fact I have only been annoyed at a few tweeters who feel the need to tweet seemingly every hour. The remedy for that is to just stop following them and you don't have to see it anymore. I've also had new artists follow me and I in turn can go check them out, their blogs and websites. I am loving that artists are finding me there and I don't even have to do anything! I think it is because I submitted my twitter url to a url site for twitter people.

I haven't had any real connections through that and honestly I haven't had much desire to post many tweets. Mostly I just do @'s. That way it is aimed at whoever tweeted something and I'm not tormenting everyone else. Before all this online stuff I was spending most of my time looking at interesting things on line and I assumed I would be posting that and sharing it, instead I'm busy interacting with real people and not surfing at all. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a big tweeter and it will be used to put the word out about friends or whatever I have going on.

Over all it feels like I am on the edge of something. It's alot to keep up with and it isn't really anything. I guess I'm learning to handle more and juggle more. I'm learning it is a much kinder accepting place out there and people are generally eager to share. I've definitely gained more exposure the last two weeks than I have in the last two years online. I'm not kidding! Having your work on the front page of etsy twice in as many weeks does get you noticed even if its only up there an hour.

I call this stuff 'marketing' because to me it is for now, the only way I know how to get me out there. I don't resent it anymore because I am having feedback and interaction whereas when I would send postcards or packets to places or inquire online to real galleries there was NOTHING. That doesn't feed anyone's soul. So yeah, maybe this isn't going to land me out of state gallery representation, and maybe I'm not going to be raking in the dough anytime soon, but for now it is profitable in that I'm motivated, working more on art and not feeling utter defeat about whether people like what I'm doing. I'm planting my seeds if you will and all I can do is water them, tend to them and keep the weeds out.

ceramic art

Swimming in Big Creek
serving tray by Lee Wolfe

I got emailed today that Lee posted my RR Clock on her blog as part of her 'is dad an eco-freak?' post. It's always such a surprise when someone out of the blue posts about you! I wanted to share a picture of one of her pieces, I have always loved ceramics, even before I started making art I was drawn to the earthiness and chunkiness of pottery. Lee has a variety of pieces on her etsy site, votives, bowls, trays, goblets and mugs..all different sizes, shapes, and colors. I especially like this tray, it is its own piece of wall art!

sneak peak, a little prattle

I rarely show anyone what I'm working on, but I decided to post a sneak peak at something I'm doing just in case anyone wonders what does paula do all day?

This could be a failure, its not uncommon for whatever I create to turn into something completely different, and that includes a disaster. I've learned the most when things have collapsed or turned into ugly ruins. Honestly, I don't mind nearly as much as I used to because I know it is in the doing more than the final product. Sure I want this to be fantastic and even sellable or gallery showable, but I will be thrilled if it just turns out and I like it enough to have it for myself. This has proven to be a tedious and repetitive undertaking, lots of sanding, cutting, cleaning and varnishing with an hour or so per layer to dry before I can do the next. It gives me time to scoot off to another project...to tweet, to make etsy treasuries....dare I say I am in SIX treasuries today that other people created? Feels like things are slowly changing, moving, turning around. My learning curve and concentration level is improving and now that I've decided to just try like my life depends on it, I've left the where to move and how will I make it worries behind. One step at a time even if some days you can't find your shoes.

twitter try #2

If at first I don't succeed, I usually try again. Since this is my week to get back in the saddle, meaning off my ass and work at marketing, work at art, work on attitude, work on everything, I decided this time I will twitter once more.

A few months ago I signed up and after what, 2 or 3 days deleted the account. I was too thick headed and dull to even GET the point. I was overwhelmed by the constant barrage of tweets I got when I followed people and had no clue what I was doing. I was also under the impression that twitter was all about the last time you blinked, swallowed or had any sort of physical action occur. Once again, by example, Vilte has somehow made me get the whole thing.

What I get now, that is probably obvious to everyone on the planet but a few of us, (even doyle brunson tweets!!!!) is that this is a truly powerful way to market yourself AND your friends. I had no idea. I know, how many brain cells did I kill in my alcoholic youth right? Seriously.

Okay I will stop beating myself up. I invite you to join if you are one who is interested in me, my blog friends, art, etsy, auctions, giveaway, new work, ecological stuff, green recycling stuff etc. I am going to be as responsible and unirratweeting as possible. I want to use this as a way to get the word out. Period. If you are already on twitter and don't share every waking moment of your existence on there, let me know, I will happily follow. If you are feeling intimidated by it I will help in any way I can. I'm still learning, as with everything there are gadgets and widgets and all kinds of shits to add so I'm weeding through it. Onward.....

'Future Time' makes front page!

My clock (3rd center) was included in a treasury that was put on etsy's front page. That is mind blowingly cool. Yeah it was in the middle of the night here but it was exposure (i noticed I have more viewers, more people hearting my shop and individual clocks since then, so people took the time to look at my shop all from this exposure) You can see the real treasury here. [it expires thur so link wont work after that] Astashtoys is the person who put the treasury together, and here is the flickr link (thank you again vilte for cluing me in to all of this info and links)

I know when people share their little tiny moments of internet publicity it doesn't impress anyone, I know it isn't even a nano second of those 15 min. of fame but why I even bother sharing it is in case there are other hard headed skeptical artists who think etsy is a waste of time. Or any online attempt at getting your work noticed. Yeah I still need sales from strangers but I keep reminding myself it is all about exposure. And right now I'm hoping that this is laying the foundation for future steps that lead up to that. I know sales are down on etsy but I am actually starting to see some results to the hours of pouring over the site and working in any way I can to get my work out there.

I never forget that when roadside scholar wrote a huge blog post on me and my work, from that a few other sites picked up my work and I made a sale or two from complete strangers. I still have people visit my blog on a near daily basis from her site. That is impressive (thanks gigi!). There have been others too, Lisa Call, Nellie's Needles, Creative Laundry, The Minimalist, Vilte. (all on my sidebar) that have written about art they bought from me, my website or my blog. It all helps and I get it that without helping each other promote our work and who we are it is much harder to make a dent. I remember awhile back writing a blog post regarding the info I came across saying unless you are willing to spend 75% of your time marketing yourself and only 25% making art, you probably wouldn't make it. That exhausted me, pissed me off and made me feel like I would fail miserably. Then the universe dropped Vilte into my life and I don't feel so lost, inept and alone out there. [I highly recommend having a friend online to spur you on, makes it more fun and you learn twice as much when you both zing links and info to each other] For whatever reason this person is sharing and showing me the way and it feels akin to a life line being thrown out to me. We all need help and guidance sometimes, some more than others. All I know is, I'm not hating the idea of marketing myself as much, it still feels like the internet is the way to go (as opposed to all the driving and running around to out of state galleries) and it's the fastest, cheapest way to get started. Whatever works right? Just another life lesson that the things or person we react most strongly to are probably the very thing that will teach us the most if we stop reacting to it. Etsy has been my Achilles Heel, regardless of how much or how little success I have on that site, the point is, it was the enzyme that finally woke up my marketing side. It's my marketing 101 if you will. So yeah, front page at 2am? I'll take it.

back in the saddle

Yesterday I think I fell off 200 times. Today I woke up sore, tired and achy. I don't even need a real horse to fall off of. Getting back in the saddle sometimes feels like a dreaded thing to do, especially when you know you aren't the best rider and you know you will fall off again. But one does travel farther in the saddle. okay enough saddle talk. My point is, today I made another etsy treasury and decided to remain positive about art and life and humanity. I felt good about it, not like I'm avoiding something or wasting my time. Yeah I have my new etsy blog to showcase and talk about that but I think it might be interesting to a few people to know why I like this treasury thing. Why? How can someone like me who was revolted by etsy just last year, be making treasuries and leaving comments that usually have me making lots of exclamation marks and smiley faces? Am I a hypocrite? No. I'm a clueless hard headed judgemental idiot.

For one, I met vilte through etsy. I do one treasury and next thing I know I have a new best friend in Lithuania. Next thing I know I have another creative person [Vilte] who is showing me by example and sharing by email things/places/ways to get the word out. Not only that, Hand Made News just wrote an article on her work and you know what she did? In an article about HER and HER work, she even spoke about ME and MY work. who does that? An incredible person in my book. You can read the article here. Go Vilte!!!!! and thank you!!!!

These etsy treasuries have also opened me up a little. I've always thought there was just so much crap on that site to wade through. Then I found myself enjoying the challenge of finding things that looked good in those treasury squares. It is like making art, moving them around and finding just the right color and shape of a thing. And it feels damn good to showcase work by people and help put it out there. I realized I dont have to love/want/own whatever I'm listing in a treasury, I can enjoy that 'it' looks nice as part of a theme, part of a whole. I just made one today called 'swimming in paint' and just allowed myself to enjoy something fun and light and not get caught up in whether i even care for paintings. It feels like I'm learning something about myself for as strange as that may seem to you.

There are also some kick ass designers on etsy. The treasury I made on fashion was stellar and some of these women are REAL designers living in New York or Milan....yeah they probably dont do treasuries or even sell much on etsy but I get now that it is a way to at least have exposure. Even if 98% of the etsy eyeballs don't get my art or the high end art on there, just exposing yourself to 2% more people than would otherwise see you is good. Which leads me to twitter...good god. Another article on the Hand Made site also caught my eye, its about twitter and it finally sunk into my head. That and conversations with Vilte about how all this stuff works (meaning you could sell something on etsy because someone posted a link on twitter and i've been too much of a TWIT to get that). You can hear something a million times and it wont sink in. Then by chance you meet someone who knows how to get through to you. Vilte and Tod are those kinds of people. They are patient and seem to have a knack for getting me to understand something that I otherwise hadn't been able to.

I know plenty of people who think blogging and the internet is all a waste of time. I know it isn't. My blog readers [that I know from their many comments and emails] are also really important to me. You may not know it, but you guys are all I have. You are my connection to the world. I've sold art to you, poured my guts out, laughed, let you spew back your own stuff, learned from and hopefully taught to a little as well. It's not an easy road this artists thing. I never had any idea about it when I was a regular civilian. It is imperative to have people holding even a flicker of a candle to help you see the light and not give up hope. None of my friends in the real world really get it and I can't expect them to. Unless you are an artist or really know someone who is an artist you cannot possibly understand the endless deluge of hurdles to push away or jump over. So today is just a thanks and off I go to continue bushwhacking that solitary path that occasionally meets up with other solitary souls doing their own journey.