redux sort of


redid the bottom of my table for more stability
here you can see it next to one of dan's AMAZING chairs.

went back today for more supplies to possibly make something else before the museum picks the furniture up. turns out they didn't come by yesterday, instead will pick up the bone furniture mid week. so my little (less wobbly) table will be included with dan's table/chair as well as bob's table (bob is an associate professor at the college and is a crew member on the build site)

I will be posting all of the furniture on the Phoenix Commotion's new blog as well as information about the exhibit...so enjoy this sneak preview of just one chair and look for the whole enchilada soon on the new blog!

candle stand


so here it is people. the bone candle table stand. when dan saw it he had an entire mini discourse to share. tod and i had no clue, no idea whatsoever that throughout time candle tables stands have been a staple, a constant. one could even say, done to death. and i took it as a compliment that wobble and all, he doubts anyone has ever made one like this. he liked it. i got a stamp of approval i think. and quite frankly, i like it no matter what anyone thinks.

the bones are affixed onto the table top and i shaved the candles to fit the holes. one could of course put pencils....dried flowers, twigs, or just about anything else they so desired into these marrow orifices.

i was pushed to my limit. tod was pushed to his. i wanted to quit. i hated so much about this initially: being forced (not really but its what i had to work with) to use things i wouldn't normally use. the time pressure. the out and out ignorance of my own self when it comes to truly understanding the laws of physics, basic tools & measuring techniques. and mostly having to ask for help more than once from people i had just met and felt had much more important things to do than this. i wanted to do something different but then felt so insecure and afraid while doing so that i barely had time to enjoy the process.

i had to tear it apart and re do it three times. painful stuff. very painful. that it took me two weeks to finish is actually horrifying...the mind wants to say for fucks sake how are you ever going to make it in life if something this diminutive takes up so much of your time and it STILL isn't quite right. well...i'm too tired to care right now. i've pushed into/past some invisible membrane that i never knew existed and i came out holding this strange table, feeling a little puckish and ready for the next thing.




ps. i call this piece: ' its not about the table'

UPDATE: dan calls this a candle stand, not table. he sent me a link about them here.


artist Steve Tobin


My friend Maggie in MA just sent me a link to an article about Steve Tobin. After reading the article I googled him to find his website. I was shocked at how much work he has made, and how much variety exists between the bodies of work. Then I saw this video on his film page [can't link to it so go here and click film on left], Tod and I watched together and felt inspired beyond belief. We like the idea of finding a way to make art that is messy, fun, very Dionysian (a term i've recently learned via listening to dan talk). Check out the article that was written via NYFA, the last paragraph speaks YELLS to me!

things i've learned this week:

  • how to use a torx screw
  • what a magnetic drill bit end is (i've yet to figure out if i can remove the magnet and replace the bit style)
  • that cedar and redwood wont rot (and cedar repels insects) if you make outdoor furniture as long as it can breathe, so put screws under the wood to lift it off the ground
  • that you can cut/drill/and sand bone quite easily
  • grout will crack if attached to plain woods, it needs to be mdf or silica stuff(?...i forget what it is, but some sheet of some toxic man made stuff) has to be affixed over the wood
  • how to measure two pieces of uneven wood with a leveler (doesn't mean i'm good at it but i have a clue now)
  • screws are THE way to go instead of nails or glue when making furniture and proper pilot holes are a MUST, even for little dinky things
  • fancy ways to use tools but i dont remember the proper terms
  • that i have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING
  • no one walks much or rides bikes, and if they do its probably because they dont have a vehicle
  • that i have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING and i'm probably not going to be as involved with learning from the ground up how to build a house ( i could if i want i guess but so far i'm not as drawn to that as i thought i would be)
  • that i no longer feel like using materials from my past (vermont) and while i'm still not in love with what i've seen so far (wood, wood and more wood), i feel challenged and more willing to work with what is here than not
  • that i can't give up. that my slightly wobbly table was the best i could do and all i can do it keep moving even if i dont know where i'm going

allowing process

this is what i'm learning about myself as an artist: i have to follow the unseen thread and play and take the chance and waste the time, waste the materials, and allow myself to abandon everything at the last minute....something that is always hard for me when working with a limited supply of found objects.

a few posts below i posted pictures of these bones all pretty and lacy looking. had GREAT suggestions on facebook and here of how i could implement them into my bone table that i'm making for the phoenix commotion. resin, glass, painting...lots of fun stuff. i keep saying i'm on a time line (sunday coming up) to get it done before they need something if i want to show this along with their bone furniture; that and the (semi-loose) perimeters were to use their materials ie: bones/wood/long gold screws. these were all my 'excuses' for not getting all fancy.

what i realize is, there is a part of me that wants to get all fancy. fancy to me is using resin, adding all kinds of crap to it, building/adding/on and on. some artists can get away with this and have the space/materials/money and brains . that isn't me. and i have, i'm finding, a pretty sterile or simple bent when it comes to what i am attracted to. i dont need to point a finger and say why i dont want to do it, i just dont. doesn't make it better or worse. just is.

yet i still seem to doubt myself and feel i should be adding this. should do more to that. should go further...should have a mound of options and tricks up my sleeve that will add to whatever piece i'm working on. when the truth is, i like the challenge of using what is available. and yet the last few days i've been going to the build site (the bone house/artist studio) and picking brains...how do i do this? how can i do that? wasting people's time is how i see it when part of me knows i will probably NOT do what i'm asking how to do because i realize it's too complicated and perfected or something. yesterday i had someone show me how to grout. the above photo is that experiment. supposedly i can buy acid to clean up the grout stains on the bones or use baking soda with white vinegar. I bought the grout. I bought the vinegar and soda. I was shown how to do everything but clean it up and knew i would manage to NOT do that right. and sure enough, after my grout dried up i applied my solution and ta da, the bones are still stained ugly yellow/gray. the grout i bought is charcoal (this was her spare grout for the tester) and would make the bones even darker. not the look i'm wanting. i feel i've already wasted this persons time, as i suddenly realized i dont want anything to do with this right now.

so instead i've completely abandoned this particular table top and within minutes (thats how it goes right?) i came up with my table top. and its simple. and its more in keeping with what i'm after. scraps. yes, i am using the scraps of the scraps that dan and his crew are using. they have a little chest filled with crap pieces of redwood, all chewed up and marked on with pens and pencils. they have an entire yard full of bits and pieces of their 'compost wood', which is just a fancy way of saying wood that is left from cuts and fucks ups which they later bury when they are finished with the job. this satisfies me. i'm not even using their new gold screws, i'm using just 2 of my old found ones and used nails. i'm using the scraps of bones that aren't usable, even what i first thought were butt ends from the 'good' pieces of the 'bad' pieces.

my brain wants to tell me that i'm just pussying out. that because learning to use tools and do things feels hard and i dont understand most of it, i am just taking the easy way out. may-be. and so what if i am. i know i start to feel a slight revulsion for needing to learn the proper way to make proper things. i know physics needs to be taken into account when making functional furniture and i can't guarantee my table wont wobble a few degrees let alone not fall over once i get the top onto it. but it's like learning to walk. ya haffta crawl. sometimes its nice when the right person comes along and grabs your hands and lifts you up....but until you can do that yourself you gotta keep crawling until you find your own strength. i know my strength isn't about learning all the slang and ways to use all the tools out there. if i pick up a few things here and there, tips, tricks, i'm happy. i need to trust myself more when it comes to figuring out how to do something. i think its big to begin to understand the difference between shying away from too hard vs. shying away from just not interested.

and so, my table has begun to take shape and today i will attempt to make little dowel holes/dowels for joining the three chunks of wood for my table top. thats something i've never done and i'm sure it will take me two days to do what a carpenter would do in 10 minutes. who cares, this isn't a race. and i might even have time to make a bone clock before the deadline ;)

hydrants



walking and observing

MA Open Studios


Mark your calendars for the 18 Annual Open Studios, Saturday and Sunday before Thanksgiving. Artists open their studio doors to the general public from 11 am to 5 pm. I am proud to say I know Margaret MacLellan, who is one of the artists there. Above you can see one of her paper mache works.

I met Margaret this summer when I was looking for studio space to rent in MA. I was unsure if I was going to outright move to Massachusetts or go down for blocks of time and slowly get to know the Boston area and it's art community. Margaret and her studio mate put an ad in craigslist for studio space to share/rent and we hit it off instantly. The space was perfect and I loved these women immediately but in talking it over more with Tod we realized it wouldn't be quite what we wanted live wise. Tod grew up and lived most of his life in MA and didn't want to go back there. In retrospect I laugh at how we thought culturally the area might be less than perfect for us...(so instead we move to huntsville ha) Never mind that, this is about Margaret!

We have gotten to know each other through phone and email. She immediately 'got' who I was and what Tod and I were about to do when we decided to leave Vermont to volunteer here in Huntsville, TX. Her mind goes in a million places, all filled with creative thoughts that leave me spinning and dazed. What little I have seen of her work has delighted me and when I hear her ideas I know that she is someone to watch for. She has a full time 'real' job and hasn't had quite the time to let loose, but somehow she finds enough time to devote to her passion and I have no doubt she will continue to soar artistically.

So if you are in the Boston area, go say hi, go see work from a plethora of artists and enjoy their annual studio tour. The main building is the ET Wright Building, and down a block is the Sandpaper Building where Margaret is. Directions and more info here.

tidbit of a tour


artist studio facing street, tree house behind it


2 views underneath the tree house


floor of another home that was built by a woman and her 16 yr daughter

pickle plates 'serve' as windows in artist studio
paper mache floor

today i met amanda, she has started the living paradigm in houston which is modeled after the phoenix commotion. she was heading a tour of the homes here in huntsville, people from houston came up who wanted to see some of the homes dan and others have built. unfortunately we were only allowed into one artist studio (the tree house which tod and i were able to go into last week is where the artist lives and she has a big art studio across the walkway) and one home. i'm thinking i might upload them onto flickr and if i do will post the link.

still working on that table...kind of intimidated all of a sudden as i think you all expect GREAT THINGS and i'm seeing it as not so great. life goes on. my 'studio' is A COMPLETE SHAMBLES and honestly that i'm even attempting to make ANYTHING is heroic.

putting the F in un


(same bones different lighting, just fun to look at)

i fancy these bones. its a stinky rather gross process cutting the bones. i recognize that it could have been much more labor intensive were i the one to have to cultivate them. from what i understand these bones are donated to dan by ranchers. i guess all ranchers have areas where they unload their dead animals and lucky us we get to play with them. most of the marrow has dried, the oils nearly gone, but some of the bones i cut were moist inside...smelled like death and old manure. i left some of the bones in our loft overnight and by morning i smelled the stench. put them outside for ants and sunshine, i dont have time to put them in warm water and clean off the bacteria, that could take days or weeks and i think next week is the deadline to have something to show for myself. so i've scraped them with a knife and am making do with what i can. i'm a bit of a hypochondriac at times so every time i would cut a bone and all that fine dust would fly up into my face, even with a mask and eye protection i imagine something hideous. best leave that alone.

i've cut all i can find of bones that give me these cool open rings. it will be a small table top and more decorative than functional. if i had the time and wherewithal i believe i would just make a lattice of them and somehow connect them, but again, the pressure is on to get something made and i'm going to have to put some wood under these bones; there is a chance i will find wood that will allow for me to maybe cut some circles out under the bones so you can see through to the floor. haven't yet decided that. the table top wont look like what you see above, i was just playing with possibility and while i like this look, it began to look too catholic/holy, too doily-like to my eyes and i'm going to do it a bit differently.

today went by fast as usual, leaving me wondering what did i do? i got up early today, made me almost feel like my game is back, and tod and i went to one of dan's storage areas to look at some cedar tree limbs he and the crew picked up the other day. they were disassembling two small storage buildings that someone donated to dan for materials and tod thought the cedar might be good for my table legs since i wasn't having fun with what was available. turns out they are cool but i ended up using something else. those will hopefully get used in another piece SOON. so that took some time, then i forced myself to go to the job site and ask for help. rudimentary stuff really. i myself am a bit shocked that i've built so much in the past but when it comes to more traditional work suddenly am clueless. i also am self taught when it comes to using my tools and in front of a 'real' carpenter i was stuttering and stupid beyond belief. i barely knew how to screw a screw in. i was a moron. i can't wait for a smidgen of confidence to burrow into my being, i'm getting tired of feeling lost and incapable. no matter. i did it, got a little help, learned a few things came home and began working more on my table leg assembly.

around the corner there is a young guy who used to work for dan, i consider him an artist and fellow scrounger. he likes to look in dumpsters and has made furniture for himself and had shown me a collage he was working on. he is finishing up school and teaching some but i can tell he still has an interest in working with his hands and its obvious he is talented. every time i am out on our porch doing something he stops by for a quick hi and hows it going whatcha doin. today when i saw him i yelled that i needed his brain and asked him to tell me how to measure two angled legs for a level cross cut. here tod and i had the leveler out but no clue if you could use that to figure out how to cut something to make it even. DUH you turn it upside down and draw a line. my learning curve went to the moon today. it's the little things i can deal with and that astound me. i wont retain the special names of things or the fractions and formulas, i've already forgotten what i was taught about the tools since i was here but my hands remember what is to be done and that is all that matters i guess.

another cool thing, the owner was here cleaning out the cavernous lower level of this old sears building we all live in, and we got to pull out things that would otherwise go to the dump. yes, we found out there is a dump and where it is and thats as good as gold. got a large table/shelf piece, a dusty rocking chair that is in great shape (hideous to me but its comfi and tod likes it over the floor or hard folding chair). got a few more things and before i knew it the day was over and i still have made little progress on that table. fits and starts and lots of marinating. i realize that it just takes a lot of time and space for me to make something. it is very rare that i ever plop out something just like that. right now i feel even more conscious of it as others are actually waiting to see what i do (at least i feel they are even if its just out of curiosity)

dem bones

the downside to having awareness about self is seeing how it is you are making it harder for yourself and still not willing to change. hoping for another 'out'. hoping something outside of you changes so you dont have to.

thats what i'm getting with this bone furniture thing. i have about a week and some days left to make at least one table to go on with some of the other bone furniture that dan and another wood artist are making to show/sell. if i can come up with something i too will be able to show/sell it.

this brings me back to how commissions were always more challenging than i liked. brings me back to how i like doing things my way and get completely a jaggle when i'm given rules or limitations. i mean it would be easy to just put a slab of board on some legs and with some bones here and there and call it a day...it would look like crap to me though and that isn't acceptable. for anyone who has seen some of my 'furniture' you know that for one i like to use found objects as the bulk of the actual piece. that and i don't really possess the skills or desires to make traditional looking furniture. so the perimeters are: bones/wood/glue/ and their screws. i asked if i could add paint and i can but i get the feeling it would be preferable were i to keep the same ascetic as what is being done.

after spending paralyzing time comparing myself to them, imagining what people must think that i need to be all sequestered here for a week just to make something (and yet i've not made anything) while they can churn out work there on the building site with so much chaos and so little space to boot, i question why i need it to be my way. i question a lot about my process but i shouldn't do that. none of this is all that important but i'm holding on as if to dear life that i make some amazing table that the world has never seen. and that my friend isn't going to happen. and i know it. and yet i can't stand the thought of making a table that you would look at and think, well shit i could do that.

as for how i know i'm not willing to change, at least it isn't coming naturally, is going there to the site and getting in there and stopping people and asking for help. i'm a little shut down right now. i feel thick headed, un-alive and very lethargic. i used to wake up and feel enervated and now i can't wait for night time so i can go back to bed. i dont like pulling my tools outside and working in our parking space in front of the world. i have been working on just observing all these 'dont likes' and letting them fly across my third eye like laundry on a clothesline flinging wildly in the wind. knowing that this is just the way it is right now and i can either be miserable or deal.

and the prison horn sounds off....it always stops me and reminds me that i am free and uncounted.