found

tod and i like walking around huntsville. we find little scrappy things, like this smashed paper cup holder(?) that appears almost rusted and metallic. we almost always see someone we know or someone sees us. not a day goes by we aren't out there walking and something seems to happen. i marvel. it's a little place considering it is a city. it feels like 2 major streets with little dinky alphabet signs filling in the gaps. little neighborhoods. little houses. little life.

last week we went walking and out of the blue someone called my name. 'paulaaaaaaa' i looked. it was a woman i had just met a few days ago who is in charge of the angel show. kristie at the phoenix commotion told me about it and said it might be a nice little venue to do at the sam houston museum gallery, katy and don walker building. believe me, its a small table show and my work probably will stick out like a sore pustular thumb, and i'm doing it more to meet people and just be out there than anything else.

anyhow. tod and i walk up to her vehicle at the jiffy lube and are introduced to her husband and before you know it we are passengers going off to her friends storage unit to see about a bed she thought might be there. she is helping her friend sell off the stuff so it was perfect timing. her husband is an artist who works in the art department at the sam houston university. it was great to meet people who live outside of huntsville (she is from new york but been in texas 20 years) and who understood completely our culture shock and incredulousness about the lack of good food in grocery stores. i felt an immediate kinship with her. i felt even closer as we were later driving down the main drag with a box spring loaded onto their vehicle and it blew off into the middle of a busy intersection. it was a white trash moment that somehow failed to mortify us.

not a car honked. not a single person got angry. no accidents occurred. it was surreal. she and her husband were completely non-nonplussed. it was a debacle. i think i left my body and just observed. i can't imagine that happening in too many cities without something untoward happening. at least someone giving us the finger. nothing. it was as if it never happened. tod and her husband went and retrieved the box spring and i ran out and picked up the strewn bungee cords. we re-bungeed it and off we went.

they came into our loft and looked around at my art and actually looked. it was very refreshing. we've even been invited over later in the evening on thanksgiving. kind of blows my mind. we found huntsville via a blog reader sending us an article. but huntsville has found US. in vermont...honestly...we didn't seem to have any impact on anyone or anything. tod drove for the taxi place (me too but not much), i showed my art in the gallery. we hung out in the house we care took for and little ever happened. we were getting stale. we couldn't connect with people there and it obviously wasn't where we were supposed to be.

fast forward to huntsville. it isn't like any place we could have ever imagined. we imagined the worst and in many ways it has been quite the opposite. so too are we are left dangling and wondering. suffice to say we have found a place to be that for now, for us, works. we are embarking on a new life where there exists possibility. much more so than where we fled from. maybe its best we are in a place that feels so 'unformed'. how perfect, as too are we. i'm glad we found each other. huntsville and me.

phoenix commotion website & blog


so tod has been working on redesigning the phoenix commotion website, there are still things to tweak and pictures to add, but it is done and up! good job tod, looks great and much easier to navigate!

i'm still working on a blog header for the pc blog as well as final sidebar touches. it is an adjustment to know what to write here and what to write there. i've decided to be a reporter at large on the pc blog, hoping to relay stories, pictures and any revelant news/information as it happens. this blog, my blog, will still be my rants, hopes, dreams, fears and struggles. just in case you were worried i got all buoyant and floated away :) thank you to those of you who have already visited/followed and commented on the phoenix commotion blog. i've linked it to my sidebar so check in and say hi!

one more for the road


jaw/teeth surprisingly tough to drill through the jaw

i got the 2nd table done!!!! finished it this morning and went to the bone house to drop it off before the museum people got there to pick up all the furniture. i will be doing a post on the phoenix commotion blog today about all the furniture and more about the bone house.

i have to say, i'm liking wood better. ESPECIALLY when i get to combine bone with it. providing we can get hold of more extraneous pieces that they don't need to decorate the house with and providing there is a market for it, i could be making more furniture and selling it on the new online design store for the phoenix commotion. [not yet up but getting worked on]

long way to go i'm sure, for me. still don't know what i'm doing but learning how to make it work somehow. after the hours and hours of looking/thinking/trying screwing up and starting over, i do like the challenge of working with new materials as well as making functional work. i am satisfied with what little i've done...knowing i can do much better and looking forward to seeing what's next!


4 jaw bones on top and 4 vertebrae on table legs


multi views of table

time in texas


life is still chaotic for us. we have no set routine and are still fumbling around trying to find/make our way. while it is true that in vermont our lives were comparatively unfettered by routine, here, the rules have all but disappeared.


there are many options available to us. at first, tod was going to the job site everyday for 4 or 5 hours and helping out. learning. doing whatever someone needed. i was showing up less as i was trying to get my little studio space set up here in our loft. we came here knowing we wanted to be involved with the phoenix commotion but were unsure of what that would look like. did it mean learning how to build a house? did it mean making more functional art? did it mean being behind the scenes with web stuff for them?

the reality is we have zero income now. dan is very aware of that and is very supportive in trying to allow us to be self sustaining again while volunteering/working however we can with/for him. i find it utterly amazing that we have been here for a month and i've already been given the chance to make some wood/bone furniture that is slated to be in a texas museum end of the week. i find it utterly amazing that if i do the work i might have a chance to sell work online and bring in income for not only myself but for the phoenix commotion.

tod is redoing their website at this very moment. i just started a blog which will be written by myself, tod, and hopefully a few other people from the commotion. dan has his hands/life completely filled to the rim so the point of the blog will be to share what life is like in and around the phoenix commotion. i hope to do some interviews with the volunteers/workers who are currently working on the bone house. i want to take pictures, give some history and be a reporter of sorts. we will see. i'm still finding it challenging to complete a thought let alone something on my scattered checklist. right now i'm trying to bang out one more piece of bone furniture as a few extra days were added before the museum picks our work up.

oh yeah, the pictures above are of a little bathroom that was built on a corner lot in a neighborhood. the lot sells plants and this is a structure dan created. bad picture as there was a fence and i could only get so close....maybe you can see in the close up, the siding is all crushed cans. i love that i can walk around huntsville and spot dan structures here and there. its like a treasure hunt! below is a license plate roof, how fun is THAT!

redux sort of


redid the bottom of my table for more stability
here you can see it next to one of dan's AMAZING chairs.

went back today for more supplies to possibly make something else before the museum picks the furniture up. turns out they didn't come by yesterday, instead will pick up the bone furniture mid week. so my little (less wobbly) table will be included with dan's table/chair as well as bob's table (bob is an associate professor at the college and is a crew member on the build site)

I will be posting all of the furniture on the Phoenix Commotion's new blog as well as information about the exhibit...so enjoy this sneak preview of just one chair and look for the whole enchilada soon on the new blog!

candle stand


so here it is people. the bone candle table stand. when dan saw it he had an entire mini discourse to share. tod and i had no clue, no idea whatsoever that throughout time candle tables stands have been a staple, a constant. one could even say, done to death. and i took it as a compliment that wobble and all, he doubts anyone has ever made one like this. he liked it. i got a stamp of approval i think. and quite frankly, i like it no matter what anyone thinks.

the bones are affixed onto the table top and i shaved the candles to fit the holes. one could of course put pencils....dried flowers, twigs, or just about anything else they so desired into these marrow orifices.

i was pushed to my limit. tod was pushed to his. i wanted to quit. i hated so much about this initially: being forced (not really but its what i had to work with) to use things i wouldn't normally use. the time pressure. the out and out ignorance of my own self when it comes to truly understanding the laws of physics, basic tools & measuring techniques. and mostly having to ask for help more than once from people i had just met and felt had much more important things to do than this. i wanted to do something different but then felt so insecure and afraid while doing so that i barely had time to enjoy the process.

i had to tear it apart and re do it three times. painful stuff. very painful. that it took me two weeks to finish is actually horrifying...the mind wants to say for fucks sake how are you ever going to make it in life if something this diminutive takes up so much of your time and it STILL isn't quite right. well...i'm too tired to care right now. i've pushed into/past some invisible membrane that i never knew existed and i came out holding this strange table, feeling a little puckish and ready for the next thing.




ps. i call this piece: ' its not about the table'

UPDATE: dan calls this a candle stand, not table. he sent me a link about them here.


artist Steve Tobin


My friend Maggie in MA just sent me a link to an article about Steve Tobin. After reading the article I googled him to find his website. I was shocked at how much work he has made, and how much variety exists between the bodies of work. Then I saw this video on his film page [can't link to it so go here and click film on left], Tod and I watched together and felt inspired beyond belief. We like the idea of finding a way to make art that is messy, fun, very Dionysian (a term i've recently learned via listening to dan talk). Check out the article that was written via NYFA, the last paragraph speaks YELLS to me!

things i've learned this week:

  • how to use a torx screw
  • what a magnetic drill bit end is (i've yet to figure out if i can remove the magnet and replace the bit style)
  • that cedar and redwood wont rot (and cedar repels insects) if you make outdoor furniture as long as it can breathe, so put screws under the wood to lift it off the ground
  • that you can cut/drill/and sand bone quite easily
  • grout will crack if attached to plain woods, it needs to be mdf or silica stuff(?...i forget what it is, but some sheet of some toxic man made stuff) has to be affixed over the wood
  • how to measure two pieces of uneven wood with a leveler (doesn't mean i'm good at it but i have a clue now)
  • screws are THE way to go instead of nails or glue when making furniture and proper pilot holes are a MUST, even for little dinky things
  • fancy ways to use tools but i dont remember the proper terms
  • that i have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING
  • no one walks much or rides bikes, and if they do its probably because they dont have a vehicle
  • that i have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING and i'm probably not going to be as involved with learning from the ground up how to build a house ( i could if i want i guess but so far i'm not as drawn to that as i thought i would be)
  • that i no longer feel like using materials from my past (vermont) and while i'm still not in love with what i've seen so far (wood, wood and more wood), i feel challenged and more willing to work with what is here than not
  • that i can't give up. that my slightly wobbly table was the best i could do and all i can do it keep moving even if i dont know where i'm going

allowing process

this is what i'm learning about myself as an artist: i have to follow the unseen thread and play and take the chance and waste the time, waste the materials, and allow myself to abandon everything at the last minute....something that is always hard for me when working with a limited supply of found objects.

a few posts below i posted pictures of these bones all pretty and lacy looking. had GREAT suggestions on facebook and here of how i could implement them into my bone table that i'm making for the phoenix commotion. resin, glass, painting...lots of fun stuff. i keep saying i'm on a time line (sunday coming up) to get it done before they need something if i want to show this along with their bone furniture; that and the (semi-loose) perimeters were to use their materials ie: bones/wood/long gold screws. these were all my 'excuses' for not getting all fancy.

what i realize is, there is a part of me that wants to get all fancy. fancy to me is using resin, adding all kinds of crap to it, building/adding/on and on. some artists can get away with this and have the space/materials/money and brains . that isn't me. and i have, i'm finding, a pretty sterile or simple bent when it comes to what i am attracted to. i dont need to point a finger and say why i dont want to do it, i just dont. doesn't make it better or worse. just is.

yet i still seem to doubt myself and feel i should be adding this. should do more to that. should go further...should have a mound of options and tricks up my sleeve that will add to whatever piece i'm working on. when the truth is, i like the challenge of using what is available. and yet the last few days i've been going to the build site (the bone house/artist studio) and picking brains...how do i do this? how can i do that? wasting people's time is how i see it when part of me knows i will probably NOT do what i'm asking how to do because i realize it's too complicated and perfected or something. yesterday i had someone show me how to grout. the above photo is that experiment. supposedly i can buy acid to clean up the grout stains on the bones or use baking soda with white vinegar. I bought the grout. I bought the vinegar and soda. I was shown how to do everything but clean it up and knew i would manage to NOT do that right. and sure enough, after my grout dried up i applied my solution and ta da, the bones are still stained ugly yellow/gray. the grout i bought is charcoal (this was her spare grout for the tester) and would make the bones even darker. not the look i'm wanting. i feel i've already wasted this persons time, as i suddenly realized i dont want anything to do with this right now.

so instead i've completely abandoned this particular table top and within minutes (thats how it goes right?) i came up with my table top. and its simple. and its more in keeping with what i'm after. scraps. yes, i am using the scraps of the scraps that dan and his crew are using. they have a little chest filled with crap pieces of redwood, all chewed up and marked on with pens and pencils. they have an entire yard full of bits and pieces of their 'compost wood', which is just a fancy way of saying wood that is left from cuts and fucks ups which they later bury when they are finished with the job. this satisfies me. i'm not even using their new gold screws, i'm using just 2 of my old found ones and used nails. i'm using the scraps of bones that aren't usable, even what i first thought were butt ends from the 'good' pieces of the 'bad' pieces.

my brain wants to tell me that i'm just pussying out. that because learning to use tools and do things feels hard and i dont understand most of it, i am just taking the easy way out. may-be. and so what if i am. i know i start to feel a slight revulsion for needing to learn the proper way to make proper things. i know physics needs to be taken into account when making functional furniture and i can't guarantee my table wont wobble a few degrees let alone not fall over once i get the top onto it. but it's like learning to walk. ya haffta crawl. sometimes its nice when the right person comes along and grabs your hands and lifts you up....but until you can do that yourself you gotta keep crawling until you find your own strength. i know my strength isn't about learning all the slang and ways to use all the tools out there. if i pick up a few things here and there, tips, tricks, i'm happy. i need to trust myself more when it comes to figuring out how to do something. i think its big to begin to understand the difference between shying away from too hard vs. shying away from just not interested.

and so, my table has begun to take shape and today i will attempt to make little dowel holes/dowels for joining the three chunks of wood for my table top. thats something i've never done and i'm sure it will take me two days to do what a carpenter would do in 10 minutes. who cares, this isn't a race. and i might even have time to make a bone clock before the deadline ;)

hydrants



walking and observing